


I See You (I Want You)

by orphan_account



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Sex, Angst, BDSM, Barebacking, Blow Jobs, Dirty Talk, Double Penetration, Drunkenness, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Time, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Manipulation, Masturbation, Nipple Play, Office Sex, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Possessive Behavior, Rimming, Romance, Sex Toys, Sexual Tension, Size Kink, Spanking, Voyeurism, Whipping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-10
Updated: 2013-08-13
Packaged: 2017-12-18 08:53:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 81,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/877963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin lives with his mum. He likes to watch people in the neighbourhood using the telescope in his room. Then Arthur moves in directly across the street and he keeps his sights set on him. His mum is a bit mental and when she sees Merlin likes something, she gets it for him. She decides she’s going to get Arthur as a birthday present.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

There is a fine line between creepy guy with a telescope and perverted voyeur. Merlin crossed that line long ago.

He didn’t always watch his neighbours. The telescope by his window had once been used for the innocent purpose of stargazing, back when he’d first gotten it as a boy. But now he was twenty-four and still living with his mum and using it to spy on people and there are some hobbies that it’s best to grow out of.

It was honest curiosity at first. Why did Matt ride his bike up and down the pavement every Thursday? Who was the man in the suit that came over every Wednesday afternoon to visit Mrs Albright? When would Mr Turner see that the van his daughter got into every Sunday wasn’t a church van, but a stoner van?

And then Arthur Pendragon moved in directly across the street and Merlin _crossed that line._

“I’ve got biscuits!”

Merlin nearly fell out of his chair and scrambled to pull his trousers up as his mother came in with a tray of biscuits. Arthur was just getting home from work and changing out of uncomfortable clothes into something more breathable. Sometimes that meant wearing nothing at all.

“M-Mum! What have I said about knocking?!”

Merlin looked at her dismayed but she was ignorant of the expression. “My hands are full.”

“The door was shut. How’d you turn the—”

“Are these dirty?” Hunith interrupted eyeing a pile of wrinkled garments. She set the tray on the table next to her son’s bed and bent to pick them up without waiting for an answer.

Merlin mumbled an incoherent reply and bit viciously into a biscuit. He couldn’t give his mum a hard time if she kept bringing him delicious treats.

“Oh!” She halted at the door, her arms full of crumpled clothing, but a bright smile on her face nonetheless. “Your birthday is coming up. Did you want anything special?”

Merlin spun in his chair to face the window again. There was certainly some _one_ he wanted, but it was likely to never happen. Arthur was outgoing and successful, not to mention bloody _gorgeous_ , whereas Merlin was introverted, worked at a grocery, and well, the opposite of gorgeous.

After swallowing a bite, he replied miserably, “No, just give me fifty quid like every year.” Then he lowered his head to stare longingly through the eyepiece at a topless—and soon to be bottomless—Arthur Pendragon. He may or may not have sighed melodramatically.

Finally, his mother left and closed the door behind her. Merlin waited until her footsteps were at the bottom of the stairs before reaching into his trousers and pulling out his cock again. His erection hadn’t flagged even a little. He kept his head lowered, knowing by feel where the bottle of lube was on the table next to him. He poured some on his hand and returned to what he’d been doing before his mother so rudely interrupted.

Merlin was lucky today. Today, Arthur lounged on his bed in just his boxers to watch television. Merlin could see the top half of Arthur’s body before the window sill cut off his view, but that alone was enough. Merlin caressed the planes of Arthur’s chest with his eyes, licked his lips and thought of sucking a collarbone. When Arthur threw his head back and laughed at something on the telly, with a bit of imagination Merlin could pretend it was a desperate cry for _more, harder, faster_.

Then Arthur’s hand wandered down to scratch his balls absentmindedly and Merlin came almost before he could get a tissue. His jaw went slack and he was breathing heavily, all while Arthur lay ignorant of Merlin’s bliss across the street.

Merlin tossed the tissue in the bin beside him and righted his trousers. When he looked through the eyepiece again, Arthur was laughing his brilliant, body-shaking laugh. Merlin felt something heavy in his chest and looked away before it could bring him down too much.

 

*

Hunith Emrys wasn’t stupid. Eccentric, sure. A push-over, even more so. But she was not stupid.

Ever since Merlin was little she’d given him everything he wanted. Part of it was to make up for the lack of a father, and part of it because she simply liked bringing her son joy. She would do anything to make Merlin happy.

Anything.

The second month after Arthur had moved in—and after Hunith noticed just where Merlin’s telescope was directed nearly all the time—Hunith had taken it upon herself to get to know the young man. He was nearly Merlin’s age, only two years older, and worked at an insurance company downtown. He didn’t make a small amount of money, but it was considerably less than he earned when he worked for his father.

Uther Pendragon was the reason for Arthur’s move. They’d gotten into a bit of a disagreement, and in the passion of the moment, Arthur had quit. It had been easy enough to call up a few friends and secure another position. That’s all Arthur would tell Hunith about his situation though.

Hunith approved of the young man. He was handsome, smart, and charming. She was sure he was perfect for her Merlin. He would make her son very happy indeed.

 

*

Arthur woke up because his wrists hurt. He opened his eyes slowly and looked to where they were raised above his head. A leather belt tied each wrist to a bedpost, the bed a completely foreign object to him.

This was not his room. This was not even his house.

The realisation startled Arthur to full consciousness. Where was he? Why was he naked and bound? Who was responsible for this?

His heart beat in his throat and he fought the urge to scream for help. He simply had to calm down and take in his situation. He would not panic.

Arthur seemed to be in some teenager’s room. There were band posters on the walls, dirty plates with half-eaten bits of food on them, clothes thrown carelessly on the floor. A laptop sat closed on a desk on the other side of the room, and a telescope stood in front of the window.

Arthur swallowed thickly. Beside the telescope on the table was a bottle of lube, and beside that...a bin overflowing with tissues.

Great. He’d been kidnapped by a perverted teenager.

The sound of a door slamming shut made Arthur’s heart race anew. He quickly shut his eyes and feigned sleep. There were muffled voices coming from downstairs, that if he strained he could just barely make out.

“I’ve got you a surprise,” a woman’s voice sing-songed. There was a grumbled response and then, “It’s upstairs in your room. Oh, I’m sure you’ll love it!”

Slow, heavy footsteps ascended the stairs, each step closer a thud against Arthur’s ribcage as his heart pounded faster and harder. Still, Arthur kept his eyes shut and stayed still.

“Oh my God,” Merlin gasped. Arthur Pendragon—naked, beautiful, blonde, Arthur _Pendragon_ —was in his bed. Not just in, _tied_ to his bed. His wrists were bound with leather belts to the bedposts and his legs were splayed out bonelessly on the duvet.

Despite the shock, or maybe because of it, Merlin took a moment to appreciate the naked Arthur Pendragon on his bed. He was just as breathtakingly beautiful up close as he was far away: the attractive definition of his muscles, the perfect complexion of his skin, his pink lips that Merlin knew stretched wide when he smiled.

Merlin allowed his vision to drift lower and bit his lip to keep from whimpering. The things he wanted to do to Arthur...the things he _could_ do with the man tied up and helpless in his bed.

Merlin shook his head. Key word: helpless. It would be wrong to take advantage, so wrong. And what about when Arthur woke up? No. As much as Merlin wanted Arthur, he would do what was right.

Resolve therefore fixed, he spun around just in time to see his mother approach the door with a hopeful expression. “Do you like your birthday present?” she asked.

Merlin grew livid. “This is too far, Mum.”

“You don’t like it?” Her bottom lip began to tremble.

“Mum! This is a _person_. You can’t just kidnap someone and give them to me as a gift!”

“But—the telescope—you always look—I wanted you to be happy!” Had she gotten it wrong? Was this not what her baby wanted? Tears began to form in the corners of her eyes.

Merlin threw a glance over his shoulder at the unconscious Arthur. “In the hallway,” he bit out and led her out of his room, closing the door behind him.

“I’ve upset you,” Hunith said miserably. “I only meant to make you happy.”

“Mum,” Merlin began softer, “I appreciate the thought. But this is _wrong_. You have to put him back before he wakes up and decides to call the police.”

“I didn’t get you anything else for your birthday...”

Merlin nearly snapped again, but refrained. “That’s fine. I don’t need anything special anyway. Let’s just let him go, yeah?”

Hunith nodded uncertainly. “Alright.”

When Merlin opened the door, Arthur’s eyes were staring back at him. They took in his appearance—grocery shop uniform, unkempt hair, startled blue eyes—and then his mother’s.

“Who are you?” Arthur asked accusingly with fire in his eyes.

Merlin felt a whirlwind of conflicting emotions. Arthur was speaking to him, acknowledging him for the first time. But the circumstances were anything but ideal.

“I’m sorry.”

“Sorry? That’s a funny name,” Arthur spat. “Where are my clothes?”

Merlin sighed and looked over his shoulder. “Mum, where are his clothes?”

“I’ll go get them.” She hurried from the room.

Once gone, Merlin cautiously approached the bed. “I am sorry, for all of this. My mother is a bit unorthodox in her ideas. Let me just—” Arthur flinched away. “I’m only going to untie you,” Merlin said gently.

Arthur pursed his lips, then relaxed and nodded. Merlin crawled gingerly over him and began to undo the leather belt securing him to the bedpost. Then he did the other. He practically jumped off the bed when Arthur was free. He didn’t like the look Arthur was giving him, a look that promised death if Merlin tried to pull anything.

With impeccable timing, Hunith returned with Arthur’s clothes. She handed them to Merlin, who set them on the bed next to Arthur, and the two of them left Arthur to dress in peace. Arthur shoved his legs into his pants and nearly tripped in place when trying to get on his trousers.

He was about to leave when the telescope caught his eye again. Curious, he bent down and looked through the eyepiece. He saw his own bedroom across the street and his heart jumped to his throat again. It was just as he’d thought. Whoever this man was, he had obviously been watching him—and getting off on it based on the evidence—and his mother, clearly just as sick as he was, had tried to give him away as a birthday present. What twisted neighbourhood had he moved into? He’d always thought Hunith such a nice little lady.

Partly disgusted, partly fascinated, Arthur looked away and went for the door. When he opened it, Merlin was there leaning against the wall, biting his nails with worry. Arthur gave him a glare.

“I-I’ll show you out,” Merlin stammered. Arthur followed him down the stairs and to the door.

He was just about to leave when Merlin put a hand on his shoulder. Instinctively, Arthur flinched and Merlin looked horrified at what he’d done.

“Sorry! I just...you won’t call the police, will you? Please don’t. My mother doesn’t understand what she did is wrong and she’s...she’s all I have. I’m really, really—”

“I won’t call anyone, alright?” Arthur snapped. “Just don’t...don’t talk to me ever again. And find a new hobby, you creep.” With that, Arthur opened the front door himself and slammed it behind him.

“He didn’t mean that,” Merlin heard his mother say behind him.

Merlin spun furiously on his heel. “Just leave me alone!” He brushed past her and began taking the stairs two at a time.

“You don’t want cake?” she called after him.

“No! This is the worst birthday _ever_!” The whole house echoed with the sound of his bedroom door booming closed.

How could she do this? How could she even think something like this was okay? Why couldn’t she just leave well enough alone? Merlin had been perfectly content to watch from afar...

When enough time had passed, Merlin went back to his chair by the window and looked through his telescope. The curtains in Arthur’s room were closed.

 

*

Nine days went the same way. Nine days Arthur didn’t once open the curtains, and Merlin found himself getting angry. His mother had ruined everything. Now he had nothing to keep himself occupied with. Maybe he really did need a new hobby.

But then the second Saturday after Merlin’s birthday, Merlin was surprised to see Arthur’s crimson curtains pulled apart. Merlin gasped when he saw Arthur laying in bed, naked but for his underpants, and watching telly as he had before the whole incident. Only now his eyes would occasionally wander to the window.

Merlin didn’t know what had happened to cause this change of events, but he wasn’t going to pass up the opportunity. Arthur in his near-nude glory, apparently uncaring of the fact that he was on display for Merlin, or—dare Merlin even hope?—laying himself out purposefully.

Merlin would be lying if he said he hadn’t had a good long wank to the image of Arthur tied in his bed after Arthur left. Hunith might be crazy but she knew what Merlin liked. With Arthur all tightly bound, he could take his time, explore each expanse of skin and commit the feeling of it under his tongue to memory. It was difficult letting Arthur go that day.

Merlin thought of that again, Arthur strung up, only now in his own large bed across the street. He thought of Arthur’s arms straining against the leather belts, writhing under Merlin, moaning because it hurt but it hurt so wonderfully good.

When Merlin came, he swore Arthur had looked right at him.

 

*

Arthur had no idea what he was doing. He only knew that ever since he’d seen the telescope in that man’s room, he’d felt different. It wasn’t enough that he’d closed his curtains; everything he did, everywhere he went, he could feel a pair of eyes watching him.

He’d never been more turned on in his life.

Now, three days after having decided to reopen his curtains, Arthur found himself achingly hard. Three days he had let this man—he really ought to find out his name—watch him as he went about his usual routine in his room. Three days he had felt keen eyes bore into him with enough intensity to make a weaker man shrivel. For three days he had wondered, _What if I were to take it one step further?_

On the fourth day, just thirteen days after he’d found himself tied up in a room across the street, he started to touch himself, right where the man with the telescope could see him. Arthur pointedly kept his eyes closed, not daring to let his gaze stray to the small black rectangle in the second floor of the house outside the window.

On his wrists he could almost feel the leather chafing against his skin as he imagined being back in the room, tied to the bed. After he’d gotten home that day and had a little while to think about it, he was surprised to find that part of him had maybe, _possibly_ , liked it.

He wasn’t naked now—he only had a hand down his pants—but he could be. He could take off the one piece of clothing keeping him modest and lay spread out, fuck upwards into his fist as the man watched. Arthur thought he could hear the man’s sharp inhale from across the street as he raised his knees to rid himself of the final barrier between decency and nudity. Then he firmly planted his heels in the bed and began stroking his cock in earnest.

 

*

Merlin was not a religious man. He had never been. He had never prayed, but if he had, it would have been for Arthur Pendragon to touch himself while Merlin was watching.

Perhaps there was a God after all.

Merlin’s mouth went dry when Arthur tossed his boxers over the side of the bed and laid back to start fucking his hand. It was late, very late, late enough for Merlin to feel comfortable stripping himself without the threat of his mum coming in unannounced. Naked, he felt closer to Arthur than he ever had before, and it wasn’t hard to imagine himself riding the thick cock Arthur pumped with his strong hands.

It became even easier to picture when he lubed up his fingers and began working them inside his arse.

Fuck, Arthur was so fit, not that Merlin didn’t already know that, of course he knew that, but it was so obvious now when Arthur was bare and exerting himself. Merlin wanted to wrap his hands around the biceps that stripped the long cock, wanted to feel those thigh muscles clench beneath the skin. And that arse, oh fuck, that perfect arse...

Almost falling out of the chair let Merlin know when it was time to move things to the bed. He took one last long look over Arthur’s body—what he wouldn’t give to be the hair stuck to that forehead with sweat—and relocated himself. He poured a little extra lube onto his fingers and too quickly he was coming hard, the milky fluid filling his navel and overflowing to drip down the side of his stomach and stain the duvet.

When he gathered enough strength to get up, the next time Merlin looked through the eyepiece, Arthur was lying back, spent and breathing heavily. His eyes were open and he was staring at the ceiling, his softening cock limp across his hip. Then, just as Merlin was about to call it a night and look away, Arthur let his eyes fall right to his window.

 

*

It was really remarkable how long Arthur went without running into Merlin at the grocery. He was a mortal like everyone else, though Merlin sometimes thought otherwise, and went shopping for food just as often. But it always seemed to be on days Merlin had off, or it wasn’t his shift, or Merlin was in the freezer section while Arthur was buying bread.

And then they literally bumped into each other in the fruit section. The only thing that stopped Merlin from making a run for it was that they also knocked over a fair amount of oranges, and it was his bloody _job_ to pick them up. And because Arthur is Arthur, he bent down to help.

“You don’t have to—” Merlin started but didn’t finish. In his glance up his gaze skirted over Arthur’s tie...the black tie that hung on the door of his closet but he passed by every morning. The tie that he _never wore._

“What?” Arthur looked down at himself, immediately feeling self-conscious. Finding nothing wrong, he gave Merlin a “Are you daft?” look and finished picking up the oranges when Merlin failed to do so.

“What?” Arthur repeated, because now Merlin was staring and it was getting weird. Weirder than running into the man that watches you have a wank and whose mother ties you up because it’s her son’s birthday.

“N-Nothing,” Merlin muttered. He took a step right to walk away but Arthur stopped him.

“It’s obviously something.”

Merlin bit the inside of his cheek. Why was Arthur making this difficult?

“Your tie,” Merlin said, giving in.

“My tie.” Arthur looked down, then up again slowly.

“It’s not—you never—”

“I don’t wear this one,” Arthur completed for him, because he got it now, that Merlin watched him so much he knew his _wardrobe_. And while that should be more than a little creepy, Arthur found it a bit flattering.

“Um. Yeah.” Merlin blushed and tried to escape again, only for Arthur to step in his way a second time.

“What’s your name?” Arthur figured he should at least know who it is he’s been putting on a show for these past few nights.

Merlin licked his suddenly chapped lips. “How about...I tell you...if you tell me why you’re wearing that tie?”

Arthur’s heart beat inexplicably fast when the corners of that perfect mouth curved up. It wasn’t a full smile, just a flicker of one, a promise of more, and Arthur wanted so much to unleash its full potential.

A tiny voice in the back of his head worried he might have developed some sort of Stockholm syndrome.

“Spilled tea,” Arthur explained. “Unfortunate that my kitchen looks out on the wood behind my house, I suppose.”

“I don’t—” But Merlin stopped himself again, because that would be giving away too much. Instead he took a deep breath, held out his hand, and said, “Merlin. My name is Merlin.”

Arthur shook the offered hand immediately. “Merlin,” he said, tasting the name on his lips. “Funny, Hunith never mentioned she had a son. But she also never mentioned she was mental.”

“My mum isn’t—she’s just—”

“Tell me, Merlin, how old are you?”

Merlin took his hand back and glared at Arthur. “Twenty-four,” he spat. Then, softer, “Twenty-five, I mean.”

“Ah, right. You’ve just had a birthday, haven’t you?”

Merlin sighed and went to sidestep Arthur again. This time Arthur let him. “I have to get back to work.”

Arthur spun on his heel. “Just one last thing.” He waited until Merlin turned to look at him. “Have you got a new hobby yet?”

Merlin’s shoulders tensed. It was the equivalent of asking if he still watched.

When Merlin didn’t reply right away, Arthur continued, “D’you know what colour pants I wore yesterday?”

Merlin automatically pursed his lips to make the “wh” sound for “white” before he could stop himself. But that alone gave Arthur all he needed to know, that and the flush of colour that rose to Merlin’s cheeks.

Arthur smiled at Merlin for the first time. It was more of a smirk, but Merlin would take what he could get. “I’ll see you around, Merlin. Well, you’ll be seeing me, I suppose.” Without another word of farewell, Arthur walked away, leaving a gaping Merlin behind him.


	2. Chapter 2

Arthur didn’t do it every night. Some nights he would come home and go about business as usual. He never forgot that Merlin watched, it was always there in the back of his mind, but he also didn’t have the time—or the energy—to have a good satisfying wank every night.

To keep Merlin on his toes, he did it randomly.

If he stripped naked and fingered his arse Tuesday evening, there was no knowing for certain he would repeat it the next Tuesday. If he simply laid in bed and jerked himself off lazily, the following night he might watch porn with the lights off, the glow of his computer being the only thing that kept him visible.

Merlin could never pin down when Arthur might do something next. Other aspects of his life—like never wearing the one, solid black tie—Arthur kept the same. It was only his after-work activities he varied: time, intensity, and frequency.

That went on for nearly three weeks. Merlin was just getting used to the predictably unpredictable Arthur when said man walked right into Merlin’s bedroom one Sunday afternoon.

Merlin was leaning back in his chair, his feet propped up on his bed while he read a comic book and hummed to himself. There was a light knock on his door, then his mum saying sweetly, “Merlin?”

Merlin didn’t even look up. “Yeah, what is it Mum?”

Hunith peeked her head in the door before opening it slowly. “You have a visitor.”

At that Merlin did raise his head, and seeing his mother wave in _Arthur Pendragon_ of all people made him drop the comic book in his hands.

“Hey,” Arthur said, like it was perfectly _normal_ for him to walk into Merlin’s room as though they were mates.

“Uh.” Merlin’s mouth opened and closed as he stared speechless at the god that had graced his room.

“Tea?” Hunith asked to spare Merlin further embarrassment.

Arthur turned. “No, thank you. As I said downstairs, I’d just like to have a quick talk with him.”

“Alright,” Hunith nodded. “I’ll be in the kitchen.” She shut the door softly with a final smile in Merlin’s direction.

“Um.” Merlin swallowed. He never thought he’d be alone in his room with Arthur Pendragon again. Especially not so soon. “Hi?”

Arthur stuffed his hands in his pockets and looked around as he casually made his way to sit on the edge of Merlin’s bed. “How are things?” he asked.

“Things are...good?”

“Great.” Arthur looked down and picked at a frayed piece of fabric on the duvet, the only sign that he might have been the least bit uncomfortable. When he spoke again, he still hadn’t raised his head, but he rubbed the back of his neck and furrowed his brow. Definitely uncomfortable, then. “I...hmm.”

Merlin tried to help him out. “I know that you know. Um. About the watching thing. It’s not just you, though, it’s the whole neighbourhood.” Merlin frowned. “That doesn’t exactly help much though, I suppose.”

“No, I do know. That’s what I’m trying to say.” Arthur finally looked up to meet Merlin’s eyes. “I like it. You watching me.” He swallowed but kept Merlin’s gaze firmly, even when Merlin wanted to look away. “And I keep wondering what it would be like. To do more than watch.”

“Oh, _fuck_.” Merlin promptly covered his mouth with his hand, mortified at his slip.

Arthur, however, just gave him a crooked smile. “That’s exactly what I was thinking actually.”

Merlin slowly pulled his hand away. “But you’re—” he gestured to Arthur in all his fit, blond glory, “and I’m—” he waved at his own pale, lanky frame.

Arthur tilted his head. “You’re going to have to use more words, I’m afraid.”

“Arthur, you’re like walking sex! And I’m...not,” he finished lamely.

“Oh,” Arthur chuckled. “You don’t think you’re attractive, is that it?”

“And I’m a bit of a loser, in case you haven’t noticed.” Merlin gestured to his room.

“Well, I’m not going to argue with that. But you _are_ attractive, Merlin. At least to me you are, and I think that’s all that matters, don’t you?”

Merlin’s heart jumped into his throat and his stomach flipped. “I—yes.”

Arthur stood and walked slowly, purposefully over to Merlin where he sat in his chair. By the time he was within arms reach, Merlin was just barely controlling his trembling.

Then Arthur had to go and stroke his hair and Merlin no longer shook; he froze in place.

“You have no idea how badly I want you right now, Merlin. Knowing that you’ve been watching me while I get off thinking about you, and not being able to touch...” He caressed Merlin’s cheek with the back of his hand. “It’s taking all my restraint not to have you fuck me right here and now.”

Merlin made a small whimpering noise in the back of his throat and his cock strained against the confines of his jeans.

“But I have to know it’s not just infatuation. You understand that, right? I want to know if your feelings are real.”

“I know what infatuation means,” Merlin said in a flare of irritation.

“Good,” Arthur smiled and stepped away as if just creating that little distance physically pained him. Merlin could relate. “Then go out with me this Friday, and if all goes well...maybe I’ll let you tie me up again.”

Arthur was opening the door by the time Merlin regained the ability to speak. Even then, he was only able to say “Oh, _fuck_.”

When he heard the front door close downstairs, he went for his cock so fast his pants snagged in the zip and he fought with it a good three minutes.

*

As soon as Arthur locked his own front door behind him he dropped his keys and unzipped his trousers. He sagged against the door and took his cock in hand, stroking it furiously. His arse...his arse felt so empty. He hadn’t been kidding about wanting Merlin to fuck him. He wanted Merlin to do all sorts of naughty things to him, things he never even thought about before he’d found himself tied up that day.

How did one shy, withdrawn man living with his mother take over his life so completely? How could he make Arthur a puddle of wanton, needy _feels_ with just those sharp blue eyes, eyes that saw everything, watched _everything_?

Arthur bucked his hips and fucked into his hand faster, his ragged breathing loud in his empty home. He slammed his arse harder against the door on each snap back of his hips, rubbing against it in a futile attempt at some relief. It didn’t help. He needed more. He needed _Merlin._

He had no doubt Merlin was just as much of a wreck as him. He had seen the clearly defined shape of Merlin’s cock through his jeans. It wasn’t small by any means, and Arthur hadn’t thought it would be. But it was much larger than he imagined. He _had_ to see that cock for himself, had to swallow the whole length before it finally penetrated him and—

“Fuck, _fuck_ ,” Arthur gasped and came, his vision blurring through his intense release. He didn’t think he could wait until Friday.

*

“Hello?”

“Hey, it’s Arthur.”

Merlin nearly dropped his phone. “H-How’d you get my number?”

“Your mum gave it to me. I have to say, she was rather excited when I asked, too.”

“Um.”

“I was just calling to say I’ll have to reschedule our date to Saturday. Do you have to work then?”

“No. What are we doing?”

Merlin could hear the smile in Arthur’s voice. “It’s a surprise. I’ll be round at ten thirty to pick you up.”

“Um.”

There was a whole minute of uncomfortable silence. It seemed Arthur was reluctant to hang up.

“Was there, er, anything else?” Merlin finally managed to say.

“I...no, sorry. See you Saturday, Merlin. Oh, and wear something comfortable.”

Arthur hung up and Merlin sighed. _Wear something comfortable._ What did that even mean?

Merlin had three days to figure it out.

*

He ended up wearing jeans and a t-shirt. He’d never seen Arthur wear anything so casual, but he should have known Arthur would look good even then. Arthur’s blue shirt brought out his eyes spectacularly. Merlin swallowed and took a deep breath as he got into the car.

Merlin must have looked decent as well, because Arthur’s gaze lingered and they didn’t take off immediately. Merlin blushed and ducked his head to hide his embarrassment. He’d never been checked out before, certainly not by anyone as handsome as Arthur.

“This is entirely unfair,” Arthur muttered, putting the auto in drive.

“What is?”

“You’ve seen me naked plenty of times. All I have is my imagination.”

“Um.” Merlin breathed in through his nose and out through his mouth. “Where are we going?”

Arthur reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of tickets. Merlin’s eyes widened when Arthur handed them over.

“I love Death Cab!”

“I know,” Arthur said, grinning. “I saw the posters in your room.”

“That’s why you changed it to today? For the concert?”

Arthur shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal. “Yeah.”

“Oh my God, Arthur.”

Arthur’s triumphant smile broadened. “I thought you’d like it.”

“I’ve never been to a concert before.”

“Really?”

Merlin shook his head. “I never had anyone to go with. I didn’t want to go alone.”

“You couldn’t go with a friend?”

Merlin looked down and fiddled with the tickets in his hands. “I haven’t got any friends,” he admitted quietly.

“Hey.” Arthur nudged his elbow. “Now you’ve got me, yeah?”

“Yeah.” Merlin raised his head and smiled. “Thanks for this.”

Arthur shrugged again. “Consider it a late birthday present.” And because that was too sensitive a topic, he immediately followed it up with, “What _did_ your mum end up getting you, by the way?”

“Fifty quid, like every year.”

“Only fifty? I make more than that in a single day’s work.”

Merlin rolled his eyes. “We can’t all have fancy jobs and posh clothes, you know.”

“I certainly hope not, then I wouldn’t have one.”

Merlin laughed and Arthur gave him an amused smile as well. Merlin decided that mouth was made to smile. It made Arthur’s eyes crinkle and he looked years younger.

Merlin looked back at the tickets and fingered the perforated edges again. “I don’t know. I did end up getting what I wanted. I think my mum came through in the end.”

Arthur pursed his lips with thought. “Yeah. Yeah, I guess she did.”

*

Merlin loved the concert, just like Arthur knew he would. Arthur loved Merlin’s reaction, also just like he knew he would. But he couldn’t possibly have predicted the number of times Merlin would suddenly look over at him, eyes bright with joyful tears and endless gratitude.

And apparently Merlin could sing! He knew the lyrics to nearly every song and joined the crowd in reciting them. This was the reason Arthur brought Merlin in the first place; there was something about concerts in particular, some force that bonded people together in their love of music. It was exactly what shy and lonely Merlin needed, that was for sure.

When Death Cab announced their final song, Merlin looked again at Arthur, gave him _that look_ and Arthur unthinkingly leaned forward to kiss him. Merlin was surprised but immediately melted in Arthur’s arms and kissed back.

Of course their last song was “I Will Possess Your Heart.”

*

“Which song is your favourite?” Arthur asked as they walked back to his auto later.

“‘Grapevine Fires.’ What’s yours?”

“Er...’You Are a Tourist?’”

Merlin laughed and Arthur wanted to kiss him again. “They didn’t play that, but it’s good to know you did your homework before taking me. I get that they’re not really your type of band. Though you could have looked farther back than their latest album.”

“How would you know what my type of band is, _Mer_ lin?” Arthur shoved him playfully. “That telescope of yours doesn’t have a long-range microphone, and the last time I checked you didn’t have super-hearing.”

Merlin blushed. “Yeah, but I’ve seen you dance in your room before. And with all that jumping around it had to be something pretty fast-paced, nothing like Death Cab.”

“I have never danced in my room!” Arthur said in mock offence.

“Not recently, no. But you used to. And then, well.” Merlin shrugged the rest.

“Alright, maybe I have cut back a bit on the embarrassing stuff.”

“What were you listening to then?” Merlin asked as they finally got to the car.

Arthur didn’t respond until they were seated. “Varies usually.”

“Well, tell me what bands you like.”

“Beatles.”

“Ah, a brit through and through, I see. Suppose it’s safe to say you watch Doctor Who as well?” Merlin teased.

“Oh, shut up.” Arthur rolled his eyes and started the ignition. “I also like Daft Punk.”

Merlin laughed at that. “Bit of a jump, don’t you think?”

“So I like a bit of variety. Not a crime.”

“Next you’ll be saying Beyoncé,” Merlin joked then abruptly turned serious. “Oh, please tell me you don’t like Beyoncé. I might have to get out and walk home.”

Arthur chuckled. “No, not _that_ much variety. Not much of a rap fan, to be honest.”

“Yo yo yo, Emrys in the hizz-ouse,” Merlin said with a low voice and wonky arm movements.

Arthur had to pause in the process of backing out to laugh. His eyes leaked with tears and at one point he felt like he couldn’t breathe. Merlin broke down with laughter as well. Arthur only controlled himself when someone honked for them to stop blocking traffic.

“Oh my—oh my gosh, Merlin, never do that again,” he said, still chuckling a bit.

“No promises. Not if it makes you laugh like a drunken idiot.” Arthur just laughed again. “But seriously. So far we’ve got classic rock and techno. Who else do you like, Mr Variety?”

“Some pop. Like the Wombats and Los Campesinos.”

Merlin pursed his lips. “Alright. I guess I approve. Some of their stuff is decent.”

“Glad I have your approval,” Arthur replied, rolling his eyes again.

They were silent until they reached a traffic signal and Merlin’s stomach growled audibly. Arthur looked sideways at him and Merlin gave an apologetic smile.

“Sorry. Bit hungry, I guess.”

“So am I. Have anything in mind?” The signal turned and Arthur looked back at the road.

“What do you mean? Like somewhere to go or would you be cooking it or...?”

Arthur shrugged. “Whichever. I planned on going home and showering first either way. We’re both a bit sweaty.”

“I’d have to get a change of clothes.”

“Yeah,” Arthur sighed. “If only you lived across the street. _Such_ a long drive.” He glanced sideways at Merlin again, who was rolling his eyes and grinning. “You can grab something while I clean up, alright? Then while you get ready I’ll either start cooking or think of a place we can go.”

“I’d feel bad if I made you cook...”

“Merlin. I don’t care either way. Honestly, it’s completely up to you.”

“Can we go somewhere? I don’t go out to eat much.”

“Sure. Any type of food in particular?”

“I’m good with anything,” Merlin said as Arthur pulled up in front of his house. “Surprise me.”

“Alright then. Surprise it is.”

“Great. I’ll be right over.” Merlin moved to get out but Arthur stopped him with a hand on his arm.

“Merlin, wait.” When Merlin turned to look back at Arthur in question, Arthur pressed a soft kiss to his lips. Nothing special, just a tongueless reminder of Arthur’s affections. “I’ll leave the door unlocked so you can come right in if I’m—”

Then it _was_ special. It was more than what they shared at the concert. Merlin’s hands cupped the back of Arthur’s neck, fingertips brushing Arthur’s hair, and he took advantage of Arthur’s open mouth by plunging his tongue inside to explore every corner and crevice. Arthur opened up more than willingly and kissed back with equal force. He grabbed hold of Merlin’s head, tucked the adorably oversized ear between his forefinger and thumb and forced their lips harder together. The kiss became altogether wet and messy, but neither of them cared a single bit.

Merlin’s chin was shiny with saliva when they separated, and Arthur rubbed some of it away with the pad of his thumb. “Are you sure you don’t want to wait for me to get there so we can shower together?” Merlin asked in a moment of boldness.

Arthur chuckled and his breath danced across Merlin’s lips. “As much as my cock is telling me otherwise, I _would_ like to do this properly. After dinner, Merlin. After dinner, then we can do whatever you like and more.”

Merlin swallowed. “You really will let me tie you up?”

Arthur’s grin was positively wicked. “I saw the way you looked at me when I was bound to your bed. How careful you were not to touch me when you so clearly wanted to.” He traced one of Merlin’s prominent cheekbones with a single finger. “And I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t thought about it once or twice while having a wank.”

“Oh God, _Ar_ thur.”

“So yes, Merlin. I will let you tie me up. And I will let you fuck me.” Arthur pulled suddenly away and put his hand casually on the steering wheel. “But first there’s dinner.”

Merlin exhaled. “I don’t know how you expect me to get through dinner now.”

“With patience.”

Merlin’s lips thinned into a small line and he muttered, “Prat,” as he got out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the unfortunate souls that aren't familiar with Death Cab For Cutie:  
> ["Grapevine Fires"](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yu4qQKlyF7s)  
> ["You Are a Tourist"](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p8lwAJJpyt4)  
> ["I Will Possess Your Heart"](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bVNAljC2kKM)


	3. Chapter 3

“Home so soon?” Hunith questioned when Merlin entered.

Merlin enveloped his mother in a crushing hug. “Oh Mum, he’s brilliant!” he exclaimed. “He took me to a concert—you know, the band I’m always going on about—and it was _amazing_.” He let her go and when he next saw her face her smile mirrored his own.

“That’s great, darling. I’m glad everything went so well.”

Merlin pecked her cheek and headed for the stairs. “He’s taking me to dinner now. I’ll be back, er, tomorrow I suppose.”

Hunith’s laugh followed him up the stairs and she was still smiling happily when Merlin came back down, taking them two steps at a time.

“Have fun, dear.”

“G’bye, Mum.” Merlin dashed out the house and across the street with a change of clothes under his arm.

*

_No, stop, go down you stupid thing!_ Arthur internally screamed at his erection. He had managed to calm himself a little after Merlin left, but now that he was naked and he knew Merlin would be coming over any minute he could feel imaginary nimble fingers dancing across his skin all too well.

And he couldn’t get one off right before Merlin showed up. The smell of sex was sure to linger and if any of his come got on the shower door or didn’t go all the way down the drain...

It was hardly proper shower sharing etiquette. Not that his dick knew that.

He should have told Merlin to shower at home and they’d meet up back here. But somehow that hadn’t seemed the right thing to do. It felt impolite.

So Arthur purposefully ignored his cock and by the time he finally moved down to wash the whole package, he was well on his way to being noticeably limp. Then he turned off the water and he heard Merlin’s footsteps on the stairs.

Arthur had only been in the shower about ten minutes. That meant Merlin had to have been downstairs at least a few, since it didn’t take too long to walk over. And now, after another few minutes spent pacing in the living room, Merlin was hesitantly making his way up.

Arthur took a deep breath, wrapped a towel around his waist, and exited the loo. At least he’d had enough foresight to close his bedroom door, so Merlin wouldn’t be able to peek in from the hall and get that adorable blush high on his cheeks—

Nope. Not following that train of thought _any further._ Absolutely not.

“Arthur?” Merlin’s shy, muffled voice came from the other side of the door.

Arthur was just stepping into a pair of jeans. Opening the door shirtless was acceptable, at least.

“Just a second,” Arthur called back as he zipped up. He had towelled his hair into a spiky mess and now tried to smooth it down.

When he opened the door, Merlin was blushing anyway. The colour deepened when his gaze flickered over Arthur’s torso, still dripping wet in a couple places. Arthur was suddenly very aware of his effect on Merlin—how could he forget?—and his nipples hardened under the brief yet still intense appraisal.

Arthur cleared his throat and stepped to the side to allow Merlin entry. He saw Merlin swallow as he walked forward.

Not wanting things to spiral into awkwardness, Arthur pasted a smile on his face and said, “Loo’s just through there. I’ll grab a shirt and wait downstairs, okay?”

Merlin licked his chapped lips and nodded. “Okay,” he replied in a hoarse voice. One glance at Merlin’s hands clutching the dark fabric of his clothing told Arthur he was entirely too nervous than he ought to be.

Arthur stepped into Merlin’s personal space and Merlin froze. This close, Arthur could smell the day’s sweat on his skin, some his own, some that of the jumping crowd they’d been in. Arthur slowly unclenched Merlin’s white fingers from the cloth until he held it himself and threw it on the bed. Then he took Merlin’s hands in his own and rubbed them together.

“Relax, Merlin,” he soothed. “You look as if I’ve brought you into my lair to kill you.” Arthur missed the smiling, carefree man he’d joked with only half an hour ago.

Luckily, Merlin chuckled at the statement and his shoulders did seem to sag with eased tension. “Sorry, it’s just...I can’t believe I’m here.”

Merlin’s eyes scanned the room and Arthur followed the movement. Ah, now he understood. Merlin had spent weeks, months, staring into this room from his bedroom window. To be standing in the middle of it after so long must have been breathtaking.

So Arthur took Merlin’s chin in his hand, turned Merlin’s face back toward him, and lightly kissed him. “I’m glad you’re here, Merlin.”

Merlin’s breath ghosted across Arthur’s lips and down his neck. “I’m...glad you asked me out.”

Arthur’s mouth twitched up in a smile. “Well, one of us had to, and it certainly wasn’t going to be you. Otherwise I think we’d have gone on like that forever.”

Merlin didn’t deny his timidness. Instead, Arthur thought he could see gratefulness in those sparkling blue eyes.

Then Merlin’s gaze flickered down again and Arthur saw uncertainty.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“N-Nothing.”

“Merlin.”

“I want to touch you.” Merlin’s eyes widened at his outburst. “I mean—fuck.” He shuffled backwards and ran a hand through his hair. “I’m going to shower now. Just forget I said anything, yeah?”

He turned away but Arthur caught him by the wrist. “Merlin.”

Merlin didn’t move at first, then suddenly twisted his neck on his shoulders to stare back at Arthur.

“You can.” Arthur let his grip loosen and eventually released his hold on Merlin altogether. He squared his shoulders, straightened his spine, and blinked at Merlin as he waited.

Merlin walked forward as if each step was a step closer to a snake waiting to strike. He held his palms up in front of him and Arthur saw his chest heave with heavy breathing. His own blood was pumping hot and fast in his veins, loud in his ears.

It felt like an eternity before Merlin touched him. It was so slight at first; Merlin only barely let his fingertips brush Arthur’s shoulders and Arthur wasn’t sure Merlin was touching him at all. Then Merlin applied more force, little by tortuous little, until he had a soft grip around Arthur’s deltoids.

Merlin’s fingers wrapped around the back while his thumbs settled on the front. He slid his hands down slowly, pressing his thumbs in just the slightest bit when they ran over Arthur’s biceps and Arthur resisted the urge to flex.

Merlin let out a long exhale and Arthur looked up at his face. Merlin’s eyes were closed, his brow furrowed but slightly raised, as if _he_ were the one being touched and in intense pleasure. And he was only touching his arms!

Merlin’s hands came down to Arthur’s elbow before they began sliding back up. This time Merlin’s fingers tightened to feel Arthur’s triceps, and that, for some reason, made Arthur flex involuntarily. Merlin gripped tighter, even pulled Arthur closer a little so that Arthur was briefly on the tips of his toes before shuffling forward. Still, Merlin didn’t open his eyes.

Arthur was almost panting now himself. He shouldn’t have started this, shouldn’t have allowed Merlin to touch him. Already he could feel his jeans becoming uncomfortable and he grit his teeth together to keep from pushing Merlin back on the bed right now. But Merlin’s hands felt so good on him, skating along his still damp skin, running down his collarbone past his peaked nipples, down to his navel...

Arthur inhaled sharply and his stomach fluttered when Merlin’s fingertips grazed the hair low on his abdomen. “Merlin,” he warned gently, voice barely a whisper. He opened his eyes, not even having remembered closing them, and saw Merlin’s own eyes darkened with lust.

Merlin seemed not to have heard. He wrapped his hands around Arthur’s waist similar to the way he had his arms, fingers around the back with his thumbs out front and Arthur’s skin in the space between. He slowly made his way back up until his thumbs were right over Arthur’s pectorals, slim fingers lodged in Arthur’s armpits. Arthur became acutely aware that he was sweating, but didn’t want Merlin’s hands to leave him for the world.

He had wondered why Merlin’s fingers had only briefly danced over the most prominent feature of his chest. He should have known it would be to come back to it later and give it proper attention. Merlin’s thumbs pressed harder against the bulging skin, caressing Arthur until—

“ _Merlin_ ,” Arthur choked out when Merlin thumbed his nipples. He was so hard he could cry. He felt dizzy with desire but somehow managed to remain still under Merlin’s ministrations.

“Merlin,” he breathed again when Merlin’s thumbs didn’t continue to press his nipples but rather circled around them. “You have to— _please_.” Since when did Merlin have the ability to make Arthur into a pleading wreck?

Merlin blinked and stepped back abruptly, lowering his hands. Arthur exhaled and felt only some of the tension leave his body as Merlin put more distance between them.

“Sorry,” Merlin said, blushing. He balled his hands in fists and backed away towards the loo. Arthur didn’t take his eyes off him as he entered and closed the door behind him.

When his breathing had finally calmed—though he still had a painful erection—he called to Merlin through the door. “How am I supposed to get through dinner now, Merlin?”

The water turned on but Arthur could still hear Merlin’s reply over the spray. “With patience,” he said, chuckling.

*

Part of Merlin wanted Arthur to burst through the door, grab him roughly, and fuck him so hard he didn’t remember his own name. Even after he undressed, he didn’t get under the water immediately, but stood naked with his back to the door and just listened. Eventually though, he heard the bedroom door click shut behind Arthur as he left.

Merlin didn’t have patience himself. As soon as he had his hands lathered up he tugged hard and fast on his cock. It was strange. Arthur’s shower had a glass door so he felt very on display. But then, that’s probably what Arthur felt any time he was in his bedroom while Merlin watched from across the street.

A tiny thought entered Merlin’s head then as he stroked himself. What if the positions were reversed? Not the careers or success—Merlin couldn’t imagine not living with his mum—but what if Arthur were the one with the telescope? What if Arthur _watched?_

Merlin closed his eyes and allowed himself to picture Arthur standing just on the other side of the glass door. With his eyes shut, Merlin felt even more vulnerable. There was nothing to stop Arthur from coming in, the noise of the water would certainly shut out the sound of the door opening, and Arthur could very well be standing there by the time Merlin opened his eyes. It was like Merlin could already _feel_ Arthur’s presence there, like when hairs on the back of his neck stood up when a television turned on in the room.

He imagined Arthur watching him. He licked his lips slowly, ran his tongue around the curvy edges before pulling the pink muscle back inside and swallowing the accumulated saliva. In his mind’s eye, Arthur himself gulped at seeing Merlin’s Adam’s apple bob beneath his pale neck.

He moved one hand to fondle his balls and let his mouth drop open in a small “o” of pleasure. Would Arthur like that? Would Arthur like seeing how good Merlin could make himself feel written all over his face? Would he like to see the muscles in Merlin’s forearms flex as he gripped his cock tighter the same way Merlin liked when Arthur did it?

Sometimes, when Merlin was especially turned on from seeing Arthur do something lewd to himself on his bed, he would whisper encouragements even though he knew Arthur couldn’t hear him all the way across the street. Maybe Arthur would do that too. Maybe Arthur would say “That’s it, Merlin, look at you, you’re so gorgeous, come for me, Merlin, come _all over me._ ”

Merlin couldn’t stop the soft moan that escaped as he came. It wasn’t too loud, thankfully, definitely not loud enough to be heard all the way downstairs. Still, some part of Merlin secretly wished Arthur had heard it. Maybe Arthur was even doing the same thing to himself.

Merlin hurried to finish washing up and only gave his scalp a half-thorough scrub, foregoing shampoo even though he was pretty sure he’d gotten beer in his hair at some point during the concert. He didn’t want to keep Arthur waiting.

*

Arthur didn’t have patience. As soon as he left Merlin to go downstairs he locked himself in the toilet off the living room and jerked himself until he came into a wad of loo roll. It had taken an embarrassingly short amount of time. Merlin had gotten him _that_ close without even touching below his waist. Fuck.

Arthur looked in the mirror. He looked about as wrecked as he felt. Hopefully by the time Merlin was through his blush would have faded and he’d be able to resume the date with his usual air of confidence.

Right. Dinner. Merlin had said to surprise him with the restaurant. Arthur listed off the first few in his head and chose the closest one that was also moderately casual dress. There was a really good place—the perfect place, actually—that served French cuisine without being too posh about it, but it was at least a fifteen minute drive. Arthur was _not_ going to torture himself that way. He was already upset about insisting they wait until after dinner to give in to their most obvious desires.

So cheap Italian it was. Besides, Merlin had never really been out to a restaurant, or so he’d said. He wouldn’t know the difference between mediocre chicken marsala and the good stuff. And even if he did, if Arthur explained his reasoning for picking the lesser one, he’d agree in a heartbeat.

It had been a while since he’d been there and he wanted to make sure he didn’t get lost, especially if Merlin ended up wearing another v-neck that accentuated his collarbones and Arthur got distracted. By the time Arthur had mentally driven to the restaurant and back six times, he heard Merlin’s soft footsteps on the stairs.

It wasn’t a v-neck tee, but a deep purple plaid collared shirt that Merlin wore, along with dark blue jeans. Arthur couldn’t decide whether to be grateful or disappointed that Merlin’s collarbones were successfully hidden.

Arthur got up from the sofa and hoped his smile wasn’t nearly as goofy-looking as Merlin’s, as endearing as it was. Arthur couldn’t pull off goofy nearly as well.

“Much better,” Arthur commented. “You looked a right mess before.”

Merlin rolled his eyes as he descended the final step. “You didn’t smell too great yourself.”

“But I looked fine?”

“Are we going or not?” Merlin avoided the question.

“Of course.” Arthur nudged Merlin towards the car with a light press on his lower back and they walked out.

*

Arthur was immediately glad he’d picked this restaurant. A relaxed atmosphere was precisely what they needed after all the tension and excitement of the day. A smiling waitress greeted them at the door and they were seated quickly.

They ordered water for the moment and set about reading the menu. Arthur knew what he wanted already, but did it for the sake of appearances. Looking over the menu items, he was again glad of his choice. This restaurant wasn’t so upscale that they had fancy dish names in Italian, but rather self-explanatory things in plain English. The last thing Arthur wanted was for Merlin to feel intimidated by having to pronounce something and risk looking foolish.

After the waitress left with their orders, Arthur chanced asking The Question.

“Merlin?”

“Hm?” Merlin looked up from taking a sip of water.

“Do you mind if I ask why you live with Hunith?”

Merlin’s brow furrowed. “Where else would I go?”

Well. Arthur had not been expecting _that_ answer. “I dunno. Get a flat somewhere?”

“I could hardly afford that.”

“You could get a flatmate and split the cost.”

Merlin looked horrified at the suggestion. “That would—I could never—”

“What about getting a higher paying job?”

“Like where? I don’t exactly have any special skills.”

“You don’t—what?” How could Merlin, who was so clearly special to Arthur in so many ways, claim there was nothing special about him? “How could you say that?”

Merlin shrugged. “It’s true.”

“There has to be something. You didn’t play any instruments at school or draw or _something_?”

Merlin shook his head. “My mother homeschooled me. I used to try playing my father’s old guitar but I was never any good at it and we couldn’t afford lessons.”

Arthur blinked. Everything made so much sense now. Of course Merlin had no friends and couldn’t keep eye contact while holding a conversation. He’d been sheltered by that madwoman his whole life.

“Homeschooled,” Arthur repeated flatly.

“Yeah.”

“Then what did you do when she wasn’t teaching you?”

“I read or used my laptop. I dunno, I just passed the time.” Merlin took another sip of water, clearly getting uncomfortable.

“Okay.” Arthur tried not to appear too frustrated. He mentally chided himself. He had nothing to be frustrated about. “Either way, you’ve never thought of moving out?”

“When I was younger, yeah. Like, fifteen or so. We used to get into disagreements a lot and I said I would run away and live on the streets like the people on TV.”

Merlin’s eyes faded with the memory of it. He looked into his glass as his breath caused a ripple in the water.

“I would slam my door and sulk in my room and wish that I lived somewhere else. Or that my father had at least left an address so I could run away _to_ somewhere instead of just _from_ ,” Merlin continued. “But eventually things got better. We got along the same way we did when I was little, only this time I could work and bring in some money to help pay bills. And why _would_ I want to leave? It’s free to live there, not to mention she washes my clothes and makes great meals, and yeah she might bring me biscuits at an inconvenient time every so often, but it’s a great setup. I like living with her. Plus, she’s my mum. I’d miss her.”

Merlin looked up at the last part and Arthur felt a weight in his chest briefly. He’d never known his own mother. He’d wondered so many times what a mother’s love felt like. He’d watched countless shows on television with family dynamics that were a bit dramatic, but still seemed better than his own. He could at least try to understand.

But Hunith seemed to be taking things to the extreme. Arthur hated using the term, but...it was as if she’d socially crippled him, broken his ankles and spoiled him so he could never leave and would never want to.

And Merlin had no idea to know better.

“You don’t have a mum, do you?” Merlin interrupted his musings. “Oh,” he frowned, “that sounds terribly insensitive now that I’ve said it aloud.”

“It’s fine,” Arthur waved it off. “No, I don’t. How could you tell?”

“You would understand what I mean. Seeing your mother cry is...it’s heartbreaking.” Merlin took a long sip of water, tilting his head back to do so, and Arthur thought he saw a sparkle of a tear in Merlin’s eye, but Merlin blinked and it was gone.

Right. Heartbreaking. Arthur still couldn’t forgive her for tying him up. Now that he thought about it...

“Do you know how she was able to..get me in the first place?” Arthur dared to ask.

Merlin flushed a deep red to the tips of his ears. Arthur couldn’t blame him. He’d wanted to forget that incident too, even if it had sparked a lovely new train of thought when he wanked.

“She wouldn’t tell me. But I found chloroform in the laundry room.”

Of all the times to walk in on a conversation, that was when the waitress came back with their food. Arthur noticed a slight hitch in her eyebrow as she set their plates down but she said nothing and told them to enjoy their meal with respectable professionalism. Arthur would be sure to tip her well, just in case she ended up gossiping about the weird fellows at the corner table who whispered about chloroform.

“I’m surprised she was able to carry you up the stairs, to be honest,” Merlin said when she was out of earshot.

Arthur gave him a look.

“Not that you’re—I mean—muscle weighs more than fat anyways, you know!”

Arthur laughed. “I can’t say I’m terribly surprised, actually,” he overtly avoided Merlin’s discomfort. “She seems the type of woman to do anything to please her son.”

Merlin nodded and waited to swallow his food before answering. “Oh, she is. Anything I want, she gets it. Which in that case backfired horribly.”

“Not too horribly I should think. You did say earlier that you got what you wanted, didn’t you?” Arthur gave him a charming smile, knowing full well the effect it would have.

Merlin blushed for an entirely different reason now. “Um.” He busied his mouth with more food so Arthur did the same.

Eventually Merlin spoke again. “I take it your father isn’t the type of parent to show affection like my mum?”

Arthur shooked his head. “We don’t exactly get along very well. At all, actually. He’s the whole reason I moved here.”

“Do you want to...?”

Arthur shrugged. “Sure. I worked for him and didn’t like the way he was running things. He was a terrible boss. When I quit, I decided I wanted to move as well, distance myself a bit. I was lucky to have saved enough to buy a house, and my sister got her husband Leon to get me a job over here.”

“You quit? Just like that?”

“It was a combination of things. It wasn’t just that he was obnoxious to the employees, it was the fact that I never seemed to be able to please him. Everything I did he either hated or gave it this look that said it was just barely acceptable. I couldn’t stand not measuring up year after year. So yes, one day I walked into his office and just quit.”

“Oh. Sorry, I guess.”

Arthur chuckled. “Nothing to be sorry for. I feel so much better now. Liberated, you know?”

“I...not really, no.”

Arthur tried not to frown. Of course Merlin wouldn’t know. He was still a prisoner himself, though he didn’t know it.

“Alright,” Arthur changed the subject, “I’ve got another question for you.”

“‘Kay.”

“When did you take up this little hobby of yours?”

Merlin coloured _again_. It really was quite adorable. Arthur had a fleeting desire to lick Merlin’s straight nose.

“Well, I...remember how I said I sort of just passed the time?” Arthur nodded. “I used to have all sorts of interests. At one point it was astronomy.”

“Wait, so you actually used it to look at _stars_?”

“Oh, shut up,” Merlin laughed. “It wasn’t until I was...hmm...twenty-two I think. You know how my desk is by the window? I had been on the internet—I was really into online role-playing games then—and had just glanced outside to see this auto pull up in front of a house and a couple kids came out and got in. When I looked over again the car was still there, only the windows were a little foggy. So I pointed my telescope in their direction and looked closer. They were hotboxing.”

“Ooh, how naughty,” Arthur said dramatically, making Merlin roll his eyes.

“It made me wonder what else happened if someone looked long enough. I started spending days just looking outside from house to house. I learned a lot about the people in the neighbourhood and the secrets that they thought they kept so well.”

“And then I moved in.”

“Yes,” Merlin nodded. “Then you moved in.”

*

“When was the first time you watched me?” Arthur asked after they were already halfway back to his house.

“The day you moved in,” Merlin replied promptly.

“Really? For that long?” Merlin said nothing to that. “When was...the first time you...”

“The day you moved in,” Merlin repeated. “While you were still unloading boxes.”

“Watching me unload boxes was somehow erotic?”

“It was hot that day and you were—you—I don’t have some sort of box fetish, okay?”

Now Arthur remembered. “I had unbuttoned my shirt.” Which he had nothing under.

“And rolled up your sleeves,” Merlin added.

Arthur replayed the day in his mind with the new knowledge that Merlin had been watching. Morgana and Leon had been there as well, helping. It had taken all day to unload the boxes inside and then they had ordered takeaway—Arthur couldn’t remember what kind—and drank wine that Leon had bought as a housewarming gift. They’d slept over that night because the day had been so exhausting and they left late the next morning.

“Who were the people there with you?” Merlin asked, as if reading his mind. “The girl and that man?”

“Don’t let her find out you’ve called her a girl,” Arthur replied, chuckling. “She hates when I say that. She’s a _woman_.”

Merlin laughed as well. “Alright, then. Who was she?”

“My sister, Morgana, and her husband, Leon.”

“Older or younger sister?”

Arthur groaned. “Older, and she never lets me forget it.”

“I wish I had a sibling sometimes.”

“Trust me, no you don’t.”

“It can’t be all bad. You had her help when you got in a fight with your father, didn’t you? You said it was Leon that got you the job here, too. If not for her—”

“Ugh, you sound just like her now.”

Merlin giggled. “She must be very smart then.”

“Oh, she’ll just love you.”

“I have to meet her?” Merlin suddenly looked terrified.

“You don’t want to?” Arthur asked. “Not that I blame you. She’s a bitchy little harpy. Most of the time.”

“She looks, er...very...fierce?”

“Fierce?”

“Intimidating.”

“That’s just her face. She’s nice when she wants to be. Which is usually when she wants something or is trying to manipulate someone.”

“That’s very reassuring.”

Arthur smiled at him, but Merlin wasn’t looking, was instead watching people pass by on the pavement as they sped down the road. “Don’t worry. You won’t have to meet her for a while yet and I’ll talk to her first, tell her to be gentle.”

“Thanks, I think.”

Arthur pulled up to his house and parked. As soon as he turned the ignition off and removed his keys he reached over and grabbed Merlin’s hand. Merlin jumped but didn’t pull away.

“She’s a very nice person underneath. Growing up with our father has just made her tough. You don’t have to be worried though, especially not when she sees how much you mean to me.”

“I...” Merlin looked down to their joined hands and back up again. “That’s good to know.”

Arthur squeezed his hand. “Come on, let’s go inside.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok yeah now I'm just being a tease xP  
> Next part will definitely have sex though.


	4. Chapter 4

At first Merlin wanted to object. They didn’t have to go inside, not really. Arthur’s driveway was dark and out of the way, surely they could simply relocate to the backseat. Hadn’t they waited long enough already?

But Arthur pulled away and opened the door, so Merlin had no choice but to follow his lead. It would be better this way, in the end. Merlin had been patient for months; he could walk up some stairs to a bed, surely.

As soon as Merlin stepped out of the auto and closed the door, Arthur was beside him, holding his hand again. And that was...refreshing. Arthur had shown so much restraint ever since first coming to Merlin in his bedroom and stroking his hair, telling him how much he wanted him. Merlin had thought that perhaps he wanted Arthur more than the man wanted him back. But Arthur was not restraining himself now. His haste to return to Merlin’s side to keep touching him proved that.

Arthur pulled him along and Merlin simply followed, not really seeing where they were going. He kept his eyes locked on Arthur’s back, the broad spread of his shoulders, and, when they ascended the stairs, the plump curve of his arse. Soon, after _so long_ , all of Arthur would be his. All that wonderful skin would be exposed to _him_ to do with what he pleased. And Arthur wanted it, had as much as begged Merlin for it already.

And then Arthur was pushing open the door of his bedroom and flicking on the light. He turned and Merlin’s view was taken up entirely by Arthur’s piercing eyes, eyes that dropped to Merlin’s lips as he leaned in closer.

“Wait,” Merlin said and couldn’t believe his own ears.

“What?” Arthur sounded irritated.

“Close the curtains.” Merlin glanced at the window where anybody could look in and see them.

Arthur chuckled but acquiesced.  He didn’t let go of Merlin’s hand as he walked over and pulled the curtains shut. “Satisfied?”

“Yes,” Merlin breathed and let Arthur pull him forward into a kiss.

This was the most desperate kiss of them all. Any doubts Merlin had about Arthur not wanting this as much as him were gone the moment their lips made contact. Arthur’s tongue was like a probe, pushing its way into Merlin’s eager mouth and drawing out little moans from deep in Merlin’s throat.

Arthur’s hands were large and unforgiving where they grasped Merlin’s arms. It made Merlin’s arms ache and then go numb after a short while, but not in a terribly bad way. Merlin closed the remaining distance between their bodies, stepped practically on Arthur’s toes to bring their chests and groins flush against each other.

Arthur loosened his grip a bit then, as Merlin hoped he would. Let Arthur know that Merlin was his. Let Arthur see that he didn’t have to hold tight, that Merlin didn’t plan on going anywhere anytime soon.

Merlin wanted this. He wanted so badly, but...how did these things work? He’d watched enough porn to know there was supposed to be some sort of flow: from kissing, to the bed, to pulling off clothes until they were both naked, and then maybe more kissing or sucking until finally Arthur yielded to him completely. Porn wasn’t real life though. When would the kissing end and the _real_ fun begin? How did one ask for it?

“Arthur,” Merlin pulled away briefly to say, “I want—please—”

“Yeah,” Arthur agreed breathily, nodding with his eyes still shut. “Need you so bad, Merlin.”

 _Need._ Merlin had never thought of _needing_. He had thought want want want for what seemed like an eternity. But hearing the word on Arthur’s lips...that’s exactly what it was, Merlin realised now. His body needed Arthur.

The realisation pushed Merlin into action when Arthur didn’t move quick enough. Maybe one didn’t have to ask. Maybe one just took.

He pushed Arthur towards the bed until Arthur fell backwards at the knee and landed with a rough exhale of breath. His eyes were wide with surprise and lust. Merlin unbuttoned his shirt while Arthur lifted himself on his hands and scooted forward on the bed.

“Wait, stop.” Arthur’s voice made Merlin freeze. Had Merlin gotten it wrong? He waited, fingers still poised to pop the penultimate button loose, while Arthur edged closer. “Let me.”

Arthur’s hands swatted Merlin’s away and Merlin let his arms drop to his sides. He swallowed as Arthur’s strong fingers undid the final buttons then ghosted across the planes of his stomach and chest. Arthur touched him like he was a work of art. His eyes caressed his skin and admired Merlin as much as his hands did.

He pushed the shirt back and Merlin shrugged out of it, letting it fall to the floor around his ankles.

 _This is entirely unfair_ , Arthur had said. _You’ve seen me naked plenty of times. All I have is my imagination._

“Beautiful,” Arthur murmured, leaning forward to press a kiss to Merlin’s navel. The touch tickled and made Merlin’s stomach flutter. Arthur exhaled and the hot breath caused the same reaction.

Then Arthur’s hands came up abruptly to undo Merlin’s jeans and Merlin clenched his hands into fists. He didn’t think he could get any harder, but Arthur was going at the zip like a man on a mission, his eyes locked on Merlin’s crotch like he couldn’t wait to get his prize.

He put his fingers in the hem of Merlin’s pants and yanked them down along with his jeans, just enough so Merlin’s cock sprang up from its restrictions. Arthur anchored his hands on Merlin’s arse and swallowed half Merlin’s length without preamble.

“Fuck fuck fuck,” Merlin gasped, throwing his head back in pleasure. He felt a familiar tightening in his abdomen already and gripped Arthur’s shoulders in warning. “Arthur, ah, Ar-Arthur, please—”

How was his tongue even doing that? Merlin never would have thought Arthur’s jaw could stretch that wide, but there he was, lips chapped from the width. Merlin had never thought he was large by any means but in comparison to Arthur’s mouth he was surely a challenge. Especially if the gagging noises Arthur was trying to stifle were any indication.

Arthur Pendragon gagging on his cock...oh God, how was Merlin ever supposed to last knowing that fact?

Merlin saw Arthur’s eyes widen in shock just before he himself squeezed his eyes shut and came. Arthur took it all without complaint, though Merlin didn’t know if that made things better or worse.

“I am so sorry, I can’t believe—”

“Merlin, shh, it’s okay,” Arthur reassured him. His thumbs rubbed Merlin’s protruding hip bones. “It’s fine, really.”

Merlin cautiously opened his eyes and looked down at Arthur. His cheeks were red and his lips puffy and abused. Still, his eyes stared at Merlin with absolute trust.

“I want to...” Merlin slid his pants the rest of the way down and stepped out of them. He felt odd being the only one naked but he’d seen Arthur so many times, it seemed only fair. “Let me...You can...” He pulled on the fabric of Arthur’s t-shirt, urging him to get out of it.

Arthur pulled it over his head and lay back to take off his jeans. When he was just as naked as Merlin, Merlin crawled onto the bed and got a proper look at Arthur’s body.

He’d already explored above Arthur’s waist. Arthur’s chest was hard, solid like a wall made of flesh. His arms were similar, though more fleshy in only some places. There was a bit of excess fat low on Arthur’s belly, but it was what made him perfectly unperfect. It made him more average, more mortal and flawed, and Merlin adored that Arthur didn’t seem troubled by it.

Now Merlin had a chance to see Arthur’s legs. They were strong as well, obviously muscled, but also strangely pale up close, especially underneath. Merlin hadn’t expected that. Arthur let Merlin move him around as he pleased. Merlin lifted one leg and studied it, rubbed his thumb in circles on the underside to feel the tendons and muscles there. He pressed his nose against the soft skin and inhaled, let the fine blond hairs tickle his nose and cheek. He repeated the same thing to the other leg.

And Arthur’s cock...maybe Merlin had been too hard on himself all these years. Arthur was about as thick as him but not nearly as long. Still, it was beautiful and Merlin gave it a few admiring strokes before sitting up again. Arthur bit his lip and clenched his fists in the sheets.

“Can you...” Merlin made a circular motion with his forefinger.

Arthur gave him a soft smile and said, “Sure,” before turning over on his stomach. He propped himself up on his elbows but kept the rest of his body flat.

Merlin straddled Arthur’s thighs and placed a minimal amount of weight on them. He ran his hands up and down Arthur’s back, then, in a moment of boldness, leaned forward and kissed the back of Arthur’s neck. Arthur startled underneath him and his arse brushed Merlin’s soft cock.

Merlin was surprised when Arthur did it again voluntarily, but didn’t complain. He couldn’t get hard again for at least another fifteen minutes; let Arthur rub his arse against him all he liked. He continued to suck Arthur’s neck and map the contours of his back.

But Arthur was getting needy. It was obvious in the way he was panting and writhing under Merlin. He was strong, stronger than Merlin and could easily flip him over and fuck him. Why wasn’t he?

Arthur’s voice rang clear in his head again. _It’s taking all my restraint not to have you fuck me right here and now._

Oh. _Oh._ Arthur wanted...Oh. And Merlin had to go and come early like a teenager.

“It’s your fault,” Merlin said into Arthur’s ear suddenly. “You should have let me take my time.”

He licked the shell of Arthur’s ear and returned to kissing his neck, leaving a trail of wet warmth as he moved over Arthur’s shoulder and down his back until he reached the cleft of his arse. Arthur lifted his hips up for more, pushing his arse into Merlin’s face.

Merlin gripped Arthur firmly and pushed him back down. Arthur stayed obediently but his thighs twitched as he held himself in check. “Merlin,” he moaned into the mattress.

Merlin took Arthur’s arse in his hands, kneading the soft flesh in circles, and kept pressing down when Arthur tried to buck up again. Arthur’s arse was literally perfect, equal parts muscle and pertness, and felt so right in his hands. Merlin never dreamed of being so lucky.

Merlin bit into Arthur’s skin. “Can I finger you, Arthur?”

“Oh God, please,” Arthur whined. His arm shot out from underneath him and he reached wildly towards his nightstand for lube. He practically threw it back at Merlin’s face and Merlin chuckled as he popped the cap open.

Arthur raised his hips again and spread his knees farther apart, enough so that his entrance was exposed and his arse high in the air. Merlin placed a firm palm on Arthur’s lower back.

“No. On your back,” he said in a low voice. Arthur flattened himself and rolled over immediately, opening his legs to allow Merlin between them once he was positioned correctly. He pinned Merlin with another look of intense trust.

Merlin coated two fingers and trailed one from Arthur’s balls down his perineum in a slow, teasing motion. This was unexplored territory. Merlin would take his time, again.

The longer Merlin drew it out, the more Arthur fidgeted. His arse clenched and unclenched from impatience and whenever Merlin looked up Arthur’s jaw seemed to be set more firmly than the last time. Arthur had his arms above his head, fingers hooked over the side of the headboard and clutching as if anchoring himself.

Finally Merlin gave Arthur’s hole a nudge and pushed inside. Arthur’s toes curled and the sound of the bones cracking was the only noise besides their heavy breathing. Merlin kept pushing deeper and Arthur raised his knees so he could press his heels into the bed and grind further down onto Merlin’s finger inside him.

So Merlin added another. Arthur was opening right up for him, and why wouldn’t he? He’d seen Arthur do this to himself numerous times, and at a much more brutal pace than Merlin was setting now. He could take the pain. Maybe he even liked it.

Merlin looked up again. Arthur had closed his eyes and his triceps were bulging from the effort of his hands gripping the headboard. Now that Merlin really looked, really stared, he could see what Arthur was doing. It wasn’t to brace himself that he had his arms up like that. It was to pretend that he was bound.

“Oh fuck, Arthur,” Merlin said, his voice shaking with awe and nerves. “You’re a whore.”

Arthur moaned and dug his heels deeper into the mattress, pushing his arse impatiently onto Merlin’s fingers, wordlessly asking for more. His eyes remained closed but his brow furrowed with want. His cock had turned an angry red, precome leaking from the tip.

Merlin pulled his two fingers apart and curled them in a beckoning motion. Arthur’s breath hitched but his hole had become too loose for Merlin’s liking so he added another finger and repeated the action. Arthur’s foot came up and prodded into the back of Merlin’s thigh, urging him closer.

Merlin shuffled forward and his fingers went deeper as a result. He placed his other hand on the bed just under Arthur’s armpit and leaned his weight on it, moved his fingers in Arthur’s arse back and forth as if his hips were doing the thrusting. Arthur loved it; his jaw went slack and his lips separated as he breathed noisily through his mouth. Merlin heard Arthur’s fingernails scratch the wood of the headboard.

He was moving his arm fairly fast, thrusting his elbow forward for momentum. Still, Arthur’s legs wrapped around Merlin’s waist so that his heels dug into Merlin’s arse and he gasped, “More. Merlin, please, I need more.”

“You...what do you need?” Merlin looked down at him, confused. Maybe Arthur couldn’t come without having his cock touched. Maybe he needed Merlin to suck him off while he fingered him.

But Arthur shook his head when Merlin bent down to do so. “No, Merlin, I—”

Arthur cut himself off suddenly with a gasp. Merlin’s confusion deepened. He hadn’t done anything different, only curled his fingers and pistoned them back and forth like he had been doing.

“What is it, Arthur?” Merlin wanted to please him. He looked a debauched mess right now, but if there was some way he could bring Arthur even more pleasure, Merlin was definitely going to find out.

Arthur’s eyes opened slowly and blinked as if he had trouble bringing things into focus. He looked up at Merlin with heavy-lidded lust.

“God, Merlin, you don’t even,” a pause for breath, “you don’t even know, do you?” He twisted his hips just slightly and his toes curled again as he threw his head back and ended up hitting the headboard. He’d just done something to make himself feel good; what had he done?

“There, just _there_ ,” he breathed. “Keep your fingers _right fucking there_.”

Merlin frowned. Arthur had just been begging him a second ago. Now he was being demanding. Merlin didn’t like that tone of voice at all.

He stilled his fingers and Arthur looked ready to sputter out something angrily, but Merlin beat him to it. “You’ll take what I give you, Arthur.”

And that, for some reason, was when Arthur came.

*

Arthur had never come so hard in his life, definitely not without having his cock touched. In the end it was just a few words that pushed him over the edge.

Perhaps not just words though. It was Merlin’s face, how he looked at Arthur as though Arthur was wrong for daring to ask for more than he was allowed. It was Merlin’s voice, low and not quivering in the slightest. It was the way Merlin was positioned over him, his whole body taking up Arthur’s entire view, all-encompassing and almighty. A commanding Merlin was the hottest thing he’d ever seen.

After he came, however, that Merlin was gone just as quickly as he’d appeared. Merlin’s eyes widened in shock like he couldn’t believe the mess Arthur had made of his own torso. He pulled his fingers out of Arthur’s arse carefully and sat back on his heels, head tilted in confusion.

Arthur uncurled his fingers from around the headboard and lowered his arms. They were sore from the constant use and his fingers in particular ached, like when he carried a heavy bag for too long and the strap dug into the flesh. His chest heaved with each breath; he felt like he’d just run a marathon.

Arthur lay there catching his breath while Merlin just stared down at his own finger tracing patterns on Arthur’s calf. Then all of a sudden Merlin got up onto his knees and made to crawl off the bed.

He misplaced his hand and fell with a loud thud.

“Ow.”

Arthur burst into laughter and laughed even harder when Merlin’s head popped up over the side, glaring at Arthur like an angry child.

“I’m glad you find my pain so hilarious.” Merlin rubbed his knee and stood. “I _was_ getting you a flannel but now I think you should just lay there with dried come on your chest.”

Arthur bit the inside of his cheeks to keep from laughing more. “I’m sorry. But you should have seen your legs flailing everywhere. I had no idea _what_ you were doing.”

Merlin grumbled and massaged his wrist as he walked to retrieve a flannel from the loo. Arthur took the opportunity to look at Merlin in all his naked glory and liked what he saw. He couldn’t manage to tear his eyes away even when Merlin returned and tossed him a blue rag he barely noticed.

Merlin crawled back over Arthur’s legs to settle beside him on the bed and Arthur let the used flannel drop off the side to the floor. Merlin lay on his stomach with his arms folded beneath his head and rested his cheek on top of his bony knuckles.

His face was blank and calm until little by little frown lines appeared on his brow. Arthur reached out to smooth them away and Merlin raised his eyes to look up at him.

“What don’t I know, Arthur?”

“Hm?”

“You said I didn’t even know. What don’t I know?”

“Oh.” Arthur chuckled once and smoothed Merlin’s fringe down. “There’s this spot inside every man that feels really good when touched. I mean it felt good before, but when you find _this_ it’s like...it’s like an explosion of nerves that shoots straight through you.”

“Oh.” Merlin’s eyes had a look of memory about them. “I think I know what you mean. I found the spot then?”

“Haha, yes, Merlin, you found the spot. Good on you.”

Merlin smiled like a satisfied kitten, then yawned like one.

“I’ll get our pants,” Arthur announced and slid off the bed. “This is probably the most excitement you’ve had in your entire life.”

“Yeah,” Merlin said, voice muffled by his arms. “First concert, first restaurant, first fuck...very exciting.” He yawned again to reinforce the point.

Arthur tossed him his pants and shoved his legs through his own. “Do you have to work tomorrow?” He flicked off the lights and walked back to where Merlin lay.

Merlin groaned. “Yes. From eleven to five.”

“Want me to make you breakfast?” Arthur asked, climbing back into bed under the duvet. Merlin lifted himself up and got under the soft bedding as well.

“You’d do that?”

Arthur pulled Merlin closer to him until he was tucked under his arm. “Of course I would. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?”

Merlin grinned just like Arthur expected him to. “A great one.” His smile faltered. “I’m not very good, though, am I? I’m sorry I called you a whore. I didn’t mean to.”

Arthur felt his heart skip a beat. _Oh fuck, Arthur. You’re a whore_ , Merlin’s voice echoed in his head. It hadn’t been said in a mean way either, but like an epiphany. And it had turned Arthur on like nothing else. He had moaned and speared himself on Merlin’s fingers because in that moment he _wanted_ to be a whore. Merlin’s whore.

“It’s okay,” Arthur said in what he hoped was a confident tone. “I didn’t mind.”

“Oh. Alright then.” Merlin squirmed a bit until he had found a comfortable position, which ended up being with his ear right above Arthur’s heart. He hummed contentedly and Arthur felt the vibration in his chest. Merlin’s breath tickled his skin on each exhale, but Arthur wasn’t going to complain any time soon.

“Night Merlin.”

Merlin was already asleep.

*

Merlin woke up feeling better than he had in...well, ever. He drifted slowly into consciousness and the first thing he was aware of was Arthur solid and warm beneath him. He sighed and hugged Arthur tighter, content for now to live with only smell and touch.

Hearing came later. The more awake Merlin became the more he listened. At first it was Arthur’s steady breathing, then Arthur’s heartbeat. Next it was the air conditioning pumping through the house. After that it was Merlin’s own breath, and finally it was the rustle of the sheets as Merlin felt his limbs protest his current position.

That’s when he finally opened his eyes. It was darker than it should have been and it took Merlin a moment to remember he had insisted Arthur close the curtains. He was grateful for it again now; he hated waking up to the glaring sun in his eyes.

He raised his head and tilted it so his chin rested on the hard plane of Arthur’s chest. Sleeping Arthur was another Arthur Merlin had never had the pleasure of seeing up close. He pouted in his sleep and Merlin couldn’t help but smile. He wanted to kiss the chapped, protruding lips and make them glisten with his own saliva.

Instead, Merlin pressed his cheek back to Arthur’s chest and let him sleep. A nagging in the back of his mind told him he had to work today and that he ought to call his mum to let her know he was alright, but he was too content to move just yet. He wanted this moment to last forever.

He’d never had a friend besides his mother before. He and his mum talked a lot and they’d had a fair amount of good times, but he couldn’t tell her _everything_. She had said that he could, but he couldn’t really.

There were some possibilities at work but Merlin had so much trouble talking to people they all probably thought he had some mental affliction. He’d blushed and stuttered when his boss asked if he wanted to work checkouts; just the thought of having to interact with so many people every day was enough to turn his stomach. So he stuck to shelf-stocking, price-tagging, and unloading boxes in the back. He said hello to his co-workers whenever they acknowledged him—which wasn’t often—and generally tried to look like he didn’t know what he was doing if a customer appeared to have a question.

But now. _Now_ there was Arthur. Arthur could make him smile and laugh and feel at ease. Merlin could even joke with Arthur and felt a rush of triumph whenever he succeeded in making at least his mouth twitch. He could be sarcastic and witty, things he’d only ever been able to do online or with his mother before.

Arthur was a friend. Arthur was a lover. Arthur was everything.

*

Arthur woke up because he was suddenly less warm and it felt like a piece of himself was peeling away. He snapped his eyes open and Merlin froze where he was in a sitting position right beside him.

“Sorry,” Merlin croaked, voice still hoarse with sleep. “I have to...” He nodded his head towards the toilet.

Arthur’s throat was uncomfortably dry, and he tried swallowing to make it better. “‘Kay,” he mumbled and closed his eyes to knuckle the sleep crust out of them. “What time is it?”

Merlin’s voice was considerably farther away when he answered. “Almost nine thirty.”

Arthur heard a door creak and shut and then the sound of Merlin peeing in the loo. He yawned and stretched then finally opened his eyes to start the day.

He’d promised Merlin breakfast. He might as well start there.

The bacon was sizzling by the time Arthur heard Merlin’s footsteps on the stairs. When he looked up, Merlin was staring wide-eyed at Arthur and Arthur gave Merlin a quick once-over. Merlin had put on his jeans and shirt but hadn’t buttoned either of them. As a result the jeans were low on his waist and the top of his pants were visible, and his lean torso was framed by the plaid fabric of his shirt. As if that wasn’t bad enough, his hair was bed-tousled and sticking out in all directions. He really had no right to look that good so early in the morning.

“Is this alright?” Arthur asked, throat tight.

“Better than alright.”

Arthur tilted his head in confusion, then considered again how Merlin was staring and what he himself was wearing. Or rather, what he wasn’t wearing. “Oh!” he exclaimed and laughed. “I was talking about the bacon. Do you like bacon?”

“Oh. Um. Yeah.” He blushed and walked to sit at the small table by the kitchen window. “It really does face the woods behind your house.”

“Yeah.”

“‘S nice view.”

“It’s trees.”

“Still nice.”

“I guess.”

Arthur moved the bacon to a waiting plate and went to sit with Merlin at the table. He felt Merlin’s eyes on him again. Maybe he ought to have at least put some joggers on.

“Do you not have a fixed work schedule?” Arthur asked as they ate.

Merlin swallowed a bite. “No, I do. Why?”

“You didn’t have to work last Sunday.”

“I was off.”

Arthur fought the urge to roll his eyes. “You don’t say?”

Merlin didn’t fight such an urge. “I have off Thursdays, Saturdays, and every other Sunday.”

“Hmm.” Arthur shoved the rest of a piece in his mouth and swallowed it down quickly. “Eleven to five every time?” Merlin nodded. “Want me to drive you?”

Merlin nearly choked. “B-Best not.”

Arthur raised an eyebrow. “Why? My car too flashy for you?”

“Um. Yes, actually.”

“I could drop you round the corner if you’re that concerned.”

“It’s fine, really.” Merlin paused. “Why do you want to drive me so badly anyways?”

Arthur lowered his eyes to the table and shrugged. “Just want to spend more time with you. It's unfortunate you have to work when I don’t.”

“They need people for the weekends since nobody likes working then. I never have anything to do so I’m always their first choice.”

That wasn’t exactly a surprise. Of course the bloke with no social life would be the first to give up his free time. Nothing to be done about it now, Arthur supposed. Still, he wasn’t ready for Merlin to leave just yet.

“If I sucked you off again, would you let me drive you then?”

“If you...” Merlin gaped. “Yes. Yes, I would definitely let you drive me.” He nodded vigorously.

“Brilliant.” Arthur stood and Merlin seemed to panic.

“N-Now?”

“Why not? We only have so much time.”

“I guess that’s true...” Merlin still looked hesitant.

Arthur knelt in front of him. “Come on, then.” He nudged Merlin’s knees apart. His mouth watered at the thought of Merlin’s cock in his mouth again.

“Wait,” Merlin stopped him when Arthur made to pull down his jeans.

“What?” Merlin was looking at him like he was some sort of puzzle he was trying to figure out.

Then, all of a sudden he seemed to have found the solution. “You want to do this. Don’t you?”

Arthur felt his stomach flip. “Wh-what?”

Merlin grinned and nodded excitedly. “That’s it, isn’t it? You _like_ sucking my cock.”

“So what if I do?”

Merlin’s eyes sparkled. Arthur had never seen _that_ look before.

“I like seeing you beg.”

It was Arthur’s turn to gape. “I’m not going to beg to suck your cock, Merlin.” Not even if the thought of doing so had him harder than a steel rod.

Merlin shrugged. “Then I’ll walk to work like I always do.” He made as if to scoot back and stand and Arthur put his hands firmly on his knees.

“Wait, stop.”

Merlin’s smile was deceptively sweet and innocent. “Yes?”

“I...please let me suck your cock, Merlin.” Arthur kept his eyes down.

Merlin’s chest rose and fell with one large breath. When he spoke again it was low and shaky but somehow clear and strong at the same time. “What do you want, Arthur?”

He raised his gaze to meet Merlin’s. If he was going to do this, he was going to do it with dignity.

“I want your cock.”

Merlin similarly didn’t let his eyes leave Arthur’s and Arthur felt his dick throb at the intense stare. “Where do you want it, Arthur?”

Arthur swallowed. He could do this. “In my mouth.”

Merlin sighed and closed his eyes. “The whole thing. Say the whole thing.” His voice was barely a whisper.

Arthur’s fingers were gripping the side of Merlin’s knee. When had that happened?

“I want your cock in my mouth.”

Merlin’s eyes snapped open and he exhaled as his hands scrambled to get his pants down. “Alright, yeah, fuck, take it,” he breathed and freed his erection. “It’s yours, Arthur, all yours.”

Arthur lunged forward and took it. Oh God it felt so right on his tongue, so fucking perfect. It filled his mouth and stretched his jaw gloriously wide. When it hit the back of his throat, a drop of spit escaped his mouth and he moaned as it dripped down his chin.

The slide of his tongue over the hot skin was smooth and delicious. On every upstroke he’d pause at the top and lick the tip before plunging back down. Merlin’s hands were in fists at his side, obviously struggling not to touch Arthur. Arthur looked up at Merlin through his lashes and didn’t break eye contact as he lifted Merlin’s hands and placed them on the back of his head. Merlin’s fingers dug into his scalp immediately.

Arthur felt tears form in the corners of his eyes but ignored them. He tried to relax his throat as much as possible but even then he had trouble. He was focusing too much on not hurting Merlin with his teeth, on keeping up his tongue-work, and not gagging. He loved doing this for Merlin, loved the heavy weight of Merlin’s huge prick between his lips. He wanted Merlin to feel the same satisfaction he did.

When Arthur wrapped his fingers around the length he couldn’t fit in his mouth and stroked in time with his hollowed cheeks, Merlin erupted. His hands on Arthur’s skull held Arthur firmly in place as he shot his load down Arthur’s throat. Arthur closed his eyes, exhaled through his nose, and took it all greedily.

As soon as Arthur licked the last drop from Merlin’s cock, Merlin slumped back in his chair. Arthur pulled off and licked his chapped lips then wiped the dribbling spit from his chin with the back of his hand.

And then a phone rang.

Merlin jumped and his knee grazed Arthur’s cheek but luckily didn’t hurt him. He shoved a hand down the front pocket of his jeans and pulled out his mobile.

“Hello?”

Arthur sat on the floor with his legs in an open V. He leaned his weight back on one hand while the other pulled his own erection out of the gap in his boxers.

Merlin’s eye went wide. Perfect. Arthur figured this was suitable revenge for making him beg. Even if Arthur had enjoyed it a little. Okay, a lot.

“Um, y-yeah, I just finished,” Merlin stuttered into the phone. “Eating! I just finished eating...Yeah, I know, I won’t be late.”

Arthur quickened his strokes and bit his lip in a way he hoped was seductive.

“Oh, fuck.” It must have worked. “I mean, yes, I’ll be right there. Oh, and Arthur said he would drive me so I’m going to ride him. I mean, with him. I’m going to ride _with_ him.”

Arthur fought off the laugh in his throat but a few stray chuckles escaped and Merlin kicked his foot. It only made Arthur laugh harder.

“No, I’m still coming back over. I have to, you know, my kit’s over there...Um, no. No, I’m walking home.”

Arthur was so close. It would only take a few more well-placed thumbs to the slit. His breath came in ragged gasps as he fucked up into his hand, keeping his eyes locked on Merlin all the while.

“Look, Mum, I’ve got to go...No, Mum, I _am_ , I just have to get my shoes on and then I’m coming.” Of course that’s when Arthur came, thick ropes of white painting his stomach. “Oh my God. Mum, I’m hanging up now. Bye.”

Arthur guffawed as soon as Merlin snapped his mobile shut and Merlin glared at him as he kicked Arthur’s shin.

“You’re a real wanker, you know that?” he sputtered furiously. “I can’t believe you just did that.”

“Excellent choice of words, Merlin.” Arthur only managed to calm his laughter after another minute. “You mean you don’t want to ride me anymore? Oh, I’m sorry, I meant ride _with_ me,” he teased and erupted into another fit of giggles.

Merlin huffed but allowed himself a few chuckles. “Ha bloody ha, Arthur. How very mature of you. Adults have to get ready for work now though, so try to clean yourself up by the time I text you to meet me outside my house.”

“I’ll let you know when I’m coming,” Arthur said and laughed some more.

Merlin rolled his eyes and got up to retrieve his shoes, but Arthur could hear him laughing as he ascended the stairs.

*

“Is this far enough away, Your Highness?” Arthur asked.

Merlin looked out the window. “Yes. Thanks for driving me.” He moved to open the door but Arthur stopped him with a hand on his elbow. When Merlin turned to look questioningly at him, Arthur’s face was mere centimetres away.

“Oh!” Merlin gasped and then Arthur kissed him.

Arthur tasted faintly of mint and some tea that Merlin couldn’t place. The first thought that entered his mind was that Arthur had brushed his teeth then drank something, and he wondered what kind of tea it was. The next time he was at Arthur’s house he would be sure to look around.

The second thought was that he could spend all day doing this, getting lost in Arthur’s wandering tongue and soft little moans. He didn’t realise he was halfway out of his seat and almost in Arthur’s lap until Arthur pulled away chuckling.

“You’re going to be late.”

Merlin grunted and relented. “See you later then.” He straightened his maroon shirt a final time and got out.

Arthur had only just sped away and Merlin had walked two metres when someone jogged up next to him.

“Hey.” Merlin jumped and looked at the man who greeted him. He was wearing the same uniform. “Merlin, right?”

“Uh, yeah.” Merlin had seen this fellow a couple times before but hadn’t spoken to him.

“I’m Will.” He smiled and held out his hand. Merlin shook it politely. “So who’s that bloke you were just snogging?”

Merlin’s mouth flapped as he searched for the answer. “I—you—”

“Hey, don’t worry, mate, I have no problem with poofs. I was just going to say that’s one nice car and do you think he’d let me drive it sometime?”

For the first time at work, Merlin laughed.

*

When Merlin returned home from work his mother had dinner ready. He changed out of his clothes and went down to eat with her.

“How was work today, Merlin?” she asked him.

“Interesting, actually,” Merlin replied. “I think I’ve made a friend.”

“Oh?” She shoved a spear of broccoli into her mouth.

Merlin nodded. “Yeah. His name’s Will. He’s really funny.”

“You didn’t neglect your responsibilities to joke around with him, did you?”

“Of course not. We only talked when we passed each other and on break. Oh, and he totally messed with this one kid, told him we were out of—”

“I hope you know what you’re getting yourself into, Merlin,” she cut him off with a worried look.

Merlin’s brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”

“You’ve never had a friend before—”

“So?” Merlin asked defensively.

“So you don’t know what it will feel like when he decides he doesn’t want to be your friend anymore. Just try to keep that in mind, dear.” She took another bite of broccoli and went on as if she hadn’t said something monumental.

“I don’t think...It’s only been one day, Mum. Do you really think I should be worried about that?”

She gave Merlin a pitying look. “You already don’t think it will happen,” she observed gently. She pointed a warning finger at him. “You must never think like that, Merlin. You must always be prepared to face the worst. This Will boy will tire of you, you can be sure of it.”

Merlin frowned. “Well...what about Arthur? He won’t—”

“One day, Merlin, one day. They always do,” she sighed. “Just look at your father.”

Merlin felt a heavy sinking in his chest and suddenly lost his appetite. “I’ll always be alone then. Once everyone leaves, it’ll just be me.”

Hunith gave Merlin a reassuring smile. “I’ll be here, Merlin. You’ll always have me.”

*

Merlin went to his room with his dinner only half-finished. He sat down at his desk and sulked for a few minutes before his mobile rang. It was Arthur.

He tried not to sound too miserable when he answered. “Hello?”

There was a few seconds of silence, and then, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. How’s your day been?” he asked to change the subject.

“Boring. I tried to, uh, look at some documents for work but couldn’t, ah, focus.”

Merlin rolled his chair to his telescope. Arthur sounded weird. When he looked through the eyepiece, he saw why.

“Oh my God, what the hell?”

Arthur’s laugh was breathy. “Damn, I thought for sure I was out of view. What part of me can you see?”

“Your head.”

“Haha, which one?”

“Oh, very funny. The one on your neck.”

Arthur was sitting on the floor against the end of his bed with his head tilted backwards. His jaw was slack and his mouth open as he jerked himself off. Merlin would know that heavy-lidded expression anywhere. Normally the sight would have had Merlin hard in a matter of seconds, but Merlin wasn’t in the mood today.

He heard a shuffle of movement as Arthur repositioned himself. Now he could only see a sliver of Arthur’s blond hair.

“Okay, you can’t still see me, can you?”

“Not really. Why’d you call if you were just gonna wank anyways?”

“I wanted to hear your voice. How was work?”

Merlin’s heart sank as he remembered both Will and his mother’s words. “I talked to someone today.”

“Yeah? Customer or—oh, fucking—” There was a dull thud as Merlin heard what could only be Arthur coming. He waited a few seconds and Arthur came back. “Sorry about that. Customer or co-worker?”

“Co-worker. He saw us kissing and asked who you were. He wants to drive your auto some time.”

Arthur laughed. “Like that’ll happen.”

Through the telescope, Merlin saw Arthur stand and walk out of view towards the loo. “He was nice. He said he was surprised to see me with you though.”

“Why’s that? Don’t tell me you play straight boy at work.”

“No, I...I don’t know what they think of me at work. Well, I didn’t until today. Will says I creep people out and look ‘unapproachable as fuck.’”

Arthur walked into view again, wearing pants now, and Merlin saw he was smiling broadly. “That’s a very accurate description of you actually. Creepy telescope man that doesn’t talk and keeps his head down. They’re probably worried one day you’ll come in and shoot up the place.”

Merlin tried not to picture himself doing that and failed. Strangely, it didn’t disconcert him as much as he thought it would. He chuckled a bit himself, actually.

“Probably. Anyways, Will—that’s his name—was just surprised to see I was with someone at all, let alone someone with as posh a car as yours.”

“What else did you talk about?” Arthur asked as he lay back in bed.

“At break he asked what kind of music I liked and I told him about the concert. We like a lot of the same bands and spent the whole break talking about the best songs. He said if I really liked Ben’s voice I should check out The Postal Service.”

“Er, Ben who?”

“Ben _Gibbard_ , the singer for Death Cab.”

“Well, excuse me for not being on a first name basis with the singer,” Arthur laughed. “That sounds great, Merlin. You made a friend, then, yeah?”

Merlin pushed down the rising tension in his gut. “Yeah. I mean, I don’t want to get my hopes up or anything, but I think I might have.”

“Awesome. It’s good to hear you're polishing up your social skills, ‘cause I have our next few dates planned.”

“Next _few_?” Merlin echoed, intrigued.

“Yeah. We’re going to a club on Friday. Let’s be honest, Merlin, you could really use a night out.”

“A...”

“A club, yes. Don’t worry, Merlin, you’ll have fun. It’ll be just like the concert, only more alcohol.”


	5. Chapter 5

Arthur had told Merlin to wear something sexy when he last talked to him on the phone. Merlin had said his usual “Um” and that was that. Honestly, Arthur hadn’t expected much.

He certainly did not expect the tight black skinny jeans and loose neon green v-neck that he saw Merlin leaving the house in now. Or that Merlin would gel his hair up in the back while his black fringe swept across his forehead in a near-sideways swoop.

There were other little things too, like the studded belt and the buckled boots. As Merlin descended the stairs leading from his doorway, a chain rattled and Arthur caught the glistening silver that dangled from Merlin’s belt to his back pocket: a wallet chain.

Arthur stared so intensely he forgot to unlock the door and Merlin had to bend over to peer in the window with a questioning expression. Arthur could see down his shirt.

“You look like a cross between a goth and a hipster,” he remarked as Merlin put on his seatbelt.

Merlin bit his lip and looked at Arthur hopefully. “A sexy one?”

This close, Arthur could see Merlin’s chest hair. “Yes.”

Merlin smiled. “That’s good, then. You look nice, too.”

Arthur looked down at his standard jeans and shirt combination. He’d left the top few buttons undone so his chest was just as much on display as Merlin’s, but that was nothing special. He didn’t have leather boots or a wallet chain, and he’d certainly done nothing to his hair but comb it up a bit in the front. Merlin however, looked like all his wet dreams made real.

“Thanks.”

And then suddenly someone was knocking on Merlin’s window. Hunith.

“Oh God,” Merlin groaned. He lowered the window. “Mum? What d’you need?”

She smiled into the interior of the car sweetly. Arthur shuddered involuntarily. That woman irked him.

“I know Arthur is a good lad and won’t let you do anything illegal—”

“ _Mum._ ”

“But don’t drink too much, dear, you know how you get when you have alcohol.”

“ _Mum!_ ”

“Have a good time!” She pecked Merlin’s cheek and walked back inside.

Merlin wiped the kiss off and groaned again. “Can we please just go now, _before_ she comes back out here and offers us condoms?”

Arthur put the car in drive and took off.

 

 

*

Merlin clung to Arthur as soon as they left the car. He looked around with wide, curious eyes at all the different people dressed up and laughing with their friends. Arthur didn’t mind that Merlin was one second away from cutting off circulation in his arm. He wanted Merlin close anyways.

When they entered the club, Merlin’s jaw dropped. Everywhere there were people dancing under the lights and the building pulsed with a pounding bass.

“This is nothing like the concert,” Merlin shouted in Arthur’s ear. “These people are mental!”

Arthur laughed. “No, they’re pissed or high. Wanna drink?”

“Please.”

Arthur led them to the bar and started them off with a couple shots. Merlin didn’t even glance at the blue liquid in the glass that was handed to him. He downed it quickly, squeezed his eyes shut as he shook his head at the taste, then snapped them back open.

“That was really good! What was that?”

“Hypnotiq.”

“I want more.”

Arthur laughed and swatted Merlin’s hand away when it went to take his own glass. “I think you ought to take it slow, don’t you?”

“Don’t listen to my mum, I have a high tolerance for alcohol.”

Arthur hummed and looked doubtful.

“I know my limits.”

Arthur raised an eyebrow.

“Okay, so I’ve only ever drunken—drinkin—drank beer, but hard liquor is basically the same, right?”

“No more than one shot an hour, Merlin. And I’m cutting you off at three.”

“Three A.M.?” Merlin asked hopefully, since that would be five hours and five shots.”

“No, three shots, Merlin. And I’m debating whether or not I should even let you have _that_ much.” He eyed Merlin’s skinny frame.

“We’ll see,” was all Merlin said in reply, and Arthur should not have rolled his eyes.

 

 

*

Merlin was giggly and flailing his arms above his head and people were bumping into him left and right, but he didn’t seem to care. Arthur could tell he had definitely had more than three shots, probably during the ten minutes that Arthur had lost him in the crowd. Now he was swinging his body all over without a care in the world.

Arthur was finding it hard to feel bad though, because _fuck_ , Merlin looked downright edible. His shirt barely came down to his waist to begin with, so with his arms above his head it pulled up and revealed his navel—hairy trail leading down to the best part of him included.

Then flailing gave way to jumping and bouncing and that _arse_ , dear God, that jean-clad arse was something Arthur definitely wanted to get acquainted with. He spun Merlin around and stilled his jumping with firm hands on Merlin’s hips and pressed flush against him.

Maybe it was because Arthur had had more than a few shots himself, but he wasn’t watching as much as he should have been when a random man passed by and Merlin deftly snatched a drink out of his hand. Merlin was half done with it by the time Arthur noticed and took it from him.

“Hey there, mate, easy on the liquor, remember?” he said in Merlin’s ear.

“Mmm, fuck you, Arthur,” Merlin replied without much heat. Arthur shook his head and chuckled as he finished the stolen drink, then tossed the empty cup into the crowd.

They danced until Merlin began to sag with the effort of holding himself up. Arthur led him away from the mass of clubgoers back towards to entrance where they could sit in a booth.

Merlin caught his breath as he leaned into Arthur’s side and Arthur took out his mobile to call someone to drive them home. He was sober enough to realise he’d need the help, at least.

“Need you to...um...I’m out at Avalon with Merlin...” he drawled into the phone.

“Who? Mate, how much did you drink?” Gwaine asked.

“ _Mer_ lin,” Arthur repeated. “My drop-dead gorgeous boyfriend. I _told_ you about him. My car, though...I’m not okay to...you should take a taxi, yeah? And drive us back to mine.”

“Do you know what time it is?”

“Haha, fuck no.”

“It’s almost five in the morning.”

“That...means nothing to me.”

“Of course it doesn’t.” Gwaine sighed. “Alright, Avalon, you said? Meet me outside in half an hour.”

Arthur nudged Merlin, who was staring into space beside him. “Mate of mine is gonna drive us home, ‘kay?”

Merlin blinked a couple times then seemed to register what Arthur said. He grinned and rubbed his cheek against Arthur’s shoulder. “Mmm, home.” He giggled. “I like home. I wanna go home with my whore.”

“You—”

“Excuse me.”

Arthur looked up at the unfamiliar voice. A man similar-looking to Merlin  but more filled out and not as tall was smiling amiably down at them with three shots in his hand.

“Uh, hi,” Arthur greeted him.

Merlin made grabby hands for a glass and the man’s smile broadened as he gave it to him. Arthur only realised he should stop Merlin as he lifted the glass to his lips, and then it was too late.

“I’m Mordred. Mind if I join you?”

“I don’t think—”

“Yes, yes, join us!” Merlin waved him into the circular booth excitedly.

“We’re about to leave soon,” Arthur tried to explain, “My friend is on his way.”

“Shh,” Merlin put a finger to Arthur's lips. “Let the nice man with the curly hair speak. He has _drinks_.”

Arthur quirked a brow and ended up giggling after a few moments.

“I was hoping I could leave soon as well, actually,” Mordred said. “This friend of yours. Would he like to join too? A foursome would be a new record for me.”

Arthur’s eyes went comically wide and he froze.

“Oh!” Merlin straightened his spine as if coming to a sudden realisation. “No no no no no,” he laughed humourlessly. “This,” he roughly grabbed Arthur’s crotch and Arthur might have squeaked, “is mine. You are not to touch or even think about touching. So fuck off, _twat_.” He kicked Mordred’s shin beneath the table for good measure.

Mordred pursed his lips in disappointment but promptly fucked off. Merlin made a “hmmph” noise of triumph and released his grip on Arthur’s dick to cross his arms over his chest.

After another couple minutes however, he straightened up again. “Hey! He took the drinks with him!”

Arthur couldn’t wait but five seconds before bursting into laughter.

 

 

*

“There he is,” Arthur pointed out Gwaine to Merlin as said man ran up to meet them.

“Do you think he’ll let me feel his hair?” was the first thing Merlin asked.

“I wouldn’t.”

Gwaine came up to them, panting. “Hey, this Merlin?” He smiled brightly at Merlin, even though Arthur could tell from Gwaine’s rumpled clothing he felt like doing anything but. “Gwaine, nice to meet you.” He held out his hand.

Merlin just stared at him and blinked. “Can I feel your hair?”

Gwaine dropped his hand and laughed. “Sure, why not.” He lowered his head and allowed Merlin a soft stroke.

“Oh my God, Arthur, have you tried this? ‘S like fucking silk.”

Both Gwaine and Arthur laughed and Gwaine stepped back. “Alright, where’s that posh ride of yours?”

Arthur pointed in the general direction. “That way. Somewhere.” He handed over the keys and let Gwaine find it by locking and unlocking it. Eventually they saw the corresponding flashing lights and piled in.

Merlin more or less _fell_ in. He lay horizontally across the back seat with his face directly in Arthur’s lap. His long legs splayed out the side of the car and Gwaine had to bend them to fit Merlin inside. Merlin himself was no help.

In fact, his face rubbing against Arthur’s clothed cock was causing quite the problem. “Mmm, mine, all mine,” Arthur heard him whispering into the fabric like it was a sentient being.

“Merlin,” Arthur hissed, neck twisting to see how long they had until Gwaine walked around and got in. “Stop!”

“Don’t tell me what to do,” Merlin drawled. “This is mine, _you’re_ mine, and I’ll do what I damn well please.”

Any reply Arthur might have had died on his tongue when Gwaine opened the door and slid into the driver’s seat.

Merlin, thankfully, stopped the whispering but now that Arthur was fully hard beneath him, he kept rubbing the tip of his nose along the shaft.  Arthur was trying everything he could to keep from jerking his hips up and encouraging any of this behaviour in Gwaine’s presence, but in his intoxicated state it certainly wasn’t easy. It took every bit of limited concentration, so he couldn’t pay attention to anything else.

And then, suddenly, Gwaine was opening the door and Arthur saw they were in front of his house. He’d sobered up enough to help carry Merlin inside without being a danger to himself.

“Here comes the sun, doo doo doo doo,” Merlin sang and giggled as they dragged him in. The sun was indeed coming up.

Gwaine grunted when Merlin tripped halfway up the stairs and nearly sent them all sprawling. “It’s Lance’s turn next time, just so you know,” he said through clenched teeth.

“I really don’t plan on that being for a while.”

Finally they got to Arthur’s bedroom and dumped Merlin on the bed. Merlin landed with a huff and didn’t move from where he fell.

“Thanks, Gwaine. I owe you one.”

“Sure.” Gwaine turned to go, then stopped. “Actually, you haven’t come out to play with us in a while. We’re getting together tomorrow, er, later today. You should come and be on my team. The lads’ll appreciate it as well.”

Arthur didn’t feel up to it just then but he couldn’t let Gwaine down. “What time?”

“Oh, not ‘til around three or four probably. Plenty of time to rest and...do other things,” he said with a less-than-subtle nod at Arthur’s very evident erection.

Arthur blushed. “I’ll see you at four then.”

“Yeah. Bring Merlin if you like. Everyone’s pretty anxious to meet him considering he’s all you talk about.”

“He is not all I—”

“Yeah, yeah,” Gwaine waved him off. “Now be a good mate and give me cab fare.”

With Gwaine taken care of, there was just Merlin left. Arthur sighed and rolled Merlin over onto his back. He started at the bottom and began unbuckling Merlin’s boots. Merlin didn’t seem to be really aware of what was happening until his jeans were off and Arthur was sitting him up to take off his shirt.

“You’re...undressing me?” he said, brows pushed together.

“Yes, Merlin, how observant of you.”

“Oh. The hair bloke left.”

“Gwaine. Yeah, he went home.”

Merlin was frowning after Arthur pulled his shirt off. “How many friends do you have?”

“I dunno. I have a few from work, some from uni. Gwaine and Lance are my best mates, but I’ve known Leon the longest. Can’t say I was surprised when he and my sister got together.”

“And you don’t...none of them leave you?”

Arthur looked up from undoing his own zip. “Some I don’t talk to anymore, like Kay. I wouldn’t say they left me, though. We just sort of...stopped hanging out.” He stepped out of his jeans and was thankful his erection seemed to be going down. “Why?”

“I...Mum said I shouldn’t expect Will to be my friend for long. She said he’ll get tired of me. And that you’ll get tired of me. Like my dad did.”

Arthur froze. Merlin was leaning back on his hands and staring miserably down at nothing in particular. He seemed to have already accepted his mother’s words as a fact. That’s what angered Arthur the most.

“Your father left, right?” Arthur tried to keep his voice calm.

Merlin didn’t look up, but nodded.

“So of course everyone else you could possibly get attached to is going to leave too, is that it?”

“No,” Merlin finally raised his eyes. “My mum said—”

“Let me guess,” Arthur bit out, “she said she’ll always be there.”

Merlin swallowed and nodded silently. He must have sensed Arthur’s anger in his voice. So much for staying calm.

Arthur closed his eyes. He took a deep breath and then another and another.

“Arthur? Why...why are you shaking?”

_Because I’m trying not to storm across the street and strangle your mother in her sleep._

Arthur opened his eyes slowly and crawled on the bed to sit next to Merlin. He took one of Merlin’s slender hands in one of his own and moved Merlin’s fringe out of his eyes with the other. He tried to smile and failed, so he took another deep breath before finally speaking.

“I’m not going to leave you, Merlin. Not unless you want me to. I’m yours, remember?”

“But Mum said one day—”

“I don’t care what she said,” Arthur snapped. He schooled his features into a kinder expression again. “Merlin, your mother kidnapped me for your _birthday_. You can’t honestly tell me you believe everything she says to be true if she thinks something like that is alright. Surely you see she can’t be trusted as a valid authority on everything.”

Merlin’s frown deepened and Arthur just wanted to kiss it away. He wanted Merlin to _see_ , dammit.

“She’s just...she thought she was doing the right thing. But she wouldn’t lie to me.”

Arthur hesitated to say his true opinions on that, but Merlin had to hear it. “Maybe she doesn’t think she’s lying, Merlin. She probably believes what she says to be true. That doesn’t mean it is.”

Merlin snatched his hand back. “She’s not crazy!”

“I never said that.”

“You’re implying it.”

“Merlin—”

“She made a mistake, Arthur. Ever since that day, you’ve thought she was a mental case. Well, you’re wrong. She’s my mum and she’s—she’s smart and nice and—”

“She’s all of those things, Merlin, of course she is. I’m just saying she might also be a little misguided in her beliefs. I’m not saying she’s crazy.” Even though Arthur thought she was totally off-her-rocker bonkers.

Merlin bit his lip and Arthur saw the moment he gave in. He took Merlin’s hand again and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. Merlin, thankfully, didn’t object and even leaned into Arthur’s side.

“I meant what I said, Merlin. I’m not going to leave you. I don’t want to.”

“ _Now_ you don’t want to,” Merlin said. “But what about in two weeks or a month or next year? How do you know you won’t get tired of me?”

“How do you know you won’t get tired of _me_?” Arthur countered.

“I could never get tired of you!” Merlin sat up and looked at Arthur as if he were mad for just suggesting the idea.

Arthur chuckled and kissed Merlin’s slightly parted lips briefly. “Exactly. I’m just as sure as you are.”

Merlin looked doubtful. “I’m not sure that’s possible, Arthur.”

“Because you’re an unattractive loser and I’m like ‘walking sex?’”

“Well, yeah.”

“The only thing wrong with you is that you’ve got no self-esteem.” Arthur mussed Merlin’s hair. “Tell you what. If you’ll never leave me, I’ll never leave you.”

Merlin simply blinked a few moments before he wrapped his arms around Arthur’s chest and buried his face in Arthur’s stomach. “I know it’s only been two dates and one fuck but I really love you just so you know,” he said in one quick breath.

Arthur laughed once to cover up the sudden wave of emotions he felt. He stroked Merlin’s hair when what he really wanted to do was hold Merlin as tight as he was being held and never let go.

“I love you too, Merlin,” he said, voice a whisper. “Just so you know.”

 

 

*

Merlin woke up to the feeling that something had crawled in his throat, died, and laid eggs in his stomach so that now he was being eaten from the inside out. And then he jumped out of bed and sprinted to heave the contents of last night into the toilet.

“Ugh,” he groaned, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “That was the best night of my life but I never want to do it again.”

He heard Arthur laugh from the doorway and realised he also had a terrible headache. When he looked up, Arthur was leaning against the doorframe crossing his arms. “I distinctly remember limiting you to three shots. How many did you have?”

“I lost count after seven.”

“That’s actually quite impressive. I’m surprised you didn’t get sick last night.”

“I didn’t do anything terribly embarrassing, did I?”

Arthur thought a moment, seemingly wading through the fog of his own memories. “Define embarrassing.”

“Something I wouldn’t normally do sober.”

“Oh. That’s pretty much the whole night then.”

“What?!”

“You’re not a very skilled dancer, that’s for sure. More like an octopus on dry land, with all the flailing about you did.”

Merlin groaned into his hand.

“Also, you grabbed my dick and called it yours when some bloke came over looking for a foursome.”

“No!” Merlin said, jaw agape.

“Yes. I believe your words were ‘don’t even think about touching, so fuck off, twat.’ Or something like that. You looked pretty intimidating, to be honest. I certainly wouldn’t have messed with you.”

“Oh my God.” Merlin looked up. “Wait, ‘foursome?’ Who was the fourth?”

“Gwaine.”

Merlin blinked. “Who the hell is Gwaine?”

“Er, the hair bloke?”

Merlin’s look of confusion only deepened. “Hair bloke?” Then he gasped. “Oh! The one with the—oh! Now I remember!” He laughed so hard he had to hold his side and Arthur too chuckled a few times. It made his head pound even more but he couldn’t stop. Then Merlin frowned suddenly and turned back to the toilet where he got sick again.

He felt Arthur’s hand rubbing circles on his back just as the last of it finally left him. When he raised up, Arthur handed him a flannel and he wiped his mouth with it.

“Should’ve listened to my mum,” he muttered as he flushed the loo again and went to wash his hands.

When he glanced up in the mirror, he saw Arthur frowning behind him.

“What?” he asked Arthur’s reflection.

Arthur scratched the back of his neck. “After Gwaine left...you seemed to have sobered up at least a little. Do you...do you remember any of that?”

At first Merlin drew a complete blank. His brows pushed together in a frown of confusion. But then the memories came rushing back: the worry that Arthur would leave him, the accusation that his mother was mental, and then—oh God—the declaration of love.

His face must have shown that he did remember because the next time he looked at Arthur’s reflection it was smiling.

“I think, despite the circumstances leading up to it, that was my favourite part of the night.”

Merlin’s own face broke into a wide grin. “Really?”

“Yeah. But before you go celebrating, let me go get your toothbrush.”

Merlin laughed. “Okay.”

Arthur left and Merlin was drying his hands when the statement registered. He rushed out to the bedroom where he saw Arthur rummaging through a drawer in his wardrobe.

“You bought me my own toothbrush?”

Arthur spun around and slammed the drawer shut. “Huh? No, this is an extra one. You know, the one in there is about ready to be changed anyway so—”

“You _did_ , didn’t you?” Merlin smiled and walked closer. “What else have you got in there for me, spare pants?”

“No.” Arthur tried to close the wardrobe but Merlin reached out and stopped him. “It’s nothing.”

Merlin raised an eyebrow. He held Arthur’s gaze until he finally broke.

“Okay, I might have gone out and bought some things during the week,” Arthur confessed with a blush.

That was interesting. “Why are you blushing?” Merlin narrowed his eyes. “You wouldn’t blush about buying condoms or lube. What did you get?”

“Just...stuff.” Arthur tried to shrug it off and close the wardrobe again. Merlin kept his hand there.

“Show me.”

“Merlin. Aren't you supposed to be, like, too soft-spoken to be this demanding?”

“Arthur. Once I get drunk with you, that kind of changes things.”

"Oh, but the sex didn't. Of course." He rolled his eyes and held out his hand. “Just take the damn toothbrush. And take a shower while you’re at it, you reek of sweat and alcohol.”

Merlin saw Arthur’s frustration for what it was. He would just wait then. “Alright, fine.”

Arthur followed and brushed his teeth with Merlin at the sink, then said he would make something for lunch while Merlin showered.

“Ugh, don’t even mention food,” Merlin groaned, feeling slightly nauseous again.

“I’ve got soup,” Arthur said. “That should be fine, right? I’m sure you’ll feel better after you’ve showered.”

“Okay.”

Merlin waited until he heard Arthur on the stairs to turn the water on and then he peeked out the door into the bedroom. When he didn’t see Arthur there, he ran over to the wardrobe and opened it for himself.

He felt dizzy from the amount of blood that suddenly rushed to his prick. This was a drawer full of _toys_ , most of which Merlin was familiar with—vibrators, dildos, buttplugs, leather handcuffs, collars, cock rings—but some of it Merlin had no idea what to make of. The fact that there were chains suggested they had to do with whatever Arthur wanted done to him while tied up—with the leather handcuffs, no doubt—but what that was Merlin could only guess.

He slid the drawer shut and closed the wardrobe door before Arthur could come back up and find his privacy invaded.

Apparently he had some research to do when he got home. Right now he needed a wank.

 

 

*

Arthur frowned as he stirred the soup in the pot. Merlin wouldn’t look in the drawer would he? He was in the shower anyway, and if he took as long as he did last time, Arthur would be back up with the soup before he got a chance to even dry off.

Arthur’s mobile buzzed on the counter next to him. Gwaine.

“Hello?”

“Good, you’re up. Just calling to make sure you haven’t forgotten our deal last night.”

“Oh, shit.” The footy game he’d promised to play. “What time is it now?”

“Almost two. I knew you’d forget.”

“Yeah, I...you said four, right?”

“Yeah. Have you decided whether or not to bring Merlin?”

He did want Merlin to come along. He wanted Merlin to meet his mates and for them to see how brilliant Merlin was.

“I’ll ask him. He’s a bit shy.”

Gwaine laughed. “Didn’t seem shy last night. But I guess that was alcohol.”

“Yeah, he’s...he doesn’t really speak to people all that much. I’ll try to talk him into it.”

“Definitely. That way Gwen will have someone to chat with on the bench.”

“Hmm. Maybe.” Though Arthur didn’t think Merlin would like that idea very much. “I’ll see you then, Gwaine. Got to go.”

“I bet you do. Don’t tire yourself out before the match, princess.”

Arthur rolled his eyes. “Goodbye, Gwaine.”

 

 

*

Merlin was zipping up his jeans when Arthur got back with a bowl of steaming soup.

“You were right about the shower. I feel a lot better. I don’t like putting on last night’s clothes but I guess it’s just until I go back across the street.”

Merlin sat down in the middle of the bed and Arthur slid the tray carefully across the mattress.

“I wish you hadn’t gotten dressed at all.”

Merlin smiled. “I’m still shirtless if it makes you happy,” he said, spooning a first bite into his mouth.

Arthur crawled onto the bed slowly to avoid upsetting the soup and sat behind Merlin, chest to back. “It does.”

His breath tickled but Merlin didn’t mind. Arthur was a welcome warmth behind him. He let Merlin eat the soup without starting a conversation, for which Merlin was grateful. He liked sitting in silence sometimes, and was glad Arthur seemed to feel the same way.

When the spoon began audibly scraping the bottom of the bowl, Arthur put his chin on Merlin’s shoulder and asked, “Want to come watch me play football?”

“Um.” That would involve people. People that weren’t Arthur and therefore he wasn’t comfortable with. In the span of a single moment, Merlin retreated back into his shy shell, bonding experience over Hypnotiq and sex be damned.

“You don’t have to. I’d like you to, of course, because my friends are dying to meet you and I want you to meet them, but it’s up to you.”

Merlin upended the rest of the soup straight from the bowl into his mouth. “They know about me?”

“Yeah. Apparently I talk about you all the time.”

Merlin’s brow furrowed. “What do you say?”

“Oh, just...I dunno, stuff.”

“What kind of stuff?” Merlin twisted his head to look back at him.

Arthur shrugged and blushed. “Well, once we were walking in the shopping district and Percival kept complaining because I was always saying things like ‘Oh, Merlin would love this’ or ‘Merlin has a shirt like that’ or ‘That bloke looks like Merlin, except Merlin has prettier eyes.’” Arthur, if possible, coloured deeper.

Merlin gaped. “Really?”

“Yeah,” Arthur admitted sheepishly. “Gwaine says even Lance doesn’t talk about Gwen half as much as I talk about you. But to be fair, they’ve been dating for years whereas with you everything is new so of course I’m going to be—”

Merlin cut him off with a brief but deep kiss. “I love you so much, Arthur, you have no idea,” he declared, boldness returning.

Arthur grinned. “If it’s at least an eighth of how much I love you, I _might_ have an idea.”

Merlin giggled. “That’s ridiculously sappy.”

“No, _this_ is sappy.” And Arthur proceeded to rub his nose in the back of Merlin’s neck.

Merlin definitely did not squeal. “Arthur!” He arched his spine to get away from the tickle but Arthur was merciless. “ _Ar_ thur,” Merlin laughed and swatted Arthur’s stupid blond head behind him.

“Alright, alright, no need to get violent,” he finally relented. “So will you go?”

“To the game?” Arthur nodded. Merlin sighed. “You really want me to?” Arthur nodded again. “I don’t have to play, do I?”

“No. You can listen to music or sit and read a book for all I care. Just _be_ there, yeah?”

“Okay. If it means that much to you...I guess I can try to get through it, however awkward it may be.”

Arthur squeezed his arms around Merlin’s waist. “Oh thank God.”

“I just have to go home for a change of clothes and tell my mum.”

Arthur deflated. He let his forehead fall to Merlin’s neck and groaned.

“You really don’t like her, do you?” Merlin asked.

“Can you blame me?”

“Not really. And at least you’re nice to her to her face.”

“I do try. I know she means a lot to you.” Merlin could practically hear the unsaid _as much as I hate it_.

“She’s all I have, Arthur. I told you that before.”

Arthur thread his fingers in Merlin’s. “That’s not true anymore and you know it. At least I hope you know it.”

“I...I guess. But still, I’m all _she_ has. When my dad left, she said it was just us. That it would _always_ be just us.”

Arthur bit his lip like he wanted to say something, and Merlin waited patiently while he considered. “How old were you?”

Merlin knew what he meant. “I was five.” But he didn’t want to talk about that just now. “What time do you have to leave?”

“Mmm, say, three forty-five. It’s not a far drive.”

Merlin patted his pockets for his mobile. It hadn’t been lost in the craziness of last night, thankfully.

He looked at the time and pursed his lips. He wanted to make Arthur try out some of the things he’d seen in the drawer, namely the cock ring since it had to have been bought with him in mind (he would never forgive himself for coming so early). But they didn’t have time. Maybe afterwards...

“Merlin? What is it?” Arthur smiled teasingly. “Got a hot date or something?”

 _A hot date with your cock_ , he wanted to say. He wasn’t quite that brazen around Arthur yet though.

Merlin considered the time again. They didn’t have time to... _play_...but they might have time for something else.

But apparently Merlin’s silence was worrying Arthur. “Merlin?”

And suddenly, Merlin had trouble speaking again. “Was just wondering...”

“About?”

“I don’t—last night—I—”

“Merlin, what the hell? Stop stammering and spit it out. You know you can tell me anything.”

Merlin felt a strangely satisfying hollowness then. Like a secret he’d been holding in was just freed from him. His mother had said the same thing, _You can tell me anything_. But he really could tell Arthur anything.

Merlin took a deep breath and tried again. “Last night, in the car.” He felt Arthur tense behind him. Was that a good tense or a bad tense? “When I...I’ve never...I want to...”

Fuck, why was this so hard? Arthur could admit to wanting to be tied up, so why couldn’t he just come out and say he wanted to give Arthur a blow job?

Suddenly Arthur had his teeth in Merlin’s shoulder. Not enough to hurt, not at first, but he increased the pressure steadily until Merlin had to ask.

“Arthur?”

He turned his neck to look and Arthur was...

“You ass! You know damn well what I’m trying to say!” Merlin elbowed him in the stomach.

Arthur gave up and erupted into laughter. “Say it then, Merlin,” he challenged. “Like you made me say it.”

Merlin set the tray aside and turned on him with a devious glint in his eye. “Oh no, that is _not_ how this works. _You_ do what _I_ say, not the other way around.”

Arthur quirked a brow. “That so?”

Merlin’s statement only just then registered. “I...I didn’t mean to say that.” He mentally kicked himself. Tying Arthur up was one thing; controlling him was reserved only for his most private of fantasies.

Arthur leaned back on his hands and pinned Merlin with a look that could only mean trouble. “How about this: you can boss me around as much as you like _if_ you say this one thing for me.”

Merlin scarcely dared to even let himself hope. “As much as I like?”

“Yep.”

“Like forever from here on out?”

“Yes.”

“Whenever I want?”

Arthur rolled his eyes and sighed in exasperation. “ _Yes_ , Merlin, you can tell me to do whatever you like, whenever you want, forever from here on out, as long as you say this one thing this one time. So are you going to do it, or not?”

Merlin turned to face Arthur fully. “Yes.”

“Go on then,” Arthur nudged.

Merlin squared his shoulders and took a deep breath. “Arthur Pendragon, I want to suck your cock.”

Arthur smiled, spread his legs wide enough to accommodate Merlin and said, “Well?”

“Prat,” Merlin muttered and leaned forward to lower Arthur’s pants. Arthur raised his hips enough to help and then there it was standing straight and full in front of Merlin’s hungry eyes.

Merlin wrapped his fingers around it slowly but Arthur still flinched at the first touch.

“Sorry. Your fingers are cold,” he explained. “Just...keep going.” Merlin was pleased to note he was already a bit breathless.

It emboldened him. He gave Arthur’s cock a few sure strokes before slipping just the head between his lips.

“Fuck, fuck,” Arthur breathed. His fingers curled in the duvet and his thigh muscles flexed. Merlin laid a hand on the muscled leg and closed his eyes as he took Arthur farther down.

The taste was tangy on his tongue but not completely unpleasant. The closer Merlin’s nose got to the skin, the more he smelled sweat and sex and the blood that coursed through the veins he was currently tonguing. But there was a deeper scent, almost like an after-smell, that was entirely unique, something that could only be described as Arthur himself.

Merlin knew not to try and take Arthur in all the way on the first go; he should try halfway, come back up and then make the full attempt. He knew the basics from watching porn, too: up and down, up and down, cheeks hollowed for extra suction, and all that good stuff. But what had Arthur done? How had he done that thing with his tongue—

“Christ, Merlin!” Arthur’s hips jerked up and Merlin gagged as his nose was plunged into the curls at the base.

He pulled back and gasped for breath. “Arthur, you prat! Try to choke me, why don’t you?”

“S-Sorry.”

“Just...stay _down_ , will you?”

Arthur nodded and his hands curled into fists. Merlin saw his abdomen tighten with restraint and nodded his approval as he bent back down.

Merlin didn’t do the tongue trick again but was privately glad he’d managed to figure it out on his own. Instead he bobbed up and down faster, as fast as his neck would allow, while breathing through his nose.

The longer it went on for the more he salivated and his jaw ached. He worried that he was getting sloppy and sucked in his cheeks to compensate. He could fit more in at a time but didn’t like the look of his spit dripping down Arthur’s swollen shaft. Merlin wrapped a hand around the exposed length and stroked in time with his mouth going down. Arthur’s cock shone with Merlin’s saliva and pulsed beneath his fingers.

 _Come on, come on, I’m doing everything I can think of, why hasn’t he come yet?_ Merlin thought anxiously. _I told him to stay down but that doesn’t mean stay still. It doesn’t even seem like he’s enjoying it anymore. I_ know _I’m doing this right..._

“Oh God, Merlin,” Arthur exhaled and finally, _there_ was some appreciation. “I wish you could see how you look right now. So beautiful, so perfect, _fuck_.” Merlin was happy to hear Arthur’s voice was tight with raw emotion, indicating he was appropriately wrecked. “I never want you to...to stop.”

Merlin hummed in agreement. If he could he’d do this for Arthur all day.

“I just...Don’t feel like you to have to...do anything you don’t want to. I don’t expect...”

Merlin looked up through his thick eyelashes. Arthur was staring intently back at him. Merlin twirled around the head and pressed the tip of his tongue into the slit. Arthur’s eyes rolled back in his skull and his arms gave out beneath him. He collapsed onto his elbows with a drawn out moan.

That was a pleasant sight. Merlin ran his free hand up Arthur’s torso and pressed firmly down. Arthur was pliant beneath him and let his spine straighten so he lay flat on the bed. Merlin dragged his fingers through the chest hair down Arthur’s stomach, which fluttered under his touch. Arthur’s breathing was perfectly erratic and heavy.

Arthur was close. Merlin could sense it in the way Arthur’s thighs clenched and the way Arthur’s balls drew up in preparation. It would only be a matter of time. Merlin turned his neck and tried sucking at a different angle, running his hand up and down Arthur’s chest all the while.

And then Arthur gasped when Merlin’s fingertip grazed a nipple, so Merlin did it again, this time more purposefully. Arthur’s spine arched off the bed and he cried out with pleasure.

Merlin flattened his palm against Arthur’s stomach and pushed him back onto the bed. Arthur instantly complied with a breathy, “I’m sorry!”

Good. Merlin had told him to stay down, and he would. Now Merlin could focus.

It seemed Arthur had sensitive nipples. And now that Merlin thought about it...Arthur had reacted similarly when he’d touched him the first time before they went to dinner a week ago.

That was it, then. That’s how Merlin would get Arthur to come.

He slid his hand back up tortuously slow and Arthur’s chest heaved as he seemed to know exactly what Merlin was preparing to do but was powerless to stop it. Merlin let his forefinger trace the outside of the peaked right nipple. He hummed in contemplation and felt Arthur shudder from the vibration it sent down his prick.

No, not the right one. Merlin trailed his finger across the muscled skin over to the left and gave it the same treatment. Arthur’s throat clicked and his Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed.

Yes, this was the one. Merlin took it between his thumb and first finger lightly before giving it an abrupt hard squeeze and a little twist. Arthur screamed Merlin’s name as he came down Merlin’s throat.

Merlin had been so focused on Arthur he hadn’t prepared himself for the sudden burst of hot, bitter fluid that filled his mouth. He gagged twice before pulling back enough for the rest to spill on his tongue. At least that way he could swallow at his leisure instead of it going straight down his esophagus and choking him.

He waited until Arthur’s body relaxed to let Arthur’s spent cock fall from his lips. As he raised himself from his bent position he unzipped his jeans to free his own aching erection.

Merlin licked his lips at the sight before him. Arthur was still panting from his orgasm with his limbs splayed bonelessly to the side and his eyes closed. Merlin walked forward on his knees until he was straddling Arthur’s chest and began fisting his cock furiously.

Arthur’s eyes slowly opened and Merlin felt caught in the act. He slowed his strokes but didn’t stop, just looked down at Arthur sheepishly.

“Can I...can I come on you, Arthur?” he asked hesitantly.

Arthur let his gaze drift down to where Merlin was still jerking himself and slid a weak hand up Merlin’s jean-clad thigh. He didn’t speak—Merlin hoped it was because he did such a good job that Arthur screamed himself hoarse—but nodded his assent. Merlin exhaled and resumed his earlier speed.

Just seeing Arthur laying there wrecked from such an intense orgasm, and knowing that he—shy, introverted _Merlin_ —had been the one to get him in that state, brought Merlin off remarkably quickly. Some of his come got on Arthur’s neck and chest but most of it landed on his face. Arthur flinched at the first impact but otherwise lay there and took it.

“Oh, fuck,” Merlin breathed. Arthur blinked as a drop of come slid onto his eyelash and wiped it away before it could get in his eye. And then he fucking _licked his finger._ Merlin repeated his earlier statement of brilliance. “Fuck.”

Arthur propped himself up on his elbows and cleared his throat. “I, uh, hadn’t showered yet anyway.” Merlin just gaped at him. He still couldn’t get over the fact that Arthur was attempting to have a coherent conversation with him while semen was dripping down his face. “Could you, er...” He nodded his head toward the loo.

“Right, yeah, sorry.” Merlin shuffled back and managed not to fall off the bed while getting up for a flannel this time. He returned quickly and Arthur wiped his face and chest.

“This is going to sound really insensitive given the timing,” Arthur said, “but you should probably go home for clothes now. Unless you want to borrow some of mine?”

“Oh! I completely forgot about...yeah, alright.” Merlin zipped his jeans and searched the floor for his shirt. When he found it and pulled it over his head, he put on his boots, then hesitated at the door. “Sorry for, um...I think I might’ve gotten carried away...” He blushed when he remembered how roughly he’d pushed Arthur down and Arthur had felt the need to apologise.

But Arthur just huffed a laugh. “It’s okay, Merlin, I said you could, remember?”

“You said I could tell you what to do, you never said I could be mean about it.”

Arthur pursed his lips and was quiet long enough to make Merlin feel like he should apologise again. Each second that passed he felt more and more guilty.

Then, finally, Arthur spoke. “When you think about tying me up,” he began, “are you mean, then?”

Merlin swallowed and his pulse raced. “Th-Those are just fantasies,” he admitted, colouring deeper.

“They don’t have to be.”

Merlin’s knees turned to jelly and he gripped the doorknob for support. Surely he hadn’t heard right.

But Arthur had lowered his eyes as if he was just as embarrassed and Merlin wasn’t entirely sure the colour in his cheeks was from his climax anymore. Suddenly Merlin remembered the drawer and the chains and oh God did that mean Arthur _wanted_ Merlin to...?

“I can...you mean—”

“We’ll talk about it later, yeah?” Arthur interrupted with a polite smile. Merlin had never felt more relieved.

“Yeah,” he exhaled and nodded. He tried returning Arthur’s smile but had a feeling it failed. “Okay. I’ll see you in about an hour then.”

“Great. See you then.” Merlin had turned and was halfway down the corridor when Arthur called him back. “Merlin, wait!”

Merlin rushed back and barrelled through the door at the urgency in Arthur’s tone. “Yeah? What is it?”

“Just...when you go back and see your mother...remember that I’m never going to leave you, okay?”

Merlin’s grin was much more genuine then. He ran the rest of the way back to the bed and fell on top of Arthur with a crushing hug.

“Oh! Merlin! That is really not a good place for your knee—”

“Shut up. I love you, you prat,” Merlin said into Arthur’s chest.

Arthur sighed dramatically and wrapped a strong arm around Merlin’s slim frame. “I love you too, Merlin. Now you really ought to leave if we’re going to be on time for—”

“I’m going, I’m going,” Merlin chuckled and pulled away. He kissed Arthur before untangling from him completely though. “Bye.” He had to fight the urge to skip all the way back across the street.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you read/saw _Island_...yes, that was a completely shameless ripoff ;)


	6. Chapter 6

Arthur really had to wonder how in the fucking _hell_ Merlin went from barely being able to ask for his cock to giving the best blow job he’d ever received and back to shyly asking to come on his face all under the span of sixty minutes.

Sometimes he wished Merlin would pick one—shy mother’s boy, or confident young man. Each had their own appeals. One was endearing and needed protection while the other was a ridiculously hot turn-on that could take care of himself. Merlin didn’t seem to be able to switch into one at will, but when he did, it was like he had Arthur wrapped around his little manipulative finger. Like mother, like son, he supposed.

Arthur shuddered for a reason that was not the water in the shower.

At least he’d managed not to make a fool of himself. He had been so close to practically screaming _Yes Merlin, please, dominate me! Spank me and tell me I’m naughty, say I’m filthy, make me your whore!_ Instead he’d played it off as nonchalantly as possible, had lightly suggested he was willing to be bossed around as long as Merlin did one little thing in return.

And Merlin had done it. Oh, had he done it.

Arthur tilted his head back under the spray. There was still some come in his fringe that had dried and made his hair a terrible matted mess. He worked soapy fingers through it until it was completely gone and rinsed out.

As he moved down to wash his chest he idly wondered how Merlin would feel about nipple piercings.

 

 

*

Merlin ran right past his mother once he got in the house. He threw a polite “‘lo, Mum” over his shoulder as he ran up the stairs, but otherwise ignored her voice as it called after him. When he turned to close his bedroom door behind him, he briefly sniffed the air and figured she must have been saying something about how lunch would be ready soon. He made a mental note to be quick before locking the door.

He changed into loose jeans and a t-shirt as his laptop booted up. Time was against him; he only had a few minutes before his mum called him down for lunch and then a little under an hour after that remaining. He tapped his foot as the first programs launched slowly at startup.

However, once he had his web browser open, he had no idea what to type in the search bar. After a while, he decided to try something simple and entered ‘sex toys.’ In seconds, a list of results came up.

He frowned at the list of websites. They were all places to _buy_ but nothing informational. He tried again with ‘types of sex toys’ and got more satisfactory results. He clicked a promising-looking wikipedia link.

Merlin barely glanced at the other contents in the table as soon as he saw ‘nipple toys.’ There wasn’t much in the section, only a couple bullet points, so he clicked the link to ‘nipple clamps’ to see where it would take him.

He stifled a moan and squeezed his cock through his jeans as his eyes skimmed over the words _applying pressure_ — _erotic pleasure_ — _BDSM_ — _kinky sexual behaviour._ His vision blurred with images of Arthur bound and struggling beneath him, that black tie he never wore gagging his pretty little mouth, nearly choking him as his body arched—begged—to be touched. Merlin looked at the chain fastened to a woman’s nipples in the side photo on the article and his pulse raced because _that’s the same chain Arthur had._

A knock on his door made him jump and he slammed his laptop shut. “Merlin?”

“Y-Yes, Mum?”

“I’ve made lunch if you’re hungry.”

“Um.” _Kinky sexual behaviour_. “I ate at Arthur’s house.”

There was a pause and Merlin could sense her disapproval through the door. She never liked when he skipped a meal with her.

“I’m going out again in a little while, so just...keep it warm and I’ll eat a bit before I leave?” he offered. The soup hadn’t completely filled him anyways, and he did want strength for activities he most certainly planned to do later.

_applying pressure erotic pleasure bdsm_

“Alright, dear.” Merlin waited until he couldn’t hear her footsteps to open his laptop again.

He browsed through wikipedia articles with one eye on the clock. There was so much he didn’t know, from what a scene was to the types of sexual foreplay—he did find a rather detailed diagram of what Arthur told him about, the prostate—and apparently there were whole clubs dedicated to the things he wanted to do to Arthur. Sometimes they even did scenes in front of people on a stage. Merlin growled at the thought of anyone else getting to see _his_ Arthur the way he did.

And then there were all sorts of plays: petplay, ageplay, painplay, and the like. Merlin tried to imagine Arthur in each situation—he’d already pictured Arthur choking on the tie, so there was breathplay right there—but mostly he couldn’t. The things these people were doing in the photos were certainly nice and even sometimes exciting—Merlin definitely wanted to see Arthur walking around the house wearing a collar and the idea of a safeword could certainly come in handy—but he couldn’t seem to apply the majority of it to his and Arthur’s relationship. What they had didn’t seem to be able to fit into these nice little categories, though they did give Merlin ideas.

Wonderful, wonderful ideas.

Merlin spent the better part of his time researching and after a while his erection went down as he got lost just _looking_ at the remarkable types of things that people did to each other for sexual pleasure. Some of it was odd, (Golden showers? Really?) though to be fair, there were probably many people that thought _Merlin’s_ idea of erotcisim was odd, too. He really wasn’t in any position to judge.

Eventually the clock said it was almost half past three and Merlin shut down his laptop to go eat lunch. He wondered what kind of nipple clamp was on the end of that chain.

 

 

*

“Where are you going today?” Merlin’s mother asked as she placed a plate of steaming food in front of him.

Merlin was hesitant to answer. “Watching Arthur play football.”

“Oh. That’s very...unlike you. I expect they’ll be a lot of people there.”

Merlin took a bite to busy his mouth so he could think before answering. “Just a few of his mates. He said I won’t have to talk to anybody if I don’t want to.”

She frowned as she sat across the table from him and folded her hands on the gleaming wood. She’d eaten earlier but still liked to sit at the table with Merlin.

“They won’t think you’re very polite then, will they? Not a terribly good first impression to make.”

Merlin shrugged.

“Maybe you ought to wait until you’re more comfortable talking to people to go?”

Merlin swallowed. She always said things gently, he realised now. She never raised her voice. She only hinted at things that planted doubt in Merlin’s mind. Merlin shook his head.

“No. I _can_ talk to them. Arthur is helping me. And...And Will. I can talk to Will just fine. Maybe I’ll even start talking to more people at work.” His speech quickened with each statement as he convinced himself. “They’re people, just like me. They have stories and secrets and worries and dreams. I can do it.”

Hunith looked at Merlin sadly and sighed. “Oh, Merlin. You’ve always been so shy—”

Merlin slammed his hand down on the table and made the plate clatter. “No! I _can_! I’m _not_ shy, I’m not!”

Merlin’s mother flinched at the initial noise but looked at him evenly. Merlin’s breathing was loud in the room and he tried to calm it. His nostrils flared with anger and his eyes followed his mother as she quietly stood and got up from the table.

“Mum?” he called after her when she left the room. He did not get up to go after her. He wouldn’t.

Soon enough she returned with her mobile and walked back over to kneel next to him.

“What are you doing?” he asked as she swiped through menus on the screen.

She turned the phone and showed it to him. “This is your boss’s number, Merlin. I want you to press send and when he answers I want you to tell him you’ll accept the job working checkouts. That you have no problem talking to people anymore and that your mother would welcome the increase in pay.”

Merlin’s mind jumped immediately to his boss’s face. What was he doing now? It was Saturday, so he was probably enjoying the day off. He would be annoyed if Merlin called him now. How would Merlin even begin? What should he say? He would probably fire Merlin, not give him the promotion. He would yell and Merlin would stutter—he always stuttered when he got nervous—and Merlin would have to hang up a failure. No, no, it was best not to talk to him at all.

He was just opening his mouth to tell his mother so when she said, “No excuses, Merlin. You told me you could do it.”

Merlin’s chest heaved with the weight he suddenly felt. His mother had been right all along. Of course she was right. She may not know much in the way of Arthur, couldn’t possibly be aware of the depth of his love, but she always knew when it came to Merlin. He was her _son_.

“I...” Merlin’s voice came out small, even when he swallowed and tried again. “I can’t.”

Hunith didn’t look angry or upset, just turned off her phone and rubbed Merlin’s knee as she got to her feet. She kissed the top of his head. “It’s alright, darling. I know.”

Only, she did something she never did then. She left Merlin to finish eating alone.

 

 

*

“Whoa,” Arthur said when Merlin got in his auto. “Is everything alright?”

Merlin tried not to look too troubled and took a breath as he turned to reach for the seatbelt. By the time he turned back to Arthur he’d pasted a smile on his face. “Yeah, everything’s great.”

“Did you decide to bring your iPod?”

“Yeah, I’ve got it in my pocket.”

“Great. It shouldn’t take too long. They usually only play a couple hours.”

Arthur backed out of the driveway and Merlin put his headphones in. He let the soothing sounds of The National wash over him at first, but then that wasn’t the best for his mood so he changed it to Arctic Monkeys when they neared the park.

He took one headphone out when they arrived and shoved the music player into his front pocket. Arthur came around the car and held his hand as they walked up to where a group of people were already kicking a football around.

Merlin smiled a little when the hair bloke, Gwaine, came jogging up to them.

“Hey, you made it! And you brought Merlin!” Gwaine offered his hand. “Ready for that handshake now?”

Merlin blushed and shook Gwaine’s hand. It was large and sweaty and enveloped his own. Merlin felt small next to Gwaine and with a brief glance over the man’s shoulder, he realised Gwaine wasn’t even the most intimidating one there.

“Hi,” he managed to force out.

“Wow, you weren’t kidding about him,” Gwaine nodded at him with a look at Arthur. “Quiet as a mouse, this one.” Merlin coloured deeper and wished he could disappear. He should have stayed at home.

Arthur squeezed his hand and nudged his elbow with a bright smile. “He talks to me, and that’s good enough. Besides, if he was friendly with everyone, I might get jealous.” Merlin bit his cheeks to hold back a grin and looked at his feet.

Gwaine made a false gagging noise. “Enough already. Let’s get started, yeah? We were just waiting for you.”

“‘Kay, just a minute.” Gwaine ran off and Arthur turned to Merlin. “Sit wherever you like, just not too close. I can’t promise you won’t get hit.” He kissed Merlin’s cheek before running off after Gwaine.

Merlin scanned the area for a bench and found two not terribly far from the field, one under a tree and one half in the sunlight. There was a woman reading a thick novel in the sun, so Merlin made his way to the bench in the shade. He put his other headphone back in and drummed his fingers on his thighs to the beat as he watched the game start up.

Arthur was actually very good. Merlin could see why his friends missed having him on their team. There was an unspoken bond between them so that they seemed to always know where each person was on the field. Every pass was impeccable, every dodge and shoot for the goal the result of time spent learning each other’s strengths.

Merlin didn’t even try to follow the game, though. He lost himself watching Arthur’s calves running up and down the field, and how Arthur’s lips looked as he panted from exertion. Arthur’s hair stuck to his forehead with sweat, and his upper lip shone with it. His cheeks were flushed red and his eyes were brutal blue arrows constantly darting back and forth, looking for openings and opportunities.

There was never a time that Merlin outwardly smiled, though watching Arthur play exhilarated him. There were, however, moments he frowned: when someone hugged just a little too long after a successful goal, or when someone elbowed Arthur’s stomach hard enough to make him grunt.

Merlin was so caught up in following Arthur with his eyes that he didn’t notice until too late that the woman on the bench next to him had gotten up and moved to sit beside him.

He stifled a sigh as he took out a headphone and caught the last half of her greeting.

“—name is Gwen. I’m Lance’s girlfriend.”

Merlin took her outstretched hand. At least it wasn’t as bad as Gwaine’s. “Merlin.”

“Nice to meet you, Merlin. You’re here with Arthur, right?”

“Yes.”

She looked like she expected more but Merlin didn’t know what else to say. He pursed his lips with thought and eventually turned to look back at the field. He was contemplating how rude it would be to put his headphone back in when she pointed to the man standing in front of the net.

“That’s Lance, over there.”

“Um.”

“You don’t watch a lot of football, do you?”

Merlin shook his head. “Not really.”

“Well, Lance is the keeper—”

“I know _that_ ,” he said before he could stop himself.

Luckily, Gwen laughed. “Yes, most people are familiar with at least that. Do you know what position Arthur is?”

Merlin turned to watch Arthur kicking the ball down the field. He was running it just past the back line of defence and nearing the goal when he was suddenly blocked and passed it to Gwaine.

“No. I thought they all just take turns running around with it.”

Gwen laughed again. Merlin found he liked making her laugh. “Sort of. There’s offence and defence, but in a game this small the lines are pretty blurred. Arthur is a striker. That means he makes most of the goals.”

“Oh...kay.”

“Gwaine is right behind him playing midfield, so it’s his job to get the ball. The way Gwaine usually plays is to pass directly to Arthur and have Arthur drive it down the pitch straight to the goal. Arthur is fast and thinks quick on his feet, so no matter how many times the opposing team expects the same play, it always works.”

Merlin couldn’t help but smile at that. He may not have known much about football, but he knew enough to be proud.

“There’s a couple other people—you see him in the green—he’s playing centre as well. And that’s Percival there, playing defence in front of Lance with a couple others.”

Merlin followed where her finger pointed and it was hard to keep up with who was playing what position because they were always _moving_. She explained the gist of it to him though: keeper, a layer of defence, a shorter layer of defence/offence, an even smaller layer of offence, and then the striker right at the point, like a pyramid.

At first Merlin had been bored. After she’d told him what Arthur had to contribute he simply wanted to get back to listening to music, but eventually he began to take genuine interest. Gwen talked about how Percival’s agile strength made him a good halfback, how Tristan’s quick footwork helped whenever Gwaine couldn’t pass to Arthur—she explained that sometimes, with enough people, there was a second striker, and that’s essentially what Tristan acted as—and what made Lance a good keeper.

This last she spoke about with obvious pride and Merlin watched her face as she did. She kept her eyes on Lance the whole time, affection evident in her voice and the way her lips quirked up when describing something about him. It was fascinating to watch her speak about him, especially up this close.

“Oh, it looks like they’re done.”

Merlin turned to look and the players were indeed going their separate ways. Lance and Arthur were running up the short grassy hill to their bench.

“You were great, Lance!” Gwen said as he reached them. He fell into the space beside her on her right.

“Thanks, Jenny. Didn’t get to do much because we had such a great offence here.” He put an arm over her shoulder.

Arthur plopped into the space on Merlin’s left and similarly put his arm over his shoulder. Merlin automatically scooted closer and found Arthur’s scent a familiar comfort.

“I haven’t run like that in a very long time,” Arthur replied, breathless. “I’m exhausted.”

“Suppose that means you’re not up for drinks, then?”

Arthur glanced at Merlin, who shook his head imperceptibly. “Nah, think I’ll pass.”

“Maybe next time then.”

“Lance, this is Merlin,” Gwen waved in Merlin’s direction. “Merlin, Lance.”

“Uh, hi.”

“Great to finally meet you, Merlin.” Lance only nodded instead of reaching across Gwen to shake his hand and Merlin immediately liked him for it. The less hands he had to shake, the better. “I hear you dragged Arthur into taking you to an indie concert. Good influence on him already, if you ask me.”

Merlin looked at Arthur, and couldn’t tell at first if he was blushing or not because of the workout, but Arthur’s eyes gave it away. Merlin laughed, remembering how bad Arthur’s taste in music was.

“Oh my God, Lance,” Gwen said, awed. “You got him to laugh. I’ve been trying to do that for the past hour.”

Arthur squeezed Merlin’s shoulder. “Merlin here is hilarious.”

_Oh God no please don’t say that._

“Oh?” Gwen raised an eyebrow.

“Definitely,” Arthur continued. “Only for me, though. He’s all mine, you see.”

Merlin beamed. He liked the sound of that.

“Selfish git as always, Arthur,” Lance remarked. “Well, maybe one day Merlin will enlighten us. We’ve got to get going. Gwaine always makes—”

“—the last to arrive pay the bill,” Arthur finished and waved them off. “Alright, I’ll see you later then.”

“Good playing with you again, Arthur. It hasn’t been the same without you on the field. Come again next Saturday?” They stood to leave.

“Maybe.” Arthur shrugged noncommittally.

“Bye, Merlin.” Gwen waved over her shoulder as they walked away. Merlin waved back with a shy smile.

“You looked to be in deep concentration over here,” Arthur said and Merlin turned back to him. “What were you two talking about?”

“Football.”

“Really?”

“She was explaining it to me. I don’t know very much about it.”

“Bet she talked on and on about Lance’s great goalkeeping skills, yeah?” Arthur grinned.

“And your striker skills. She said you’re fast and think quick on your feet and basically nobody can stop you.”

Arthur laughed. “She’s never said that to me. I’m never going to let her live that down.” He stood. “Come on. I need another shower.”

“Need help washing your back?”

 *

“One of these days I’m going to set up a video camera so I can show everyone what a pervert you are,” Arthur said as Merlin quickly tugged down his shorts.

Merlin’s hands slid up the side of Arthur’s thighs as he raised himself back to a standing position to remove Arthur’s shirt. He hummed as he worked to divest Arthur of his clothing.

“But then they’ll also see you begging for my cock like the whore you are, and nobody— _nobody_ —gets to see that but me.”

Arthur felt like he’d had the wind taken out of him and his groin flared with arousal. “Oh my God, Merlin, where did that come from?” Merlin began taking off his own clothes and Arthur watched with bated breath.

Merlin looked up at Arthur with glittering eyes as he wiggled his arse out of his jeans. “My mouth.”

Suddenly Arthur had to have that filthy mouth. He lunged forward and captured it, claiming the bottom lip with his teeth. Merlin’s hands clutched Arthur’s hips and slid back to grab his arse. Arthur lost himself in both sensations and had trouble remembering which way was up.

“Fuck, Arthur,” Merlin breathed. “Let me get out of these clothes, alright? Then—”

“Yeah.”

As soon as Merlin was naked Arthur pulled him back and the shower was entirely forgotten. Their lips stayed connected as Arthur navigated them out the loo and to the bedroom, where he pushed Merlin down onto the bed. Merlin fell back laughing.

“Do you love me, Arthur?” he asked, smiling as Arthur bent down to ravage his neck.

“Yes.” Arthur sucked a bruise over his collarbone.

“Do you love when I talk dirty to you, Arthur?”

Arthur moaned and couldn’t stop his hips from jerking forward for delicious friction. “Fuck, yes.”

“Do you love when I make you beg, Arthur?”

Arthur’s hands gripped Merlin’s waist. Arthur was sure there’d be fingerprints.

“Yes, yes, I love it,” he breathed hot across Merlin’s throat.

One of Merlin’s fingers trailed up Arthur’s body, from the skin behind his knee all the way up to his shoulder blades. Arthur shuddered. “Let me tie you up, Arthur.”

Arthur’s cock twitched and he hoped the whimpering noise hadn’t come from him. Part of him was begging already— _yes, please, tie me up, fuck me hard, Merlin, please_ —but he wouldn’t let his control break just yet. He needed Merlin to take it from him.

Getting up and walking to the wardrobe for the handcuffs suddenly seemed an enormous chore. He couldn’t bring himself to leave Merlin’s body. Such a choice was beyond him.

Luckily—or unluckily, depending—Merlin decided for him. He slid out from under Arthur’s grinding weight and made for the other side of the room. Arthur only caught on when he heard the screech of wood as Merlin pulled the drawer out.

“You bastard, you did look!”

Merlin turned around, leather handcuffs dangling from his forefinger. “What are you going to do about it?” he asked with a smirk.

Arthur swallowed and did everything he could not to let the sight of Merlin holding the object of his fantasies distract him.

“That’s what I thought,” Merlin stated and tossed the handcuffs to Arthur. They landed right in front of him on the bed and Arthur began fastening one cuff around his wrist as Merlin continued rummaging around.

He had tightened it just right and was about to put the other on when Merlin’s voice halted him, low and firm and how he’d never heard it before.

“Take that off.”

Arthur looked up. Merlin’s eyes were cold blue steel that radiated anger and, even worse, disapproval. Arthur felt his stomach sink as he realised he’d done something he wasn’t supposed to.

Merlin came closer, each step calm and decisive and in time with Arthur’s heart beating against his ribcage.

“I said, take it off. Now.”

Arthur hurried to comply. His fingers fumbled with the buckle but he finally managed it.

“Did I say you could put it on yet?” Merlin asked.

Arthur didn’t even know if his voice would work. It came out a hoarse whisper. “No.”

“Will you do something without my saying so again?”

“No.”

“Lay back against the headboard and keep your arms up.”

Arthur blinked. He wondered if he’d heard correctly. A hitch in Merlin’s eyebrow had him scrambling back to do as he was told before Merlin got upset again.

It couldn’t have been nearly as long as it felt, but holding his arms above his head made seconds crawl by. He felt like most of the blood in his body had already gone straight to his cock; he was so hard from Merlin’s voice alone. But to lose feeling in his arms confirmed that there was still blood to circulate.

Merlin took his time. He must have only had a quick perusal before because now he was pulling out and inspecting each item with embarrassing intensity and Arthur could do nothing to stop him. He heard the clink of chains, the rustle of leather, and the drag of silicon as Merlin picked up each toy in turn.

Each time Arthur saw Merlin’s face widen with a smile, his heartbeat quickened. He didn’t know what device Merlin would finally settle on, only that it would bring them both immense pleasure.

Suddenly, Merlin spoke, though he didn’t turn away from the wardrobe. “Tell me your middle name.”

“Howard,” Arthur answered instantly.

Merlin made a small hum of approval. Arthur didn’t know what he felt at that. He saw the spontaneous question for what it was: a test of power and Arthur’s obedience. But what that sudden warmth and _rightness_ swelling in his chest was he couldn’t name.

He did know he wanted more of it.

His arms were swaying with the weight of being held up for so long and when Merlin finally did turn back around it was only a cock ring he had in his hand. He got on the bed and walked forward on his knees as he slipped it on.

He talked while he took Arthur’s arms and secured a cuff around each wrist. “You must know my cock very well, Arthur,” he remarked nonchalantly and attached the chain firmly to the slit in the headboard. “This sort of ring isn’t the adjustable kind, and it’s much too large for you, even hard. You must have been very confident that it would fit me when you bought it.”

He briefly straddled Arthur’s legs when he passed over to secure the other wrist and Arthur fought the urge to lean just slightly forward and take Merlin’s cock between his lips.

“And to have that sort of confidence, you must have been paying very close attention.” Merlin tugged the loop of the cuff taut before fastening it. As Merlin attached it the the headboard Arthur realised this cuff was tighter than the other and it was just enough to irk him but he wouldn’t—couldn’t—say anything about it to Merlin.

“You, Arthur Pendragon, are a cock whore.”

_I am, oh fuck, I am, a whore for your cock, yes, that’s me_

“Do you know what I am, Arthur?” Merlin’s finger lifted Arthur’s chin so that Arthur looked into his eyes. They were still ice blue like before. “I’m a virgin. I’m going to lose my virginity to a _whore_.”

“I—”

“Don’t. Speak.”

Merlin’s hand pushed Arthur’s head down until his chin hit his chest and Arthur kept it that way no matter how badly he wanted to see where Merlin was going. He listened to what was surely Merlin getting lube and condoms from the drawer, his heart pounding in his ears.

He was right. Merlin set the items down on the bed by Arthur’s feet then left to walk towards the closet. He returned with the black tie he never wore and straddled Arthur again.

The first crack in Merlin’s hard shell was when their cocks brushed briefly. There was a sharp intake of breath and Merlin’s eyebrows raised in a subtle expression of pleasure. Arthur saw the way Merlin’s hips stuttered as he struggled not to indulge in the touch again.

It was satisfying to know his sweet, gentle Merlin was still there beneath the surface while this strong Merlin took control. It was good to know that Merlin _could_ become this in order to please Arthur.

“Close your eyes,” Merlin commanded, voice decidedly more rough.

Arthur closed his eyes and immediately felt the soft fabric of his tie cover his lids. Merlin laid the wide, flat end of it across the bridge of Arthur’s nose and tied it snug around the back of his head. Arthur was temporarily blind.

He became acutely aware of sounds and sensations. The dip in the bed from Merlin’s weight told him Merlin was moving around, as well as the slide of soft cloth beneath Merlin’s knees. He felt Merlin get off the bed entirely for a moment, and heard the creak of wood as he went through the drawer again. This time he was quick, as if he’d already seen exactly what he wanted in his mind. Arthur’s heart thundered in his chest. Merlin had done this on purpose, blindfolded him so he wouldn’t know what to expect. The suspense was killing him.

Arthur heard the pop of the cap on the bottle of lube and then Merlin’s soft, nimble hands were spreading Arthur’s legs, raising them up for better access.

Finally, Merlin was inside him. Arthur had dreamed of Merlin’s fingers pumping in and out of him for what felt like years but was only days. Now Arthur cherished it all the more because of his loss of sight. Just a millimetre was a precious gift. Arthur could only imagine what Merlin’s cock would do to him.

Merlin had to have been practising or _something_ because he found Arthur’s prostate like a fucking expert and the sound of the chains against the headboard were almost as loud as Arthur’s yelp. Merlin did it again, crooked his digit inside and rubbed that glorious spot to make Arthur’s whole body tense up, and Arthur fought against his restraints.

Arthur felt a bead of precome leak from his slit and slide down his cock. In his mind’s eye, it left a bright shiny trail down the side, was still falling slowly like a raindrop on a windowpane when suddenly he felt Merlin’s broad tongue lick it up.

“Look at how much you love this.”

The whimper that sounded through the room then was definitely Arthur. He needed more, so much more. More fingers, more delicious wet heat over his cock, more of Merlin’s skin pressed against his own. He thrashed in the bed, even though he knew it was pointless to do so. He couldn’t even see how ridiculous he must look because Merlin had blindfolded him.

Merlin tamed him into submission by abruptly adding another finger. The stretch burned just enough for Arthur to stop fighting his restraints and take a deep breath. Nothing would come of it. Merlin wouldn’t go any quicker. He should just relax, let Merlin take his time...

Merlin’s hand on his thigh was a comforting presence, and then his voice was as well. “That’s it, Arthur. Just let go, give everything to me, I’ll give you what you want.”

Arthur tried to calm his breathing. He focused on the sound of his inhales and exhales, the steady pumping of his heart as Merlin slowly stretched him open. He could do this. He could give everything to Merlin—wanted to give everything to Merlin—and be good for him.

Then Merlin pulled his fingers apart it tore a moan from deep in Arthur’s chest, rumbling through him until it came out a wrecked sob. Arthur had never felt anything so blissfully amazing in his life, didn’t think this level of pleasure even existed.

Arthur had to remind himself that this was still only Merlin’s fingers and that it got _even better._

He had already formed his lips to say Merlin’s name and beg when he stopped short. _Don’t speak._ That had been Merlin’s last instruction. Arthur could make all the noise he wanted, but he couldn’t utter a word.

So Arthur thrusted his hips and moaned wordlessly for more. He urged Merlin on by tugging at his chains, creating a racket that shook the bedframe violently.

The worst thing in the world happened as a result. Merlin’s fingers left him and Arthur froze.

In the silence that followed Arthur’s sudden lack of movement, he heard the wet sound of Merlin lubricating something. His heart sped up at the same time his stomach sank. As the plug nudged inside Arthur’s hole, he thought _no, I don’t want this, I want your cock, give me your cock!_

Just as Arthur was getting used to the flared base stretching him open a slight bit more than Merlin’s fingers, Merlin’s weight shifted on the bed again. He felt Merlin’s body heat hover over him and then a finger caressed his lips.

“Open.”

Arthur opened his mouth and wasn’t disappointed when Merlin’s cock slid in. It went too far too fast and he gagged but soon grew used to the smooth, hot, pulsing weight of it on his tongue.

Merlin’s sigh of pleasure filled him with pride. The bed rocked gently as Merlin rolled his hips and Arthur gladly let his mouth be fucked. Merlin’s tempo was slow as he took what he needed from Arthur’s body, and his hand stroking Arthur’s hair was just as satisfying as the soft sounds he made.

Then Merlin’s other hand trailed up one of Arthur’s arms and past the leather cuff to open his palm and thread their fingers together. “Do you see, Arthur? I’ll always give you what you want,” he said softly. “Do you trust me to know what you want, Arthur?”

Arthur nodded around the cock in his mouth. Merlin’s fingers dug deeper into his scalp. His other hand slipped slowly out of Arthur’s and came down to cradle Arthur’s face. His thumb traced where Arthur’s chapped lips were stretched over his cock.

“You make me feel so good, Arthur. So happy. Like I’m brave enough to do anything, even when I know I’m so pathetic I can’t even call someone on the telephone.”

What? That was a sudden twist of events. Where had that—

“I’m going to make you feel good too, Arthur. But I need you to trust me.” Merlin’s fingers pulled Arthur’s hair and the sting of pain brought tears to Arthur’s eyes. “You don’t beg until I say beg. You will not fight against your restraints again. Is that understood?”

A drop of spit slid down Arthur’s chin as he nodded. He could do what Merlin asked. He wouldn’t try to find loopholes in Merlin’s instructions. He would be whatever Merlin needed him to be.

But suddenly Merlin’s cock left his mouth and he whimpered at the loss. He felt empty without it, felt like he couldn’t survive if Merlin didn’t give him something to suck on.

Arthur wet his lips and breathed through his nose. Trust Merlin. Merlin knew what he needed. Merlin would give him what he wanted.

He felt Merlin sit down on his thighs and their cocks brushed again. Merlin’s hands roamed up his chest and settled on his shoulders, thumbs stroking his collarbone. He could feel how close Merlin’s face was to his own when he breathed.

Then Merlin was kissing him. Arthur’s fingers twitched from wanting to hold Merlin’s face and curl into his raven hair. It was all lips and no tongue, with nothing urgent about it even though Arthur felt Merlin’s hips stutter again on top of him. It anchored him, reminded him that it wasn’t all ‘get your cock in me now’ or ‘do what I say because you’re my whore.’ This was something Arthur didn’t even know he needed, a soft kiss to bring him out of his lust-addled fog.

When it ended Merlin rested his forehead against Arthur’s and just breathed. Arthur could hear the unsteadiness in each exhale and there it was, the second crack in Merlin’s shell. He wanted to see what Merlin looked like now. Was his brow furrowed as he cupped Arthur’s face and gathered his strength to continue? What were his eyes looking at? Maybe they were closed.

It lasted but a moment. The weight on the bed shifted again and Merlin’s warmth left him. He heard a ripping noise that he recognised as the sound of a condom wrapper and then Merlin slicking himself up. Arthur was spreading his legs and raising his hips without even realising he was doing it, the plug inside him pressing against the walls of his anus.

But he was calm now. His pulse didn’t race like before, not until the plug was being gently removed and he knew that something larger was on the way. Merlin placed his hands behind Arthur’s knees and pushed Arthur’s legs further up so eventually his arse was off the bed completely. Arthur breathed. He heard Merlin breathe with him.

The tip of Merlin’s cock had just nudged inside when he said, “Oh, by the way. You can talk now.” And then it was sliding past the first stubborn ring of muscle.

Merlin didn’t stop, just kept slowly pushing deeper and deeper. Each second that passed was another centimetre gifted to Arthur, and each second Arthur’s low moan got louder and louder.

Arthur had just thought that it couldn’t possibly go any deeper when he felt Merlin’s balls flush against his arse. There was a silent moment of awe as he—and probably Merlin as well—realised Merlin was all the way in.

Merlin gave an experimental jerk and gasped, “Oh _fuck_ ing hell, that’s good.” Arthur agreed wholeheartedly and clenched his arse around the thick cock in him. The burn of the stretch was already beginning to fade into something more bearable when Merlin did it again.

He started a slow, steady rhythm that was probably in both of their interests. Arthur didn’t think he could take it if Merlin went too fast too soon and Merlin, being the virgin he was, probably wanted to savour this.

Arthur felt everything, and even though he was temporarily blind, it was like he could see. Merlin’s hands under his knees slid down to grasp his thighs and pull Arthur closer, the beat of the headboard knocking on the wall was a clear image in his mind, the hiss of air as Merlin breathed in through his teeth allowed Arthur to see Merlin’s lips puckered with concentration, and the wet noise of Merlin’s slick cock pumping into him let him imagine what Merlin himself must be focusing on.

Slowly but surely, Merlin sped up. The bang of the headboard got louder along with their heavy breathing, and Merlin’s skin slapping the backs of Arthur’s thighs punctuated each thrust forward. The chains of Arthur’s handcuffs rattled as his whole body bounced on Merlin’s cock and his head fell back when a moan was ripped from him. Merlin found _that_ spot again.

_Oh God, fuck yeah right there, need this, fuck me fuck me fuck me, harder goddamit harder!_

Merlin’s hands left him and the pillows beneath Arthur’s head sunk as Merlin placed his arms on either side. Arthur let his legs fall to Merlin’s waist and wrap around to bring them closer. Merlin leaned forward and gave Arthur the touch of skin he so badly needed. Arthur’s cock was getting just the right amount of attention between them.

Merlin’s breath was hot in Arthur’s ear. “Oh yes, oh yes, _Arthur_ —”

He felt it as Merlin’s cock throbbed against the walls of his hole with his release. _When did he take off the cock ring_? he thought. _Probably when he put on the condom._ He was just about to worry that Merlin would forget about him— _no, he won’t, he’ll give me what I need, I know he will_ —when Merlin raised up just enough to slide a hand between them and grip Arthur’s dick. Arthur gasped as Merlin thrust a few more times, stroking him fast and just the right side of rough, then came harder than he ever had in his life.

*

Merlin felt tired, but the best kind of tired there was. He’d done it: he fucked the object of his fantasies tied up in his bed. He had told Arthur he could talk because he did want to hear him beg like he so often did when Merlin wanked to the thought of this very moment. But then, he had also told Arthur not to beg unless he said to.

He was really shit at this whole BDSM thing, wasn’t he?

He wanted to just lay there and catch his breath a moment but he was intensely worried about  Arthur’s arms. Could Arthur even still feel them? Had all the blood drained out of them? Maybe he shouldn’t have made Arthur wait for so long with them in the air before all this started.

Merlin felt a sick guilt wash over him and he decided to make up for it by acting quickly. He pulled out, disposed of the condom (was it supposed to feel like that coming off?), and hurried to unfasten the cuffs. He left them attached to the headboard because he liked the look of them hanging there and liked to imagine they would be doing this again soon. Also because why not?

They were going to shower anyway, so all that was left was to take off Arthur’s blindfold. Merlin had only put it on in the first place because it made things easier. It was hard keeping up a powerful exterior! He hadn’t been completely sure he could take Arthur’s eyes watching him the whole time. He wasn’t sure he could face it _now._

Merlin took a deep breath. Technically Arthur was still his to control. The fact that Arthur hadn’t reached up and taken the blindfold off himself made it clear he was waiting for Merlin’s command.

Merlin let that give him a bit of consolation. He could do this. With Arthur he could do anything.

He reached behind Arthur’s head and unknotted the tie, careful not to pull any of Arthur’s hair. When he removed it and cast it aside, Arthur kept his eyes closed a brief moment before opening them and glancing around, appraising his surroundings.

Merlin flashed him what he hoped to be a confident smile. “Hi.”

Arthur’s eyes came to rest on him and he smiled back, shaky but brilliant. “Hi.”

“How do your arms feel?”

Arthur clenched and unclenched his hands then looked back up at him. “Tingly.”

“Do you need a moment before we shower? I know I do.”

Arthur laughed and Merlin felt relieved. “Yeah, definitely. Maybe a few moments, actually.”

Merlin was moving to lay beside Arthur in the space he’d made for him when he heard his mobile ring. Only one person ever called him. He groaned.

“Don’t.” Arthur grabbed his wrist. “Please. Just let it ring.”

Arthur had never given him so vulnerable a look before. Merlin bit his lip but nodded and crawled over to lay in Arthur’s arms. He was rewarded with a pleased smile.

But his mother didn’t let up. She called again and again and Merlin knew she would either keep calling, or worse, cross the street herself and bang on the door until someone answered. With a sigh, Merlin slipped out of Arthur’s embrace and answered.

“Hello?”

Hunith sounded exasperated and worried, but, Merlin noticed, she still didn’t yell. “Merlin, where _are_ you? I thought you said you were only going out for a bit. It’s been almost four hours.”

“I told you, I went to watch Arthur play football.”

“It’s dark now. Nobody plays footy in the dark.”

“We came back a little while ago.”

“You should have called me. I’ve been so worried, Merlin. I thought the worst things had happened—”

“I’m fine.”

“Yes, well. I want you to come home, Merlin, you’ve been spending far too much time with him lately.”

“What? I hardly ever see him during the week—”

“ _Now_ , Merlin.” She hung up, leaving no room for argument.

“Ugh!” Merlin threw his mobile on the bed where it ricocheted and bounced in the air. Arthur reacted quickly and caught it in both hands. “I hate her! I hate her, I hate her, I _hate_ her!”

“M-Merlin?”

Merlin barely heard Arthur. He spun and punched the wall so hard that pain shot through his knuckles up his entire arm, but the wall itself sported a satisfying fist-shaped crack where it partially caved in.

“Fucking _cunt_!” Merlin yelled. “Ugh!” He gnashed his teeth and his body trembled with rage as he stalked to the loo for his clothes. He snatched his pants from the floor and stuffed his legs into them. He dressed angrily, only dimly aware of Arthur watching from the bedroom.

When he returned, Arthur was standing and offering Merlin his phone. “You’re leaving, then?”

“I have to,” Merlin bit out and took it from Arthur’s hand.

“Why, because she told you to?”

Merlin grit his teeth. “Yes. She’s my mother, Arthur.”

“And you’re twenty-five.”

“So? She doesn’t stop being my mum with age.”

“You don’t have to do everything she says. You’re old enough to take care of yourself.”

_But I can’t. Just thinking of calling someone on the telephone makes me nervous._

Merlin shook his head, anger partially dissolved, but still bubbling just beneath the surface. “I can’t. I need her, and she needs me. As much as I sometimes hate it.”

“No, you—”

“I have to go, Arthur. I’m sorry.”

He was halfway down the stairs when Arthur called him back, but this time he ignored him. “Merlin!”

 

 

*

“Merlin, dear—”

“Don’t fucking talk to me.” Merlin pushed past her.

“It’s for your own good, Merlin, you know you can’t handle being out in public for very long,” she said after him.

“You’re overreacting.”

He took the steps two at a time, slammed the door to his room and locked it behind him, then sank into his chair and crossed his arms.

With his naked eye he could see the light in Arthur’s room was still on, but no shadows moved about. Arthur was probably in the shower now. Merlin should have been there with him.

He heard his mother’s slow footsteps on the stairs and where they paused in front of his door.

“We need to talk, Merlin.”

“Go away!”

Her sigh was audible through the door. “Do you remember Gaius?” Merlin did. He was an old family friend that had sometimes visited when Merlin’s father first left. Hunith had been so depressed she couldn’t go to work and Gaius helped take care of them. But what did he have to do with anything now? Merlin hadn’t seen him in months.

“He called while you were out,” she continued. “He needs your help moving things again tomorrow. You’ll have to wake up early so I can drive you.”

Great. Even his free Sunday couldn’t be spent with Arthur now.

“At least say ‘okay,’ Merlin.”

Merlin clenched his jaw. “Okay. Now will you please leave me alone?”

She sighed again but left.

 

 

*

Arthur was surprised to see Hunith the next afternoon. The last time he’d seen her was just a couple days ago when she’d run outside to his car to tell Merlin not to get too pissed. But the last time they’d actually exchanged words was when he asked for Merlin's number.

“May I come in?” she asked with a sweet smile.

Arthur wanted to refuse. Where was Merlin today anyway? Wasn’t this Sunday his day off?

He asked. “Where’s Merlin?”

“With a friend of mine. A very old friend,” she clarified when Arthur raised an eyebrow. “He lives out in the country and needs help from time to time now he’s getting up in years. Merlin is helping him today. May I come in?”

Arthur tried not to let his displeasure show on his face. “Sure.”

“You have a lovely home,” she remarked as she entered. Arthur led her to the living room where he’d been looking over some paperwork.

“Is there something you need?” That was about as civil as he could be.

She sat down in the red armchair on the other side of the coffee table. “It’s about my son.”

“What about him?”

“It’s...well, he’s a bit...unstable.”

Arthur frowned. “How do you mean?”

“Mentally, I mean. He has terrible anxiety issues and...he was homeschooled, you know.”

“I know.”

“I tried to put him in public school once, after he normally would have finished primary school.” Her face pinched with sour memories. “It was a nightmare. He had a panic attack the first day. I told him he should at least try to complete the week, see how he liked it. But he wouldn’t have it.”

Arthur didn’t have any trouble picturing Merlin so nervous that he wouldn’t want to go to school. When they’d first bumped into each other at the grocery and knocked over the oranges Arthur was worried he’d have a panic attack _then_. But Arthur didn't think _children_ could get them.

“Really?” he asked, doubtful.

“Oh, yes. We tried again with college, but it was the same result. Worse, even. So he didn’t go at all.”

“Okay. How’s he unstable then?”

At this her face softened. “He’s so very emotional. He gets upset if he doesn’t have his way and cries if he’s faced with something he can’t do.”

That Arthur could believe. He had a hole—or at least the beginnings of a hole—in his wall to prove it. And Merlin had been very close to crying at the concert, even if it was from happiness. It was sometimes like every emotion Merlin experienced was taken to the extreme.

Hunith’s voice carried over into his musings. “—tried to take up drawing once. He never had any friends, he’s so shy, poor thing. He practised at it for months but couldn’t get the hang of it. He’d try and try to draw until he ripped up the paper in frustration and his lip would tremble—I can just see it now, like it was yesterday—and I knew just seconds before it began that he’d start crying. And then he did.”

She folded her hands in her lap with a sigh. “He’d throw the pencil at the wall and beat his fists on his thighs and carry on and _on_. All because he couldn’t get what was in his little imagination onto the paper.”

Arthur had sometimes wondered what young Merlin was like. Merlin never really talked about his past much because he said it was boring, that it was literally all school and various hobbies to fill the time. He tried to picture a younger Merlin with a chubbier face, red from anger, beating his little fists on his legs. He laughed despite the seriousness of the situation because that would be so _Merlin_.

“Now it’s funny, of course,” Hunith remarked, and even smiled a little herself. “And he’s learned to handle some situations much better. But he still has a terrible temper and suffers from panic attacks if he gets too anxious. I’m not saying you should stop seeing him, by any means. I just thought you ought to know, in case.”

“In case what?”

“In case something should happen, of course. If it seems like he’s troubled or just generally _off_ in any way, simply send him home and I’ll take care of it.”

Arthur pondered it. Shouldn’t Merlin be able to determine for himself whether or not he needed time off from Arthur’s presence? Merlin was at least capable of making that decision.

But maybe he didn’t want to let on about how “unstable” he really was. Maybe he didn’t want to give Arthur reason to worry and so thought he should hide it. He had seemed rather embarrassed when he apologised for punching a hole in the wall and for all Arthur knew that could have been the real reason he’d fled, because he was ashamed of his outburst.

“Thank you for telling me,” Arthur said finally. Even though he suspected some of it to be lies, he knew it had to be based on truth. “I’ll take it into consideration. If there’s nothing else then?” _Get out of my house now please._

“Oh, no, that’s all.” She rose and gave Arthur a broad smile. “Thank you for caring so much about him. He really needs all the friends he can get.”

_You told him I would leave. You told him all his friends would leave._

Arthur returned her smile. “Of course. It’s not out of obligation. I love him and want the best for him.” He looked her in the eye. “I always will.”


	7. Chapter 7

Hunith Emrys was not stupid. Merlin was falling in love.

Merlin was not supposed to fall in love. He had her for that. Merlin was only supposed to use Arthur to satisfy his physical needs, something that she couldn’t give him. But he was spending more and more time away from home, making _friends_ , and getting happiness from a source that wasn’t his dear old mum. The family dynamic was changing because Arthur was changing him.

So she’d had to intervene.

Reminding Merlin how much he needed her simply wasn’t cutting it anymore. He was gaining confidence. He was acting as he had when he was a teenager, when he doubted her and rebelled. She had once thought what was best for him was Arthur. Now she wasn’t too sure. Now she had a problem she thought she would be able to successfully avoid forever.

Merlin was falling in love.

Merlin was beginning not to need her.

Merlin would try to leave.

*

Merlin stared at his mobile. He pressed the centre button to relight the screen every time it dimmed so he could keep an eye on the time. He knew Arthur got home around six but he didn’t know what time he got off work, or how far away his office even was. It was only quarter ‘til.

It didn’t help that he’d never called Arthur before. He’d never called anyone but his mother before. Arthur always called him first.

This particular conversation might be easier over the phone though.

For five more minutes he oscillated between calling and not calling until finally he just punched the send button. There was no backing out now. Arthur’s mobile would have already registered that his number called, and if he hung up right away he’d look a fool.

“Hello?”

As soon as he heard Arthur’s voice he felt foolish anyway. This was _Arthur_ , who would love him no matter what. It was silly to fret over calling him.

That still didn’t make what he had to say any easier.

“Hi. Are you busy?”

“I’m driving. Almost home, actually. What’s up?”

“I, uh, nothing. It’s just...about Saturday?”

“What about Saturday?” Arthur sounded amused. Amused was good.

“I just wanted to make sure everything was okay.”

Arthur laughed. Merlin wasn’t sure how he should feel about that. “Are you asking if I thought the sex was good?”

“No! Oh God, no, that’s not—I know it was good, I mean obviously it was if you—”

“Oh.” It was one of those drawn out oh’s of understanding.

“Um. Yeah. I just...you said before that they didn’t have to be fantasies and that we would talk about it later, but then we never did, so I guess I sort of just...went for it.” Merlin bit his lip. _Say something, say something._

Merlin could hear the roar of cars in the background but Arthur remained silent. Merlin tried again. “I wasn’t, um, too mean, was I? I didn’t do anything you didn’t want me to?”

“Merlin, I...I loved it.”

Merlin exhaled. “Thank goodness.”

“I would have said something if I didn’t.”

“I didn’t exactly leave much room for argument.”

Arthur chuckled. Another good sign. “If I ever want you to stop, I’ll, I dunno, snap my fingers or something.”

“I can do it again?” Merlin asked hopefully.

“Merlin, I can’t _wait_ for you to do it again.”

Merlin couldn’t keep the grin out of his voice. “Friday night then?”

“Uh...”

“Or not. It’s totally up to you.”

“No, it’s not that I don’t want to, but...remember how I said I had our next few dates planned?”

Now Merlin was curious. “Yeah.”

“Okay, well, I was hoping that by this point you’d be alright with talking to other people. That the concert and the club would sort of prepare you for more one on one stuff.”

“What did you have in mind exactly?” Curiosity gave way to worry.

“You remember Lance and Gwen, right?”

“Yes.”

“I may have already told Lance we could double date one night.”

Oh. That wasn’t so bad. “What would we be doing on this double date?”

“Going to the pub. Gwen sort of wants to see a film before, too.”

“Oh! That sounds great! I haven’t been to the cinema in ages.”

“Yeah? I’ll let her know then.”

Merlin heard the jingle of keys and then a door slamming. It matched the sound of a door slamming farther away. Merlin went to his window and saw Arthur walking up to his house.

“You’re home.”

Arthur chuckled. “Yes, I am. Still watching me then, eh?”

Merlin grinned. “I love watching you.” He bent over his telescope and moved the lens so it was pointed at Arthur unlocking his front door. As Arthur stepped inside he shook his arse and Merlin giggled. “Arthur!”

“Saw that too, did you?” he replied, laughing as well. “I still think you need a new hobby.”

“I do. It’s called tying up cute blonds.”

Arthur hummed in approval. “Not bad, Emrys.”

*

Two days later Hunith had to go a funeral. As a hospice nurse, it came with the job that patients died. She usually didn’t get too close to them, but this one in particular had asked that she attend the ceremony when the time came.

Since she wasn’t due to be back ‘til late, Merlin snuck over to Arthur’s house. Arthur was glad to see him. They rarely got together during the week.

“Merlin!” Arthur pulled him in the house and kissed him in one smooth motion.

“Hi, Arthur. Mum’s at a funeral so I thought I’d surprise you.”

Arthur frowned as he closed the door. “Who died?”

“Oh, nobody important. I mean. That sounds terrible. But it’s just one of her patients.”

“She’s a doctor?”

Merlin shook his head. “A nurse.”

“Oh. Actually, I think I remember her mentioning something about that before. You know, back when she was being friendly while planning to kidnap me.”

Merlin rolled his eyes and followed Arthur up the stairs. He knew Arthur hadn’t been busy because he had seen Arthur mouthing lyrics while he listened to music and typed on his laptop in his room. Arthur was probably aware he’d been watching too.

The music was still filling the room when they walked in.

“Oh my God.” Merlin’s throat tightened with sudden emotion. Arthur was listening to Death Cab For Cutie.

Arthur turned around, blushing. “You had me intrigued when you said I could have gone back further than the latest album.” He sat cross-legged in front of his laptop again and urged Merlin to sit next to him.

“But...you were singing with it. That means you know the words. And that means...” _You’ve been listening for a long time._

Arthur laughed. “The concert was what, three weeks ago now? Maybe four? I’ve had a while to learn them.”

“You never said anything.”

Arthur shrugged. “What did you want me to say? It’s not exactly a momentous occasion.”

Merlin wrapped his arms around Arthur’s waist and leaned his head on his shoulder. “What’s your favourite song now?”

“Don’t laugh. It’s sort of the sappiest one of them all.”

“Fitting for a sappy bloke like you.”

“‘I Will Follow You Into the Dark.’”

Merlin snorted. “Of course.”

“I said not to laugh!”

“That wasn’t a laugh. It was a chuckle. A very judgemental chuckle.”

“Mmm.”

It turned out that Arthur had bought every album. He couldn’t hit the highest notes but he wasn’t a bad singer. Merlin closed his eyes and let Arthur’s voice vibrate through him as he kept his ear pressed to Arthur’s shoulder.

“Cause when she sings, I hear a symphony...” Arthur sang as he put data into a spreadsheet. “And I’m swallowed in sound as it echoes through me, I’m renewed...”

_I love him. Oh God, I love him so much._

“Oh how I feel alive...through winter’s advancing, we’ll stay young, go dancing...”

_I want to hold him like this forever._

“Stay young, go dancing, stay young, go dancing.”

_Please mean what you said. Please don’t leave me._

“Merlin?”

“Hm?” Merlin wiped his eyes on the fabric of Arthur’s shirt and looked up. He couldn’t let Arthur see how he’d started to tear up.

“Are you alright? You’re shaking. And your fingers were starting to dig into my side a little.”

“Sorry. Yeah, I’m fine.” He put on a smile.

Arthur wasn’t fooled. His eyes widened. “Your eyelashes are wet! Were you crying?”

“It was your singing. It’s so awful it brought tears to my eyes.”

Arthur just gave him a look.

“N-No, I wasn’t.”

“Merlin!”

“Alright, maybe a little. But it wasn’t bad crying, I promise. I was—am—just really happy.” He put his chin on Arthur’s shoulder and smiled again. “I _am_ fine, honest.”

Arthur looked sceptical. “If you need to go home, I’ll understand.”

“What? No! Why would I need to go home?”

“I dunno. I thought you might...need some time or whatever. I dunno.” He looked back to the computer screen but didn’t type anything, just drummed his fingers lightly across the keyboard.

“Why would I need time away from you? I don’t _ever_ want to be away from you.”

Arthur turned back to him, frowning slightly. “Your mother seems to think otherwise. She told me if you get too emotional I should send you home.”

Merlin let his arms fall. “What? When?”

“On Sunday. She came over and said you...” Arthur pursed his lips, clearly not wanting to continue.

Merlin felt anger rising inside him. His hands shook with it. He couldn’t breathe steadily. “What did she say?”

“She said you’re unstable.”

Merlin slid away from Arthur. Far away. To the other side of the bed. He wrapped his arms around himself, nails digging into the skin of his back even through his shirt. He didn’t even realise he was rocking back and forth until he fell forward and his forehead was on the duvet.

“You’re not, are you?” Arthur’s voice asked.

 _She lied. She lied. Why would she do this? Arthur makes me happy. Why would she lie about me to Arthur? Why would she try to hurt me? Why would_ —

“Merlin?”

_She lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied she lied_

“What else...what else did she say?” Merlin’s voice came out a strained whisper.

“That she tried to put you in public school but you couldn’t go. That you had a panic attack the first day.”

Merlin groaned and pressed his forehead deeper into the mattress. _No, she wouldn’t, she’d never lie_

_but she did_

“Merlin? That’s not true, is it?”

 _“Oh Mum, he’s brilliant! He took me to a concert—you know, the band I’m always going on about_ — _and it was_ amazing _.”_

_“That’s great, darling. I’m glad everything went so well.”_

“Merlin, please answer me.” Arthur’s hand on his arm, cautious like Merlin might lash out. Like Merlin might be crazy.

_He makes me happy. Why would she lie? He makes me happy! The only reason he’ll want to leave me is because she’s driving him away!_

“Mer—”

“It’s not true. She...she lied.” Merlin felt hollow. Betrayed. “I’ve only ever had a panic attack once, and that was before my job interview. She never tried to put me in public school. I wanted to, but she wouldn’t let me.”

The tears threatening to form now weren’t from happiness, but some horrible mixture of anger and despair. His breath was coming fast and his heart was pumping uncontrollably. He felt like he might have a panic attack _now_ if he wasn’t careful.

“And you’re not mentally unstable?”

“No!” Merlin raised his head and looked at Arthur, begging him to understand, to believe. “I know I get upset sometimes but I’m just as functional as anyone else! I’ve never had a breakdown from stress or...or anything!”

Arthur sagged with relief and took Merlin in his arms. “I knew she was lying.”

“But why?”

Arthur’s hand rubbed Merlin’s back. Merlin was dimly aware that Death Cab was still playing in the background.

“You said it yourself, Merlin: you’re all she has. Now that you have me, she’s afraid of losing you. When your father left, she had you. When you leave, she’ll have no one.”

“But I wouldn’t leave her. Even if I moved in with you, she’d still be across the street. She could still see me as often as she liked.”

“I don’t think she sees it that way. I don’t think she’s exactly willing to share either.”

“But...but I love both of you!”

Arthur sighed. “I know, Merlin.”

*

Merlin was sitting on his bed staring at absolutely nothing when he heard the front door downstairs. He looked at the clock. It was almost ten.

He took a deep breath. He could do this. If he could be strong and take control of Arthur in bed, he could have this one conversation with his mum.

He stood when he heard her footsteps on the stairs and waited until she reached the top to open his bedroom door.

“Hello, Merlin,” she said with a tired smile. “Did you eat anything?”

“Wasn’t hungry.”

“I’m a bit worn out but I can make you something, if you like.”

Merlin shook his head.

“Is everything alright?”

Merlin frowned then shook his head again.

“You know I can’t help if you don’t tell me what it is.”

“It’s Arthur.”

“Oh, Merlin.” She stepped forward and put a caring hand on his arm. “Is he sick? Did he say something that hurt you?”

 _Just say it._ “You lied to him.”

“About what, dear?”

 _Oh my God, she didn’t even blink._ Merlin shook her hand off. “About me! You told him I was mentally unstable.”

“As I said before Merlin, everything I’m doing is for your own good.”

“How the hell is this for my own good?”

“I don’t want you getting too attached. When he leaves you—”

“I’m happy, Mum! You’re always saying you want to make me happy, that you’ll do _anything_ to make sure I’m always satisfied. Dragging me away from Arthur is the exact opposite of what I want!”

“This has gone far enough, Merlin.”

“You’re the one that tried to give him to me in the first place. You drugged him and tied him to my bed, for fuck’s sake!”

She gave him that look of pity Merlin was beginning to loathe. “You quite obviously needed a physical outlet, Merlin. I had thought—had hoped—you had only lustful thoughts for the man, not these silly _feelings_.” She waved away the word with distaste.

Merlin gaped. Hunith put a hand on his shoulder.

“A mother’s love is forever, Merlin. You don’t need Arthur for that, but he _can_ give you something that I physically can’t.”

“You might as well have gotten me a blow-up sex doll for my birthday!”

“You’re being immature, Merlin.”

“No.” He straightened his spine and realised suddenly how very small she was. He was more than a head taller than her. “You can’t keep trying to control my life,” he said. “I may not be able to hold a conversation or drive a car, but I know what I need. I know how to take care of myself.”

“Merlin.”

“I don’t need you.” He pointed an accusing finger at her. “You’re just afraid. You’re jealous and you’re afraid I’ll leave you like my father did and you’ll be all alone.”

She said nothing to that, but Merlin saw the muscles in her face tighten.

“You _know_ that Arthur loves me. He makes me happier than you ever could and that terrifies you, doesn’t it?”

“I look out for you, Merlin. You can’t handle being out in the real world for very long. You’ve always been very anxious in stressful situations—”

“That’s not for you to worry about though, is it? It’s _my_ life, and if I want to stay out a while longer to fuck my boyfriend in the shower I’ll damn well do it.”

Merlin had never seen his mother glare so hatefully before. His resolve wavered but he went on. “You can’t keep me from him. If you try, I’ll move out.”

There. He’d said it. He was going to move out anyways...maybe...eventually...well, he was going to work up to it. But if she kept trying to force these restrictions on him he’d figure out a way to get enough courage to do it sooner.

With Arthur he could do anything.

The only time Hunith had ever been so angry that she remained silent was when Merlin was younger and threatened to run away like the kids on TV. The look she gave him now was a thousand times worse. Because Merlin had won and there was nothing she could do about it.

And then all of a sudden the tears came.

_No, oh god no, don’t cry, shitshitshit, don't cry!_

“I’ve tried so hard, Merlin,” she sobbed into his chest. “All I wanted was for you to avoid getting hurt. I just wanted to save you from feeling the same pain I’ve felt every day the past twenty years.”

“Mum?”

“But you’re right, Merlin. Any mistakes are yours to make. Sometimes the only way to learn is to experience it yourself. I just wish this wasn’t one of those things. Oh, Merlin!”

_What do I do, what the fuck do I do?_

Merlin felt awful. His mother only cried when things were _really_ bad. He shouldn’t have been so harsh. He shouldn’t have said such hurtful things.

She sniffled, stepped back, and smoothed Merlin’s shirt. It was damp. “I’m going to go sleep now. I’m sorry I’ve been such a terrible mother to you.”

Merlin gaped at her retreating back. He had to say something, anything, to get this horrible guilt off his chest.

“Mum, wait!”

She was wiping her nose on her sleeve as she turned around. “Yes, Merlin?”

“I’m sorry. About what I said. I...I still love you, you know.” _That was incredibly weak._

Hunith gave him a pitiful smile, one that said Merlin’s words hadn’t helped at all but she appreciated the effort. “Thank you, Merlin. You’re such a good son.”

Merlin felt like the worst son in the world.

*

“Mmm’lo?”

“She cried, Arthur, she fucking cried!”

“Umm. Oh. Merlin. Hi.” Arthur rubbed his eyes. What time was it? He looked at his mobile. It was almost midnight.

“ _Ar_ thur, I don’t know what to do.”

“Okay. Okay, um.” Hunith. Crying. Merlin. Distraught. He was too tired for this. “Crying, you say? After you said what?”

“If she tries to keep me from you, I’ll move out.”

Arthur was just awake enough to be impressed. “Wow. That’s, um. Bold.”

“Yeah, so bold that she cried!”

“Alright, just...just calm down and let me think.” Arthur groaned.

“Oh fuck, I woke you up, didn’t I? I wasn’t even looking at the time, I just kept pacing and pacing until I had to call you—”

“Merlin. Shut. Up. I’m thinking.”

“Right, sorry.”

Hunith wouldn’t go for the tears right away. She probably had said a few words herself, tried to belittle Merlin or something, and then when that didn’t work had probably resorted to crying last. That’s what girls always did, right? Morgana had pulled that trick with their father too many times to count, and it always worked.

But what did this specific crying spell mean? It certainly put Merlin in a tight spot. She knew the effect it would have and Merlin would be inclined to feel bad. And if Merlin felt bad for _her_ , it would mean more time spent away from Arthur trying to make up for it.

“I think she might be trying to make you choose,” Arthur said finally.

“How can you be so sure? What if she’s actually hurt?”

Arthur sighed. “Merlin, do you know why babies cry?”

“Because they can’t talk? If they’re hungry or wet or, I dunno, they just need to communicate.”

“That’s part of it. But most of the time it’s so they can get what they want. They’ll scream and cry for hours on end until you pick them up and hold them or give them their favourite toy. This is just like that, only worse. She’s not wailing for attention, but she’s gotten inside your head so that _you’ll_ feel bad if you don’t give her what she wants.”

“Oh my God.”

“So just...I dunno...show her that she can’t make you choose. She’s a manipulative bitch just like my sister, don’t worry about hurting her feelings.”

“She’s still my mum, Arthur!”

Arthur cringed. “Sorry, no mouth filter when I’m half-asleep. But I still meant the first part. You have to show her it won’t work. Which, speaking of work, I have to go to in the morning, so if you don’t mind.”

Merlin sighed. “Okay. Alright, yeah, you’re completely right. I’ll talk to her tomorrow at breakfast. Bye Arthur.”

Arthur let the phone drop from his hand and went back to sleep.

*

It took Merlin ages to get to sleep but when he finally did it was a deep, satisfying slumber. He woke up the next morning as usual to his mother shaking him awake. He forgot all about what happened the previous night until she said breakfast would be ready by the time he was done in the shower and he remembered. He had no idea what he was even going to say.

But she wasn’t acting any differently. Maybe he wouldn’t have to talk to her at all.

Merlin caught the first hint that she did, in fact, feel _something_ when she sat down across from him. It was a wistful sigh as she took her seat, barely audible, and under normal circumstances Merlin wouldn’t have even heard it, or if he did, he wouldn’t have thought anything of it. But these weren’t normal circumstances.

What did that noise even mean? She _looked_ fine. She wasn’t eating too slowly or too quickly, just being normal. Maybe she was hiding it well?

Merlin stopped staring and took a bite of toast then looked down at it in shock. It was just a little burnt around the edges. It was never burnt.

_I can’t do this._

The screech of the chair was loud as he stood and he winced at the sound but didn’t let it deter him. He gulped down half the glass of milk and snatched up his two pieces of toast to eat on the way. He couldn’t stand this horrid tension any longer.

“You’ll get indigestion,” Hunith said with a worried look.

Merlin held the toast between his teeth as he put his arms into his jacket. “Don’t care,” he said around it. He just had to get out.

It continued the whole week. Just _little things_ that could mean anything: a sigh, a small frown, a foot tapping, or a slightly furrowed brow. Merlin wanted to bring up The Night but she was acting so _normal_ , as if it had never happened. When he told her he was going out on Friday with Arthur, she just said, “Have a good time, dear.”

Merlin frowned and tried again. “It’s a double date. With friends of his.” Nothing. “It’s at a pub. I’m going to drink.”

“That should be fun.”

“Yeah.” Merlin lingered at the door. He thought about telling her that he wouldn’t be home until late the next day. He decided against it. “Well, bye.”

He may have shut the door with more force than necessary.

*

“What film is it?” Merlin asked as Arthur parked in front of the cinema. Not that he’d recognise the title. He had no idea what was showing.

“Don’t know,” Arthur answered. “Guess we’ll find out.”

“Yeah.”

“You okay?”

Merlin looked at him. “I’m fine, why?”

Arthur shrugged as he removed the keys from the ignition. “You’ve got this...weird stare thing going on.”

Merlin shook his head with a wide smile. “Nope. Everything good in Merlinworld. How’s Arthurland?” he tried for humour.

Arthur’s eyes were amused but the rest of his face was worried. “I forgot to ask after you called and woke me up that night. How’d everything go with your mum?”

Merlin deflated. Of course Arthur knew what was wrong.

“I sort of chickened out and didn’t talk to her. But she seems fine, so...I don’t know. I’m sort of just walking on ice and waiting ‘til she breaks.”

“So she’s fine with you spending time with me? No more calling right after sex and making you punch holes in my walls?”

“Pretty sure, yeah.”

“Wow. I say take advantage of it, mate. But that’s just me.” Arthur opened the door and got out. Merlin supposed he was right. He followed Arthur into the cinema.

*

The film was boring but Merlin hardly ever went out so he didn’t complain. Gwen said he looked very handsome and that it was nice to see him again. He said it was nice to see her too and that Lance looked very handsome as well.

“You _are_ funny!” she laughed.

Arthur squeezed Merlin’s waist proudly. “I told you. Hilarious.”

The film also distracted Merlin from fretting over his mother, even if the plot was a bit convoluted and the dialogue mediocre. By the time they got to the pub he was in much higher spirits.

“I heard it’s because of you my brother still has a job,” Gwen was saying to Arthur when their drinks arrived.

Arthur was leaning against the wall in the booth with one arm behind Merlin’s head. He shrugged the arm that was pressed against the wall. “It was nothing. Just a slip-up with addition. Happens to the best of us.”

“A slip-up that would have left millions of pounds unaccounted for. He’s lucky you caught it.”

“Please, Gwen, I already have to suffer through him thanking me every time he sees me. Not you too.” He took a large sip of lager.

She chuckled. “Alright, I’ll be quiet.” She drank a bit of her own pint. “What about you, Merlin, where do you work?”

“At a grocery.”

“How very specific. Which one? A little corner store, or a supermarket, or what?”

Arthur rolled his eyes. “He works at Tesco.”

Merlin elbowed him in the side. “I can speak for myself, prat.”

“Clearly.”

“Is that how you two met, then?” Gwen interrupted their banter.

Merlin felt his face heat and was sure he had turned bright red.

Gwen leaned in closer. “Oh? I’m sensing a story.”

“Yes, that is how we met,” Arthur saved him.

“What’s the blush for, then?” she asked.

“Come on, Jenny, leave it alone,” Lance said. Merlin wondered if Arthur had told him the real story or if he was actually a nice guy.

Arthur replied to Gwen anyways. “He knocked over about six dozen oranges when he ran right into me.”

“I did not!” Merlin turned on him. “You ran into _me_ , and it was more like one dozen. One, _single_ , dozen oranges.”

Arthur rolled his eyes. “Either way, you were an uncoordinated mess as usual.”

Merlin sputtered. “I am not uncoordinated!”

“You didn’t see yourself at the club last week.”

“That was after seven shots.”

Lance’s eyebrows shot up. “Seven?”

“Wow,” Gwen expressed similar disbelief.

Arthur ignored them. “Doesn’t matter. I have yet to see you display an ounce of coordination.”

Merlin looked at Arthur darkly and lowered his voice. “Oh, I’ll show you coordination.”

Lance started choking on his drink and Arthur turned red as a tomato. Merlin only then remembered there were still two other people with them and coloured just as deeply. Gwen simply laughed into her hand.

Merlin did what any normal person would do when faced with such embarrassment. He chugged his drink in the hopes that he’d soon be too pissed to care.

*

“Have you heard him sing?” Merlin asked Lance excitedly. Lance laughed and shook his head. “It’s great, oh my God, you’ve got to sometime. He can’t hit high notes to save his life but on the low notes—oh _God_ —I swear that sound goes straight to my cock. He sounds like Thom Yorke, you know, from Radiohead?”

Lance nodded. “Yeah, yeah! I always thought Arthur kinda looked like him too, when Thom went for—”

“—the shaggy blond look! Exactly.” Merlin tousled Arthur’s hair and Arthur—beyond even trying to stop Merlin at this point—just took it with a pronounced pout. When Merlin pinched his nose, however, he swatted his hands away. “Even has the nose and lips for it.”

“Oh, Arthur, sing for us!” Gwen urged.

“No way. Absolutely not.”

“Oh yeah, there’s no chance of him singing here,” Merlin remarked, finishing off his...actually he’d lost count because that bitchy waitress with the uneven lipstick kept taking away the glasses. But he finished off his pint.

Arthur snorted. “I’ll sing if you sing.”

Merlin grinned wickedly. “Alright. Come here.” He waved Arthur closer and leaned in so far his lips touched Arthur’s ear.

“Well you’re the grand wild...have you noticed,” Merlin began, low and breathy. “When you walk in all the fairy boys are pale and nervous. Well my starship doesn’t want me...and neither does this world.” Merlin trailed his hand up Arthur’s thigh. “I’m glad I caught you on my viewscreen, sailor—”

“Oh my God!” Arthur jumped at Merlin’s hand on his crotch. “ _Merlin_.”

Merlin pulled away and giggled. Lance was laughing too and when Merlin looked at Gwen she winked at him.

“A deal’s a deal, Arthur,” she said. “You have to sing.”

“That wasn’t singing, that was groping.”

“Oh, don’t act like you didn’t love it.” Merlin rolled his eyes. “I could feel for myself you did.”

“Merlin!”

“We’re all waiting, Arthur. Just a few lines, that’s all,” Gwen nudged.

“If I could do it, you can,” Merlin added.

“Oh my God, _fine._ ” Arthur took a deep breath. “Soft silly music is meaningful magical, the movements were beautiful, all in your ovaries, all of them milking with green fleshly flowers while powerful pistons were sugary sweet machines. Smelling of semen all under the garden, was all you were needing when, you still believed in me.”

Merlin was grinning from ear to ear when Arthur looked at him. _Yes, Arthur, I do want you right now,_ he thought. _I’ll fuck you so hard you’ll be screaming by name. And then I’ll tell you to shut up because I didn’t say you could talk and you’ll listen, you’ll listen because you love when I tell you what to do, you fucking live for it_ —

“That was pretty good, actually,” Lance said.

“Glad I have your vote, then,” Arthur drawled, tearing his eyes from Merlin. Merlin could tell he probably knew exactly what Merlin was thinking.

Gwen yawned and Lance looked at her with concern. “Ready to go?”

She nodded apologetically. “Yeah.” She turned to Merlin and leaned in as if telling him a secret. “Alcohol tires me out. I have the bad luck to be one of those sleepy drunks.”

Merlin leaned forward as well. “Better than being a randy drunk,” he countered. “And you girls are so lucky. You could walk around thinking about sex all day and nobody would know. Whereas guys...” Merlin tilted his head in Arthur’s direction.

Gwen laughed so hard she snorted and Arthur hit Merlin’s arm. “You are very funny, Merlin.”

“Only sometimes. Oh!” Merlin suddenly realised something. “You’re my first girl friend. Er, friend that’s a girl.”

“I am? Wow, that’s...that’s amazing.”

“You should be proud. Do you feel proud? I’m glad it’s you. You’re a very good person for it be. I didn’t think you would be because you were annoying at first but then—”

“Alright, time for us to go as well,” Arthur cut Merlin off and began pushing him out of the booth. “It seems you’ve reached _that_ stage of drunkenness,” he hissed in Merlin’s ear.

“You’re good to drive, Arthur?” Lance asked.

“Yeah, I didn’t have nearly as much as this idiot.” He flicked Merlin’s ear as they stood.

Merlin wasn’t as far gone as he was the previous week though, and could walk straight—well, he didn’t fall—back to the auto. He didn’t even need help getting in and putting on his seatbelt.

He was confused when Arthur didn’t drive off right away though. He looked over and saw that Arthur had his forehead pressed against his arms leaning on the steering wheel. His body was shaking.

“Arthur?”

Arthur raised his head and Merlin saw he was laughing. “S-Sorry. I just...” He shook his head then reached over to pat Merlin’s leg. “You were brilliant, Merlin. I never expected it to go so well.”

“Can we go home now?”

“Yes. Yes, let’s go home.”

*

Merlin had plans. On the drive back, his mind raced and his dick twitched with thoughts of what he wanted to do to Arthur.

They only made it to the stairs.

“God, Merlin, you and that filthy mouth of yours,” Arthur gasped as Merlin rutted against his diagonal body.

Merlin attached said mouth to Arthur’s throat. Both their pants were already around their knees and Merlin was somewhat aware that Arthur was trying to get his shirt off, but was too busy rubbing his cock beside Arthur’s to care.

“Fuck, Arthur, I’m—I’m so close just—touch me, grab my arse or _something_ , please—”

“You begging me, for a change?” Arthur chuckled. Merlin might have heard him, however he didn’t process it. He needed more of Arthur’s skin against him but higher brain functioning like removing clothing was beyond him. He couldn’t stop his hips from jerking forward; losing sweet friction was not an option. He just needed a little push and then he’d shoot off.

Arthur manoeuvred his head up to kiss him. It was remarkably wet and breathy but not the least bit unsatisfactory. However, it didn’t get the job done. It didn’t send him over the edge.

“Arthur—”

Large, rough hands squeezed his arse, spreading his cheeks and pulling him impossibly closer into the wonderful V of Arthur’s legs. Merlin felt like his whole body vibrated. His vision went black and his jaw slackened as he came, Arthur’s hands still holding him tight.

When his vision returned—he had only closed his eyes, he hadn’t fainted, thank God—Arthur was still bucking up into him.

_Fuck, I forgot about him. I have to...it’s my responsibility as...he needs..._

Merlin propped himself up on shaky hands and whispered, “Stop.”

Arthur froze. His eyes danced across Merlin’s face, trying to read him. Merlin wet his lips and took a breath.

“You...want my filthy mouth, Arthur?” He caressed Arthur’s parted lips with a single digit.

Arthur was shaking with bottled tension and nodding with wide eyes like an eager child. Merlin smiled.

“Then I’ll give you what you want.”

He slid down Arthur’s muscled body until his knees were on the floor just in front of the staircase and his mouth hovering above Arthur’s cock. Arthur’s shirt was stained with Merlin’s come and he rolled it up to move it out of the way. Arthur’s thighs were trembling.

Merlin went down on him slowly, as far as he could go without feeling that twist in his gut. He stopped with his lips around more than half Arthur’s length and looked up into Arthur’s eyes. He nodded meaningfully and let Arthur take what he needed.

Arthur didn’t last long—a minute at the most. When he came his fingers were dug painfully in Merlin’s hair, and Merlin squeezed his eyes shut as he took it. His mouth was dripping spit, his eyes were leaking tears, and Arthur was coming down his throat.

Merlin kept his mouth on him dutifully until Arthur sagged, then he raised up and sat beside Arthur on the step. He waited until Arthur caught his breath then turned to look at him.

“So what’s our next date?”

Arthur’s smile was radiant.

*

“No fucking way,” Merlin said the next day.

Arthur nudged Merlin forward with a hand on his back. “Yes, Merlin.”

“No fucking way!”

Arthur rolled his eyes. “There are children here. Please.”

“The...The Royal Observatory...” Merlin turned to face Arthur and lowered his voice. “The Royal fucking Observatory, Arthur!”

Arthur laughed. “We’re not even inside yet.”

“I _begged_ for Mum to take me here. I can’t believe...oh my God.”

Arthur slightly panicked. “You’re not going to cry from happiness again, are you? At least save that for the planetarium where’s it dark—”

Merlin made a choked squealing noise and Arthur found himself being suddenly pulled forward by his wrist. “Come on, come on, I want to see as much as we can in one day!”

Arthur laughed and let himself be dragged along. He knew this would be a good idea.

*

Merlin did cry in the planetarium. Arthur caught him wiping his eyes just as he was looking—again—to stare at him.

But he couldn’t help it. Merlin was beautiful under normal circumstances. With the shadows and stars and galaxies sparkling across his face, he was breathtaking. Arthur was as mesmerised with the universe reflected in Merlin’s eyes as Merlin was with the show.

To be honest, he felt so lucky he almost cried himself.

*

“I wonder what kinds of aliens you could see watching telly in their room with that telescope,” Arthur pointed as they walked to get lunch.

Merlin rolled his eyes. “Shut up.”

*

“That was brilliant!” Merlin exclaimed when they left. “Can we go again one day?”

“Sure,” Arthur laughed.

Merlin was quiet most of the ride back. The whole experience left him feeling very small. He really was just a mixture of atoms and elements, who meant nothing in the grand scheme of things. He’d thought the same when he was younger and first bought his telescope.

But now, with Arthur, he realised that his particular combination of atoms made him special, that he was the only one like him in the whole universe. With Arthur he realised his importance, because he meant something to Arthur. One little action—a smile, a word, or a single touch—could change Arthur’s whole day. And the way Arthur acted would change someone else’s, and someone else’s...Even though Merlin was just a shy man with a telescope, he was still significant.

“Will you teach me how to drive?” Merlin asked suddenly. He noticed with surprise that they were already pulling up to Arthur’s house.

Arthur looked taken off guard by the question. “Okay. Why all of a sudden—”

“I want to be able to go more places.”

“Oh. Sure. I’d love to teach you.” He parked the car, then turned to Merlin with a smile. ”Come on, I have a surprise for you.”

They went inside and Merlin followed him straight to the bedroom. He sat on the bed and waited while Arthur rummaged around in the nightstand.

“Dammit, where is—here it is.” He held out a silver key to Merlin. “Here. I went and had a copy made after you came over on Wednesday.”

Merlin took it and looked at it. “What’s it go to?”

Arthur said it like it should have been obvious. “My house.”

“Oh!”

“It’s just...you said something about moving in that day and I thought this might be sort of like a nice stepping stone? I dunno, but...I figured you should have it because you’re more than a guest and I shouldn’t have to open the door for you like one.”

“Oh.” Merlin grinned. “Thank you, Arthur.”

“You can come over whenever,” he shrugged. “Even if I’m at work or something. I trust you. Just please, for the love of God, don’t let Hunith get a hold of it.”

“Okay,” Merlin laughed. “I won’t even tell her I have it.”

“Perfect.” Arthur sat beside him as he put it on the ring next to his own house key, then put the whole thing back in his pocket. They were quiet for a while until Arthur said, “So. She hasn’t called yet.”

“Or texted,” Merlin added.

“Want to push our luck and stay another night?”

“Yes. I have to properly thank you for taking me out today.”

Arthur’s brow raised a hair and he brought his face closer to Merlin’s. “Oh yeah?”

“Definitely. You deserve something very special tonight.”

“I’m intrigued. What exactly is my reward?”

Their lips were almost touching and any second now they would connect. Merlin suddenly got up and started walking towards the stairs. “I’m hungry. I’ll let you know after dinner,” he said over his shoulder. “You still haven’t cooked a proper meal for me.”

*

“Hmm. Good. Bit burnt though,” Merlin remarked later.

“It is not!” Merlin laughed as Arthur inspected his food. “Besides, it’s a bit difficult to keep focused when it’s so obvious you’re sitting over here planning what to do to me.”

“Obvious, huh?”

Arthur pointed at Merlin’s face. “That! That smile right there. It’s downright sinister.”

“Sinister? No,” Merlin feigned offence. “Devious, maybe. But you’re lucky I’m a devious mastermind.”

“You’re lucky I like devious masterminds,” Arthur grumbled and shoved another bite in his mouth.

Merlin was feeling much better about tonight. Last time, he had decided on a whim to tie Arthur up, because they still hadn’t gotten around to it. When he’d turned around to see Arthur fastening it himself, he sort of just slipped into domination mode. He had liked the look on Arthur’s face when Arthur saw the sudden change, so he went with it. It had been all guesswork and hoping for the best, wondering if Arthur liked the same things he fantasized about doing to him. And it turned out he did.

Merlin didn’t think he’d have to have to blindfold Arthur this time. He didn’t know what he was going to do yet—there were so many toys and so many lovely possibilities—but he did know he wanted Arthur bent over so he could fuck him from behind. He was in the mood to be particularly rough tonight. He wanted to learn Arthur’s limits. He wanted Arthur to validate his importance in the universe.

“Seriously, Merlin, you’ve got to do something about that look on your face.”

Merlin raised his eyes. “What look?”

Arthur shook his head and sighed, but he was slightly smiling. “Never mind.”

Arthur was done eating first and waited with crossed arms for Merlin to finish. When Merlin did, he sat back with a satisfied sigh and folded his hands on his stomach. Arthur quirked a single brow, silently asking, “Well?”

Merlin cleared his throat. “Right then. I want you to go upstairs and get out the lube. Take off everything but your pants, face the headboard, and I’ll be up soon.”

“Sir yes sir,” Arthur said sarcastically. Merlin allowed it. He wouldn’t be sarcastic for long.

“Oh, and close the curtains!”

Merlin waited until he heard Arthur’s footsteps at the top of the stairs to move. He knew they’d probably be too tired afterwards to do anything but fall asleep so he took it upon himself to tidy up. He rinsed the dishes under the tap while he got himself together. It was one thing to slip into domination mode in the heat of the moment and another thing entirely to go into it consciously. When he walked into that room he needed to be able to remain calm and collected for Arthur.

_Come on, Emrys, you can do this. He wants you to do it, you want to do it, so just go up there and bloody do it!_

Merlin took a deep breath and went up the stairs. He went down the hallway. He went into the bedroom.

Arthur was standing ramrod straight  with his back to him and Merlin had to appreciate the man’s control. The bottle of lube was lying on the bed in front of him. Merlin’s eyes followed the line of Arthur’s spine down his back. His pants were a dark blue plaid low on his hips, and as Merlin walked closer he saw Arthur’s toes curl with anticipation.

_Fuck, just look at him. Stunning perfection and he’s all mine._

Arthur had left the wardrobe and drawer open after retrieving the lube, so Merlin simply had to walk up to it. He looked for the other pair of handcuffs, the pair that were attached to themselves. When he found them he turned and tossed them on the bed beside the lube then returned to the drawer. He wanted Arthur to see what was about to be used on him.

Condom. That was also necessary. He added that to the pile. _Hmm, what else?_

There was nothing in here that Arthur wouldn’t like. He wouldn’t buy something he didn’t enjoy. But how did he know what he liked? He couldn’t have done any of this before, he wasn’t nearly obedient enough. Maybe he had bought some of this on a whim, wanting to try it out. And he trusted Merlin enough to know which item to use to make him feel good.

With that in mind, Merlin took out the ball gag. He didn’t throw it behind him, but closed the wardrobe and walked over to Arthur.

“On the phone, you said if I did anything you didn’t like, you’d snap your fingers or something,” Merlin said as he nudged Arthur’s mouth open with the rubber ball. “I want you to do that, okay? You won’t be able to really talk with this, so just snap and I’ll stop, alright? Nod if you understand.”

Arthur nodded.

“Good.”

With the ball gag in place, Merlin turned his attention to the second pair of leather handcuffs. He moved Arthur’s arms behind his back and cuffed him, being sure not to fasten it too tight, but secure enough that Arthur couldn’t slip out. He also made sure Arthur’s hands were able to snap if he needed to.

He pulled Arthur’s pants down in one quick motion, freeing his erection. Arthur stepped out of the pooled fabric around his ankles without Merlin having to ask.

“Kneel on the bed.”

Arthur raised his legs and carefully knelt on the bed. He shook unsteadily at first because his arms were behind his back, but he skilfully kept his balance.

Until Merlin pressed a finger between his shoulder blades and pushed him forward.

He landed face-first and had enough sense to turn his head as he fell so his cheek hit the mattress instead of his nose. Merlin walked over to the side of the bed Arthur’s eyes were facing and undressed slowly. Well, as slowly as he could given he had a blond god handcuffed on the bed with his arse in the air.

He gave his cock a few tugs, just enough to get the edge off, and he saw Arthur’s eyes flick down to watch the movement. Huh. That was interesting.

Now that Merlin thought about it, Arthur hadn’t really ever seen Merlin wank before. The time he came on Arthur’s face didn’t really count, because he’d had his eyes closed. But Merlin had seen Arthur get off lots of times.

Merlin did it again, this time slower. Arthur’s chest heaved as he took a deep breath, which Merlin noticed was unsteady on the exhale. Arthur’s hands positioned right on the base of his spine clenched and unclenched.

_He wants it so bad. Just look at it him, he’s aching for it, such a whore for me, wants my cock any way he can get it._

Merlin sped up, let his other hand drift down and cup his balls. Arthur made a panicked noise and his face contorted with worry.

“It’s alright, Arthur. I’ve been working on lasting longer,” Merlin said. “And don’t worry, if I do come you’ll only have to wait about fifteen, twenty minutes. Thirty tops.”

Arthur made a choked sound of despair.

“Don’t you want to see what I do when I stare at you from my window?” Merlin stroked harder, faster. He was getting breathless. “When you laugh at something on the telly and I pretend you’re screaming my name?”

“Eeeth.”

“Please? Please what? I can’t seem to understand you.”

“Eeeth...”

“Yes?” Merlin smiled and nodded encouragingly. He slowed his strokes.

“Uck ee...eeeth, uck ee.”

“Oh,” Merlin feigned realisation. “You want me to fuck you. You want this, then?” He jerked his hips forward, a clear indication of the cock he was still tugging at. “You want this inside you, splitting you open?”

“Eth, eth!” His eyes widened with urgency.

“Oh, but I do so love to see you beg.” Merlin walked forward and was about to kneel on the bed himself to begin the process of preparing Arthur, when he stopped and grinned. “One more time.”

“Eeeth, Erlin!”

Merlin exhaled. “Perfect.”

He was just as eager to get in Arthur as Arthur was, and may have stretched him a little too quickly. But Arthur didn’t complain, only winced a few times, so Merlin wasn’t overly concerned. Soon enough Merlin was ripping open the condom, slipping it on, and sliding—finally—into Arthur’s greedy hole.

Arthur’s moan was muffled by the duvet as he pressed his nose into the bed. Merlin pushed in, in, in until he was completely enveloped by Arthur’s wet heat.

Arthur’s fingers uncurled to brush against Merlin’s lower abdomen. It was a soft touch that tickled the hairs there and Merlin sighed as he squeezed Arthur’s fingers back.

_I love you too, Arthur._

And then he fucked him.

Merlin loved seeing his cock disappear inside of Arthur. He loved seeing Arthur take it, loved feeling Arthur’s arse pull him back in. He loved how if he thrust hard enough, Arthur’s arse shook from the force because it was just that wonderfully pert. He loved the little sounds Arthur made: the grunts, the gasps, the groans. He loved how eagerly Arthur pushed his arse back to meet him and the loud smacking noise it made echo through the room.

He just really fucking loved Arthur.

“Oh _God_ ,” Merlin moaned, letting his head fall back and his mouth drop open. The closer to climax he got, the harder his fingers dug into Arthur’s hips. “Fucking _brill_ iant.”

“Erlin, I—I—”

“Don’t you dare come yet!” Merlin’s head snapped back to look down at Arthur.

Arthur let out a wrecked sob. His hands were clenched tightly and he was sliding forward. Merlin noticed for the first time how much weight must have been on Arthur’s neck, and how Arthur was trying to shift it to his shoulders. He probably should have cared more but he was so _close_...

He went as fast as his body would let him, barely sliding out to shove back in. He could tell Arthur was close too, by the way he panted and tried to beg even though the gag made him practically unintelligible.

Merlin was merciful. He figured he himself only had a few seconds so he put a hand on Arthur’s cock and gave it some much needed attention. He felt Arthur’s hot release spilling over his fingers at the same moment he finally peaked.

Still, even though Arthur was sagging with evident fatigue, he tried to get a few more seconds out of Merlin. He rocked forward and back onto Merlin’s cock before it softened too much to be useless. Merlin just laughed breathily and let him do it.

_Even after all that he still wants more. What a fucking cock whore._

Eventually though, Merlin had to stop him. He was softening and over-sensitive, so he stilled him with a hand on his shoulder blade. “That’s enough, Arthur.”

Arthur sighed and let Merlin’s cock finally slip out. He fell onto his side with a huff as Merlin got up to dispose of the condom. Arthur’s extra attention had made a mess and he went to the loo for a flannel.

When he came back, he undid Arthur’s handcuffs and wiped the come off the duvet while Arthur took off the ball gag. He frowned when he saw Arthur rolling his neck and shoulders.

“Are you hurt?” he asked.

Arthur gave him a small smile and shook his head. “No. Just a little sore.” Merlin must have looked uncertain because he added, “I’m fine, really.”

That was a relief. “Good. Here.” He handed Arthur his pants.

With the toys put away and the bed cleaned, Merlin slid into bed next to Arthur. He let Arthur manoeuvre him onto his side and wriggled back into Arthur’s warmth.

He bit his lip but finally got the courage to ask as Arthur played with the hair above his ear. “Did you like the ball gag, then?”

“Yes.”

“Is there...anything else you want to try?”

“Hmm.” A few moments passed. “I can’t exactly remember what all is in there, to be honest.”

“Yes you do.”

“No, I really don’t.”

“You’re telling me you forgot about the nipple clamps, then? When you obviously have the most sensitive nipples in the entire world—”

“That’s a bit of an exaggeration,” Arthur laughed.

“Okay, well. You didn’t forget about them, did you?”

Arthur’s hand left Merlin’s ear and slid down his body to relocate to his waist. “No. That...might have been the first thing I bought when I went to the shop.”

Merlin smiled as his imagination supplied the image: Arthur walking in, not knowing what he was looking for, only that he knew he wanted nipple clamps.

“But?” Merlin prompted.

“I’m saving them for my birthday.”

Merlin twisted his neck to look at him. “When’s your birthday?”

“In a couple weeks. That’s when my sister wants to meet you.”

The idea of meeting Arthur’s sister didn’t upset him nearly as much as it had before. He was actually kind of excited. Possibly— _maybe_ —even looking forward to it.

Merlin turned back around. “How old will you be?”

Arthur chuckled at that. “You mean you’re dating me and you don’t even know how old I am?”

Merlin elbowed him. “Just tell me.”

“I’ll be twenty-seven.”

“Oh. For some reason I thought you were older.”

“I’m not sure how to feel about that.”

“Well, you _should_ feel complimented ‘cause you certainly look good for the age I thought you were.”

“What age was that?”

Merlin didn’t want to say.

“ _Mer_ lin. How old did you think I was?”

“Um. Thirty.”

“Thirty!”

“It’s the jaw, I swear it’s the jaw!”

Arthur laughed. “Go to sleep, you,” he said, yawning.

“Hey, I’m the one that tells _you_ what to do!”

“Fine, stay awake, see if I care.”

Merlin huffed and closed his eyes. He was just drifting asleep when he realised Arthur never told him what he wanted to try next.

Oh well. Maybe he wanted to be surprised, after all.

*

_Today is the day I do this,_ Merlin told himself the next day at work. _Just walk up to him, say a few words, maybe say a few more depending on the answer, then walk away. Easy._

But his boss looked busy. Sort of. He was looking at his clipboard like he was busy.

 _Just go! Don’t even think about it, just go go go_.

“Mr Kilgharrah?” _He’s looking at you, say something._ “I, um. Wanted to try working checkouts. If you still need me to.”

Kilgharrah looked pleased. That was good. Very good.

“Of course! That’s excellent. It’ll just be until we get that lousy self-checkout machine fixed, unless, of course, you want to keep at it, then by all means, do. Your hours will be the same, so that should be easy, and it’s a half pound increase in pay—not much, I know, but it adds up, believe me...”

_I did it. Oh my God, I fucking did it! I’m amazing! I can’t wait to tell Arthur._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so the museum trip? Wasn't even going to happen. Wasn't in the outline. But you know what? We needed some fucking fluff up in here. I mean really. The angst level is ridiculous. That, and I liked the idea of Colin Morgan's face in a planetarium because of reasons.  
> ~  
> Arthur sings while putting data in a spreadsheet, ["Stay Young, Go Dancing"](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7EUABxW4nrs) by Death Cab For Cutie.  
> Merlin's naughty pub song, ["Hot One"](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xH3KILLaTkI) by Shudder to Think. (No, Hunith did _not_ let Merlin watch Velvet Goldmine, he watched in secret on his laptop, shh!)  
>  Arthur's considerably less naughty song, ["Oh Comely"](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z-fjyEIgWik) by Neutral Milk Hotel.


	8. Chapter 8

In the two weeks leading up to Morgana’s visit and Arthur’s birthday, Merlin did a lot of ignoring. He ignored Hunith’s sighs, he ignored that she didn’t put his clothes away, he ignored burnt toast and tough steak, and he ignored her slight maybe-maybe-not frowns.

Instead, Merlin focused on work. He had to go in a few extra hours at first to be trained at checkouts, but then his schedule was back to normal. Arthur told him to smile more, that nobody would talk to someone who looked like they were in pain, so he tried doing that. It was Arthur’s voice he heard every time someone approached his queue: _Smile, Merlin._

Merlin focused on his friendship with Will. A few times he even went to Will’s flat where Will taught him how to play first-person shooter games. Hunith _never_ let Merlin play shooting games. She said the violence was too realistic, that it was bad enough he spent so much time on fantasy, role-playing, virtual world nonsense.

He was surprised by the way Will lived. The flat was messy—”organised chaos, my friend”—but Will seemed fine with it. He said he liked having a lot of things around, it made the place feel cosy, you know? Merlin didn’t know. It was weird to see Will’s home so unkempt and for nobody to tell him to clean up or clean up for him. And Will seemed perfectly fine with it.

Merlin focused on Arthur’s driving lessons. Sometimes after work, Arthur would take him to an empty car park and let him drive around. Merlin either went too slow or too fast, and couldn’t really get the hang of it at first. Arthur only yelled once when Merlin went over the kerb—”If there’s a dent, I swear to God, Merlin!”—and Merlin sort of freaked out, said he didn’t want to learn anymore and his mother was right, it was too dangerous, he would just let Arthur drive him around. But Arthur apologised for shouting and explained that a lot of things were dangerous, life wouldn’t be life without risk, and that Merlin shouldn’t let it stop him. So Merlin kept at it and Arthur didn’t yell anymore.

The first week went by fine. Merlin kept in mind Arthur’s words: “Show her she can’t make you choose.” Arthur assured him that Hunith wasn’t _really_ hurt, maybe a little, but not enough that Merlin should worry. And Arthur’s logic made sense. Of course she would be a little jealous when he’d spent his whole life knowing nothing but her. So Merlin did his best to not let _little things_ bother him.

The second week was harder. When Merlin came home from work, Hunith would always be looking at something old of his with wide, sparkling eyes that threatened to spill over with tears.

“Do you remember when you were fourteen and started writing all that poetry?” she said on Tuesday, holding up a handful of papers as Merlin walked in. “You always said they were no good, but I kept all of them. I only just found them, where I used to keep all your schoolwork and things.”

“Um.”

“You were such a sweet boy,” she stated fondly, fingering the edges of the wrinkled paper.

 _“Were?”_ Merlin thought with a frown. _Why “were?” Am I not sweet? I’m plenty sweet! I’m sweet as sugar!_

“I miss those days,” she continued with a sigh and a sad smile. “But you know what they say, nothing lasts forever. I suppose it was only a matter of time before...”

Merlin waited for her to finish but she didn’t, just kept looking glassy-eyed at the paper covered in Merlin’s teenage scrawl.

“Before what, Mum?”

She looked up as if startled to see Merlin still standing there. “Oh, nothing, nothing. I guess I’ll just toss these out now.”

“What? Why? I thought you liked them.” Hunith tilted her head so Merlin clarified. “You know, good memories and all? You don’t want to keep them?”

She rubbed his arm soothingly. “Good memories can be painful, too, Merlin. But if you want them, they _are_ yours after all.”

In his room, Merlin went over her words over and over. _Nothing lasts forever. Only a matter of time. Good memories can be painful, too._

He didn’t even remember writing the poems that now sat on his desk. They were terrible, just a sad attempt at metaphorical meaning by a fourteen-year-old, and nothing would really be lost by tossing them out. But they were part of him, and if he got rid of them, if they were sent off to rot in some landfill, it’d be like getting rid of a part of himself. He couldn’t believe his mother was just going to throw them away so carelessly.

Wednesday it was drawings. Merlin walked into the living room to see all of his childhood scribbles littered about, with Hunith reverently touching one in particular where she sat in the centre. She immediately wiped her eyes on her sleeve when she noticed Merlin in the doorway.

“Oh, hello, Merlin. Is it that time already?”

“What happened in here? Are these—”

“Everything you ever drew, from when you first picked up a pencil.” She sniffled and rubbed her nose. “I still have the piece of paper you learned your circles and squares on. I don’t expect you remember that, do you? You were so frustrated, trying to get those circles exactly perfect...”

_What the fuck._

Merlin dared to walk closer to see what she was looking at. She held it out to him and smiled when he took it. It had a title: “My Mum Is The Most Be ~~u~~ autifull In The World Ever.”

“Surely you remember that,” Hunith said. “When you were eight and wanted to learn to draw. You said you wanted to start by drawing me, even though I told you to start with something simple like a jar or a table. And you were sad because you couldn’t get the nose just right. Always so determined, even then.”

Merlin did remember. He remembered reflecting on the event years later and realising what a stupid reaction it had been and he had experienced horrible delayed embarrassment over it. It was one of those times that made him cringe with the memory, made him think _oh God no, I can’t believe I ever did that, why did I do that, why?_

“Did you find this with my old school things as well?” he asked flatly, handing it back to her.

She nodded.

“You’re going to throw these out too, then.”

“Oh, no, never. These are much too precious.”

Merlin frowned. “What about the good, painful memories or whatever?”

She touched the portrait the same way she touched the old poetry the previous day, with a sad smile and a sigh. “Sometimes people find themselves in the mood to be a bit masochistic.”

“You seem to be feeling masochistic a lot lately.”

He hadn’t realised he’d said it aloud until she put down the paper and replied. “Yes, well, I figured there’s nothing to lose.”

 _Leave. Leave now before she says something_ really _bad._

Merlin spun quickly and was almost at the stairs when he heard it, a wistful sentence said under her breath, said as if he wasn’t meant to hear even though he knew he was. He didn’t want to hear it, he tried all he could not to hear it, but it penetrated his skull and dug its root deep just like he knew it would.

“I suppose memories are all I have left now.”

Merlin didn’t think it could get worse. He was almost frightened of what would happen on Thursday since that was his day off. Hunith didn’t get home ‘til three but Merlin spent the whole morning and afternoon wondering what she’d pull out next.

He was terrified when she returned from work and she did nothing out of the ordinary. She didn’t even sigh or frown when they had dinner. Merlin was on constant alert for any minor slip or drop of another sentence that would keep him awake. It never came.

He was nearly asleep when it finally arrived and when he realised what was happening he bolted up in bed with a gasp.

“No.” But there was no mistaking it.

It was the sound of his father’s old guitar, horribly out of tune, and yet a song being played nonetheless. The only song that his father taught Hunith how to play. In the breaks between chords, he could hear her sobbing.

It went on for hours.

 

 

*

“Merlin! Mate, are you even listening?”

Merlin blinked and looked up. “Huh?” Will was staring at him like he’d just said the most important thing in the world and Merlin had missed it. “Sorry, what?”

Will furrowed his brow and leaned back to look Merlin up and down.

“What?” Merlin repeated, feeling self-conscious. He smoothed his hair down just in case.

“Something’s up with you. I know it’s not Arthur ‘cause you haven’t got that dreamy look in your eyes.” Merlin blushed. “But something is definitely up. You haven’t been right this week.”

Merlin turned away and shrugged. He watched the delivery men unload boxes without really seeing them.

Will had been a good friend so far, but Merlin wasn’t sure they were at the stage where they shared problems with each other yet. It was a good sign that Will was able to at least realise something was wrong. Merlin decided to take a chance.

“It’s my mum,” he said.

“Oh.” Will shifted and took a bite of his sandwich. It helped that there seemed to be mutual awkwardness. Will obviously sensed this was new territory too.

“She doesn’t like Arthur,” Merlin continued. “She wants me to stop seeing him and got really upset when I told her I wouldn’t. She hasn’t said anything about it since, but she’s been acting weird. Arthur says she’s trying to make me feel bad, and I _know_ she’s try to make me feel bad, but the problem is that it’s working. I feel terrible.” Merlin sulked.

“What exactly is she doing?” Will asked, tilting his head.

“It’s...” Merlin paused to consider. “It’s sort of what she’s _not_ doing.”

“Alright, what’s she not doing?”

“Well, I...I said some terrible things to her, and I thought I should apologise or try to talk about it, but she’s been pretending like nothing happened.” That wasn’t quite right though. Merlin modified his statement. “More like, she’s pretending it doesn’t bother her. But by not being bothered, it seems like it bothers her. I don’t even know anymore,” Merlin finished miserably.

“Hmm.” Will took another bite and contemplated as he chewed. “Why doesn’t she like him?”

“Arthur says she’s jealous.”

“Jealous,” Will echoed, like he was tasting the word for the first time. Suddenly he snapped his fingers. “It’s just like back when I was in primary school. I had these two friends, right? One I’d known since before we could walk and the other I’d only just met. The first one got really jealous of the second. Thought the new bloke was trespassing on claimed territory or something. So I got them together and was like ‘Look. I wanna be friends with both of you. Either come to some sort of understanding or we’re all three of us over.’ We spent more time together as a group and eventually they both became good mates too. Problem solved.”

“Huh. I guess I never thought of it that way before.”

Spend more time together as a group. Get Hunith to feel less threatened by Arthur. It wouldn’t be quite as easy as Will made it sound, but it was a plan, at least.

“Will. You might just be a genius.”

Will shrugged. “I keep telling people that but no one believes me.” He shoved the rest of his sandwich in his mouth.

 

 

*

Merlin didn’t have time to think too much about Hunith or how to get her to like Arthur that night because he was too busy worrying about impressing Morgana. He put on the same jeans and belt he wore to the club—minus the wallet chain—and the dark purple shirt he wore out to dinner on their first date. Arthur had convinced Morgana not to overdo celebrations and they were headed to the same pub from their double date with Lance and Gwen.

Arthur’s eyebrows shot up when he saw Merlin let himself into the house. “Oh. _Those_ jeans.”

Merlin glanced down at himself as he shut the door behind him. “What’s wrong with them?”

“Nothing. I just don’t fancy having an erection around my sister.”

Merlin rolled his eyes and smiled. “You’d have an erection no matter what I wore.”

Arthur shrugged and didn’t deny it. “Do you have to wear the belt though?” he asked as Merlin walked into the living room and sank onto the sofa. “It’s not like it’s holding anything up. They’re tight enough.” He plopped down next to Merlin and put his feet up on the coffee table.

“I like this belt,” Merlin replied simply. “Since when do you care so much about my accessories?”

Arthur’s forefinger traced a delicate pattern on Merlin’s thigh. “Since it makes it so much more difficult to take off,” he said quietly.

Merlin was about to make a witty retort about possibly having more devious plans for the belt when he heard a cough behind him. He turned and recognised the woman from when Arthur first moved in.

“You didn’t say she was already here,” he hissed under his breath at Arthur. Arthur just shrugged and gave Merlin his best grin.

_Oh, you are so going to regret that._

Merlin couldn’t think too much about how he’d make Arthur regret it though because there was the matter of the woman standing behind him. He got to his feet and reached over the sofa to offer his hand.

“Hi, I’m Merlin,” he said, being sure to smile like Arthur told him to.

“Morgana,” she replied with a smirk. Definitely related to Arthur then. “Are you the boy that’s been spying on my brother then?”

“Morgana!” Arthur protested from the sofa.

Merlin’s heart skipped. “A-Are you the girl he always calls a harpy?” he countered quickly.

Morgana simply nodded, looking Merlin up and down appreciatively. “I like him,” she said finally, turning to Arthur. “He’s a real improvement from the last one even if he is a pervert.”

Merlin was red with rage. He couldn’t care less about being insulted. He knew she didn’t really mean it, like he didn’t really mean it when he called Arthur a prat. It had to be a Pendragon thing. No, it was ‘the last one’ that irked Merlin. His vivid imagination was able to picture foreign hands touching _his_ Arthur and his body trembled just thinking about it.

“The last one doesn’t matter anymore,” Arthur said quickly as he rose from the sofa. Merlin felt some of the tension leave his chest and he was able to breath easier. Arthur’s eyes flicked from Merlin to Morgana, who was standing slightly in front of him. His eyebrows were slightly furrowed with worry, though it was clear he was trying to hide it.

Morgana suddenly turned her neck to look at Merlin. Merlin felt himself still frowning and forced himself to relax his features before she could notice. She looked back and forth between them a few times and Merlin thought maybe he’d said something wrong. He backtracked through everything he’d said but could find nothing wrong with it.

Morgana looked about to speak when a low voice behind Merlin made him jump. “Merlin, right?”

Merlin spun around and came face to face with a dark blond man even taller than him. He had a light brown beard but shining, childlike eyes.

“Um.”

The man extended his hand. “Leon. Morgana’s husband and Arthur’s boss.”

“Oh, hi.” He accepted Leon’s strong handshake. “Yes, I’m Merlin.”

He’d forgotten all about Morgana’s husband. Arthur had only mentioned Leon helped him get a job, not that he worked _for_ him.That added a whole new layer of stress. Now Merlin had to be even more careful about what he said.

_kinky sexual behaviour_

“Right then.” Arthur clapped his hands together. “Let’s get this over with.”

 

 

*

They were just about to get out of the car when Arthur looked at Merlin and opened his mouth to speak. Merlin cut him off. “I know.” He returned Arthur’s even stare and they had a whole conversation with simply a look. _I won’t have too much. Not this time._

“Good. Because I plan on getting trashed and I don’t want to have to look after you.” Arthur nodded once and opened his door. Morgana and Leon were already exiting.

Even though Merlin had only been the one time, he was still glad they had decided to go someplace he was semi-familiar with. He was much more comfortable here than he would have been wherever Morgana wanted to go, which no doubt would have been much more fancy.

Merlin didn’t like the way they arranged themselves at the table though. He would have much preferred if Leon had sat across from him, but no, he had to spend the entire evening under Morgana’s piercing gaze. He hoped Arthur’s hand on his thigh would be able to make it less awkward as the evening went on.

Morgana ordered the most expensive drink on the menu, Leon got something a little less posh, but still pricey, while Merlin and Arthur simply had two pints of regular lager. Merlin was all too happy to let Arthur and Leon’s conversation be the only one at the table. He stared down at the patterns in the wooden table while taking the occasional sip.

This was decidedly more difficult than the double date with Gwen and Lance. Gwen was gregarious and pulled Merlin into conversation with charismatic ease. She was all smiles and excited babble whereas Morgana was calculating stares and cool smirks. Merlin felt like a bug under a microscope.

 _Not even going to think about how ironic this is,_ Merlin told himself as he dared to raise his eyes to see if Morgana was still watching him. She was. This time Merlin forced himself not to look away. Which was easier said than done.

“So,” Morgana began, leaning in close and waving for Merlin to do the same. “Who tops?”

Merlin stopped breathing. He was fairly certain his face was as red as Morgana’s lipstick. “Wh-wh—”

“You heard me.”

Merlin shot a nervous glance at Arthur but he was still talking to Leon, unaware. “I, uh...that’s a bit personal...” It didn’t faze her. “And it’s your brother. I mean, why would you want to know...”

Morgana waved her hand like the fact didn’t matter. “I was just curious, is all. Because he always tops. Always.” She eyed Merlin critically again. “But I can’t tell with you. It’s like you’re a...quiet storm or something. You bend but you don’t break. You’ve got quite the temper, haven’t you?”

“N-No,” Merlin said, unconsciously rubbing the skin of his knuckles on his right hand. They still hurt if he moved them the wrong way, even after all this time.

Morgana just hummed in consideration. “Arthur’s last partner had a temper, you know. Vivian. She said he wasn’t living up to his potential. She was a bit like a younger, female version of our father actually. Always telling him he wasn’t good enough.”

How dare anyone say such a thing about Arthur! Arthur worked harder than anyone Merlin knew, and alright, he didn’t know many people, but that didn’t make it any less meaningful. Arthur was smart and maybe he was a bit overqualified for his current position. Still, if Arthur was happy where he was, nobody had the right to claim his stagnation was due to not being good enough.

Merlin closed his eyes and tried to will the images away, to push down the rising flare of anger. Arthur was his now. This Vivian didn’t matter. Nothing she had said or did mattered. It was all in the past.

Suddenly Arthur’s arm was around his shoulders as Arthur shifted to sit the way he had two week’s prior, leaning against the wall of the booth. It was an easy gesture and Arthur’s attention was still on Leon, but Merlin understood it for what it was the moment Arthur’s eyes glanced to look at him. _Whatever it is, calm down, Merlin_ , that look said.

Merlin took a deep, silent breath. He could handle this. No reason to be jealous over unimportant girlfriends. Arthur loved him. Arthur wouldn’t leave him.

However, Morgana’s eyes were sharp. Merlin hadn’t hid his sudden emotion very well so Arthur’s subtle arm over his shoulder was only too obvious to her.

She chuckled knowingly as she raised her glass to her lips. “That’s alright,” she said. “Arthur’s got a temper himself.”

There must have been a pause in Arthur and Leon’s conversation because Arthur looked over at the sound of his name. “What lies are you saying about me now?” he quipped.

“None.” Morgana batted her lashes innocently.

“You better not be harassing my boyfriend,” he added, giving Merlin’s shoulders a meaningful squeeze.

Morgana rolled her eyes. “I’m sure you harass him enough for the both of us. He looks all worn out.”

That’s exactly how Merlin felt: worn out, exhausted, and run down. But it was nothing to do with Arthur and everything to do with his mother. It had been a stressful week.

Arthur turned to study him more closely and Merlin met his eyes steadily. “Something happened,” Arthur observed quietly, Morgana and Leon momentarily forgotten.

Merlin nodded sheepishly. “A few somethings, actually. But I don’t want to talk about it.” _Or even think about it._ “Let’s just celebrate tonight, yeah?”

Arthur pursed his lips like he wanted to argue but let it drop. He turned back to Leon and they resumed their earlier conversation. Now, though, Arthur would glance at Merlin every so often.

Merlin kept his word and didn’t drink too much. He knew with lager his limit was three pints before he started feeling really irresponsible. Arthur, however, had made no such promise. Merlin had thought since Leon was his employer he’d be more cautious. Apparently that wasn’t the case. Merlin dimly recalled Arthur mentioning that of all his friends, he’d known Leon the longest. That made sense, he supposed, for Leon to be friend first and boss second.

Even so, Merlin had only ever seen Arthur this pissed when they went to the club, and even then he couldn’t really remember because he was so out of it himself. Now Arthur was leaning into Merlin heavily and whispering things at a volume that weren’t exactly whispers.

“Merlin. I’ve been thinking. I know exactly what I want for my birthday.”

“Oh? Okay.”

“And I’ve been...I’ve been a very good boyfriend, teaching you how to...how to drive and all. So I...I should definitely be rewarded.”

Merlin’s eyes flicked nervously to Morgana but she was staring down at her food. “Okay. Why don’t you write it down?” The last thing he needed was Arthur explaining in detail what he wanted done to him. Though, hey, that was a thought for later.

Arthur grabbed a napkin from the dispenser and looked around for something to write with. Finally he just said, “‘Gana. Pen.” and held out his hand across the table.

Morgana rolled her eyes and dug around in her bag for a pen. When she gave it to him, Arthur smiled triumphantly and turned to Merlin. “Their bags are magic. They have everything in there.”

Merlin laughed. “Just go ahead and write it, Arthur. You’ve got me curious.”

Arthur uncapped the pen. “I’ll do you one better. I’ll diagram it.”

Merlin felt a definite stirring in his jeans as Arthur set to work with a wicked grin. Arthur had enough self-preservation to use one hand to block Leon and Morgana’s view.

Merlin tried not to stare while Arthur drew it, instead finished off his last pint and ate a few chips. After a few minutes, Arthur set down the pen, folded the napkin, and slid it over to Merlin.

Merlin smiled as soon as he saw the familiar position and the movement between his legs was no longer a simple stirring. “This can be arranged,” he said to Arthur. “But not until you’re sober. Tomorrow after breakfast, okay?”

“Tomorrow! But—”

“Arthur.”

Arthur gave in with a pout. “Fine.”

The position in the diagram made it clear Merlin was supposed to bottom this time. He was _not_ going to let the first time Arthur penetrated him be while he was intoxicated. And he was doubtful Arthur would be obedient enough in this state as well. Still, Arthur did deserve _something._

Merlin picked up the pen and flipped the napkin over. “Here’s what you’ll get tonight.”

Merlin had drawn one stick figure when he glanced up to see Morgana staring intently at him. He blushed under her gaze and stammered, “Wh-what?”

“Nothing,” she replied with a small smile. Merlin hesitantly returned to the diagram.

“Oh, I liked that,” Arthur remarked, pointing. “I _really_ liked that.”

Merlin coloured deeper, aware of how Arthur was utterly failing to whisper. “I know you did,” he said quietly, hoping Arthur would get the hint.

When Merlin slid the napkin back over, Arthur protested. “That’s it? I can handle much more than—”

“I don’t think you realise exactly how pissed you are,” Merlin interrupted.

“I know exactly how—”

“Here’s what you’ll get tonight, Arthur,” Merlin reiterated with a finger on the napkin. “This, or nothing.”

Arthur must have seen something in Merlin’s eyes or heard something in his voice, because he backed down immediately. Merlin crumpled the napkin and stuffed it in his pocket. _There’s no way he could handle more than just the ball gag tonight,_ Merlin thought. _He’s already acting out of line._

A waitress passed by and Morgana called her back. “We’ll have another round, please. No more for this one, though,” she added gesturing to Arthur. She ignored Arthur’s sounds of protests.

The waitress nodded and said she’d be right back. Merlin leaned forward and said apologetically, “I think I’m good, thanks.”

Morgana leaned in as well. “You can handle one more.” She looked Merlin up and down again before continuing. “Mine is more well-trained than yours.”

Merlin blinked. “Sorry, what?” Had he heard that right?

“I said. Mine is more well-trained than yours.”

Merlin looked between Morgana and Leon. Leon was boredly eating his meal.

“No way,” Merlin said.

Morgana nodded with a smile. “Yes.”

 _Is she implying I can’t control him? That he doesn’t respect my authority?_ Merlin felt a sudden need to defend himself. “Well, mine is currently drunk off his arse.”

She straightened up and held a palm out. “Chip.” There was immediately a chip in her hand, courtesy of Leon. She took a bite and raised an eyebrow in challenge.

Almost too well-timed Arthur began nudging Merlin to get out of the booth. “I have to pee,” he complained when Merlin wouldn’t budge.

“Hold it,” Merlin snapped, his eyes never leaving Morgana.

“ _Mer_ lin!”

“What did I just say, Arthur?” Merlin turned to face Arthur with a threatening glare. Arthur huffed but crossed his arms and sat back. Merlin looked back to Morgana triumphantly.

But Morgana was shaking her head solemnly. “Oh, Merlin. He trusts you to know what he needs and take care of it. If you deprive him of a need, you’ll lose that trust.”

Merlin frowned. He hadn’t thought about that, only about proving his control. Now he felt like a bad master.

He slid out of the booth and waved Arthur forward. “Go on,” he prompted. Arthur hurried out and smiled at him gratefully.

“So much to learn, Merlin,” Morgana commented, finishing off her chip. “That’s alright, I’ll teach you.”

The waitress returned with their drinks as Merlin took his seat. He fought the urge to glare at her. Arthur had certainly been right about her being a bitchy harpy.

She modified her statement at seeing Merlin’s obvious anger. “I won’t try to tell you how to be with him. Just important things. Like how to know what he wants before he himself knows he wants it.”

Now that Arthur was gone she wasn’t whispering. Leon could hear every word she said and Merlin felt uncomfortable all over again. He took a large sip of his fresh pint, thankful that Morgana had ordered it.

Then he froze and looked down at it. _Oh._

“You’re welcome,” she said smugly.

 

 

*

“Arthur, give Leon your keys.” Arthur dug in his pocket and handed his keys across the table to Leon at Merlin’s request. He had sobered up a bit in the hour since he went to the loo and was now at the heavy, honey-limbed stage where he didn’t want to move much.

“Do you need help walking?” Merlin asked.

Arthur shook his head. “No. But don’t let go of me. In case.”

“Okay.”

Merlin helped him stand and waited a few seconds while Arthur got his bearings. He kept a steady hand on Arthur’s arm as they walked back to his car, with Arthur only stumbling twice. Leon already had the engine running by the time they piled in.

Arthur, as it turned out, wasn’t a sleepy drunk or even a particularly randy drunk, just a very cuddly, handsy drunk. He put his head on Merlin’s shoulder the first couple minutes of the ride home, then lifted his legs and placed them across Merlin’s lap the rest of the time. His arms were a loose circle around Merlin’s neck and he buried his face there, rubbing his cold nose against Merlin’s collarbone.

Merlin had no choice but to hold him, large and heavy as he was.The phrase “teddy bear” entered his mind and he grinned privately. He would never let Arthur live this down.

Then Arthur’s cold nose on his collarbone became a wet tongue and eventually nibbling teeth. Merlin shuddered and had to shift Arthur on his lap to accommodate his building erection. Arthur’s mouth travelled up the side of his neck to the soft spot behind his ear and Merlin stifled a moan when Arthur’s thighs rubbed against his cock.

“A-Arthur,” Merlin hissed. He had trouble deciding between turning his head left to expose his neck to more of Arthur’s soft kisses or right to look Arthur in the eye and tell him to stop. He went with right.

Arthur, however, took advantage of the change in angle and captured Merlin’s lips with his own. Merlin’s resolve crumbled and he melted into it. Arthur’s tongue was heavy and he tasted strongly of lager, but Merlin didn’t mind all that much. Arthur rarely kissed him like this, deep and unhurried. This was the sort of kiss Merlin dreamed of having back when Arthur was just a wishful thought on the other end of his telescope lens.

It was dark in the interior of the car, and Merlin could pretend the blinking lights from the dashboard were stars, with the passing street lamps outside being planets. As Arthur pulled him down horizontally, Merlin thought for sure he was about to make love in space.

“Oh Christ,” some part of Merlin’s brain registered a male voice from the front seat. “Should we stop them?”

There was a soft sound of leather then a chuckle. “It’s his car. Any fluids he spills are his to clean up.”

Merlin mentally told the voices to go away and lost himself again in Arthur’s body. There wasn’t much room back here and the seatbelts kept digging into Merlin’s side, but all that was secondary to Arthur’s cock against his. Arthur’s tongue still mapped the cavern of Merlin’s mouth and the sideways movement of the auto combined with his desire for Arthur left him dizzy. He clutched Arthur tighter and Arthur responded by running his hands up the back of Merlin’s shirt, digging his nails into the skin when their chests couldn’t get any closer.

Now Arthur was getting impatient. What began as a slow roll of hips escalated into Arthur arching his spine, trying to meld their bodies into one being. His cock dragged against Merlin’s as he raised up and Merlin couldn’t help the moan that escaped then.

“I guess it’s a good thing we’re almost there,” the male voice said.

“Yeah. Just leave the keys in the front seat, I’m sure they’ll be fine.”

“Should we give them...?”

A snort. “If you think they’ll make it that far.”

“I still have some in my wallet from when you used that strap-on on me.”

“Don’t waste ours!”

“It’s his birthday, Morgana. And we have plenty more at home.”

Merlin tuned out the rest, mostly due to the fact that Arthur’s drunken fingers were trying to undo the zip on his jeans without undoing the belt first. He reached down to help and ended up swatting Arthur’s hands when they just got in the way. There was a moment of hesitation when he was about to lower his pants but it was dark and he told himself the owners of the voices wouldn’t be able to see anything. Arthur, it seemed, was still just pissed enough not to care and shoved his trousers down his knees quickly.

“Ah, Merlin,” Arthur gasped when they came back together. Merlin was about to tell Arthur to shut up—those voices might not be able to see but they could definitely hear—when the lights in the car came on. Merlin froze, feeling exposed in the sudden light, but after the sound of jingling keys and two doors slamming, the lights went out. Merlin let out a held breath and continued. The two other people had left and now they could be as loud as they wanted.

Now that the car was stationary, Merlin realised how much their weight shook the frame and how forceful his own thrusts had become. Their harsh breathing, usually loud even in the bedroom, filled the confined space.

“Merlin, please,” Arthur whined, hands clutching fistfuls of Merlin’s arse. “Please, just...”

 _Fuck me_ , Merlin’s brain supplied in a perfect imitation of Arthur’s voice. _Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me._

“Y-Yeah, alright. Let me just, uh.” Lube, lube, lube, he needed lube, where the fuck— “Ah! Here.” He found some in the driver’s seat by the keys. “Okay, pants off,” he instructed, pulling his own down his calves and completely free.

Light from the moon and the street lamps streaked in through the windows, providing just enough to see by. Merlin ripped open the packet of lube, cursing when too much got on his palm and not his fingers, then felt around in the dark for Arthur’s entrance. When his finger was enveloped by sudden heat and Arthur gasped “Oh fuck, yes,” he knew he’d found it.

Merlin pistoned his finger in and out, quickly adding a second. Arthur’s inhale was shaky and his hand gripped Merlin’s shoulder.

“Oh God Merlin, you...you don’t know what it...what it does to me, seeing you wear those jeans and...and knowing you’re hiding such a huge cock underneath...And that it’s mine, that it’s _my_ arse that cock belongs in—”

“Arthur, I swear if you don’t shut up right fucking now I’m going to come and then there won’t be _any_ cock in your arse,” Merlin snapped and added a third finger just a second too soon as punishment. Arthur whimpered but didn’t say anything more.

He must have taken shut up literally because he clawed at Merlin’s shoulder when he deemed himself ready instead of begging vocally. Merlin stroked his cock a few times, slicking it with the excess lube on his hand, before worming his arms under Arthur’s thighs to raise him up. He was halfway inside when he realised he hadn’t put on a condom.

“Merlin!” Arthur wailed, his hand pulling a fistful of Merlin’s shirt. “Please!”

“I—There’s no—”

“I swear I don’t have anything, I swear it, just please—ah!” Arthur’s head hit the door on Merlin’s hard thrust the rest of the way in, his neck bending forward to make his chin tilt into his chest. Merlin shuffled back on his knees, pulling Arthur with him. Arthur put his hands up behind him on the door to steady himself while Merlin slammed into him.

The alcohol made Arthur babble. Most of it was incoherent but bits and pieces made it through. “—you to fuck me so hard,” Merlin heard as Arthur anchored his foot on the headrest of the passenger seat. “...never stop...love feeling your cock inside...harder, hurt me!”

Merlin tried, he really did. He couldn’t push harder and deeper without slowing down, and if he did that he wouldn’t be able to go as fast and he _needed_ fast, he was _so_ close. He compromised on speed for force, reaching a sort of middle ground that kept them both satisfied.

Arthur’s feet relocated to the ceiling and the new angle had him screaming from the pleasure. Merlin briefly thought he should carry the ball gag with him in his pocket before shouldering through Arthur’s raised legs to quiet him with a kiss.

“Mmm, love you so fucking much, Merlin,” Arthur said against his lips. He still tried to talk even through kissing and it made Merlin’s lips vibrate. “...never leave...up next to you in the morning...me before work and...before I go to sleep...feel your come dripping out of my arse—”

“Oh fuck, oh fuck.” Merlin felt the waves of pleasure explode in his groin at Arthur’s words and thrust once more, his orgasm shooting out of his cock and into Arthur’s arse.

“Oh my God, Merlin,” Arthur gasped, fisting his own prick. “I can...nobody’s ever come inside me before...I can _feel_ you, oh my God, I can feel you.” His head fell back and within another few strokes his spine arched and he came on his shirt.

Merlin let both himself and Arthur catch their breath before pulling out. It was much more slippery than with the condom and Merlin felt a bit light-headed when he saw some of his come leave along with him.

“Um. Arthur? I need...” Merlin trailed off and Arthur grunted. “Your shirt, Arthur, your shirt. Take it off.”

Arthur made a noise of frustration but did as Merlin said. Merlin placed the soiled piece of clothing under Arthur’s hips so the leather seats wouldn’t stain.

Merlin sat back on his heels. He felt a lot better with that taken care of. Now there was the matter of clothes. It was dark now, but soon anyone walking by would be able to see their naked bodies sprawled out in the back seat. Arthur was clearly too tired to get dressed himself and Merlin was well on his way there too. Getting out of the car to go inside wasn’t even an option.

Merlin groaned. Nothing to do but put his own clothes on and sleep on top of Arthur. Arthur’s driveway wasn’t right on the street thankfully, but Merlin still didn’t like it. If his mum came by and saw...

_No, stop right there. Don’t even think about it._

Merlin shook the thoughts away. The doors were locked. A few shrubs blocked most of the view. It’s not like they’d be visible from the street, because they were laying down...yeah...they’d be safe.

As Merlin dressed he cursed his inability to stick to a plan after a few drinks.

 

 

*

When Merlin woke up, it was just beginning to be light outside. Arthur stirring beneath him is what roused him and he remembered with a panic that they had fallen asleep in his auto.

“Stay down,” Merlin mumbled to the squirming Arthur. “Your shirt’s under us and...it’s a bit ruined right now, but I’ll get your pants and jeans and we can go inside.”

Arthur lay back down with a sigh. Merlin rubbed his eyes and began looking for Arthur’s clothes. In the dim light of the sunrise he was able to find them fairly quickly and gave Arthur room to put them on. Arthur eyed his wrinkled shirt in distaste and grabbed his keys from the driver’s seat before nodding to Merlin that they could go in.

Merlin almost gave up at the stairs but he didn’t fancy sleeping on the sofa alone so he forced himself to follow Arthur all the way to the bedroom. Once there, neither he nor Arthur bothered to undress, just fell into bed and went back to sleep.

 

 

*

The next time Merlin awoke the clock said it was nearly noon and Arthur was sitting up rolling his neck.

“Hey,” Merlin croaked. He cleared his throat and his voice came out much smoother. “You never get to make fun of my filthy mouth again. Ever. Last night—”

Arthur groaned. “I know. I was pissed. Remember what I said about that filter when I’m half-asleep? It’s the same after I drink. Only much, much worse.”

“Hm.” Merlin didn’t exactly mind Arthur admitting how good Merlin made him feel or the things he wanted done to him. It was what made him come in the end, after all. But if Arthur was uncomfortable doing it... “Shower?” Merlin suggested.

Arthur nodded. “Yeah, we should. Thanks for having the foresight to, er...with the shirt,” he waved towards the crumpled shirt on the floor.

Merlin huffed a laugh as he raised himself up. “I know how much the car means to you.”

In the shower, Arthur suddenly groaned while washing Merlin’s back.

“What?” Merlin looked over his shoulder to see Arthur frowning.

“Just...remembering more of what I said last night. I can’t believe...” He trailed off and groaned again.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Merlin chuckled. “There was nothing particularly cringe-worthy from what I can remember.”

“Good. I don’t want you to remember.”

Merlin turned around and tried to see past Arthur’s troubled eyes. His blond hair was plastered to his forehead and beads of water dripped from his fringe down his face. His brow was creased with worry, ruining an otherwise spectacular image.

“I remember everything you said, Arthur, and believe me, none of it was as bad as you’re making it out to be.”

_Whoa. Since when am I the one that comforts?_

Arthur chewed his lip but finally decided to say what was on his mind. “What about when I said I never want you to leave? That I want to wake up next to you in the morning so you can fuck me before work and before I go to sleep? Or that I...that I want to feel your come dripping out of my arse? You really think I shouldn’t feel the slightest bit embarrassed about that?”

Arthur was blushing and Merlin felt his own face flush with heat. “Well, I mean, of course you’ll be embarrassed to say something like _that._ But just because it’s embarrassing to say doesn’t mean you shouldn’t say it.” Merlin was feeling pretty on the spot himself. “Remember when you first came over to ask me out? _That_ was pretty awkward, right?”

Arthur laughed like Merlin hoped he would. “I didn’t really know what to say. I think in the end I just said I liked that you watched me and wanted to do more.”

“Something like that,” Merlin chuckled at the memory. It seemed forever ago now. “I guess what I’m trying to say is, don’t feel embarrassed around me? Because it’s _me_ and I’m about as socially awkward as you can get.” As if to prove his point, Merlin turned around and lowered his voice before continuing. “Besides, maybe I liked hearing you say those things.”

“Oh.” Arthur returned to scrubbing Merlin’s back.

_Don’t make it awkward, don’t make it awkward._

“You just liked hearing me beg,” Arthur said. Merlin breathed in relief.

“Harder! Hurt me!” Merlin quoted in falsetto and laughed.

“Oi! If you’re going to mock me at least get the voice right.” Arthur brought his lips to Merlin’s ear. “It was more like... _harder_... _hurt me_.”

Merlin swallowed and his cock took an interest in the way Arthur’s breath tickled the back of his neck. Arthur just laughed in victory and said, “Your back’s clean. Now mine.”

Merlin thinned his lips and they switched places. After only a few seconds he smiled again.

“You must also remember that lovely diagram you drew for me,” he remarked. Arthur’s shoulders stiffened. Good. “I believe I said something about after breakfast. Although now it’s about time for lunch, don’t you think?”

Arthur was silent a moment and Merlin took the opportunity to grin triumphantly.

Finally, Arthur looked over his shoulder and asked, “What did you want for lunch?”

 

 

*

_Know what he wants before he even knows he wants it. How am I supposed to do that?_

Before Arthur had returned to the table the previous night, Morgana had said that Merlin had a responsibility as Arthur’s dom. Merlin had cringed at the word. He didn’t like it (or master or top or anything that indicated his status) even though he knew that’s technically what he was. He was Arthur’s dom and Arthur was his sub. Morgana had stated it plainly. And he knew he had a responsibility to Arthur. He thought he had been doing well, making sure Arthur wasn’t hurt while also doling out the right amount of discipline.

But apparently a few wikipedia searches wasn’t enough. Morgana had given him her number and insisted he call before they do any more scenes. He had rolled his eyes and said he knew what he was doing but finally agreed.

That was why, when Arthur asked what he wanted for lunch, he had suggested Arthur bring something back instead of cooking or both of them going out. He needed to be alone to call Morgana.

_Calling his sister for sex advice. Not weird at all._

“How did I know you’d be calling today?”

Merlin rolled his eyes at her greeting. Of course she couldn’t say hello like a normal person. “You said to call, here I am calling. He’ll be back soon so can we make this quick?”

“Hm. I liked you better when you were quiet. But alright, pay close attention. Take notes, even.”

Merlin shuffled through Arthur’s mail on the kitchen counter next to him, feigning preparation. “Okay, go.”

“Arthur is a sub, which means he’s submissive.” _Tell me something I don’t know._ “He may not say it—actually, knowing my brother, he definitely won’t say it—but he wants to submit. That’s what you have to remember. All subs want to submit. They love it. They get off on it. They live to please us.”

Merlin gulped. He’d known that too, of course, but hearing it said like that...

“Okay.”

“Before I say anything else, I need to know what kind of sub he is, so I’m just going to ask a few questions.”

“What kind of—what? Questions?”

“Look, I know it’s a bit weird but who else are you going to talk to about this? Let’s be honest, here, Merlin, you’re not exactly going to walk in a BDSM club any time soon, are you?”

“No!”

“Precisely. So you need me to help you. This is for the good of your sex life, Merlin!”

“Um.”

“Okay, first question. Does he like giving up control, and if so, how much?”

“I’m hanging up now.”

“No, Merlin, d—”

He didn’t need her. He and Arthur were doing just fine anyway.

Though it couldn’t hurt to find Arthur’s laptop just in case.

 

 

*

Merlin didn’t hear Arthur return. He was so caught up in looking up Morgana’s words, trying to figure out what kind of sub Arthur was. There were other things lurking in the back of his mind too, like Will and work and driving and his mum. How did normal people juggle all of these things at once? He was used to easy living—work and home, no stress, no worries. It had been a simple life. Now there were a million things to keep track of.

So Merlin was understandably distracted when he suddenly heard Arthur calling him from the top of the stairs and he hurried to clear the browsing history before closing the window.

“Merlin.” That was not a good tone. “What are you doing?”

“Nothing.” He was glad he was facing the door with the laptop screen towards him. Arthur walked in and Merlin shut the laptop closed.

“Why are you blushing?”

He was blushing? “No reason.”

Arthur looked doubtful. “Seriously, Merlin? What did you _just_ say to me in the shower about being embarrassed?”

Merlin groaned because Arthur had a point. And they probably should be discussing this together, but that didn’t make it any less awkward. “Don’t use my words against me.”

Arthur smiled and crawled on the bed where Merlin sat. “Come on, show me.”

“Don’t laugh.”

“Never.”

Merlin opened the laptop and maximised the window. The title ‘Nine Levels of Submission’ was clear across the top and Merlin waited with baited breath for Arthur’s reaction.

“Oh.”

“Um. Yeah.” He felt a sudden need to explain. “Morgana said that I’m your...your dom and that—”

“Morgana?” Arthur turned to look at Merlin incredulously.

“Oh, yeah. She called and said I had a responsibility to you or whatever and that we needed her help. I told her we were fine.”

Arthur snorted. “Good, ‘cause we sure as hell don’t.”

Merlin’s lips twitched in a slight smile. “Yeah. But she was going on about knowing what kind of sub you are before I hung up so...” He shrugged the rest.

“So this.” Arthur nodded to the screen.

“Yeah.”

Arthur sighed and faced the screen more towards him. “Alright, let’s see then.”

Merlin’s heart pounded as Arthur read. He tried not to watch Arthur’s face too closely, but noticed immediately when Arthur’s eyebrow hitched just a fraction.

“It says that these are just guidelines,” Merlin hurried to clarify. “That you probably won’t fall solely into one category.”

Arthur raised his eyes to Merlin’s and grinned just a bit. “I see that, Merlin.” He went back to reading and Merlin went back to chewing his nails.

After another few minutes, Arthur turned the laptop back to Merlin. “Six,” he said simply.

“Six?” Merlin reread it. “You’re sure?”

Arthur nodded and moved his fingers over the trackpad to briefly highlight some of the text. “But, um. Also this part of five.” _...turned on by pain indirectly, i.e. enjoys being the object of one's partner's sadism.._.

Merlin’s voice came out higher than he meant it to. “Oh.”

“Yeah.”

A million different ideas ran through Merlin’s head, none of them helping his erection, so Merlin tried to school his features and said, “So. What did you bring back for lunch?”

 

 

*

_Six_ , Merlin thought as he chewed his food. _Really gives up control. Wants to serve and be used by the dominant. Wants to provide non-erotic as well as erotic services._

Merlin swallowed.

_May even act as a full-time slave._

“Now is probably not the best time to say this, because I’m fairly certain you’re still about as hard as I am,” Arthur said. Merlin laughed once. “And I’m not particularly good with...these sorts of things. But I still think you should know so I guess I should try to say it.”

Merlin tilted his head. “What is it?”

“It’s just...I’m...proud of you.” Arthur exhaled like he’d just got a terrible secret off his chest.

Merlin looked at him funny. “Proud? What for?” He was working checkouts, that was true, but he hadn’t done anything special lately.

“Merlin, you don’t know what you were like before. You were so...so shy”—Merlin raised an eyebrow—”Okay, you’re still shy. But you _are_ a lot better about it, like with Morgana and stuff. And I know things are sort of tense with your mum, a lot more than you’re telling me, that’s for sure.” Merlin pushed down the sound of his mother’s crying and his father’s guitar. “Look, I’m just trying to say you’ve come a long way since that day I asked you out. When you mentioned it in the shower, it sort of made me think, and...yeah. I’m proud of you. There.”

“Oh. Thank you, Arthur.” _I didn’t even realise, with everything going on. But I guess from his point of view..._

Sometimes Merlin really wondered what things were like from Arthur’s point of view.

 

 

*

Merlin had said to wait, so Arthur would wait. He had said “Go upstairs, strip down to just your pants, and face the headboard” like he had the time before. So Arthur would wait.

He wondered if Merlin knew just how much the waiting alone did him in.

The leather handcuffs were still attached to the headboard. They were going to be used on him in a few minutes. Maybe that was part of Merlin’s “devious plan,” to have Arthur stand here staring at the bed he was going to be bound to.

Arthur wanted to touch himself, bring himself some sort of relief. He didn’t.

_He’ll know. He’ll punish me._

_What if I want him to?_

“Very good,” Arthur heard Merlin purr behind him. How had he walked up the stairs so quietly?

Arthur stiffened when Merlin’s hands slid down his arms and Merlin’s erection nudged the crease of his arse. It was the barest touch and Arthur had to fight the urge to press back into it, to grind Merlin’s cock against him like he so very badly wanted to. He balled his hands into fists and took a deep breath. He could be good for Merlin.

Merlin’s warmth left him and he heard the creak of wood as Merlin opened the wardrobe. _Has he seen it yet?_ Arthur thought. _I only just bought it Thursday, he hasn’t been over to see it. Maybe he won’t_ —

“Oh!” Merlin exclaimed. There was no denying he’d noticed the new item now. “Well. This certainly wasn’t in the diagram but I’ve just got to try this out.” Arthur could hear the smile in Merlin’s voice and his heart felt like it was going to jump right out of his chest.

“Pants off,” Merlin commanded. Arthur quickly slid his pants down and kicked them to the side. He took another deep breath, braced himself, heard the telltale whoosh of air—

_Oh god yes!_

“Mmph!” Arthur bit his lip to hold in the cry that threatened to escape. The slap of the paddle on his bare arse stung like a pain he’d never had before and the force of Merlin’s swing surprised him. He had nearly fallen forward on the bed and had to put his hands out to stop himself.

“Stand up straight!” Merlin shouted and brought the paddle forward again. The sting brought pinpricks of tears to Arthur’s eyes and this time he did fall forward just enough that his palms landed flat on the bed. Merlin was suddenly beside him, hissing in his ear. “Can’t you follow one simple instruction? Stand. Up. Straight.”

 _Oh fuck, he’s so fucking hot like this_ — _no, don’t look at him, keep your eyes down. Just do what he says, stand up straight and he’ll give you what you want._

Arthur straightened his spine. “Excellent,” Merlin said, pleased. He trailed one finger across the breadth of Arthur’s shoulders and his voice was much more gentle when he continued. “One more. Because I like the way it makes your arse shake.”

His hand travelled down Arthur’s back to palm a single cheek, still stinging with pain from earlier. “Already so red. They match the ones on your face, you know. They give away how much you love this.”

_I do. I do love this. Oh God, I love this so fucking much._

It was reassuring to know he didn’t have to say it aloud. That Merlin just knew.

He felt Merlin’s presence step back and braced himself for the final slap against his arse. He widened his feet apart and when the blow came he managed to stay upright. His chest swelled with pride.

Merlin sighed wistfully. “Well, that was fun.” Arthur heard a dull thud as Merlin put the paddle away and the clink of chains as he pulled out the nipple clamps. “But enough of what I want. You are the birthday boy, after all. Turn around.”

Arthur did a 180 and stood face to face with Merlin for the first time since it began. He made the mistake of looking Merlin in the eyes and quickly dropped his gaze.

“Hm,” Merlin hummed as he worked to attach the clamps in the right position. Arthur’s cock twitched between their bodies when Merlin had it squeezing a good amount of pressure on his nipple. It wasn’t perfect, it could even stand to be a little tighter, but Arthur knew Merlin was just trying them out first. They could play with angles and pressure later.

When Merlin attached the other one, Arthur’s cock leaked a drop of precome. Arthur wanted to touch himself again, to pull at the chain dangling from his nipples, something, _anything_ for sweet relief, but he clenched his hands again and waited for Merlin’s command.

Arthur felt every muscle in his body sing with pleasure when Merlin’s hand gripped his dick. He exhaled slowly and let his eyelids fall as he just basked in the touch of Merlin’s warm fingers. _Thank you, oh thank you,_ he repeated in his head.

A sudden downward tug on the chain ripped a yelp from him. It felt _so fucking good_ , and he couldn’t stop himself from begging, “Please, again, oh please, Merlin—”

Merlin’s hands left him completely. “You’ll take what I give you, Arthur.”

Arthur swallowed and nodded. That had been stupid of him. He had to learn to control himself, he couldn’t keep giving in to his outbursts or he’d always be a disappointment. The last thing he wanted to do was disappoint Merlin.

“Lay down on the bed,” Merlin said. “You know how.”

Arthur did know how. He crawled up the bed until his head was by the headboard and raised his arms for Merlin to tie the handcuffs. Merlin didn’t make him wait this time, and secured them immediately. But Merlin was still fully dressed. Arthur tried not to let his confusion show on his face. And then he realised.

_He’s going to prepare himself. He’s going to make me watch. Like all the times he watched me. He’s going to open himself up for me and then...and then...._

The second cuff was tied and Merlin slid off the bed. He lost no time in undressing and getting the lube from the drawer then straddling Arthur’s legs. He poured a generous amount onto his fingers, put his left hand onto the mattress to anchor himself, and reached back to push the first digit in. Arthur wished he could see his face while he did it, but Merlin had his head hanging limply down, his black fringe tickling Arthur’s chest. Arthur only saw the curve of Merlin’s spine, the swell of his arse, and his wiry arm crooked at an angle behind him.

The noises didn’t start until the second finger. Merlin didn’t moan and whine like Arthur had the night before in the auto, but hitches in breath and sudden gasps gave away his pleasure. Arthur dug his fingernails into his palms. He wanted so badly to touch the man that was pleasing himself over him.

Then Merlin raised his head and stared straight at Arthur. Arthur felt his cock twitch and lowered his gaze immediately but Merlin’s sharp voice demanded otherwise. “Look at me.”

Arthur forced himself to look straight into Merlin’s eyes. He saw the exact moment that Merlin slipped a third finger in because Merlin’s brow raised with instant pleasure spiked just right with pain.

Merlin’s eyes were dark like this, more than just the dilated pupils stretching to the outer ring of his irises. Arthur saw his reflection staring back and, more importantly, saw the lack of anxiety inside Merlin. There had been cracks in the shell before. There were none now.

It was Merlin as he should have always been: strong, confident, powerful. It was Merlin as Arthur wanted him to be, as Arthur wanted everyone to see him as. Arthur had known of his potential to be something so much more the moment he saw Merlin. It was wrong for such a beautiful creature to be locked up. Merlin needed room to grow, to become who he was meant to be.

To display his absolute control over Arthur.

The thought turned Arthur on more than the man above him fingering himself did. Merlin was still shy, that was true, but he had already said certain things publicly that made Arthur dizzy with lust. _“Oh, I’ll show you coordination_ , _”_ he’d said weeks before. It hadn’t been from embarrassment that Arthur blushed, but from intense desire. He realised then that he liked Merlin showing off his power in public. He fucking loved it. He wanted Merlin to show the world that he was his. He hoped the new, confident Merlin would be comfortable doing it.

“Stop thinking,” Merlin ordered. His voice was hoarse and Arthur realised that the whole time he’d been lost in his thoughts Merlin had been stretching himself wider. “You don’t need to think. You just need to do.”

_Don’t think, just do, don’t think, just do._

“Keep your eyes on mine, Arthur.”

Merlin’s cock suddenly brushed against his own and Arthur inhaled sharply. Just as suddenly, the touch was gone and Merlin was lowering his head to Arthur’s chest, his eyes only briefly flicking down before returning to Arthur’s.

Arthur thought for sure Merlin could hear his heart pounding when Merlin’s teeth pulled the chain on the clamps. Arthur fought the sound in the base of his throat threatening to escape, but couldn’t keep it in after the second tug. He wanted to look away, to close his eyes as his moan tore through him. The fact that he was forced to stare directly at Merlin as he voiced his pleasure intensified it in a way he hadn’t even thought it would.

But it got better. Merlin’s teeth let go of the chain and his tongue darted out to lick Arthur’s chest. He repeated it, each lick farther down until Merlin was grinning wickedly over Arthur’s cock. The single stripe he licked up the shaft was torturously slow.

“Have you ever come inside anyone, Arthur? Like I came inside you last night?”

Arthur didn’t trust his voice. He shook his head.

“I’m not going to put a condom on you. I want you to feel what it’s like. When you finally explode inside and you feel yourself throbbing against the walls of my arse...it’s like passing on a part of your essence. Like sharing your soul.”

Arthur suddenly felt like he couldn’t breathe. That’s exactly what he’d experienced the night before, when he felt Merlin’s come fill him. Even after Merlin’s cock left him, there was a part of Merlin still inside him, almost like Merlin himself had seeped into his bloodstream and melded to become one. He wanted that so badly. If Merlin could give that to him, he wanted to give it to Merlin. He wanted to share his soul with Merlin.

Merlin’s mouth suckling the head of his cock brought him back out of his thoughts. Merlin kept his eyes locked on Arthur as he went down and took more of it in. Arthur struggled not to thrust his hips up but forced his muscles’ instinct to behave. Merlin made a humming noise of approval as he continued to suck and get Arthur’s cock glistening wet.

Then he pulled off with a loud smack. His breath on the wet skin of Arthur’s prick made Arthur shiver, and Arthur shivered for another reason entirely when he realised that breath was the result of Merlin extracting his fingers from his arse. Soon he would be inside, soon he would feel Merlin’s heat envelope him and pull in him, and they’d be one...

Merlin’s eyes left Arthur’s as he bent his head to guide Arthur’s cock into place. Time seemed to pass slowly and quickly all at once. First just the tip nudged inside and then suddenly Merlin was there, sitting atop Arthur and smiling down as if he had given Merlin the world.

 _Like at the concert and the Observatory_ , Arthur noticed. _That’s_ my _smile, the one sweet Merlin gives me. Because it’s...Oh my God, it’s...How could I forget?_

It was Merlin’s first time. Merlin had been inside Arthur plenty of times but nobody had ever entered Merlin. And here Merlin was, giving Arthur this gift while simultaneously in such a position of power...It made Arthur’s head spin.

“Stop thinking,” Merlin repeated. The smile was gone. He was powerful Merlin again. “My eyes, Arthur.” He placed a finger at his temple. “Look at my eyes.”

Arthur could do that. He could clear his mind and focus only on Merlin. It became much easier when Merlin started rolling his hips and Arthur lost himself in the sensation of Merlin riding him.

Merlin set a slow pace and Arthur’s thighs shook with the effort it took not to jerk his hips up. It was slow but deep, and Merlin’s contented sighs were like a symphony to Arthur’s ears. Arthur could let Merlin adjust. He could let Merlin use him however he saw fit. He was entirely Merlin’s to use.

Even when Merlin’s head fell back and he picked up the pace, Arthur kept his eyes locked on the tendons in Merlin’s throat, waiting for the moment Merlin would bring his face back up so he could follow instructions. He wanted to take in every detail of Merlin like this, every detail he could just barely make out in his peripheral vision: Merlin’s hands curled on top of Arthur’s stomach, his large cock bouncing up and down along with him, his hair swinging back and forth where it hung from his scalp. He wanted to look, but he didn’t. He kept his eyes straight ahead because Merlin had told him to.

And he wanted to touch, to feel Merlin’s leg muscles work beneath his hands and run his fingers through Merlin’s sweaty fringe. But all he could do was let Merlin take and take and use and use.

When Merlin’s chin came forward slowly and Arthur met his eyes again, Merlin moved his hands from Arthur’s chest and placed them palm down on either side of his body. The movement resulted in him leaning forward, which also allowed Arthur’s cock to slide out more on each bounce up. Not to mention Merlin’s face was only about ten centimetres away from his own.

“You can do it, Arthur,” Merlin said gently, though his countenance was anything but. “I know you want to.”

Arthur didn’t have to ask what he could now do. Without a second thought, he thrust upwards, meeting Merlin in the middle of his descent, drawing moans from both of them.

Merlin lifted his hand and tugged the chain attached to Arthur’s nipples. Arthur had forgotten all about it but was reminded of it all too sharply when the clamps reacted with his nerve endings and shot electric pleasure through his body.

 _It’s too much, I’m going to come, I’m going to_ —

A sudden lash of pain across his cheek halted his thoughts and the building fire in his groin subsided. Arthur didn’t realise he was looking away until Merlin’s hand gripped his chin and forced his face forward.

“You don’t come until I say, is that understood?”

Arthur nodded.

“Speak, Arthur.”

“Yes,” he croaked.

“Good.” He let go of Arthur’s chin and continued rocking on Arthur’s cock with a slim smile. “Now, tell me what you are.”

“Wh-wh—”

“Tell me. What you are,” Merlin crowded into his face. “What is Arthur Pendragon? Tell me.”

“I don’t—”

“He’s a whore, isn’t he? Arthur Pendragon is a whore. Say it.”

_Oh my God._

Arthur was fairly certain he whimpered instead of speaking. There was another sting of pain across his cheek and this time he knew what it was. _He slapped me!_

“Tell me what you are, Arthur.”

“I’m—I’m—”

“Say it!”

_Just say it, why can’t you say it? Can’t you follow one simple instruction?_

“I’m a whore,” Arthur said, voice barely a whisper.

“Louder.”

Arthur took a deep breath and started to try again. He couldn’t focus with the leather handcuffs digging into his wrists and Merlin tight around his cock and the nipple clamps—

Another slap. “Stop thinking and say it!”

“I’m a whore,” Arthur said, firmer this time.

Merlin raised his hand as if to slap Arthur again. “LOUDER! TELL ME WHAT YOU ARE!”

“I’M A WHORE!” Arthur sobbed. _I’m a whore, I’m a whore, please let that be enough, please..._

Merlin’s smile stretched his face and he lowered his hand slowly. “Yes, Arthur. Yes, you are. You’re my whore.” His face was a breath’s distance away from Arthur’s again and Arthur was dizzy with pain and lust when Merlin gave the chain a final tug and commanded, “Come, whore.”

Arthur came so hard his vision went black.


	9. Chapter 9

_Oh fuck, did he just faint?_

Merlin froze. He reached out with a cautious hand and lifted Arthur’s limp face by the chin. Arthur’s head fell back down as soon as he let go.

_Was it too much? Did I hit him too hard, were the cuffs too tight, oh God what have I done?_

Merlin raised off Arthur’s cock—because there was no way he was going to fuck Arthur’s unconscious body—when he suddenly realised how wet his arse was. He slipped free and breathed a sigh of relief. It was just the orgasm. He hadn’t hurt Arthur.

Merlin flipped over onto his back and fisted his own neglected erection lazily. Now that he was sure Arthur was okay he could attend to himself. He quickened his pace and stared at Arthur still tied up and used. He was hovering over the edge of climax when Arthur began to stir.

“Nnn,” Arthur groaned as his eyelids fluttered open.

The bed was shaking from Merlin’s strokes and his heavy breathing filled the room. Merlin still felt stretched open from Arthur’s cock in him, could still feel how it had filled him, hot and thick and like nothing else he’d ever experienced. Arthur’s come between his thighs was clear evidence of how good he made Arthur feel with his body and now Arthur was waking up, looking around, and Merlin could tell from his face that he was remembering, remembering—

Merlin’s release painted his stomach and all his muscles went limp. He lay there catching his breath until the rattling chains of Arthur’s handcuffs reminded him of the situation. When he looked up, Arthur was watching him from under heavy lids.

He rolled over onto his knees and straddled Arthur again to undo the nipple clamps. Arthur let out a sharp “ah!” at the first one, to which Merlin smirked at him for. Arthur only gasped at the second one.

“Do you feel alright?” Merlin asked conversationally as he reached up to untie the handcuffs.

“Yes.”

“Well, you fainted so I was a bit worried.”

“Yeah, I know. I, um. Really enjoyed it.”

Merlin smiled. “That’s good.” He got the second cuff undone and kissed Arthur’s cheek before settling back on Arthur’s thighs. “Happy Birthday, Arthur.”

Arthur grinned a bit as well as he worked circulation back into his arms. “Thanks.”

Merlin swung his legs over the side of the bed. “I’ll get us a cloth. Try not to faint while I’m gone.”

“Oh, very funny, Merlin.” Arthur rolled his eyes.

Merlin hurried back from the loo with a damp flannel. He wiped them both down and went to put away the nipple clamps. He hesitated before closing the drawer.

 _We haven’t used many of these,_ he reflected, touching the plugs and vibrator briefly. _I wonder if he’d like_ —

A wad of fabric hit the back of Merlin’s head and draped over his shoulder. It was his pants.

“Oi!” he snapped, spinning around. “What was that for?”

Arthur grinned playfully. “I can practically see the wheels turning in your head. No more devious planning.” He patted the bed beside him and Merlin noticed he already had shorts on. “I’ve got something to ask you.”

Merlin grumbled and wondered what Arthur could possibly have to ask. He was tired out from practically riding Arthur like a racehorse and yelling and slapping... He just wanted some tea or to listen to some music for a little while.

“Alright, what is it?” Merlin sighed dramatically as he lay next to Arthur on the bed.

“You owe me an explanation,” Arthur stated simply.

Merlin quirked a brow. “I do?”

“Last night, remember? You said a few somethings happened but that you didn’t want to talk about it. I was going to ask this morning but then decided I should put it off until after...So, what happened?”

The previous week played through Merlin’s head in a series of images and Merlin felt fresh guilt make his stomach sink. He rolled onto his back and stared straight ahead, wishing his mind could be as blank as the white ceiling.

“We don’t have to talk about it now, if you don’t want,” Arthur said. “I realise it’s kind of a terrible conversation topic after such mind-blowing sex.” Merlin couldn’t help but laugh. “But I do want you to tell me some time today or before you leave. You don’t work today, do you?”

“No.”

“So. You know. Whenever.” Arthur’s shrug jostled the bed.

Merlin pinched the bridge of his nose. _I don’t want to talk, I don’t even want to think, I just want to forget._ _I just want to pretend everything is fine and go on with life._

“She said...” Merlin took a deep breath. “She said I was such a sweet boy. _Was_ , not am. And she said nothing lasts forever, and that good memories can be painful and that...and that memories are all she has left. And then I heard her playing my father’s guitar...” Merlin’s voice broke near the end and his throat tightened with restricted emotion.

Arthur’s hand touched his knee. “Merlin...”

Merlin flinched away. “That’s it, okay? That’s why Morgana said I look worn out and that’s why I’ve been distracting myself. I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”

“Merlin, this is clearly hurting you. I just want to help.”

Arthur looked like he’d had his own feelings hurt and Merlin regretted moving out of his touch. He relaxed and wrapped his arms around Arthur’s waist like the day they had just sat and listened to Death Cab.

“I know. You are helping,” Merlin said. _Don’t cry, not now, not in front of him._ “You’re helping distract me, like I said. If I can just forget, and pretend things are normal...”

Merlin felt Arthur exhale and wriggled closer when Arthur’s arm brought their bodies together. Arthur was nice and warm and why Merlin ever flinched away he’d never remember. This was helping too in a way. If he could always come home to this, to the safety of Arthur’s embrace where it seemed like nothing else but them existed, he’d be satisfied forever.

Arthur didn’t say anything for a while, for which Merlin was grateful. Merlin reflected on Will’s earlier suggestion, but he wasn’t quite sure how to implement it. Arthur and his mother could hardly sit down and have a conversation, and they had nothing in common. Merlin couldn’t even make friends himself without Arthur’s help so he had no idea where to begin when it came to making two completely separate people like each other.

Just when Merlin thought it might be getting awkward—and what time was it now anyways?—Arthur spoke.

“Just so you know, I think you’re very sweet.”

Merlin snorted. “You do realise I just got finished slapping you until you admitted to being a whore, don’t you?”

He felt Arthur’s body shake with laughter. “That totally doesn’t count. Besides, you knew I’d like it. It was technically still a very unselfish, _sweet_ thing to do.”

“Next you’ll be trying to convince me Hitler was just misunderstood.”

Arthur flicked his ear. “Shut up. I’m trying to cheer you up here.”

Merlin smiled into Arthur’s shoulder. “I know. It’s working, I guess.”

“You guess?” Arthur echoed and pulled back to stare at Merlin. He looked upset and Merlin wanted to make that expression leave Arthur’s face forever.

“Merlin, how can I possibly—” Arthur stopped, shook his head, and started again. “If I had a single ounce of artistic ability I’d show you. I’d paint you the way I see you, strong and beautiful—”

“You’re a romance novel personified, Arthur.”

“I don’t care. If you could see yourself through my eyes for just one second, you’d realise how special and important you are—”

“The only one like me in the entire universe.”

“Yes! Exactly. And you’re _so_ close, if only you’d just—” Arthur stopped.

“What?”

Arthur frowned and shook his head. “Nothing.”

“Arthur!”

“I shouldn’t say. I really, really shouldn’t say.”

“What am I so close to?”

“Merlin...”

Merlin gripped Arthur tighter and shook him. “Tell me!”

“It’s...I don’t know how to say it really. Sort of like, when you’re young and you lose your teeth...”

Merlin laughed humourlessly. “What?”

“No, just listen,” Arthur insisted. “When you’ve got a tooth that’s loose and about to fall out, but it’s sort of still connected, like hanging by a thread. And you want to pull it out but it hurts, so you just kind of let it...dangle or something, I dunno.”

_What the hell is he on about?_

“And sometimes it falls out on its own, but other times you just have to deal with the pain and yank it out. There might be a lot of blood or it might be a clean break but either way a new tooth grows in. A new, adult tooth that’s stronger and...and...” Arthur trailed off and looked at Merlin, clearly hoping he understood.

Merlin didn’t. “I’m lost.”

Arthur threw his hands up in defeat. “You’re a loose tooth, Merlin!”

Merlin laughed again. “I’m a what? I must have hit you harder than I thought.”

“Fine, forget it. It’s a stupid analogy anyways. You’re clearly in a better mood now, so there’s no point explaining—”

“No, tell me. I want to understand. It’s just...a little odd.”

“Okay, well.” Arthur pursed his lips. “To put it bluntly...You’re so close to being free of Hunith. You’re a tooth hanging on by a thread, and Merlin...you’ve got to be yanked out. Sorry.”

_“Close to being free?” He makes it sound like I’m a prisoner._

_But...I sort of feel like that, don’t I? Every day it’s like the house gets smaller and I dread having to go back there because I know she’s waiting with her sad smiles and the sorrow practically radiating from her because of what I’ve done..._

_She’s still my mum though! I can’t leave her, and she doesn’t mean to make me feel trapped, she’s just...she’s just lonely and...if I can get her to like Arthur..._

_But what if I mess up? What if she starts to hate him or...oh my God, what if she hurts him?_

“I shouldn’t have said anything,” Arthur stated. Merlin looked up and realised from his aching face that he’d been frowning extremely hard. “I should have lied or...or something. You said to distract you and now I’ve gone and given you something else to worry about.”

“I’ll be fine. But um. Yeah, not the best thing to talk about after mind-blowing sex, like you said. Let’s just go watch a film or something, yeah? And then we’ll have dinner in a bit.” _And then I can forget this ever happened and things will go back to normal._

Arthur smiled. “Sure. What’d you wanna watch?”

“I don’t care.”

*

About halfway through _Misery_ , Merlin kicked Arthur’s leg.

“You’ve got a sick sense of humour,” he said.

Arthur just grinned. “Ah, caught the symbolism, have you?”

“Kind of hard not to when she breaks his fucking ankles and tells him he’s not leaving.” Merlin snatched the bag of crisps out of Arthur’s hand and stuffed his mouth. “Aren’t you supposed to be cheering me up?”

Arthur gave him an innocent look. “This is totally cheering-up material. It’s making you realise that Hunith _could_ be breaking your ankles and chaining you to the bed.”

 _Deflect, deflect, don’t think about it._ “Being chained to beds is your job,” he remarked and took another crisp.

Arthur just rolled his eyes. “Want to know how it ends?”

“He makes it out right? Granted he’ll probably have to crawl.”

“Sort of.”

“The police officer—what’s his name—saves him?”

“He tries to. But Annie kills him.”

 _Don’t think about it, don’t think about it, she wouldn’t hurt Arthur, she wouldn’t._ “So then...?”

Arthur reached for the bag of crisps. “Maybe I shouldn’t tell you after all, now that I think about it.”

“Prat.”

“I’ve got a new question, though.”

“At least pause the film, then.”

“It’s really quick. You won’t miss anything, just that stupid policeman chasing leads.”

“Alright, fine, what is it?”

Arthur’s grin widened. “How did you like your first time bottoming?”

Merlin erupted into laughter. “It was great, Arthur, bloody fantastic. Now can we finish this stupid film?”

After the police officer died (His name ended up being Buster. Poor Buster.) Merlin asked Arthur a question of his own, one that had been in the back of his mind since he regarded the other toys in the drawer.

“Can I eat lunch with you on Thursday? You said it’d be fine to visit you in your office every so often.”

Arthur looked surprised at the question. “Sure. How will you—”

“Take a bus or the tube. Probably the tube.”

“Have you ever...?”

Merlin snorted. “ _Yes_. Will and I had to use it to get to his flat. I’ve never gone alone but it didn’t seem all that difficult. Pretty easy concept: get on, get off.”

Arthur looked unsure. “I don’t work near Will’s flat. Do you even know how much it costs or what stop to get off at? What if you get lost?”

“Arthur, I’m not completely useless. I’ll look it up online or something. Or you can just tell me. It’s only Saturday now, I’ve got almost a week to figure it out.”

Arthur gave Merlin a look that Merlin wasn’t exactly sure how to dissect.

“What is it?” Merlin asked.

“I’m...Well, I did mention I was proud of you, didn’t I?”

Merlin rolled his eyes and kicked Arthur’s leg again. “Shut up and watch the film.”

However, only a few seconds later, Merlin interrupted again. “Wait, what did she just say?” he asked Arthur.

Arthur blinked. “She, um. She realised that Paul is going to keep trying to escape no matter what so she’s going to kill them both.”

“Oh.” _Don’t think about it. Don’t even fucking think about it._

“Don’t worry, Paul tricks her and survives.”

“He...he kills her, doesn’t he?”

Arthur sighed and nodded gravely. “Yes, Merlin, he kills her.”

*

Merlin wore headphones all the time the next week. Monday he went to Will’s flat to play video games again and watched more closely how the whole Underground thing worked, but Tuesday and Wednesday he blasted his music loud, kept his head down, and went straight up to his room. The only time he ever had to fear was breakfast and dinner, and even then he made himself focus on other things.

 _Glance in the rearview mirrors every thirty seconds or so, check blind spot before changing lanes, always use a signal,_ he’d mantra to himself. _Know what he wants before he even knows he wants it, may even act as a full time slave, smile Merlin_

_Yes, Merlin, he kills her._

_A to jump, B to crouch, Y to reload, right trigger to shoot_ —

 _no, not shooting, don’t thinking of shooting_ —

_I’d paint you the way I see you, strong and beautiful..._

_you’ve got to be yanked out._

“Everything alright, dear?” Every meal, the same question when Merlin couldn’t stop himself from frowning in concentration.

“Yeah, everything’s great, Mum,” Merlin answered with a smile and returned to distracting himself.

And then finally Thursday. Merlin had lovely plans for Thursday.

*

Merlin could feel his pulse beat in his arms when the lift reached the ninth floor and the doors opened. Straight ahead was a receptionist desk and the lady didn’t look too friendly but maybe she was just really focused on the computer in front of her.

Merlin took a deep breath and walked forward. “Excuse me,” he said and she looked up. “Can you tell me where—”

“Merlin!”

Merlin jumped at the sound of his name and turned so fast his fringe swung across his face.

“L-Leon?”

The tall blond appeared to be on his way out. “Arthur said you might drop by today. I was just going out to lunch myself. Did you need me to show you to his office?”

“Oh. Uh, yeah, that’d be great. Thanks.”

“It’s this way.”

Merlin followed him through a labyrinth of cubicles and hallways to a door marked ‘A. Pendragon.’ It was a small office, about the size of Merlin’s bedroom, with a window behind the desk and a whiteboard taking up the whole left wall. A coatrack nearly poked Merlin’s eye out when he walked in and he bumped into Leon to avoid colliding with it.

Arthur was kneeling on the floor, writing something near the bottom of the whiteboard when Leon knocked twice to signal their entrance. He looked over his shoulder and smiled when he saw them in the doorway.

“Hey!” he said and capped the marker as he got to his feet. “You made it.”

“Told you I could,” Merlin replied, raising his chin proudly.

Arthur’s smile broadened. “I didn’t doubt you.”

“I’m off then,” Leon said and waved. “Nice to see you again, Merlin. And uh...sorry about Morgana.” Merlin was fairly certain he noticed a blush as Leon turned and disappeared down the corridor.

Merlin laughed and stepped the rest of the way in. Looking at the whiteboard, he saw Arthur had been adding and dividing figures. Rather large figures, in fact.

He ignored Arthur’s smug grin and continued walking around the office. There were all sorts of boring books on the bookshelf, two chairs in front of the desk, and a rather pathetic attempt at a motivational poster on the wall. Merlin sat in the leather desk-chair behind the desk and swivelled in a circle once.

“Hm,” he hummed, regarding the finish on the wood. He picked up the telephone and put on his most posh accent. “Hello? Yes, this is Mr Pendragon. No, I’m far too important to speak to you right now, you’ll have to call back later.”

Arthur guffawed. “Alright, enough playing around then. What have you brought me to eat?”

Merlin placed the phone back on the receiver. “Oh, was I supposed to bring you something as well?”

“ _Mer_ lin.”

“Only joking.” Merlin opened the paper bag he’d brought with him and took out two sandwiches. “I actually made this myself, just so you know.”

_Because she might have poisoned you._

“Oh yeah? So I shouldn’t expect much then,” Arthur chuckled, sitting down in one of the chairs across from Merlin.

“I’ve seen Mum make them often enough to know how it’s done. Will puts hot sauce on his, which is just...weird.” Merlin made a face and handed Arthur his lunch.

“He sounds fun, though, from what you’ve told me. When do I get to meet him?” Arthur took the sandwich and bit into it.

“To meet him?” Merlin echoed. “You want to meet him?”

Arthur shrugged. “Sure. He was your first friend, right? Why wouldn’t I want to meet him?”

Merlin smiled but shook his head. “He wasn’t my first friend. That was you.”

“I...oh.”

“I was going to invite him over on Monday after work, because he keeps asking to come over.”

“Does he know you live with your mum?”

“Yeah. And I was actually really hesitant at first because I just know dinner is going to be awkward as hell. So we could just relocate to your place when you get home and you can meet him over dinner.”

“Alright, sure. Though you do have a key, so if you want you could just take him straight there.”

“No, that’s okay, I don’t—”

Suddenly there was a shadow in the doorway. “Hey, Arthur, do you have the—oh. Who’s this?” A man stood looking at Merlin quizzically. Merlin figured it was because he was dressed so casually, then remembered he was also sitting in Arthur’s seat.

Arthur swallowed his food and gestured to Merlin. “This is my boyfriend Merlin. Merlin, this is Elyan, Gwen’s brother.”

“Hi.”

“Oh, you’re Merlin?” Elyan’s face lit up and he strode into the room. “Gwen’s told me all about you.” Merlin’s brows shot up and Elyan clarified. “Good things, don’t worry,” he chuckled.

Arthur rolled his eyes. “What did you need, Elyan?”

“Oh, right. That client report I emailed you about earlier. Have you got it?”

Arthur stood up and walked around the desk. Merlin rolled out of the way and Arthur picked through various papers in front of him that all looked the same.

“Yeah, here,” he said, handing it to Elyan. He went back to his seat as Elyan briefly skimmed through it.

“Great, great. So, Merlin. Gwen tells me you’re extremely funny.”

_Ugh, no, can this guy just leave? I have things to do and not a lot of time to spare._

“I guess,” Merlin said aloud. “I wouldn’t exactly say so...”

“He’s only funny when he feels like it,” Arthur elaborated.

“Gwen said sort of the same thing. That it’s more accidental, like.”

“Accidental? I can be funny if I want to.”

Arthur looked sceptical. “Merlin, your idea of a joke is hardly what most people consider humour.”

“Says the person that showed me a horror film just to symbolise—”

“Hey, that _was_ funny!”

“— _and_ uses a goddamn tooth analogy—”

“So I’m bad at describing things, is that a crime?”

“The point is, you are clearly not a valid authority on humour,” Merlin finished.

“Alright, tell us a joke then,” Arthur challenged. He sat back with his arms crossed and grinned like he’d already won.

 _Fine with me,_ Merlin thought. _Keep grinning. You’ll be begging for mercy in a few minutes._

“Okay, I will.” Merlin straightened his posture and Arthur rolled his eyes at the drama. Elyan sat in the open chair beside Arthur attentively.

“A man walks into a pub and sees a tiny man playing piano on the bar,” Merlin began, hoping he’d started off right. “He asks the bar man, ‘Where’d you get the miniature piano player?’ and the bar man pulls out a magic lamp and puts it on the bar. The man rubs the lamp and wishes for five hundred quid and five hundred squids start falling from the ceiling.”

_Wait, is that right? It has to be, what else rhymes with quid?_

Merlin continued. “So the man looks at the bar man and says, ‘I asked for five hundred quid, not squids.’ And the bar man says, ‘You think I asked for a thirty centimetre pianist?’”

Elyan burst into laughter immediately and Merlin hmmphed, tilting his chin triumphantly in Arthur’s direction. He saw indentations in Arthur’s cheeks from trying to hold back a smile but eventually Arthur gave in and let out a few breathy chuckles.

“Where the hell did you hear that joke, Merlin?” Arthur asked.

“From Will.”

“Of course.”

“Oh God, that was great, Merlin,” Elyan said, wiping his eyes. “Top notch.”

Merlin shrugged. “I only just heard it the other day, but um. Thanks.” _Alright, leave now, please._

Merlin tried to signal to Arthur with his eyes to get Elyan to leave and it seemed to work. “Anything else you need, Elyan?” Arthur asked.

“Oh, no, that’s all. It was nice meeting you, Merlin.” He stood to leave. “We should have a pint some time.”

“Sure.”

As soon as Elyan left, Merlin relaxed his position and took the water bottle out of his bag. When Arthur moved to pick up his food, Merlin shook his head and said, “No, Arthur. Get up and close the door.” He propped his feet up on the desk and took a lazy sip of water.

Arthur was standing and halfway to the door before he froze and turned on his heel. “Wait, why am I cl—”

“Don’t ask why, Arthur. Just do it.”

Merlin noticed Arthur’s shoulders stiffen as he turned back to follow the order. He locked it without even being told to. Good.

“Come here.” Arthur kept his eyes down as he walked over to where Merlin sat behind the desk. “Trousers.”

Arthur undid his belt and zip with practised hands and let his trousers fall to his ankles. There was already a noticeable bulge in his pants.

Merlin tutted. “Arthur, Arthur, Arthur. And all I’ve done is make you close the door. If you had any sense you’d have bought an adjustable cock ring we could both use. Now I have to rely on your willpower alone.”

Merlin raised the water bottle and tilted his head back to take another gulp. He stopped mid-sip when he realised Arthur was staring at him.

“Did I say you could look at me?” he snapped. Arthur’s eyes darted away and then down. Merlin finished drinking and screwed the cap back on then lowered his legs from the desk to stand. “Pants.”

Arthur dropped his pants.

_What if somebody comes by and needs something, like Elyan did? Arthur locked the door though...They’d probably assume he’s out for lunch. Unless Elyan lets it be known that Arthur is still here eating with his boyfriend. God, so many fucking complications._

“Will we be interrupted again?” Merlin asked firmly as he walked to stand behind Arthur.

Arthur thought a moment before answering. “No.”

_We better not be._

“Good. Turn towards the desk.” Arthur turned and Merlin manoeuvred his pliant body until he was bending over the desk with his chin on folded hands. “Spread your feet as wide as you can.” Arthur widened his stance until the trousers restricted further movement. He was breathing heavily already.

Merlin put a flat palm on Arthur’s back. “Stop panting, Arthur. You’re being entirely too loud. Will I have to gag you?”

Arthur whimpered.

Merlin chuckled. “Oh,” he said, drawing out the word. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you? I brought it in case I ended up making you moan like the whore you are. But you want it anyway, don’t you?” Merlin leaned forward to speak directly in Arthur’s ear. “Do you like the way it makes you drool? Do you like the way it makes you feel completely, utterly helpless?”

Arthur’s eyes squeezed shut as he replied. “Yes.”

Merlin straightened. “Alright then. I’ll give you what you want.” He moved the scattered papers on the desk into a pile so that any spit dripping from Arthur’s mouth would land on the wood and not ruin anything important. Then he reached deep into his pocket and took out the ball gag.

Once it was in place he saw Arthur’s eyes close halfway and his chest heaved with a sigh. Merlin was pretty sure it was a sigh of contentment.

“You have three instructions to follow, Arthur. I’ll tell you the first two now: be as quiet as possible and _don’t come._ ”

With no further warning Merlin bent forward and licked Arthur’s exposed hole. Arthur whined and his body tensed and Merlin immediately pulled away. He grabbed a handful of Arthur’s hair and yanked back.

“What did I say the first instruction was, Arthur? Be as quiet as possible,” Merlin answered his own question since Arthur obviously couldn’t. “Do not. Disobey me. Again.”

Arthur tried to nod despite Merlin’s hold on him and Merlin pushed his face back down onto the desk. Arthur’s skull made a dull thud. “Let’s try this again, shall we?”

Merlin returned to Arthur’s arse, tonguing a broad stripe up from the bottom of Arthur’s balls all the way up to where his cheeks parted. Arthur panted but the noise was muffled by the ball gag.

Arthur’s legs started shaking when Merlin spread his arse further apart and pointed his tongue to delve in deeper. Merlin had no idea if Arthur would like this or not, only that in all the porn he’d ever watched it made people go crazy. He’d counted on it having the same effect on Arthur, and so far, it was working.

He sucked his finger briefly before working it in beside his tongue. He heard Arthur’s nails scratch the desk as he fought to not make a sound. _Wow, he really fucking loves this, doesn’t he? Maybe I ought to stop. I don’t want to risk him coming._

Merlin pulled away and reached into his pocket for the packet of lube he’d also nicked from the drawer in Arthur’s bedroom. He spoke as he coated his fingers.

“You’re doing very well, Arthur. I’m going to fuck you now so remember your instructions.” The only reply was the sound of Arthur’s wet, heavy breathing. Good.

Arthur remained silent through the preparation. Merlin wondered if he would at least be disciplined enough by now to stay that way once Merlin got his cock inside.

As soon as Merlin had pushed past the first ring of muscle, he heard Arthur’s nails on the wood again. Merlin didn’t go slow. They didn’t have time for slow. He fucked hard and fast and kept a hand clutched onto Arthur’s shoulder for leverage.

Arthur was very good. He pushed his arse back in time with Merlin’s thrusts forward, but Merlin allowed it. The sound of slapping skin wasn’t too loud, after all. Then Merlin felt the pressure building. He felt the tightening of his balls and—”Fuck, _fuck!_ ”—finally came apart inside of Arthur.

He pulled free and worked quickly before most of his come could leak out. He got the last remaining item from his pocket—the largest buttplug in the drawer—applied a bit of leftover lube, and slid it into place. Arthur sobbed.

As Merlin removed the gag, he informed Arthur of his commands. “Remember the second instruction, Arthur? Don’t come. Here’s the third one: Don’t take out the plug. Now get dressed.”

Merlin adjusted his own clothing and smoothed down Arthur’s hair once they were both fixed. He told Arthur to open the door, wiped Arthur’s drool off the desk, and returned to his lunch.

“So as I was saying before Elyan interrupted, I _could_ take Will straight to your house but it would feel wrong. It’d be like cheating. I’ve been round to his so it’s only fair I bring him to mine,” Merlin explained. Arthur squirmed in his seat. “I don’t know how it is with most friendships but I feel like it’s a crucial step in the whole process, you know? So even though I don’t really fancy him meeting my mum, I’m just going to try to deal with it because otherwise it’s like cheating.  Does that make sense?”

Arthur made a high-pitched noise in the back of his throat when the plug accidentally brushed his prostate. Merlin bit his cheeks to keep from grinning.

“Arthur?”

“Yes,” Arthur replied breathlessly. “Yes, it...it makes sense.”

Merlin allowed himself a small smile and raised his sandwich. “Glad you think so.”

Fifteen minutes later, when Merlin was about to leave, he kissed Arthur briefly and said, “I’ll see you when you get home, Arthur.”

*

Merlin could have gone back home but it was past three by the time he got off the tube and he didn’t want to chance an encounter with his mum. He went straight to Arthur’s and watched telly in the living room. The remaining two hours of Arthur’s work day passed quickly.

He didn’t move from his seat when he heard Arthur’s key in the lock. Instead he stayed lounging on the sofa with one foot on the cushion and one on the floor. He kept his eyes on the screen even when Arthur heard the sound of the programme and walked into the room.

Merlin did greet him though. “Afternoon, Arthur,” he said boredly.

Arthur sat down just in front of Merlin’s left foot on the sofa, close enough that he was in the space between Merlin’s legs but far enough away from Merlin’s crotch that he didn’t seem too keen. “Hey.”

“How was the rest of your day?”

“Fine.”

“Want to come now?”

Arthur’s whole body sagged with relief and an exhaled breath. “Please.”

“Alright. How do you want me to make you come?”

Arthur’s hands were in his fists on his thighs. He clearly hadn’t expected Merlin to allow him to choose. But now that Merlin had heard Arthur’s drunken confessions, he wanted to hear what Arthur could come up with while sober.

“Surely you must have been thinking about it,” Merlin nudged. Arthur nodded. “I could be very mean, you know. I could decide for you, and that might end up being a simple hand job. So tell me. What do you want me to do to you?”

Arthur lowered his eyes to his hands and still hesitated. Merlin sighed and stood. Arthur’s head snapped up to follow him, but he didn’t move from his seat.

“Don’t worry, I’m not leaving. I’m just thinking it might be easier if you can’t see me. I’ll stand behind you”—Merlin walked round the sofa—”just here. Now, go ahead and say it. What does Arthur Pendragon want done to him?”

Merlin saw the tendons in Arthur’s neck bulge as he swallowed. “I...I want...”

“Yes?”

“I want your cock in my mouth first.”

_Well. I certainly wasn’t expecting that. Although I probably should by now. He does love it, doesn’t he?_

“And then...then I want you to fuck me again. I can use my hand to finish myself, I just want you inside me when it happens. Please.” He clenched his fists tighter.

Merlin contemplated before speaking. “You liked it, didn’t you? You liked walking around with my come inside you.” Arthur just barely nodded. “Speak, Arthur.”

“Yes. I did.”

“And now you want more. You want me to fill you up with my come, is that it?”

“Yes, yes!”

“You’ll want to suck my cock a long time. And then you’ll want me to fuck you a long time. Do you know what we’ll need?”

“Yes.”

“Go get it.”

Arthur bolted off the sofa and disappeared from the room faster than Merlin had ever seen him move before. Merlin chuckled victoriously and swung his legs over the back of the sofa to sit down.

_How the hell did I ever get this lucky?_

The image of Arthur naked and tied up in his own bed months ago flashed through his mind.

_Oh. Right. Best not to think about that then._

Merlin had his jeans unzipped and around his ankles by the time Arthur returned with the cock ring. He took it from Arthur’s hands and began slipping it on as he said, “Undress.” Arthur hurried to comply.

There was something particularly empowering about being clothed while Arthur was completely naked. Merlin liked it. He scooted his arse closer to the edge of the sofa, offering up his cock, and commanded, “Kneel.”

Arthur knelt. With a single nod of consent from Merlin, he leaned forward and wrapped eager lips around the head.

 _Oh God, that feels so good._ Merlin let his head fall back with a sigh. “That’s it, Arthur. I’m not going to do any work so do it properly. Take as much as you can. Make yourself gag on it.”

Arthur suddenly went lower and Merlin heard the clear sound of his gag reflex protesting. His hands gripped Merlin’s thighs as he forced himself to take in even more. Merlin trailed a single finger across Arthur’s bulging cheek.

_Might as well let him enjoy himself. He looks so content just to have his mouth on it._

“I wasn’t very nice today, surprising you like that,” Merlin said. “And you were so well-behaved. I expected much more noise out of you, to be honest. So I’m going to reward you. Take as long as you like with my cock, Arthur. I’ll understand if your jaw needs a break. Just take your hands off my thighs when you want to stop.” Merlin picked up the remote beside him and turned up the volume on the television. “And then I’ll fuck you.”

Given the opportunity to do what he wanted with Merlin’s cock, Arthur seemed to worship it. Merlin meant to focus on the programme but found that he couldn’t. It was mesmerising to see Arthur lick a stripe up the side or just rest his face against it before taking a mouthful and going at it. He oscillated between gagging himself on it and teasing with small kitten licks.

The cock ring was a definite necessity. Merlin realised that fact every time he felt his groin pulse with the need to come and the resulting feeling of restriction. He kept one hand beside him on the sofa, the other he rested lightly on top of Arthur’s head. He could tell Arthur liked it, was comforted by it, because every time he stroked Arthur’s hair Arthur would practically purr with delight.

After fifteen minutes, Merlin became a bit restless. Four times he’d felt the cock ring hold him off and each time he wondered if Arthur would ever get tired. Arthur seemed to want to live between Merlin’s legs forever.

Finally, Arthur began what Merlin hoped to be the last charge. He worked his neck furiously, plunging down as far as he could go and Merlin felt the need to come rise again. He knew there was precome because Arthur tongued the slit every chance he got.

“Yeah, Arthur, you’re so—so good at that, _fuck_.”

Arthur hummed at the praise and Merlin forced his hand to release its grip on Arthur’s scalp to pet him again. Arthur went for twenty more seconds before finally he pulled off and removed his hands from Merlin’s thighs. A trail of saliva hung between the tip of Merlin’s cock and his own swollen lips.

Arthur wiped his mouth with his hand and looked up at Merlin with wide eyes for the next instruction. Merlin had to breathe a moment and make sure he wouldn’t come as soon as he took the cock ring off.

“Stand...stand up,” Merlin ordered breathlessly.

_Oh fuck, how am I gonna do this? If he sits on me he might crush me, but I don’t think I can manage standing right now..._

“Turn around.” Arthur turned on his heels. “Legs apart.” Arthur shifted his feet wider and Merlin pulled the plug out slowly. It came out with a squelching noise along with some of his come from earlier and Arthur tensed.

_Oh God, that’s so incredibly hot._

Merlin took the cock ring off and tossed it on the coffee table where it landed with a metallic clang. He kicked his jeans off and scooted to the side to give Arthur room.

“Lay down, legs open.”

Arthur lay on the sofa the way Merlin had been, but with his legs much further apart. Merlin quickly moved into the space between and— _gotta get my cock inside_ —slid into place easily, Arthur’s spit providing a natural lubricant.

“Oh God, finally,” Arthur gasped.

Merlin gave a violent thrust forward and Arthur cried out. He must have hit the right spot. “No talking.”

The squelching noises continued because Arthur was already so used. Even if the noises themselves weren’t very pleasant, the feeling was pure bliss. Each movement was a wet slide but not so loose as to be unsatisfactory. So much better than ordinary fucking, and even more thrilling because it was _his_ come inside, _his_ essence that he’d be filling Arthur with.

“You’re so...fucking...tight,” Merlin said between breaths. “How could you even still be this tight, I feel like I’ve...fucked you open...a thousand times already.”

Arthur’s response was to squeeze Merlin’s cock harder and clutch his shoulders until the nails dug in.

There was no way Merlin was going to last, not after having been denied coming five times already. He took one hand and reached down to grab Arthur’s cock where it lay thick and heavy on his stomach.

“Ah, fu—” Arthur cut himself off. He bit his lip but that didn’t stop a moan from escaping when Merlin hit his prostate again. Merlin snapped his hips forward four more times and Arthur came, his mouth falling open with a silent scream. After another rapid series of thrusts, Merlin’s body tensed and he followed.

“Fucking hell,” Merlin panted, collapsing on top of Arthur. His forehead collided with Arthur’s with an audible thud. “Ow.”

Arthur blinked. After a few seconds of sharing hot air, Merlin started laughing. Arthur’s brow furrowed (as much as was possible with Merlin’s head on his) but then he began chuckling too.

“What’s so funny?” he asked finally.

“I don’t know,” Merlin said. “I’m just...really happy. Aren’t you?”

“As long as you’re inside me, I’m always happy,” Arthur quipped with a grin.

Merlin raised himself and looked down. “Oh, I should probably...” He pulled free slowly and the amount of come that left Arthur along with him had Merlin gasping for breath.

“Oh my God, _Arthur_.”

“Is there a lot of it, then?” Arthur propped himself up on his elbows to try to see. “It feels like there’s a lot.”

“Oh yeah. There’s a lot.” _It’s like a fucking fountain._

Arthur lay back with a contented sigh. “That’s good.”

Merlin trailed a finger through the mess and pushed in experimentally. Arthur’s sharp intake of breath turned into a soft moan when Merlin rotated it and pulled back out.

“Wow,” Merlin remarked when more come came dripping out. “And you really like this?”

Merlin raised his eyes to Arthur’s, but Arthur’s were closed. “Yeah,” Arthur replied. He looked so at peace and beautiful and...

_I love him, oh fuck, I love him so much it hurts._

Merlin threw himself back over him and Arthur’s eyes snapped open in surprise. “Merlin!”

Merlin buried his face in Arthur’s neck and let everything—the smell, the touch, the sound of Arthur—envelope him. “I love you, Arthur,” he said into Arthur’s skin.

Arthur’s arms wrapped around him tightly, even though there was a sticky mess between them and it was sure to ruin Merlin’s shirt and Merlin was fairly certain if he moved a single bit he’d be crushing Arthur’s manhood. Still, Arthur held him closer. “I love you, Merlin.”

Merlin tilted his head so he could see Arthur’s face. “Can I sleep here tonight?”

“Of course. You’ll have to go get your—”

“I still have that spare uniform here, remember?”

“Oh yeah, in the—”

“—drawer where you keep socks you can’t find a match for. That’s the one,” Merlin finished.

“I won’t be here when you wake up, you know,” Arthur pointed out.

“That’s okay.” Merlin picked an eyelash off Arthur’s cheek. “I like waking up here anyways. The bed smells like you.”

Arthur raised an amused brow. “And what do I smell like?”

“I dunno. Like Arthur.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys. I am so so sorry.  
> But um. Hopefully Will helps lighten the mood?

“Is she one of those mums that always have something nice baked, like biscuits?” Will asked as Merlin unlocked his front door.

“Um.”

There hadn’t been biscuits for a while actually. Hunith had stopped making them and Merlin hadn’t even noticed. She was still her usual smiling self, but she didn’t do extra things anymore like make Merlin’s bed or, sadly, make biscuits.

“I don’t think so,” Merlin said and opened the door. He hoped his mother wouldn’t be in the kitchen or doing something embarrassing in the living room again.

When they walked in, the only sound was the ticking of the clock. Merlin waited anxiously while Will peered into doorways then finally said, “Come on, let’s go upstairs.”

“Well at least your room isn’t a museum,” Will remarked when they entered Merlin’s room.

Merlin glanced around. It was true that his room was on the messy side nowadays. His mum used to...well, she used to do a lot of things.

“Nice posters,” Will continued pointing. He walked around touching various items and Merlin tried not to feel too protective of them. “Oh, ace, you’ve got a telescope!” Will lunged for it with glee.

“No, no, don’t.” Merlin stepped in front of him with his arms out. “This is, um. I’ve got it at the perfect angle and if you touch it you’ll mess everything up.”

Will looked over Merlin’s shoulder. “It’s not even pointed towards the sky.” His eyes widened and Merlin felt a blush creep up his neck. “No way. Don’t tell me you’ve been spying on the neighbours. For shame, Merlin!” Will shook his head and laughed.

“I don’t—It’s not like I watch them do anything bad,” Merlin replied defensively. It wasn’t exactly true. He’d seen his neighbours do loads of things that could get them in trouble, some with the police and others just with spouses. “I was just...curious.”

“Uh huh. Right.” Will pushed Merlin aside. “Now I’m just curious. Who are you creeping on now?”

Merlin bit his lip and picked at a hangnail on his thumb while Will looked. _Arthur’s not even home, it’ll just be an empty room, it’ll be fine..._

“Oh shit, Merlin! Whoever lives there is into some seriously kinky shit. They’ve got handcuffs hanging from their headboard!”

Merlin’s heart jumped in his throat and he tried not to panic. “Um. Y-Yeah, some of my neighbours are pretty w-weird, you know?”

Will turned around with a mischievous glint in his eye. “Have you ever seen them doing anything?”

Merlin coloured even deeper. “What? No!”

Will pointed an accusing finger and his smile broadened. “You’re red as a tomato, mate. But don’t worry. I won’t tell. Can’t say I blame you. I’d watch too.”

Merlin blinked. “You would?”

“Oh, definitely. Have a wank and everything.” Will nodded at Merlin’s nightstand. “Which you clearly have as well.”

Merlin groaned at the obvious bottle of lube on the small table between the bed and the telescope. How could he forget to put that away?

“Hey. Mate.” Will threw an arm around Merlin’s shoulders. “Like I said, don’t worry about it. In fact...” He looked around the room. “Have you got a pair of binoculars? We could totally do some tag-team creeping.”

Merlin let out a bark of laughter. “What? Are you serious right now?”

“I am always serious when there is a possibility of seeing naked ladies, Merlin.” He pat Merlin’s back. “Now come on, I know you’ve got a pair somewhere.”

 

*

“Over there, look over there!” Will directed the lens to a house further down the street. The sun had just gone down and the lights came on in the lower floor. The blue glow of a television came from the upper bedroom.

“What am I looking at exactly?” Merlin asked when he found the house Will was talking about. He could make out the shadow of a woman in the bedroom and from the looks of things she was exercising.

“You see the house with the lady working out, right? In the upstairs bedroom?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, move down to the first floor, where the lights just came on. You see through the glass door, yeah?”

Merlin shifted the telescope down a bit. He saw a rather spacious living room with a group of girls lounging around on the floor. Behind them a large flat screen television played a film they were ignoring. Every so often one of the girls would get up and disappear before returning.

“Will, they’re like sixteen. That’s young, even for you,” Merlin commented. “And what are they doing having a sleepover on a Monday night?”

Merlin felt a heavy hand on his shoulder and Will’s voice sounded like a dehydrated man being offered water from the fountain of youth. “It’s summer.”

“Oh.”

“‘Oh?’ More like Oh fucking Yes! Don’t you see what they’re doing?”

“They’re just...talking.” Merlin felt a feeling of apprehension in his gut.

“Merlin. They’re playing Truth or Dare.”

“Oh.” The feeling only worsened. “Shouldn’t we not be—”

“Oh my God, Merlin, do you see that?” Two of the girls were leaning in to kiss.

“Yeah, that’s...sure something, I guess.” The girls’ lips met and Merlin felt wrong, so wrong, even if the scene did nothing for him. Watching Arthur had been different. He was Merlin’s age and...these were just girls!

Merlin heard the rustle of clothing as Will shifted on his feet. _Great, now he has a hard-on from watching them._

After that it was more of just talking and Merlin opened his mouth again to suggest they stop. Then a girl stood up and left. She came back with a plastic cup in her hand.

“Holy fuck, what is that?” Will exclaimed when she pulled out in ice cube. Now another girl was lifting her skirt and pulling down her knickers. “Oh shit, tell me she’s about to—she is, oh my God, she so fucking is!”

“Will, we shouldn’t.” Merlin pulled away from the eyepiece and rolled his chair away from the window. “Will!” he repeated when Will didn’t budge.

“Oh man, she’s totally about to put that ice cube in her—wait, what? What the fuck, the mother just had to come and ruin everything. Though you should see the look on this girl’s face. She’s horrified.”

“Will, get away from the window.”

“Oh my God, why can’t this bitch just go back to dancercising or whatever? Now what’s she pointing—”

“Will, get away from the window _now_!” Merlin tugged on Will’s sleeve.

“Oh shit!” Will ducked beneath the window sill. “Fuck, she totally just saw me.”

 _Shitshitshit_ , _okay, don’t panic, maybe she’ll just close the curtains and that’ll be it._

_Yeah right, if it’s her daughter’s sleepover she’s definitely going to call the police._

Will looked terrified and clutched the binoculars with ashen fingers. “Merlin, she had a mobile. When she was pulling the curtains closed, she had a fucking mobile to her ear. What are we gonna do?”

Merlin put his head in his hands and groaned. If the police came—no, _when_ the police came—what was he supposed to say? What if they asked to come up and search his room? He couldn’t talk to the police. He couldn’t. Maybe his mother...

Merlin got to his feet and dashed from the room. Hunith was in bed reading a book when he barreled through her door.

“What’s wrong, Merlin?” she asked, marking her spot and closing the book.

“I—It’s—” Merlin made himself slow down. “I need your help,” he said simply.

Hunith nodded and stood up.

 

*

“Good evening, Officer,” Hunith greeted the policeman at the door. She was lucky it was a man and not a woman. Otherwise, this may not have worked.

“Evening, ma'am. I’m sorry to disturb you but we’ve received complaints of peeping from some of the neighbours.  Would you happen to know anything about that?”

Hunith widened her eyes and batted her lashes. “Peeping?”

The officer nodded. “That’s right, ma'am.”

“I’m afraid not, sorry.”

“I see. Well, may I come in? I’d just like to be sure.”

Hunith looked him up and down, fixing her expression in one of obvious approval at what she saw. The officer cleared his throat and looked away with a blush. “Of course, please, come in.” She held the door open. “Would you like some tea?”

“No, that’s quite alright, ma'am. I’d just like to have a look upstairs, if that’s fine with you.”

“Of course,” she consented, smiling.

The policeman followed her up the stairs and she hoped Merlin would be able to do his part. She also hoped that Will boy wouldn’t make too much noise wherever he had hidden.

“The loo is just there,” Hunith pointed when they reached the top. “That’s my son’s room down there, and that’s, er...that’s my bedroom if you’d like to see it.”

The officer blushed again. He really wasn’t too bad looking. Strong jaw, straight nose with just a hint of a downward curve, and lovely dark eyebrows...A bit like Balinor actually.

“The caller said there was a telescope. If I could just see where that’s kept, please.”

“Oh, that’d be in Merlin’s room.” She walked past him and he followed down the short hallway. “You’ll have to excuse the mess,” she added over her shoulder. She knocked twice. “Merlin? May I come in?”

There was a soft noise that she recognised as his chair rolling across the carpet. “Sure.” She turned the handle and entered.

Merlin was sitting by his desk with a comic book across his lap. His lips parted and his brow raised just a fraction when he noticed the uniformed man behind her.

 _That’s my boy_ , Hunith thought.

“There’s a policeman here that would like to see your telescope.”

“My...” Merlin glanced at the harmless piece of equipment by the window. “But why?”

“It seems that—”

“We’ve gotten complaints of peeping,” the officer said bluntly. “You wouldn’t know anything about that, would you?”

Merlin gaped and shook his head. “No.”

The policeman pursed his lips and scanned the room. After a moment he looked back to Merlin, piercing him with intense scrutiny.

“I believe she called you Merlin, is that correct?”

“Y-Yes.”

“How old are you, Merlin?”

Hunith mouthed a word behind the officer’s back. “Lie.”

“I’m twenty.”

_No, no! You could at least pass for eighteen!_

“Bit old to be living with your mother, aren’t you?”

Merlin looked down at his comic book with a frown. “I couldn’t afford uni and...and my mum needs me here.”

Hunith crossed the room to her son and wrapped a possessive arm around his shoulders. It was the first time they’d touched in weeks. Not even a hug or a handshake had passed between them, and even now Merlin stiffened beside her.

But Hunith smiled at the officer. “His father left a few years ago and I’ve had to learn a lot about surviving as a single mother. Thankfully Merlin is a good lad and makes it easy.”

“I see. Any friends, Merlin?”

Hunith answered before Merlin had a chance to ruin it. “Oh no, he’s much too shy. Just look at him.” She ruffled his hair and Merlin shot her a look. _Not now, Merlin._

Merlin, however, chose to ignore the warning in her eyes. “Actually, I’ve got a boyfriend,” he said.

“A...A boyfriend?” the officer repeated, quite obviously taken off guard.

Merlin nodded. “Yes. We’ve only just started dating, though.” He looked back up at Hunith. “I was going to tell you sooner but didn’t want to until I was sure it was going to work between us. And now I’m certain it will. I love him. And he loves me.”

 _How dare he!_ _That cheeky little...After all I’ve done for him!_

“I see,” the officer said again, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. “There must have been a misunderstanding. The person who called to complain was a woman...”

“I...Well, I _was_ looking out of it earlier,” Merlin said. Hunith tried shooting him another look but he ignored that too. “The telescope, I mean. But I was looking at the stars, not at...I’d never...why would I?”

The officer shifted again and cleared his throat. “Ah, right. There was a group of girls, something about a sleepover...mother was probably just paranoid. It’s happened before. I’ll just be on my way, then.”

Hunith left Merlin’s side to lead the man out. She gave Merlin a proud smile as she closed the door behind them and Merlin returned it. For the first time in weeks, Hunith felt their familiar connection returning.

_Hopefully this makes him realise how much he needs me. I haven’t seen that smile in ages. Oh, he looks so much like his father now..._

Hunith saw the policeman off with a smile and a wave. His car was just pulling out of the driveway when Arthur’s showed up.

_Oh, great._

Hunith shut and locked the door. She hoped Arthur wouldn’t be paying attention. She watched out the peephole as his car parked and the lights went out. He immediately started walking across the street.

_I’m not letting you in, so you can turn right back around._

Hunith opened the door before Arthur could knock and alert Merlin. And that was hoping Merlin hadn’t been looking out the window to begin with.

Arthur spoke before she could say anything. “Why the hell did I just see the police leave your house?” he hissed.

Hunith dropped the pretence and regarded him coolly. Merlin had obviously told him that everything she’d said was a lie weeks prior. Arthur just had to go and confront him about it.

“If you must know, it’s _your_ fault they were here in the first place.”

“ _My_ fault? How the hell—”

“You filled Merlin’s brain with all these silly ideas of friendship. It was that Will boy he’s been talking to that got him in this mess. If you would have just stuck to a physical relationship like you were supposed to—”

“I’m not listening to this. Move out of the way, I need to talk to Merlin.” Arthur tried to step past her.

Hunith blocked his path. “One guest is quite enough. Leave now before I call and ask that nice officer to escort you off my property.”

Arthur’s jaw tightened. “And I’ll just tell them about how you kidnapped me and tied me to your son’s bed. Let me in.”

“No.”

“Do you want me to yell? Because I’ll yell. And once Merlin hears me he’ll come running.”

Hunith narrowed her eyes. “You are not taking him from me.”

Arthur stepped closer and lowered his voice just as menacingly. “Merlin is not anyone’s to take. He’s not an object to be hoarded jealously. He’s a _person_.”

“He’s _my_ son.”

Arthur threw his hands up and made a noise of frustration. “I’m not trying to take him from you, Hunith! I couldn’t even if I tried, he loves you too goddamned much.” Hunith felt a wave of relief wash over her. Arthur’s words momentarily softened her until he continued. “But we did have plans tonight, regardless of what happened with the police. Which by the way, I’m sure he’ll tell me about whether you want to or not.”

“What plans?”

Arthur sighed in exasperation at having to explain himself. Hunith, however, was not going to be tricked. If it was true Merlin had already made arrangements for tonight, then she’d budge. A little.

“Merlin was going to introduce me to his friend Will tonight. He didn’t want Will having dinner with _you_ because he was worried you’d scare him off,” Arthur accused with a pointed finger. “So I offered them to come to mine. Ask Merlin if you like. It’s not a lie.”

 _Worried I’d scare him off?_ Hunith mentally repeated. _Why would he think that?_

“Fine,” she acquiesced and stepped aside to allow Arthur entry. Once he was over the threshold she grabbed his collar and pulled him forward to speak directly into his face. “Do not mention a word of this conversation to Merlin,” she said sharply, meeting Arthur’s shocked eyes.

Arthur pulled her hand off him in disgust. “Oh, trust me, I won’t. I don’t need to. I let him make his own decisions. I don’t manipulate him like you do. Because _I_ love him.”

“I do not manipulate my—”

“As much as I wish he’d see you for what you are, I wouldn’t dream of it ever happening. It’d crush him. Sometimes I think it already has.” He was halfway up the stairs before he turned to say one last thing. “Touch me again and I _will_ call the police.”

 

*

“Oh man, Merlin, I am _so_ sorry,” Will apologised for the hundredth time in the past five minutes. “I really didn’t mean for—”

“I know, Will, I get it. Really. It’s fine. My mum cleared everything up.” Merlin wiped a tired hand down his face and sighed.

“Yeah, your mum was great. But you were brilliant, Merlin,” Will continued, pacing the room again. “Mentioning the fact that you’re gay? Genius! I wish I could have seen the look on his face instead of that horrid bald spot on the back of his head. He sounded so uncomfortable.”

“I didn’t really think of that actually. I just didn’t like my mum saying I had no friends.”

Will went on as if Merlin hadn’t said anything. “And then you played it off so cool, where anyone else would have denied using the telescope entirely you were just like ‘oh, yeah officer, I was totally looking through it, but what kind of perv uses it for that sort of reason?’ Oh man. You and your mother are awesome. You two could probably get away with murder!”

Merlin’s body filled with suppressed anger. “I am nothing like my mother,” he said through clenched teeth.

Will froze and looked at Merlin curiously. “Whoa. Mate. I didn’t mean it like that.” He took a cautious step forward. “Are you okay?”

Merlin was about to reply that he was just fine when his door opened and Arthur’s head poked in. Immediately a smile broke across Merlin’s face.

“Arthur!” He jumped out of his chair and ran to hug him.

“Hey, Merlin. How is everything?” he asked, squeezing back briefly before letting go.

“Great,” Merlin replied instantly. “Well, there was a...thing. But my mum helped us and it’s fine now. Will and I can tell you over dinner.”

“Alright.” He walked further into the room and offered his hand to Will. “You’re Will, then? I’m Arthur.”

Will looked Arthur up and down as he shook. “Nice to meet you,” he said like he might be shaking hands with a vampire.

“Did you want to get going then?” Arthur asked, turning back to Merlin.

“Yeah, just give me a minute. I have to talk to my mum.”

Merlin saw Arthur’s smile falter but that always happened when he mentioned his mother. He motioned for both of them to follow him out and went downstairs.

“Mum?” he called as he sat on the bottom step and put his trainers on.

He heard her voice down the hallway. “In the loo, dear. What is it?”

Her voice sounded like she’d left the door open so he walked to see her. She was wiping the makeup off her face and smiled when he met her eyes in the mirror.

“I just, um, wanted to say thanks.” Merlin said and tried to smile as well. It seemed to work because she turned and hugged him.

_Oh! Well that was...unexpected. But nice too, I suppose..._

She rubbed up and down his back in a gesture of comfort and for the first time in weeks Merlin actually did feel comforted by her. Maybe he’d been wrong to not talk with her. Maybe he should have tried to patch things up that one morning and saved himself so much anxiety.

Merlin found himself hugging back. He wanted to make things work. He wanted to go back to the time when these familiar embraces were more commonplace, but keep Arthur too. Was it really so much to ask?

“Be careful, Merlin,” Hunith’s voice was suddenly in his ear. It was gentle and full of concern and Merlin thought _yes, anything to keep you happy Mum, anything for things to stay like this._

But then she continued. “Arthur is a whole different story but when it comes to Will...I don’t want you getting into any more trouble. Promise me you won’t let him be a bad influence on you.”

Merlin pulled back to look her in the eye. “I promise.”

She breathed a sigh of relief. “Good.” She glanced down and saw he’d put shoes on. “Are you off somewhere?”

Suddenly Merlin felt guilty. He saw now it was possible she _could_ be reasonable dinner company. But he’d already told Will and Arthur and it was a good opportunity for the two of them to get to know each other.

“Yeah, I’m...I’m going to have dinner with Will and Arthur at Arthur’s house. I didn’t want to burden you with cooking,” he lied easily.

She smiled and rubbed his arm. “You’re so good to me, Merlin.” She pecked his cheek in farewell. “Have a good time, dear.”

Merlin grinned back. The look in her eyes seemed like she really meant it. Maybe she and Arthur could come to like each other after all. “I’ll be back later tonight. Bye.”

Merlin felt like things were finally starting to look up. He practically bounced down the hallway to where Will and Arthur were waiting for him.

“Everything go okay?” Arthur asked.

“Better than okay.” He grabbed Arthur’s hand. “Come on, let’s go.”

 

*

Will stopped in the middle of the street and turned to look back at Merlin’s house. Then he looked to the house they were walking towards. Then back to Merlin’s house.

“Merlin?”

Merlin pushed Will forward. “What?”

“You didn’t say Arthur lived across the street.”

“Arthur lives acro—oh fuck.” Merlin froze with his foot halfway on the pavement. _The handcuffs, he saw the fucking handcuffs, oh my God._

Will burst into laughter and Arthur’s brow furrowed in confusion. “Oh man, it makes so much sense now! No wonder you looked like you wanted to disappear when I told you about it.”

“Merlin, what is he talking about?” Arthur nudged Merlin into action and Merlin continued walking with a definite feeling of dread in his stomach.

“We were, um. He was looking through my telescope and he saw...he saw your bedroom,” Merlin said quietly, hoping Will wouldn’t overhear.

It proved fruitless. “That’s not all I saw,” Will elbowed Arthur’s side and winked. Arthur looked puzzled a few more moments before he finally realised what he’d left hanging from the headboard and turned to get the door unlocked as fast as possible.

Will put an arm around Merlin’s shoulders. “It’s alright, mate, I totally understand if you’re into that sort of thing. Sometimes it’s nice giving up a little control, letting someone else do all the deciding for you.”

_Wait, he thinks that I...?_

Arthur snickered and pushed the door open. Will ignored Merlin’s shocked expression and followed Arthur inside. “Have you got biscuits?” he asked.

Merlin blinked. _Did that really just happen?_

As Merlin finally entered, he shook his head and chuckled.

 

*

“So what’s this thing that happened, Merlin?” Arthur asked an hour later when they were sitting in the living room eating takeaway. Arthur had changed into more casual clothes while Merlin showed Will around. The bedroom was off-limits.

Merlin swallowed his food. “This idiot here got caught watching girls play Truth or Dare,” he said, kicking Will’s ankle.

“Aw, don’t be like that Merlin. You can hardly blame me. It’s not everyday you get to see a girl put an ice cube up her cunt.”

Arthur nearly choked. “Wh-What?”

Will nodded excitedly. “Oh yeah. You heard me.”

“That is—”

“Wrong,” Merlin finished.

“I was gonna say creative, actually,” Arthur backtracked. “That’s never happened in any of the Truth or Dare games I’ve played.”

“I know right?” Will exclaimed. “But then the mother comes down and ruins it all. _And_ she calls the police on us.”

“On you,” Merlin clarified.

Will waved it away. “Luckily Hunith is an ace actress. She told Merlin what to do, what to say—though he did deviate from the script a little—and I was watching from the closet the whole time. It was brilliant.”

Merlin couldn’t read Arthur’s expression. It seemed to be kept perfectly blank as he shoved another bite into his mouth.

The look didn’t seem to be lost on Will either. “Say, did you ever end up taking my advice?” he asked Merlin.

Merlin shook his head. “I wasn’t too sure it would work, but after tonight I think it might. She seems to be coming round, at least a little.”

“What was your advice?” Arthur asked Will.

“Merlin told me Hunith wasn’t too fond of you and I told him about what I did with a couple mates of mine. One was real jealous of the other so I just got _them_ to be friends and then we all could be.”

Arthur snorted and then immediately tried to cover it up with a cough. Merlin didn’t miss it.

“What, you don’t think it’ll work?”

Arthur pursed his lips and contemplated before replying. “Maybe we should give her a little more time.”

“Why? Did she say something to you earlier?” _She didn’t seem upset. Happy, even. Surely she would have said something._

Arthur shrugged. “Just...I wasn’t exactly getting friendly vibes from her when she let me in.”

Merlin had to laugh. “‘Friendly vibes?’ Are you a psychic now?”

Arthur’s smile didn’t reach his eyes. “If you want, we can all three try to talk, but...I’m not sure how much good it’ll do.”

“You could have her over for dinner,” Will suggested. “Maybe give her something a little better than takeaway though.”

Merlin liked the idea and nodded. “Yeah! That could work. You’re really good at cooking.”

Arthur smirked. “You said my food was mediocre at best.”

“You know I was just joking,” Merlin waved. “This’ll be great. She’s worried about Will being a bad influence on me—”

“Hey!”

“—but now you can show her how good you are for me. She’ll have to like you then.”

Arthur shrugged again. “Maybe. Let’s give it another couple weeks.”

Merlin hummed with thought. “We’ll compromise and say one week.”

“One and a half. Best do it on a weekend night.”

Merlin relented. “Alright fine. Next Saturday.”

He suddenly couldn’t wait for next Saturday. He was sure this was just what they needed. He’d prove that Arthur was brilliant and wasn’t a threat, and maybe she’d finally come around completely. Maybe she would realise that she couldn’t make him choose and would be willing to share.

 

*

Before next Saturday, however, was this Saturday and Merlin had to spend it with Gaius again. Gaius seemed surprised to see him so soon after the last visit but he was old and it was entirely possible he’d forgotten calling for help. He was happy to see Merlin either way and Merlin spent the day going through boxes in the attic and inventorying them for the old man’s will. It was rather morbid, but Gaius didn’t seem affected by it.

“Has to be done sometime,” he said.

Merlin didn’t get home until late Saturday night. He fell asleep in the car and when they got home he went right upstairs and passed out. He didn’t wake up until nearly noon the next day and was glad he didn’t have to go to work.

Hunith had a large lunch ready for him because she knew how hard he worked the day before and Merlin smiled the whole way down the stairs.

“Smells great, Mum!” he exclaimed walking into the kitchen. He opened the fridge and took out the jug of orange juice. There was only a swallow left.

“Don’t even think about it, Merlin,” Hunith chided, as Merlin unscrewed the cap.

Merlin blinked innocently. “Think about what?”

“You know what.”

“Oh,” Merlin feigned realisation. He took a few steps away and grinned mischievously. “You mean this...” He raised the jug to his lips and downed the rest in one gulp.

“Merlin!” Hunith was frowning but Merlin could see her eyes were sparkling with amusement. He laughed and placed the empty jug on the counter with a hollow thud.

“Come on, Mum, I wasn’t really going to waste a cup just for that.”

She plucked it off the counter and shoved it into the bin. “This is just slovenly, Merlin, honestly. One of these days you’re going to have to help clean up around here.”

Merlin leaned in the doorway that led to the dining room and watched her tie up the rubbish with efficient hands. _This_ was what he’d been missing the past few weeks. Who knew it would take Will’s peeping to bring it back into his life?

“I am earning more money working checkouts now, though,” he pointed out.

“Yes, and I couldn’t be more proud. Now if you could just learn some manners...”

Merlin laughed and pushed off the wall. “Want me to take that out?”

Hunith pulled the knot tight and looked up. “Well, well. There’s hope for you, after all.”

Merlin laughed again and took the bag from her. He was half out the door when he heard her call after him.

“Lunch will be done by the time you come back in, so wash your hands straight away!”

Merlin rolled his eyes and smiled.

 

*

After lunch, Merlin went back up to his room to play the computer game Will lent him. It was another first-person shooter and the controls were much more different on the mouse and keyboard than they were with the Xbox controller. Merlin liked sniping and had gotten pretty good at it after hours of playing at Will’s, but aiming with the mouse wasn’t as easy and Merlin got frustrated after he died the twenty-second time.

 _Wonder what Arthur is up to_ , he thought as he rolled his chair to the telescope. He immediately stopped breathing.

 _I must be hallucinating_. Merlin rubbed his eyes and peered through the eyepiece again. _Nope, that’s real. Definitely really fucking real. But why...?_

It didn’t even look like Arthur knew he was watching. He was bending over the end of his bed, and he knew, he _knew_ that Merlin couldn’t see much past the halfway point. But there Arthur was, his glorious blond head hanging down as he pushed something in and out behind him.

_He’s fucking himself! Why the hell is he fucking himself when he has me? Does he just not feel like seeing me today or...have I not been satisfying him? No, I definitely have, that can’t be it..._

Arthur suddenly stopped and disappeared from view. When he returned he was wearing the collar that had been in the drawer and lay face-down on the bed where Merlin could see him all laid out.

 _Oh fuck, that’s so...he’s_ never _done that before._

Merlin could see what he’d been thrusting inside himself now and made a high-pitched noise when he realised it was one of the vibrators, not just an ordinary dildo. It was still lodged deep in Arthur’s arse even as Arthur grinded his hips down and humped the bed.

Merlin was caught between having a wank right there or bolting across the street immediately. Part of him didn’t want to tear his eyes away even for a second, but another part thought _I’ve got to fuck him, I’ve got to fuck him._

When Arthur reached back and started jerking the vibrator again, Merlin squeezed his cock and stifled a moan.

 

*

The collar was a simple black leather one, much like the two pairs of handcuffs, but had a ring on the front to allow a leash to be attached. Arthur had never worn it before, but today it had felt like something was missing. He wished Merlin was available to come over but this Sunday he had to work. At least Arthur was pretty sure that that was this Sunday.

So he’d put on the collar and instantly felt better. Even though Merlin wasn’t there it was much easier to imagine he was, to imagine the vibrator was him, fucking him hard and deep and owning him completely. If Arthur tugged on the leather around his neck and pushed his hips deeper into the mattress he could pretend it was Merlin’s hand restricting his airway and Merlin’s weight pressing him down. He could practically hear Merlin whisper in his ear, “Mine, all mine,” like on the night Gwaine had driven them home from the club.

It wasn’t Merlin, but it would have to do. And it felt _so fucking good._

He could feel himself getting close. He increased the speed on the vibrator up one level and moaned into the duvet. _Oh God, I can feel it in my whole body, just gotta...just gotta find the right angle and_ —

“Stop!”

Arthur jumped and flipped over onto his back, his hands covering his crotch instinctively. He felt like he’d just heard a gunshot go off.

He exhaled when he saw it was just Merlin.

Wait. Merlin!

“What are you doing here?” Arthur asked incredulously. “I thought you were working today.”

Merlin dropped his arm from where it held the door open. “Uh, _no_. That was last Sunday.”

“Oh.”

“Wait, so that’s why you didn’t call me?”

“Um.” The sound of the vibrator was uncomfortably loud in the otherwise silent room. “Yes.”

Merlin’s body sagged with relief. “Oh thank God. I thought I’d been doing something wrong and you were just too afraid you’d hurt my feelings to tell me.”

Arthur laughed. “Merlin, I can tell you you’re doing more than fine when it comes to sex.”

“Great. Brilliant.” He kicked off his shoes and started attacking his trousers. “Now take that stupid thing out so I can give you a proper cock.”

“Oh God yes, _please_.”

Arthur didn’t remove it right away though. He butterflied his legs open and pumped it a few more times while Merlin got the rest of his kit off and then, _then_ when Merlin sprung onto the bed with more grace than his gangly limbs suggested, Arthur turned it off, slipped it out, and tossed it to the side.

“Here, just...get it a bit wet first,” Merlin said, nudging his cock against Arthur’s lips. Arthur happily licked the veiny skin. “Yeah that’s...that’s good, _fuck_.”

Arthur leaned back on his elbows and raised his hips for easier access. Merlin’s hands came up under his knees and pushed his legs higher.

“I was—” Arthur’s breath hitched as Merlin slid in. “I was close to coming when you showed up so don’t...I mean, please don’t—”

Merlin chuckled breathlessly. “Not every time we have sex has to be a scene, Arthur. If you don’t want me to do something just say it.”

“You can’t...you can’t touch my cock or say anything. I’ll come right away if you do.” And there, _there_ was the angle Arthur was having trouble with before. Arthur’s body thrummed with pleasure and his toes curled as he moaned.

“Fine, fine, yeah. No problem.” Merlin thrust faster, harder, and Arthur’s fists clenched in the duvet. “Just...just think of skin diseases or old people, I dunno, fuck.”

“Oh my God, Merlin, shut _up_.”

Merlin laughed. “Yeah, alright.”

Arthur squeezed his cock and let his eyes fall closed. He tried to focus simultaneously on how good Merlin felt inside him and not coming. He wanted this to last as long as possible.

His head fell to the side and when he next opened his eyes he saw the vibrator. _What if...no, it couldn’t possibly fit. Merlin’s already so big and it would hurt like hell._

Still, Arthur couldn’t stop the image from crossing his mind. What would it be like to have it _and_ Merlin inside him? What would it be like to be stretched so wide open and filled? If they turned it on and Merlin felt it too and Merlin made that beautiful face he always made when he came especially hard—

_I want that, yes, I definitely want that!_

“Oh God, Arthur, I’m...fuck.” Merlin’s hands let go of Arthur’s legs and he leaned forward to place them on the bed. His brow was furrowed and his lips pursed in the way that indicated he was going to come and _soon._

“Merlin.” Arthur put a hand on Merlin’s shoulder. He couldn’t believe he was about to say this. “Merlin, stop.”

Merlin didn’t seem to have heard him. If anything, his thrusting sped up and his panting grew louder. Arthur had to squeeze the base of his cock again and force himself to speak up.

“Merlin!”

Merlin looked up, a bit lost, and slowed, but still didn’t stop completely. “What?”

Arthur glanced sideways at the vibrator beside him and wet his lips. “I...there’s something I want to try.”

“ _Now?_ ”

“You’ll like it, I promise.”

Merlin narrowed his eyes. “What is it?”

Arthur extended his arm and picked up the vibrator. He didn’t even get to say anything before Merlin gasped.

And then for some reason Merlin was laughing. “Arthur, I don’t think...That only works in porn. There’s no way—”

“We could at least try.”

Merlin leaned back and looked down at where he disappeared into Arthur with uncertainty. Arthur could tell what he was thinking. It was already a wide stretch. Pushing it any more would be difficult, if not impossible.

“I don’t know...”

Arthur wiggled his hips and tried to smile encouragingly. It left Merlin satisfyingly breathless. “Come on. Tell me you don’t want to see how much you can fit in there.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just...” Merlin looked from Arthur’s hole back up to his face. “I don’t want to risk hurting you, Arthur.”

Arthur felt a rising warmth in his chest, the same sort of soothing ache he got whenever Merlin said something particularly affectionate.

“You won’t. We’ll go slow. I trust you, Merlin.”

Arthur saw the exact moment Merlin made up his mind. He set his jaw and nodded. “Alright. But we’ll need a lot more lube.”

Arthur frowned when he saw the problem. “No way.”

Merlin chuckled and nodded again. “Yes, Arthur.”

“ _Mer_ lin.”

“I have to! Neither one of us are close enough.”

“No, we can just...” Arthur looked around then snapped his fingers when he thought of a solution. “We’ll move together. I’ll slide back a little and you’ll come forward.”

“Oh my God, Arthur. You’re making this unnecessarily difficult.”

“Merlin, you’re _not leaving me._ ” To prove it, Arthur wrapped his legs around Merlin’s waist as tight as he could.

Merlin quirked a brow. “Is that so?” _Oh no, I know that look._ Merlin leaned forward and slipped a finger through the ring dangling from the collar around Arthur’s neck. “Tell me, Arthur, what exactly does this collar mean?”

“It, um.”

“I’m pretty sure it means I own you. That _you_ are _mine_.” He pulled it just hard enough to lift Arthur’s head a little. “I was about to come, Arthur. I stopped what I was doing for _you_. I agreed to try shoving this vibrator inside you because _you’re_ a greedy little whore. I could get up, throw that bottle of lube down the stairs, and make you crawl to go get it.”

Put like that, it made Arthur seem very selfish. And Arthur really had no right to be.

“If I need to pull out for a mere ten seconds to fulfill one of your selfish demands, you’re going to let me do it.”

Arthur let his legs fall. Merlin let go of the collar with a smile.

“That’s what I thought.”

Merlin was good on his word and returned quickly. Arthur barely had time to miss him. Then he felt Merlin slide his cock halfway in along with a slick finger and his heart started pounding in anticipation.

“Is that okay?” Merlin asked, moving his finger along the rim of Arthur’s hole.

“Yeah,” Arthur exhaled. “Yeah, that’s fine.”

Merlin poured a little more lube and worked another finger in. Arthur closed his eyes and tried to keep his body relaxed. He counted the seconds between inhaling and exhaling as Merlin stretched him.

Merlin had to pull his cock out a little to jam a third finger inside. Arthur gasped at the burn and lost control of his steady breathing altogether.

“Should I stop?” Merlin sounded worried. Arthur opened his eyes to see if Merlin looked as concerned as he sounded. He did.

“No. Keep going. Please.” _I can take this. I want to take this._

Merlin bit his lip and nodded. He pushed in a little deeper and crooked his fingers like a crowbar to pull Arthur open. Arthur clenched his fists at the pain but didn’t make a sound.

He felt Merlin rotate his wrist slowly and it was like his skin was being ripped apart. He thought for sure he was bleeding. Merlin seemed to sense his distress and added more lube.

“Okay, I’m going to put in one more and push my hand further in,” Merlin said. “But I’m serious, Arthur. If it hurts too much, you have to stop me. Don’t just ball your hands into fists and fight past the pain like you’ve been doing.”

Arthur met Merlin’s eyes guiltily and tried to smile. “If I don’t fight past the pain, how do you expect this to work?”

Merlin’s other hand caressed Arthur’s thigh. He looked like he wanted to argue but didn’t say anything. He took a deep breath and inserted his last digit.

_Oh God, that...Okay, just breathe Arthur, just breathe._

Merlin stopped when the largest of his knuckles were just past the rim. He stared at Arthur until Arthur swallowed and nodded for him to continue.

Finally it got easier. Merlin pushed more of Arthur’s weight onto his shoulders and raised his arse higher. He rotated his wrist again, pumped in and out, and soon there was barely any pain at all. It even felt good.

“Merlin.”

Merlin nodded and his voice was hoarse. “Yeah. Okay.”

Merlin pulled his hand out slowly and Arthur felt suddenly empty. He held his breath as he watched Merlin slick the vibrator with the last of the lube in the bottle.

“We’ll have to buy more,” Merlin chuckled as he nudged Arthur’s hole with it. “Want me to bring some back from work? I get discounts, you know.”

Arthur laughed and it distracted him from the first few centimetres of entry. It was already halfway in before he realised.

“Oh fuck, Arthur.” Merlin’s hips stuttered as he gave an experimental thrust. It was the first sign that Merlin liked it too and a part of Arthur relaxed.

“I told you you’d like it,” Arthur said and grinned up at him. He inhaled through his teeth when Merlin pushed it the rest of the way in. “W-Want to turn it on now?”

“Oh God no, I’d come right away. Let’s have a bit of fun first, yeah?” Merlin smiled back and gave the vibrator a quick jerk. Arthur felt it brush his prostate and yelped.

“Okay, yeah, fuck, do it.” Arthur raised his hips for more and thankfully Merlin was merciful. He pushed it in as his cock pulled out and then vice versa. Arthur felt so fantastically full he could cry.

“Never...insulting...your coordination...again,” Arthur panted.

Merlin laughed. He was just as breathless. “Fuck, Arthur. I wish you could see yourself right now. So beautiful.”

“I don’t feel very beautiful. Actually I feel rather—ah, God—”

Merlin thrust in harder and worked the vibrator faster. “Rather what?”

“Rather dirty.”

“Who says you can’t be both?” Merlin smirked.

Arthur let his head fall back. “Oh God, Merlin.” _Why didn’t we do this sooner? This is even better than I thought it’d be._

“I’m gonna...gonna turn it on now, okay?”

Arthur made a small noise of consent. He heard the click of the switch and then they both screamed at the same time.

“Oh my _God_ , Merlin, fuck!”

“I know, I know, it’s—”

“—feels _so_ good—”

“Yeah, fuck, Arthur, why didn’t we do this sooner?”

Arthur’s laugh turned into a moan. “I told you!”

“Alright, fine, you...you told me.”

Arthur felt like a volcano about to erupt. His whole body seemed to sing with electric pulses that reached even the tips of his fingers. He could feel it coiling at the base of his cock, getting ready to spring.

And thank fuck Merlin seemed to be there too. “Oh God Arthur, I’m—I’m—”

Somehow, some way, their bodies were in tune enough that they came together. Arthur didn’t faint, but in the few seconds that he did black out, Merlin had removed the vibrator and collapsed beside him. Arthur was pretty sure it was the most powerful orgasm of his life.

Merlin mumbled something and moved down between Arthur’s legs. Arthur felt suddenly embarrassed at how he must look, but let Merlin manoeuvre him anyways.

“Wow.”

Arthur raised his head. Just that seemed to take a lot of effort. “That bad?”

He shuddered when he felt Merlin’s finger trace the abused rim. “I wish I could take a picture.”

“Let me see. There’s a mirror in the loo.”

Merlin got up to get it and came back a couple minutes later after he’d found it, bringing a towel along with him. Arthur lifted his hips a bit and Merlin put the mirror between his legs.

“Oh my God.”

Merlin grinned. “I know.”

“No wonder you’re always calling me a whore.”

His hole looked raw and red. It was still shiny with lube and Merlin’s come and some of the white liquid dripped down to disappear in the crack of his arse. Arthur felt an odd mixture of shame and wonder. When he looked up at Merlin, Merlin looked almost...proud.

And Arthur lived to see that face. The collar around his neck was proof enough of that.

“Oh!” Merlin suddenly let the mirror fall and started wiping himself with the towel. “My Mum is probably freaking out. I dashed out of the house like a madman.”

Arthur felt his stomach sink. “Everything still going great between you two, then?” he asked without much enthusiasm.

Merlin smiled and walked over to put on his pants. “Yeah. Can’t wait for next Saturday.”

“Me neither.”

Merlin looked up when he caught Arthur’s tone and frowned. “Hey, if she’s willing to try, you have to be too. I know you still haven’t really forgiven her for kidnapping you, but that was months ago. And she meant well.”

_For fuck’s sake, why does she always have to ruin things?_

“Merlin, how can you just completely forget that she lied about you having a mental disorder? Or that on more than one occasion she’s made you purposefully lose confidence in yourself? And on top of all of that—”

“Stop it, Arthur,” Merlin snapped. “Of course I haven’t forgotten that. I’ve been trying all I can to forget it, but how can I? I’m making the best of a bad situation because she’s my mother, and I’m stuck with her whether I like it or not. If I want to pretend everything’s fine, I have every right to. Not that you’d know anything about that, because you’ve never had a mother and your father certainly isn’t spectacular either.”

The words didn’t hurt as much as the look of horror on Merlin’s face suggested he thought they did. Still, Arthur felt a hollow ache in his chest and had a bit of trouble swallowing for a few seconds.

“Arthur, I’m—”

“It’s fine. I know you didn’t mean it like that.”

Merlin took a step forward. “I didn’t mean it at all, I swear.”

“I know. It’s just...Merlin, I don’t want you to get hurt. If you keep on pretending and then she does something else...I’m not saying that she will, but if she _does_...” _Fuck, how do I explain this without completely breaking him?_ “Sometimes we overlook people’s flaws because we love them and it hurts too much to acknowledge. So just...don’t overlook so much that it becomes a problem, okay?”

Merlin’s body relaxed and he resumed dressing. “I appreciate the concern, Arthur, but I think I’ve got this.”

“I really hope so, Merlin.”

 

*

“Everything alright, dear?” Hunith asked when Merlin walked in.

“Oh, yeah, I, um. I realised I forgot my uniform at Arthur’s, so I went to get it before I forgot again.” He hurried up the stairs before she could see he didn’t have anything with him.

“That certainly took a long time to get a simple shirt,” her voice followed him.

Merlin turned at his door. “He had it in the wash. I had to wait for it to finish, and then it had to dry, and it was this whole terrible ordeal—”

“Alright, just try to tell me before you run out like that again. I was so worried something awful had happened.”

“Yeah, of course. Sorry.” He closed his door and sighed with relief.

 

*

Merlin went to work the next day trying to think positive thoughts about the coming Saturday and trying not to dwell on Arthur’s words. He knew his mum had flaws. He knew she had been wrong to kidnap Arthur in the first place, but she’d learned from that. She hadn’t done anything like that since.

And Arthur couldn’t exactly say anything either. Merlin himself was as flawed as they came. He’d spied on Arthur for weeks and Arthur didn’t get offended—well, he did at first—but instead, he had asked him out. If anyone could understand wanting to overlook a few distasteful occurrences, it was Arthur.

There were a few lingering worries in the back of Merlin’s mind throughout the day, but nothing he couldn’t easily block out. By the time he put on his jacket to go home, he was ready to finish off the evening playing more of the video game Will had lent him.

He froze the minute he walked in the house. There was a heavy sliding noise coming from the living room and he knew immediately something was wrong.

“Mum?” he called hesitantly.

“In the living room, Merlin.”

Merlin walked forward slowly. He didn’t know what he expected to see. He could only think _no, not now, not when we’ve been getting on so well._

The sofa was pulled away from the wall and sitting in the middle of the room. The rug was rolled up and laying in front of the fireplace beneath the coffee table. The two armchairs were pushed against the far wall by the window.

It was all wrong.

“Wh-What are you doing?”

Hunith had her hair pulled back in a scarf. She wiped her forehead with the back of her hand and smiled. “Well, what does it look like, Merlin? I’m rearranging the living room. It’s about time for a change, don’t you think?”

“But...but it’s always been like this.” _Ever since before I can remember._

“Exactly. We might try something different for a little while.”

“What was wrong with how we had it?”

“Nothing was _wrong_ , Merlin. It was...” She placed her hands on the back of the sofa with a sigh. “I’m just trying to distract myself and keep busy, Merlin. Now come help me move this.”

 _Distract herself?_ “But it’s always been like this,” Merlin repeated. “Always. When I was five and ten and fifteen and twenty and—” _That’s a lot of multiples of fives..._

_Oh my God, how long have I been here?_

Merlin suddenly felt like he couldn’t breathe. The entire living room seemed to shrink before his eyes, like the walls were closing in on him. He saw his entire life in the flash of a moment: the paper he learned his circles and squares on, the poetry he wrote when he was fourteen, the panic attack he had when Hunith said she couldn’t go with him to his job interview. And it kept going. He saw her rearranging the furniture now, saw more birthdays where all he got was fifty quid, each birthday where she looked older and older until finally she wasn’t there anymore, until she was dead, until Merlin rearranged the furniture himself because he needed a change—

_Get out._

_GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT_

Merlin turned and ran.

 

*

“There’s a place within her mind, with rains already falling.” Arthur drummed his fingers on the steering wheel as he sang. _Any time you feel like changing, Mr Traffic Light,_ he thought at the glaring signal ahead of him _._ “She’s insane, this friend of mine, and she’s always bawling.”

Arthur sighed and his eyes fell to the people walking on the pavement next to him. There seemed to be something going on. A few people jumped out of the way and others were pushed nearly into the street.

_What the hell?_

Arthur would know that mop of black hair anywhere.

_No fucking way._

The car behind Arthur honked and he saw the signal had turned. He accelerated quickly and pulled off into the first available space on the kerb. By the time he pulled his keys out of the ignition and got out, Merlin was already more than halfway down the block. He started after him at a sprint.

“Merlin!”

Merlin didn’t hear him. Where the hell was he running to, and why? He didn’t look like he was running back to work as if he’d forgotten something, and he’d never push people out of the way like that even if he had. And anyways, Tesco wasn’t down this way.

Luckily Merlin didn’t turn any corners, just kept running straight ahead. The people that had parted for him were still parted when Arthur ran through, so Arthur had an easier time catching up.

“Merlin, stop, you idiot!”

_Thank God, he heard me._

Merlin skidded to a halt and turned to look around. His eyes widened when he saw Arthur and he quickly turned to apologise to someone that pushed him out of the way. He waited for Arthur outside of an office building.

“Merlin,” Arthur panted. “What the hell...are you doing?”

Up close Arthur could see Merlin was crying. His cheeks were flushed red but he was otherwise pale.

“I...I don’t know...I can’t go back there.” He grabbed Arthur’s arm hard enough to hurt. “Please don’t make me go back there!”

“What? Back where? Merlin, you have to calm down and—”

“I can’t! She was—she was—”

_Fuck, what did she do now?_

“What was she doing? Merlin?” Merlin’s hand was really starting to clutch a little too tightly. Arthur didn’t even think Merlin was that strong.

Merlin’s eyes were wide and the hand that wasn’t gripping Arthur was fisting the fabric of his shirt. “I—Arthur—I can’t—can’t breathe—”

_panic attack_

“Okay, Merlin. Merlin. Just calm down, okay?” Arthur put his hands on Merlin’s shoulders and pushed his back into the window of the building beside them.

“Can’t—oh God help—Arthur—”

Arthur put one hand over Merlin’s heart. “Merlin. Stop. Breathe, okay? Slow down. Slow.”

A couple people had stopped to watch and Arthur ignored them, until one stepped forward. It was a woman. “Is he okay?”

Arthur took his eyes off Merlin briefly. “Yeah, he’ll be fine.”

“Should I call someone?”

“No, no, it’s happened before. Really, it’s fine.”

She stayed a few more seconds then left. The others trailed away too and Arthur focused back on Merlin, who still hadn’t calmed his breathing enough. His exhales were coming out as sobs.

“It’s okay, Merlin. Come on.” Arthur kept his hand on Merlin’s heart and moved the other to his back. “Deep breaths, Merlin.”

Merlin took in lungfuls of air and exhaled.

“That’s it, Merlin. Just breathe in. Okay, now breathe out. _Slowly_.”

Merlin breathed out and his body shook with the effort it took to do it slowly.

“Try to relax more, Merlin. I’m right here, okay? One more time, breathe in.”

 _Thank goodness, he’s finally calming down._ _I’m going to_ kill _Hunith for this._

After a few more deep breaths, Merlin seemed calm enough that Arthur felt comfortable getting him to walk. He led Merlin back to the car and told him to keep focusing on breathing. When he got Merlin in the passenger seat, he ran over to the other side and hurried to put the keys in.

“Please don’t...take me back,” Merlin said in a small voice.

“You never have to go back there again, Merlin.”

Merlin sighed and his eyes closed. “Thank you, Arthur.”

 

*

Arthur had undressed Merlin and put him in bed and was about to storm across the street when Merlin grabbed his wrist.

“Don’t. It wasn’t her fault this time.”

_As far as I’m concerned, it’s always her fault._

“I’ll tell you what happened. Can we just...lay here for a while?”

Arthur reluctantly nodded and took off his own clothes. He closed the curtain and got into bed beside Merlin.

Merlin didn’t speak right away but Arthur didn’t push him. Eventually Merlin said, “Sorry. Just trying to figure out what happened exactly. It’s pretty stupid now that I think about it.”

“It’s fine, Merlin. We have all night.”

Merlin took a deep breath. “She was just...rearranging the furniture in the living room.” Arthur’s brow furrowed and Merlin gave him a look. “Yeah, I know. But it was weird. It was like...it was like everything came crashing down. I just realised I’ve been there so _long_. I felt like I was being suffocated. I had to get out.”

“So you ran.”

“Yeah. So I ran.”

“Well. I’m glad that’s all it was.” _Though she had to be rearranging for a reason. I refuse to believe she just did that on a whim._

“Can you call her for me?” Merlin asked. “She’s probably really worried and I don’t think I can talk to her right now.”

“Um.”

“Please?”

Arthur hedged. “What do you want me to say?”

“Just tell her I’m staying here for a while. And to drop off some clothes.”

_She’s not going to like that at all. She’s going to think I’m lying and won’t do anything unless she hears it straight from him._

“Give me your mobile and I’ll text her for you, okay?”

Merlin nodded and pointed to his trousers on the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The best part about writing this was all the double penetration videos I had to watch to get this accurate. *eye roll* The things I do for the Merlin fandom. 
> 
> Also: Don't freak out! Everyone gets a happy ending, I promise. (Even Hunith...sort of.)
> 
> Also also: the song Arthur sings in the car, ["Black Market Blood"](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7hVcABfYmok) by Placebo


	11. Chapter 11

Hunith Emrys was not stupid. When Merlin had dashed out of the house the previous day, she had gone up to his room, looked through the telescope and quickly looked away when she saw him taking his clothes off.

Things had been going well. Merlin had been smiling again and she was sure she could earn his trust back. But then Arthur had to go put himself on display like always and ruin everything, _again._

So she’d had to intervene.

Of all the ways Hunith imagined Merlin reacting to her rearranging furniture, running away was not among them. Tears, maybe. Ignoring her and going up to his room, sure. But running? Merlin didn’t run. He wasn’t at all athletic. Even when she’d nearly sobbed her throat hoarse and played that stupid guitar all night, he didn’t run away then. And that was one tactic she’d been particularly proud of. Moving some furniture around in the living room hardly warranted such a reaction.

She had worried a few minutes that he might run so far away that he get lost or wander into a bad neighbourhood, but she knew Merlin wasn’t completely stupid. He could read signs and find his way home. And he always came home eventually.

When she heard her mobile notify her of a text message, she immediately felt something was off. She unlocked the screen and stared at the text a long moment.

_-staying at arthur’s for a bit. can you bring some clothes?-_

It was the beginning of the end.

Hunith went straight back up to Merlin’s room and looked through the telescope but the curtains were closed. She swore and slammed her fist on her thigh.

_Well that’s just fucking great. Way to go, Hunith, your plan backfired. Now what?_

There was no way to hurt Arthur without hurting Merlin too. And getting Arthur to leave town would be just as bad because 1) Merlin might have the audacity to go with him or 2) he’d stay here and become an inconsolable mess just as she had twenty years ago.

So now what?

Hunith needed time to think, and as long as Merlin was still only across the street, she had plenty. She just hoped Arthur wouldn’t try to brainwash him anymore than he already had.

She put a few of his outfits in a bag, showered and brushed her hair, and practised her smile in the mirror. Maybe, if she was lucky, they would be willing to listen to reason and Merlin would come home.

 

 

*

Hunith fully expected Arthur to open the door. If Merlin was upset enough that he texted instead of called, it was reasonable to think he’d be upstairs out of sight and hiding.

“Hunith,” Arthur greeted her coldly. Hunith ignored it and tried to be civil.

“Good evening, Arthur. You’re home early.”

Arthur just stared at her. Alright then.

“Is Merlin feeling alright?” she asked.

Arthur crossed his arms. “He had a panic attack.”

Hunith gasped. “Is he—”

“He’s better. But he doesn’t want to go back to your house for a while.”

“Can I speak to him?”

Arthur sighed and looked over his shoulder before stepping out and closing the door behind him. “He doesn’t want to. Whatever you did, it really upset him.”

“I was only moving around some things in the living room. I had no idea he would react the way he did.”

“Of course you didn’t. You were probably hoping he’d see it as a cry for help so he’d start feeling guilty again.”

“Excuse me?”

“He told me what you’ve been doing. Saying little things like memories are all you have left and playing his father’s guitar. He knew exactly what you were up to and he kept trying to pretend everything was fine. And now look what you’ve done. You’ve broken him into a million pieces and _I’m_ the one that has to put him back together again.”

Hunith lost every ounce of control she had so carefully kept in check. She dropped the bag of clothes and threw her fists at any part of Arthur she could reach. Some of her punches landed but she couldn’t tell where. The man seemed to be all hard muscle and she hated him even more for it.

_The better to protect Merlin with_

_No! Merlin is mine! MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE!_

“Stop!” Arthur yelled. “Hunith, I swear to God, I’ll call the police. I don’t want to, but I will!”

“Go ahead, call the police, see if I care!”

“Hunith, for the love of—” Arthur grabbed her wrists and she started kicking his shins. “You think I want Merlin to see his mother in prison? You think I want him to see how mental you are? For fuck’s sake, just let him go!”

She jerked her knee up between his legs and heard the satisfying sound of air rushing out of his lungs. He fell to the ground groaning and holding himself.

Hunith picked up the bag of clothes. “Tell my son if he wants something to wear he can come get it himself.”

“I’ll just...buy him...new ones,” Arthur panted.

Hunith ignored him and fought the urge to kick him again. As she turned to walk back home she saw someone in the upstairs window between the curtains. It was Merlin. He was holding himself like he’d just had a hole ripped out of his chest.

_Shit._

 

 

*

Arthur didn’t think the first time he would have to crawl up the stairs would be because his boyfriend’s mother had kicked him in the balls. He was rather hoping it would be as Merlin suggested, to fetch a bottle of lube or something of that nature. But wow, her knees were almost as bony as Merlin’s.

Merlin was still standing by the window with his arms wrapped around himself when Arthur made it to the bedroom.

“Merlin, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.” He sounded hollow.

“I can buy you new clothes if you want, okay?”

“I don’t care.”

Arthur pushed down the sick feeling in his stomach as best he could and straightened up to walk over to him. “Merlin?”

“I’m going to sleep now.” Merlin turned from the window and went to get under the duvet.

“Do you—”

“Can you call my boss and tell him I can’t come in the rest of the week?”

Arthur frowned. He’d expected maybe one day after what happened, but the rest of the week?

“What do you want me to say? He won’t believe you’re sick, since you were fine to—”

“I don’t care.”

Arthur sighed and picked up Merlin’s mobile where he’d left it on the nightstand. He scrolled through Merlin’s contacts until he found the number. He told Kilgharrah that Merlin had to leave the country for a funeral and wouldn’t be back until sometime next week. Kilgharrah hoped that everything was okay.

Arthur sat beside Merlin on the bed. He wasn’t sleeping yet, didn’t even have his eyes closed, but was just staring blankly ahead.

“Merlin?”

“You were right. About everything. She _is_ mental. And I’ve been so stupid—”

“No you haven’t, Merlin, you just—”

“I want to be alone right now. I can sleep on the sofa if you want the bed but—”

“Of course you can have the bed, Merlin. Whatever you want, okay? I may even act as a full time slave, remember?”

Merlin didn’t laugh. Arthur gave up and grabbed a pillow to take downstairs. There were still a few rays of sunlight peeking through the curtain but Merlin wouldn’t want to be bothered later.

Arthur hesitated on the way out. “This is probably a stupid question, but...how do you feel? I know you feel bad but, on a scale of one to really really shit?” _Just so I know what I’m dealing with._

Merlin buried his face in the pillow so Arthur could barely hear him. “I feel like I’ve been yanked out.”

 

 

*

Two whole weeks Hunith hadn’t seen Merlin leave the house. She’d seen Arthur come home with bags of new clothes, various forms of takeaway, and groceries, but not once did she see Merlin. Not even behind the curtain, which never moved.

There was almost no way she was getting Merlin back now. She’d be lucky if she even heard his voice again. She had tried calling. It always went straight to voicemail.

So she was surprised—even a little shocked—when Arthur knocked on her door halfway through the third week.

He didn’t look good. Hunith hadn’t been able to see much with the telescope, just general features. Up close Arthur looked haggard. He had dark shadows under his eyes and spoke like he’d lost all hope.

“Arthur,” she said just as coldly as he had weeks ago.

“Hunith, I...I don’t know what else to do. Nothing I’ve tried works.”

“What are you talking about?” _This had better not be a trick._

“It’s Merlin. He’s...I don’t know. He’s just empty.”

“Empty?”

“He doesn’t talk. He barely eats. It’s like he’s not even there.” Arthur’s voice broke near the end and Hunith had to do a double-take. It seriously looked like Arthur was about to cry.

She stopped glaring but still regarded him warily. “I haven’t seen him leave the house.”

Arthur shook his head solemnly. “He doesn’t even leave the bedroom. I told his boss that he was out of the country the first two weeks and got sick when he came back, but pretty soon he won’t have a job either.”

_What?!_

“I...I meant what I said before. I’m not trying to take him from you. I never have. I wanted him to stop depending on you so much, sure, but...you’re his mother and...and I’ve never had a mother but even I know there’s a special bond you can’t just break. I’d never want you out of his life completely.”

 _Wait, what?_ “You’ve...never had a mother?”

Arthur went on as if she hadn’t spoken. “He needs both of us right now. I know you hate everything about me and I certainly don’t much care about you, but we do have Merlin in common so can we just...put the animosity on hold for his sake?”

_Merlin needs me._

_No, he needs me_ and _Arthur._

_But Arthur hasn’t been able to help him._

_Merlin needs me!_

Hunith seemed to take too long considering because Arthur spoke again, this time his voice more desperate.

“Hunith, please. I can’t bear to see him like this.” And yes, there were the first tears rolling down Arthur’s cheeks. “We both want him to be happy, so please, _please_ —”

“What do you want me to do?”

*

The heavy curtains cast a dim red glow over the room, and it was so dark Hunith’s eyes had to take time to adjust. She could barely make out the shape of a body beneath the duvet, but she could see Merlin’s black hair stick out against the stark white pillow.

She closed the door softly behind her. “Merlin?”

Merlin’s head turned instantly to look at her. “ _Mum_?”

He looked even worse than Arthur, and that was saying something. No wonder Arthur had said he couldn’t bear to see him like this. It was breaking her own heart. Any remaining plans she had about stealing Merlin away as soon as she could nearly disappeared. If what Arthur said was true, Merlin needed both of them in order to be his normal smiling self again.

She put on her best mother face and ignored the ache in her chest as she walked forward. “Merlin Emrys, what do you think you’re doing?”

Merlin lifted himself up and raised his knees to his chest as he leaned back against the headboard. “I—”

“Why has Arthur told me that you’re not eating or speaking? _And_ you haven’t been to work? Have you even left this bed?”

Merlin pointed a shaky finger to the toilet. “When I—”

She was close to him now, close enough to smell. She wrinkled her nose and pulled back the duvet. “Up you get. In the shower, and don’t even think about coming out until at least ten minutes have passed. Scrub every centimetre—no, _millimetre_ —of skin, do you hear me?”

Merlin scrambled out of the bed and hurried to the loo.

“And don’t forget to wash your hair!”

The door closed behind him and the light came on. Hunith busied herself with making the room more lively.

She opened the curtains and let in some sun, first of all. Then she made the bed, fluffed the pillows, and went through the the shopping bags sitting in front of the wardrobe. The clothes still had the tags attached and she saw they cost no small amount of money. Part of her—a very large part—was angry Arthur would do something to so obviously upstage her, but she also had to admit they _were_ rather nice and would fit Merlin both size- and colour-wise.

She laid out a few outfits for Merlin to choose from and left them for him to find. Then she went downstairs where Arthur was still pacing anxiously.

“What happened?” he asked as soon as he saw her.

“I’ve gotten him in the shower. I’m going to speak to him as soon as he’s out.”

Arthur sighed with relief. “I haven’t even been able to get him to do that much.”

“Yes, well, a mother has her ways.” _Though I don’t suppose you’d know about that._

Arthur bit the nail of his thumb and nodded. “Do you think—”

“Is it true you’ve never had a mother?”

Arthur looked taken aback. “What?”

“Earlier, you said you’ve never had a mother.”

“Oh. I...She died giving birth to me.”

_Oh, that’s terrible._

“But I had a sister. _Have_ a sister. She was just as overbearing. Still is, sometimes.”

“It’s not the same,” Hunith said.

Arthur shook his head. “I wouldn’t think so.”

_Poor thing. He has no idea what a mother’s love is like. How could he possibly understand why I won’t let Merlin go?_

“Do you think he’ll leave the bedroom?” Arthur asked.

Hunith nodded. “He will. Go ahead and get the rice started. I’m sure he’ll be out of the shower soon.”

Merlin was sitting on the bed wearing grey jeans and a red t-shirt when she returned. He looked a lot better, no longer like a living skeleton, though he still had the same shadows beneath his eyes that Arthur did.

He followed her with wide eyes as she came to sit beside him. “Now, Merlin, tell me what’s going on.”

He ignored the question. “Is Arthur here?”

“What?”

“Is Arthur...he’s still here, right? You haven’t done anything to him?”

Hunith sighed and patted Merlin’s knee. “I know you must think I’m some terrible monster after what you saw a couple weeks ago but I would never do anything to hurt you, Merlin. And hurting Arthur would do just that.”

“So he’s not...”

“He’s downstairs. And he’s almost done making dinner so you had better tell me why you haven’t left this room soon.”

Merlin gaped and his lip trembled as his mouth tried to form coherent words. “I thought...I saw you hurt him and I thought he was right, that you really were mental. And...and I kept thinking maybe I was too quick to overlook you kidnapping him in the first place and—”

“Arthur and I have come to an agreement on that, Merlin. It’s all in the past now.”

“You...what?”

“You’ve had him very worried. He came and cried right on my doorstep until I agreed to help him. Both of us apologised for our behaviour, including the whole bed incident.”

“He...cried? Arthur _cried_?” Merlin looked astonished.

Hunith chuckled. “Yes, and it was all very awkward and emotional. But we decided to try and at least tolerate each other.”

“But why?”

She tousled his damp hair—which he still hadn’t brushed, she noticed disapprovingly—and gave him a smile. “For you, of course. We both love you very much.” _As much as I hate to admit it._

“I...I love both of you, too. I didn’t like you two fighting.”

“I know. Arthur told me you wanted us to try and be friends. I don’t know about that just yet, but I do always try to give you what you want, don’t I?”

Merlin perked up. “Really?”

“Of course, Merlin. No more lies. And that means from you, too,” she added with a pointed finger. “I mean really, a dirty uniform in the wash? How daft do you think I am?”

Merlin laughed and then instantly frowned. _Oh no, now what is it?_

“You should know then...I’m going to stay here. With Arthur.”

Hunith’s heart stopped. Arthur hadn’t said anything about this. Merlin looked like he expected her to hit him. “You want to...”

“Live here. Yeah.”

_It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s only across the street. It’s not like a certain someone that left all of a sudden to go God-knows-where._

Hunith took a breath and swallowed. The words were difficult to get out. “Okay. Did you want me to bring your things?”

Merlin smiled. “Could you? It’s been hell without my music. I don’t think I can go back to the house just yet, but I promise we’ll still have breakfast together since Arthur leaves early for work and—”

“Alright, Merlin, slow down,” she chuckled. “We’ll get to all that over dinner. Right now you should go downstairs and let Arthur know you’re alright. Preferably _before_ he bites all his nails off.”

The next thing she knew Merlin’s arms were around her and squeezing her in a tight hug. She exhaled and returned the embrace as well as her own crushed arms would let her.

“Thanks, Mum. You’re the best.”

She rubbed his back. “I know, darling, I know.”

*

Hunith didn’t follow him down the stairs right away. She figured they would probably want a few moments of privacy. She took Merlin’s iPod out of her pocket and laid it on the nightstand, then went to use the loo herself.

When she finally did descend the stairs, she saw the back of Merlin’s head disappear around the corner and into the kitchen.

_I thought they’d be talking by now. Did he really need to think so long?_

She peeked her head around the corner and looked.

Arthur was standing in front of the hob with his back to them. Merlin walked up behind him and slipped his arms around his waist. Arthur jumped.

“Hiya,” Merlin said and kissed Arthur’s cheek.

“Merlin!” Arthur’s face spread with a smile.

“You look terrible. Sorry I’ve been making you sleep on the sofa.”

“It’s alright. Are you feeling better?”

“Yeah. Mum told me you two are playing nice.”

Arthur shrugged. “Yeah, well. You had me a bit worried and I didn’t know what else to do.”

Merlin’s reply to that was to kiss Arthur so deeply that he made a surprised noise that quickly turned into a soft moan. Arthur dropped whatever utensil was in his hand as Merlin spun him around and pushed their bodies together.

_That’s familiar..._

_“Balinor, I’m cooking!”_

_“The food can wait.”_

_“And when it burns, will you still be saying that?”_

_“As long as I’ve got you to wait with, Hun.”_

Arthur’s voice tore Hunith out of her memories. “Ah, oh God, Merlin!”

“Just making sure everything’s still in working order. That was a nasty kick she gave you.”

“Everything’s—ow, ow, hot!”

Merlin moved them two steps to the right and pressed back against the worktop. Arthur’s hands settled low on Merlin’s hips as Merlin kissed him again.

“What about your mother?” Arthur asked when Merlin moved down to Arthur’s neck.

“She’s upstairs.”

“We can hardly expect her to stay up there for long. And have you forgotten what we have in our bedroom?”

 _Our bedroom_. The words hurt Hunith more than she thought they would. She swallowed and reminded herself everything she was doing was for Merlin’s happiness.

“Of course not. Don’t think I didn’t notice you walking around with the collar by the way.”

_Collar? I saw the handcuffs but...oh God, I don’t even want to imagine..._

“I thought it might cheer you up.”

Merlin hummed and raised a hand to stroke Arthur’s cheek. The other tugged one of Arthur’s belt loops. “Wear it again tonight when she leaves. I haven’t had sex in over two weeks.”

Arthur chuckled. “You’re not the only one.”

_Right, well, that’s quite enough of that._

Hunith stepped a few paces back to the staircase and returned noisily. When she walked into the kitchen they had separated.

“Everything sorted?” she asked, smiling.

Arthur had turned back to the hob and Merlin was sitting on the free worktop space beside him. His lips were a bit red but he looked otherwise normal.

“Yeah,” he said, grinning back. “Everything’s great.”

“Dinner’s almost ready, Hunith,” Arthur said and turned to Merlin, holding a bowl of broccoli. “Here, take this to the table.”

Merlin frowned and held out his arms limply. “I dunno, Arthur, I’ve been in bed for _ever_. I don’t think I’m strong enough. I only just managed to walk down the—”

“Don’t be so dramatic, Merlin.” Arthur shoved the bowl into Merlin’s chest.

Merlin leaned in and whispered into Arthur’s ear, but Hunith could still barely make it out. “You’re just saying that because you know I won’t boss you around in front of my mother.”

Hunith cleared her throat and walked forward. “Need me to take anything?”

Arthur glanced over his shoulder. “Oh, uh, sure. Forks and knives?”

Merlin hopped off the worktop. “I can get those,” he said and passed the broccoli to Hunith. “Much lighter.”

Hunith felt a sharp tug at her heart. _He still thinks I’m going to do something._

Merlin grabbed cutlery from the drawer. “Dining room’s just through here, Mum.”

She followed him into the next room. He flicked the light on and put down one pair as he walked round the table. Hunith set the bowl down in the centre.

“Is there a certain place I shouldn’t sit?” Hunith asked. It was a simple square table with only four seats.

Merlin looked up. “Oh, well. Arthur usually sits here.” He put his hands on the back of a chair. “I usually sit across from him, but it doesn’t really matter.”

“That’s fine,” Hunith said. She turned to see if there was anything else Arthur needed brought to the table.

She returned with rice and then there was only chicken and gravy, which Arthur brought himself. After that, they were all three seated at the table. Hunith could tell right away that it would descend into awkwardness if she didn’t say something first because neither one of them looked intent on speaking.

“I left your music player on the nightstand upstairs. If there’s anything else you’d like me to bring over, I’d be happy to.”

Merlin brightened. “Oh, thanks! I can’t think of anything terribly important except my laptop.” Merlin paused and thought. “Hmm. And also...my studded belt and that gel I use to spike up my hair.”

He looked at Arthur and with a glance over, Hunith saw the man had a curious eyebrow raised. Merlin continued and clarified.

“Not that I expect to be using either one of those in the near future, of course. But those are, er, little things that I don’t want to get lost amongst everything else. So, you know, top-of-the-list type items.”

Arthur looked amused. “Uh huh.”

“I’m serious!”

“Anything else?” Hunith interrupted.

Merlin shook his head. “Not that I can think of. I’ll text you anything that comes to mind.” He turned back to Arthur. “Oh, where’d you put my mobile?”

“It’s in, uh, your drawer.”

Merlin laughed. “Is that what we’re calling it these days?” Hunith heard a thwack sound and Merlin’s expression shifted to one of pain. “Ow! Don’t _kick_ me, you prat!”

“You’ll probably need the cord for that, won’t you?” Hunith asked.

Merlin nodded. “Oh, yeah, and for the iPod. That’d be great.”

He returned to his food but Hunith could see there was something more on his mind from the frown lines in his brow. She glanced at Arthur again just as Arthur looked at her. It seemed they were thinking the same thing.

“Is there anything else?” she asked gently.

Merlin moved a few grains of rice around on his place and hesitated before speaking. “It’s just...Are you sure you’re fine with this? It’s sort of hard for me to believe you’d give in all of a sudden for no reason.”

She placed her hand on his. “I already told you, Merlin, _you_ are the reason. You’ve said before that I would do anything to make you happy. If Arthur really makes you happy...I can at least try to be a little less selfish.” _And he promised not to take you from me._

“And...and you’re not just saying that?”

Arthur snorted. “Trust me, Merlin, if she were just saying that I wouldn’t’ve let her in my house.”

Hunith rolled her eyes and lowered her voice conspiratorially. “He certainly is a prat, isn’t he?”

Merlin laughed and she patted the back of his hand once more before leaning back. “Now, what’s this about not being able to come to the house yet? I’ve moved the furniture back if that’s what’s troubling you.”

Merlin deflated and lowered his eyes again. “That’s sort of...unrelated.”

“Arthur said you had a panic attack.”

“Um. Yeah.”

“Well—”

“He was just a bit overwhelmed,” Arthur interrupted. Merlin looked relieved. “I don’t think he really understood just how much time had passed and the sudden change sort of hit him a bit harder than he expected.”

Merlin nodded. “Yeah, exactly.”

“I mean if you’ve been in a cage your whole life you’re not going to be especially eager to walk right back in just in case the door locks shut behind you.”

“Okay, you can shut up now,” Merlin hissed.

“Not to mention the emotional trauma alone—”

“Arthur!” There was another thwack sound and Arthur jumped.

“Ow! Did you just kick me?”

Merlin ignored him and turned to Hunith. “He didn’t mean that.” Arthur mumbled something and Merlin shot him a look.

Hunith just laughed. “It’s fine, dear. I understand. Take all the time you need.”

“I’ll probably visit at first, and work my way up to actually going ins—What are you doing?” Merlin looked incredulously at Arthur, who was spooning more rice onto Merlin’s plate.

“You need to eat more.”

“I’ve eaten plenty!”

“You’ve hardly had a single bite of food in weeks. One plate isn’t nearly enough.”

“Oh my God, Arthur, stop! That’s like a mountain of rice!”

Arthur put the spoon in his hand back in the bowl, albeit reluctantly. “I’ll have whatever you don’t finish, but eat as much as you can.”

Merlin groaned. “ _Ar_ thur.”

“Seriously, Merlin, you’re skin and bones.”

Hunith laughed despite herself. They were so much like her and Balinor used to be.

“I can’t believe you think this is funny, Mum.” Merlin looked betrayed but Hunith could see the light in his eyes.

“He’s right though, Merlin,” Hunith chided. “You’re practically a skeleton. In fact.” She stabbed a piece of meat with her fork and put it on his plate. “There, now you’ve got more protein. Rice is all carbs anyway. You’ll probably burn off that energy as soon as I leave.”

“Mum!”

“You should have more vegetables while you’re at it,” Arthur said and added a few stalks of broccoli.

“Arthur!”

“And just a bit of gravy...”

Merlin buried his face in his hands. “Oh my God, I can’t believe this is happening,” he groaned.

Hunith and Arthur just laughed.

*

“Are you sure you don’t want me to stay and help clean up?” Hunith asked at the door.

Arthur shook his head. “It’s fine. Merlin’s got it.” He looked over his shoulder and made sure that Merlin was still busy washing up, before stepping forward and embracing Hunith in a quick hug. “Thank you so much. I don’t know what I would have done without you.”

When he stepped back she looked surprised, but he had expected that. He hadn’t planned on hugging her, or even becoming sort-of friends with her, but he supposed stranger things had happened.

“I...yes, well, it seems we make a good team. When it comes to Merlin, anyways.”

Arthur chuckled. “Yeah. It’s great to see him finally smiling again.”

Hunith smiled herself. “Yes. Take good care of him, will you?”

“Of course.”

“Goodnight, then.”

As soon as Arthur turned to help Merlin in the kitchen he was pinned back against the door and assaulted with a mind-reeling kiss. He could taste the seasonings he’d put in the gravy still on Merlin’s tongue.

“M-Merlin, what—”

Merlin cut him off with another press of lips. He rolled his hips forward and Arthur felt the slow drag of Merlin’s cock on his thigh.

Merlin ran his hands up Arthur’s shirt and leaned in to suck an earlobe. “Did you ever get around to buying more?”

Arthur had to think about what exactly Merlin meant and finally realised he was talking about the lube they’d used up.

“I—yeah,” he breathed and gasped when Merlin’s thumb circled his nipple. His knees went weak and only Merlin’s hands on him held him up.

“Good.”

And then Merlin’s hands were grabbing him by the collar of his shirt and pushing him back into the kitchen, his lips never leaving Arthur’s for a moment. Arthur felt a flat edge hit his lower back when Merlin had finally pressed him against the worktop and grunted at the sudden pain. He forgave Merlin quickly though because those wonderful hands then started taking Arthur’s shirt off.

“Oh God Merlin, that’s—” Arthur couldn’t remember if Merlin had ever sucked his nipples before. There had been flicking and pinching and clamping but never the wet heat of Merlin’s tongue and the teasing graze of his teeth. When Merlin shoved a hand down his pants and squeezed his cock, Arthur felt embarrassingly close to coming already.

“Fuck, Arthur, you’re hard as a rock,” Merlin chuckled and thumbed the slit of his dick. Arthur whimpered as Merlin wiped precome down the shaft. “And positively dripping for me,” he added cheekily.

“Ah, fuck you, Merlin, you know what—what that does to me,” Arthur snapped. “And it’s been...been a while.” It didn’t carry much heat considering he was so breathless and he had simultaneously jerked his hips forward while arching his spine.

“Yeah. That cock ring for you is starting to look less like a suggestion and more like a demand.” Merlin suddenly stopped and looked up. “What day is it?”

Arthur’s head spun. “It’s um...Thursday. I think.” Merlin raised a brow. “Yes, definitely Thursday. But why are you asking _now_ of all times?” He fought the urge to push Merlin’s head back down to his chest.

“Be _cause_. If it was the weekend I’d say we could go buy it together.” He returned to Arthur’s nipple and Arthur hissed in a breath. “I’m interested in seeing this shop.”

Arthur felt a wave of embarrassment. The few times he’d been he’d gotten curious looks from the employees and sometimes even glares from the customers. He supposed they couldn’t figure him out because he didn’t fit the image. Sometimes Arthur saw people there leading their partners on a leash, but he always kept his head held high no matter how badly he wanted to avert his gaze. The thought of going with Merlin and Merlin pulling him forward by a leather leash attached to his collar was almost shamefully arousing.

“It’s just a...just a shop,” Arthur said.

Merlin didn’t say anything, just undid Arthur’s trousers and slid them down, along with his pants, in one smooth motion. He sunk to his knees and briefly sucked the head of Arthur’s cock before spinning him around and spreading Arthur’s arse with his hands.

_Oh God, is he gonna...again?_

Merlin did. Even though Arthur semi-expected it, he cried out when Merlin’s tongue plunged inside. His hands gripped the sides of the worktop and he thrust his arse back. Merlin held Arthur’s hips in place as he buried his face deeper and Arthur felt the cold tip of Merlin’s nose among all the other hot sensations.

_Fuck, I wish he could do this all day. I wish he could come inside me and lick it out and do it all over again._

Merlin didn’t disappoint him when he slid a finger in beside his pointed tongue, and Arthur’s heart raced when he realised yes, Merlin meant to fuck him, _finally_ , after more than two weeks.

Preparation passed as quickly as it had in Arthur’s office, but this time because Merlin was just as desperate as Arthur. Arthur heard Merlin stroke his cock a few times then felt him slide it between the wetness of his arse cheeks without shoving in.

“Merlin, please.” Arthur pressed his arse back before he could stop himself.

“Just wanna—fuck—make sure it’s slick enough,” Merlin panted.

“It is, it _is_ , please.”

“Alright, alright, yeah.”

Arthur put his forehead on the worktop and just breathed. Merlin’s cock entered him slowly and he could only hold back the moans until it was more than halfway in and filling him in the familiar way. Then he had to, _had to_ , push back and take the final distance for himself.

“Arthur.” He felt Merlin’s own forehead between his shoulder blades and Merlin’s hands running up his chest to settle over his collarbones. “Oh God, Arthur, I missed you so much. Did you miss me too? Did you feel empty without my cock to fill you up?”

_Don’t say empty, not after how you looked._

“I...” Arthur reached back and touched Merlin’s thigh. Merlin shuddered. “Yeah, I missed you, Merlin. Could you...?” He clenched his arse meaningfully and Merlin’s gasp turned into a laugh.

“So impatient. Alright, fine.”

The pressure of his forehead disappeared as Merlin straightened. His hands gripped Arthur’s shoulders tighter and he pulled out only to slam forcefully back in. The pace he set had his hips snapping against Arthur’s arse hard. Arthur braced his forearms on the worktop and pushed back with unchecked enthusiasm, his breath coming in short gasps as Merlin shook his frame.

Too soon Merlin’s palms hit the worktop with a loud clap and he gave three more quick, hard thrusts, each punctuated with a strained word, “Yeah—Arthur—fuck!” before his body tensed and then finally relaxed. Arthur felt Merlin’s come drip down the back of his balls as Merlin slipped out.

“Merlin,” Arthur said, his own body still shaking with adrenaline. He didn’t move except to nudge Merlin behind him, who wasn’t quite done catching his breath.

“Yeah, I...I know. Want you to...to fuck me...when we get upstairs.”

_Oh._

“You up for it?” Merlin asked. “I’m so knackered I won’t be able to do more than lay there but—”

“Yeah, yeah, that’s fine.” Arthur turned and took Merlin’s hand, already leading them to the stairs. “Come on, let’s go.”

Merlin chuckled as he let himself be pulled along. “Don’t forget to wear the collar. You have to be reminded of your place, after all.”

Arthur looked over his shoulder with wide, sparkling eyes. “Anything to please my master.”

*

**About Four Months Later**

Even with the blindfold on Arthur knew exactly what it was Merlin was trailing down his back. He had tasted the leather of the whip on his tongue countless times. He was intimately familiar with every toy in their arsenal. His cock twitched with anticipation.

Arthur had near perfect control of his body after months of training, but he couldn’t help the involuntary clench of his stomach when the leather suddenly touched the soft flesh of his lower abdomen. He could, however, keep himself from jerking forward for more of that wonderful sensation. He knew Merlin would gift it to him soon enough.

“Very good, Arthur,” Merlin purred. His approval made Arthur’s chest swell with warm pride. When he next heard Merlin’s voice it was behind him again. “Pretty soon I won’t have an excuse to punish you. And I do so love to see how you tense up and try not to make a sound.”

The only warning Arthur had was a whoosh of air before the whip lashed a painful stripe across his back. He grit his teeth together but remained obediently silent.

Then suddenly Merlin’s naked front was flush against his back, Merlin’s hands on his hips and his low voice dripping in his ear. “Oh, but you love it, don’t you?” _Yes._ “You love this pain like nothing else because you know what it does to me. And you love my hands on you, soothing you afterwards.”

Even as he said it, Merlin’s nimble hands were moving up the side of Arthur’s body, rising higher until he brought them over the bruise that must have already been forming. The stinging pain began to recede under his touch and Arthur sighed contentedly.

_Yes, yes, I want you to hurt me and kiss it better, I want all of it._

Merlin slid around the front and aligned his body with Arthur’s. Arthur knew better than to try and press their erections together no matter how badly he wanted it.

“Tell me, Arthur. How many more do you think I’ll give you?”

It had been a harmless enough mistake. Merlin had said worse things after a few too many drinks, though he had never let slip how the two of them really met. Arthur was lucky it was only Lance and Gwen and that they’d all had a good laugh about it. Still, the mistake was bad enough that Merlin saw fit to punish him for it. And Arthur wasn’t going to argue. He loved anything Merlin did to him.

“Nine,” Arthur said after a moment’s thought.

“An even ten.” Merlin laughed. “I didn’t think it warranted quite so many. You must think me rather cruel.” He trailed a length of the whip across Arthur’s cheek softly. “Alright. I’ll give you your ten. And then one more because I feel like it.”

Arthur’s blood pumped with anticipation and arousal at the power in Merlin’s words. Merlin’s warmth left him and he fought against a shiver at the cold air on his skin. He barely had time to brace himself before the second lash of the whip came down on his back.

He kept his muscles tense and his shoulders stiff and soon enough all nine plus one had passed. Arthur heard the whip fall to the floor and then felt Merlin’s hands at the back of his head untying the blindfold. He kept his eyes closed until Merlin told him to open them. He blinked against the brightness of the room while his eyes adjusted.

Arthur kept his eyes forward as he felt Merlin put the armbinder on. Of all their toys, this was Merlin’s favourite. Arthur could still remember the look in Merlin’s eye when he saw it in the shop.

Merlin walked in front of him again, grabbed the end of Arthur’s leash and pulled him onto the bed. Arthur used to struggle keeping his balance with his arms so firmly behind his back, but Merlin had made him practise walking on his knees with it on. Even though the bed dipped beneath his weight, Arthur managed not to fall forward on his face.

Merlin lay down against the headboard and indicated Arthur straddle him. The smile Merlin gave him as he reached forward to stroke Arthur’s cock could only be described as utterly sinful.

“Look at my eyes, Arthur,” Merlin directed. Arthur forced himself to look only at Merlin’s eyes, first the left and then the right. Even when Merlin’s hand on him sped up and Arthur felt himself nearing the edge of climax he kept his gaze determinedly fixed.

He was breathing heavily when his semen spurted all over Merlin’s chest and stomach. Merlin trailed a finger through the mess and pressed it between Arthur’s open lips.

“Lick it up,” he ordered. “All of it.”

Arthur waddled back enough to lean forward and lick his hot come from Merlin’s skin. His eyes dried out quickly from keeping them so obediently raised and he had to blink often, but he kept them on Merlin and used his tongue to navigate Merlin’s body.

Merlin didn’t have to restrict his own moans and sighs of pleasure. He could arch his back up for more of Arthur’s touch as much as he liked. Even when Arthur had finished licking up the last of it, he continued sucking kisses into Merlin’s stomach, wishing he could move down to Merlin’s dripping cock but waiting until Merlin gave the command.

Finally, Merlin took hold of his cock and rubbed it against the side of Arthur’s cheek.

“Suck it.”

Arthur felt his heart soar with happiness and he took it immediately between his lips.

_Oh God, finally._

It was difficult with the armbinder restricting him. He had to rely on the muscles in his abs to lift himself up, so he couldn’t go as fast as he wanted. He pleaded with his eyes for Merlin to have mercy and simply fuck his mouth. Instead Merlin grabbed the roots of his hair and forced his neck to work harder.

Arthur did not squeeze his eyes shut when the pain made tears form. He kept them open and let Merlin wipe them away. Only then did Merlin thrust his hips up and make Arthur gag as he took it deeper.

Ever since Merlin had said, “That’s right, gag on it,” Arthur had figured out how much Merlin enjoyed it. The first time they had sex Merlin had come _because_ Arthur gagged. Merlin clearly liked how much Arthur was willing to do for him, and Arthur liked trying to fit the most of Merlin into his mouth as he could no matter how sick to his stomach he felt after a while. It was a wonderful give and take that made Merlin finish every time. This time was no different.

They’d made a rule that scenes ended after both of them came, so Arthur was free to do as he wished. If what he wished included continuing to be submissive, Merlin allowed it, and was no longer a strict master, but a gentle one. So when Arthur rested his face against Merlin’s hip and lapped at the side of Merlin’s cock, Merlin spread his legs wider to accommodate Arthur’s body and pet Arthur’s hair.

If Arthur could live between Merlin’s legs, he would. It wasn’t just the heady smell of his balls or the beautiful way his cock draped across his hip. It was how Merlin’s legs bracketed Arthur and made an invisible bubble of shelter. Arthur had to take care of Merlin outside of their play less and less with each day that passed. Merlin could drive well and joke with Arthur’s friends (even the intimidating Percival) and only visited his mother once every two weeks. Before all of that, Arthur might have felt embarrassed to curl up like a kitten between Merlin’s legs. Now it made Arthur feel the most powerless but also the most safe, the most proud, and the most content.

When Arthur began to shift uncomfortably from the armbinder, Merlin reached down and freed him. “Don’t want you sore at work tomorrow,” he muttered. He pulled Arthur up into a kiss that lasted until they were both breathless again.

“Is it late?” Arthur asked.

“About half ten.”

“I guess we should sleep.”

“I’m going to stay up a while. There’s a lunar eclipse tonight.”

Arthur vaguely recalled seeing it marked on the calendar in the kitchen. “Yeah? You’ll have to tell me about it tomorrow.”

“Sure.”

Arthur got under the duvet as Merlin walked over to his telescope by the window. He didn’t close his eyes right away, instead stared at Merlin’s naked body bent to the eyepiece. Sometimes he loved Merlin so much it hurt.

“Merlin?”

“Hm?”

“Do you think you’d be interested in going to university to study astronomy?”

Merlin straightened up and looked over his shoulder with a curious expression. “Can people who’ve been homeschooled even attend?”

“I don’t see why not.”

“I don’t know...It’s a lot of money.”

Arthur waved it off. “We can get loans if we need to. You would be interested then?”

Merlin chewed his lip and then nodded. “Yeah.”

“Alright. I’ll look into it for you. But getting into uni is hard. It’s not an easy process.”

Merlin sighed and turned back around. “Nothing ever is.”

“You can definitely do it though. Just look at far you’ve come with driving. You’ll be able to get your licence soon.”

Merlin just made a noncommittal noise in reply. Arthur closed his eyes and tried to sleep. They could talk about it the next day.

*

“I know what you’re thinking, Arthur, so I’m going to come right out and tell you you’re not being fired.”

Arthur breathed a sigh of relief at Leon’s words. All day people had been getting called in and laid off. Arthur was glad he wasn’t, but couldn’t help wondering why Leon had asked to see him.

“You are, however, being relocated. We can’t afford to keep you here but...” Leon leaned forward and lowered his voice. “Look. You’re lucky you’re my wife’s brother, and what’s more, my longest friend. That’s the only reason I’m not getting rid of you. But I do have to make cuts all around so...” Leon shrugged the rest apologetically.

Arthur swallowed. He was almost too afraid to ask. “Where are you moving me to?”

*

“You know my mum is going to freak out, right?”

Arthur ran a weary hand over his face. “Yeah, I know.”

“I mean, at least it’s not Ireland or France or something,” Merlin said. He wasn’t particularly eager to leave the home they had here. It wasn’t just his mum across the street—he could deal with leaving her behind just fine—but there were a lot of memories in this house. “Still. Wales? Really?”

“Would you rather me not have a job at all?” Arthur countered.

“Do they even speak English?”

Arthur chuckled. “Sort of.”

“Brilliant.”

“When do you want to tell her?”

Merlin stopped pacing and sat on the bed. “When do we have to leave?”

“I have until the end of the year.”

That was a little over two months. At least it wouldn’t be before Christmas. Merlin was worried how Hunith would react, but if it was before Christmas she was sure to be even worse.

“Let’s tell her Boxing Day,” Merlin finally said. “You start looking for a flat. I’ll call Kilgharrah.”

*

Hunith was, unsurprisingly, extremely upset by the time Boxing Day came around. Merlin was glad he had insisted they go indoors first. Though maybe tea wasn’t a good idea. Tea was hot. Tea burned.

As soon as Merlin told her, she got to her feet and pointed an accusing finger at Arthur. “You promised!” she screamed.

Merlin hurried to stand in front of him and gently took hold of her wrist to lower it. She was shaking with rage.

“Mum,” he began. “It’s just Cardiff. It’s not like there’s an ocean separating us. You can still visit. _We’ll_ still visit.”

“That’s not—it’s—it’s the _principle_ of the thing,” she sputtered. Merlin turned to Arthur for help.

He cleared his throat and said, “I didn’t know this would happen, Hunith. I don’t break my promises. I’m not taking him from you. And we _will_ visit. It’s not so far away.”

Hunith seemed to calm down, but not much. She looked up at Merlin pleadingly. “You could...you could switch off. Stay here half the year and with him the other half?”

Merlin fought against the rising anger he felt. He wasn’t some toy to be shipped back and forth and he hated that his mother still sometimes thought of him that way.

He took a breath and shook his head. “No, Mum. How am I supposed to keep a job like that? And besides, I’ve already enrolled in uni for September.” He tried to sooth her by rubbing his hand on the inside of her wrist. “Everything will be fine. It won’t be so bad, you’ll see.”

She looked confused. “Uni?”

Merlin backtracked. He forgot he hadn’t told her about that yet. “Yeah. I’m going part-time to the University of South Wales to study observational astronomy. And we’ve already got a flat picked out—”

She suddenly clutched her chest and sunk to the sofa with a gasp. “It’s...it’s happening then. You’re leaving me. Just like your father.”

Merlin sat beside her and grabbed her shoulder firmly. “No. There’s a huge difference, Mum. He left and never came back. You will always have me. It’s not as if I’m disappearing into thin air. We’ll come and visit, I promise.”

Hunith was quiet a long time. Merlin didn’t let her go, instead left his hand on her shoulder to let her know he was still here. He could only guess what thoughts were going through her head.

Finally, she sighed. “I suppose you’re going to leave no matter what I say, then.”

Merlin nodded solemnly.

“Alright. If you have to go, then...go. If there’s anyone who can take care of you, it’s Arthur. I’ve seen how much he needs you. How much you need him.” Merlin lowered his eyes and blushed. Hunith kissed the top of his head. “And at least you’ll finally be free of that Will boy.”

Merlin laughed but felt a pang of loss. He would miss Will, too. He would miss all of the new friends he’d made. But he could make more at uni, and he’d always have Arthur.

*

Merlin’s favourite thing about stars was that, for the most part, they never changed. Sure, some died, and more were visible in the country than in the city, but the sky he saw at night was the same sky someone else saw when they looked up. It was constant and it was beautiful.

And the telescope Arthur bought him for Christmas was amazing. Merlin could see much more, zoom in much closer than he ever had been able to before. He could see every crater on the moon, could make out the fuzzy ring of light around some of the stars he normally would never have noticed.

He smiled when he felt Arthur’s arms wrap around him from behind. “I don’t know how you can stand the cold out here,” Arthur’s voice said in his ear.

“The view is beautiful,” Merlin replied.

“My view is pretty breathtaking, too.”

“You better not mean me, you sap.”

Arthur chuckled. “Nah, I meant the stars. But you’re okay, I guess.” Merlin elbowed him in the side and he laughed again. “I’ve got our room set up the way you like it.”

Merlin moved the lens a little away from the moon. _Where is it?_

“What are you even looking at? It’s the same every night,” Arthur said.

 _There!_ “Found it. Here, look.” Merlin raised his head and held the lens steady while Arthur leaned forward.

“What am I looking at exactly? I see stars, obviously, but...”

“Look closer. Isn’t one of them really bright? Brighter than the others?”

“Yeah, so?”

“ _So,_ that’s Venus.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh. That’s...interesting.”

Merlin elbowed him again. “Alright, fine, I’ll be right in. Strip and bend over the bed, legs spread apart.”

Arthur left to go do as Merlin said and Merlin lowered his head to look a little longer. He was just about to go inside when he saw something that made him gasp.

He knew shooting stars weren’t anything special. He knew they were really just meteors burning up in the earth’s atmosphere.

He wished on it anyway.

_I wish Mum would find a friend, too._

**Author's Note:**

> Fic playlist [here](http://neuroticnick.tumblr.com/post/115614907037) if you're interested.


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